Part-time Brony, Full-time Nerd.
A small band of ponies take a much needed rest in a safe room when one finds a strange crystal. What does it mean? What can it do? Why are there apples all over the place? Read on to find out in this harrowing campaign of gun, zombies, and pony survivors in the Celestia forsaken south.
A Left 4 Dead/MLP mash up that I wrote during the down time between seasons 1 and 2. I dusted it off, didn't change much, and present it to you here on FimFiction.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Poor Apple Bloom, having to see her big brother as a tank.
While I did enjoy the parts focusing on Zecora and the others, I feel that your flashbacks with Apple Bloom's group just didn't work for two reasons. Firstly, you've based it off of the intro video to Left 4 Dead. The problem with this is that it isn't really a narrative. It's a little promotional video to get you excited for the game, and it doesn't seem to work for this story. The second problem is that you're forcing the dialogue from the Left 4 Dead characters into the CMCs (and Twist). It really comes off as awkward, and as things they wouldn't say. I think the best bet would be to rewrite all the flashbacks, particularly the dialogue. Think about it this way: put the CMCs into the situations of the survivors, but not into their roles. Kind of like how you did with Zecora's group. That's my opinion anyway. You don't have to do anything with it if you don't want to, but keep it in mind when you write new stuff.