I may have mentioned before that while this story is very fun and sexy, there are numerous punctuation and capitalization quirks that need to be addressed.
Thoughts are displayed through italics without quotation marks. Like this. "Not like this."
"Further, while this is nitpicking, dialogue is ended with a period if it's a full sentence." "If it's a broken sentence," she said, "you make use of commas and don't capitalize the conclusion of the sentence."
"Nngh...oh, good Celestia!" the alicorn prince cried out loudly in pleasure as he felt the soft breasts completely encase the lower half of his twitching scepter, easily pushing him over the edge of his orgasm. "I'm cumming..ahh...babe...!" he groaned as his eyes closed tightly, bucking his hips up against the mare even more as he felt his member throb even harder, releasing a powerful stream of his royal semen into Gleaming Shield's mouth and throat.
Several hours later, Dusk Shine was just returning home after his daily lessons with Lord Solaris, having been a bit distracted during the day from constantly thinking about what he had seen of his sister and Bolero the previous night. Entering the house, it was quiet as usual with his parents still being at work, all except for the faint sound of movement and metal clanking coming from the basement; the colt recognizing the sounds as Gleaming Shield's weight lifting machine.
I haven't finished reading this chapter yet, but that doesn't mean that this will continue to confuse me. Isn't this a R63 universe, or is it a universe with both the canon and R63 characters in it?
Ugh, that horny little colt will be jizzing dusk by morning at the rate he’s going You ment dust right because cumming a clone of yourself might hurt a little if its all at once
2500616 It's not "only I care about" it's "things that solely doesn't appeal to you", as, unlike they are different from the 99 % I've met so far, say they have no problem with x whatsoever, that's it's stupid to get into, that they wouldn't care about it or the like, until they run into something that doesn't pander solely to their interest, or fit the porn norm. THEN it's suddenly a big deal worth mentioning. It's only when the tables are turned, when things go outside their narrow comfort zone that they care. And that, is exactly why I care to bring it up.
I can however see why they turned an ignorant (I hope the term is correct) side to my comment as it trailed off a tad bit much to be properly formulated. Even if they might have done it for narrow minded or lame reasons. It was still a valid choice due to there being more than that type of reason to do so.
If I could offer a bit of constructive criticism, you seem to keep on using the word 'only' when it isn't really necessary. Like 'such and such happened only serving to do such and so'. I think it would be a stronger statement if you left out the 'only'.
2504485 Seriously, it's porn, not fucking War and Peace. Nobody needs to read that much detail to get off to a fic about blowjobs and magically-inflating tits. Get over yourself.
I wasn't too thrilled about the incest, but the writing style and grammar are just about flawless. Keep up the good work, I will be watching to see your next story/update.
"Mmnh, much better..." it spoke in a sultry tone, reaching down and grasping the twitching 16-inch erection between its legs, stroking it slowly while two more bulges appeared in the panties, clearly round-shaped and hanging a bit low in the garment. "Oh, how rude of me, darling...I forgot to introduce myself, heh...got a little carried away gazing at your magnificent body." The hunky changeling chuckled and grinned, crossing his arms over his chest now. "I am King Nymphamos, ruler of the Changelings. You should feel honored, having royalty such as myself feeding off of your love."
So your probably wondering why I'm quoting this... This douche is in my video games.
Oh sweet Celestia, have mercy!
You updated! Awesome!
Oooooh snap!
YES....I HAVE NO REMORSE FOR THE R34 UNIVERSE.
I may have mentioned before that while this story is very fun and sexy, there are numerous punctuation and capitalization quirks that need to be addressed.
Thoughts are displayed through italics without quotation marks.
Like this.
"Not like this."
"Further, while this is nitpicking, dialogue is ended with a period if it's a full sentence."
"If it's a broken sentence," she said, "you make use of commas and don't capitalize the conclusion of the sentence."
Other than that, well done.
Approved
This is still terrible.
I still don't care.
I haven't finished reading this chapter yet, but that doesn't mean that this will continue to confuse me. Isn't this a R63 universe, or is it a universe with both the canon and R63 characters in it?
well that was an unexpected turn of events , i rather enjoyed that tanks....
Well we didn't get the Bolero-Gleaming-Dusk threesome we wanted, but I think I know what threesome we'll see next soon enough.
Good Chapter! Please continue.
2502302
You saw nothing.
2502606
No no, I think I saw something. I definitely seen it.
You can't hide the truth from the public, you scoundrel!
I saw something
2503937
I saw Dusk having his cherry popped in trap-sex with Nymphamos disguised as his older sister. What did YOU see?
Ugh, that horny little colt will be jizzing dusk by morning at the rate he’s going
You ment dust right because cumming a clone of yourself might hurt a little if its all at once
...
Lero lero, lilly bolero
lilly bole~ro bullen a la ..!
I'm- I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself! Please don't hate me!
Boner: Ok, we're off to a good start.
Me: We haven't gotten to the clop yet.
Boner:But still, I'm starting to like the beginning.
Me: For now.
Boner: What could possibly go wrong?
*Que scene where Gleaming Shield is actually R63 Chrysallis.*
Boner: Abandon fic!
Me: You don't have to tell me twice.
2500616 It's not "only I care about" it's "things that solely doesn't appeal to you", as, unlike they are different from the 99 % I've met so far, say they have no problem with x whatsoever, that's it's stupid to get into, that they wouldn't care about it or the like, until they run into something that doesn't pander solely to their interest, or fit the porn norm. THEN it's suddenly a big deal worth mentioning. It's only when the tables are turned, when things go outside their narrow comfort zone that they care. And that, is exactly why I care to bring it up.
I can however see why they turned an ignorant (I hope the term is correct) side to my comment as it trailed off a tad bit much to be properly formulated. Even if they might have done it for narrow minded or lame reasons. It was still a valid choice due to there being more than that type of reason to do so.
I heard something while reading this
god dam cliff hanger, well i hope the next chapter comes out soon
If I could offer a bit of constructive criticism, you seem to keep on using the word 'only' when it isn't really necessary. Like 'such and such happened only serving to do such and so'. I think it would be a stronger statement if you left out the 'only'.
Keep up the good work.
Kinda hope you go back a bit and show where while Gleaming was rinsing off Dusk was plowing Nymph.
(deleting comment because apparently I'm being a killjoy, and no one likes a killjoy)
This is so brilliant.
MORE
2504485
Seriously, it's porn, not fucking War and Peace. Nobody needs to read that much detail to get off to a fic about blowjobs and magically-inflating tits. Get over yourself.
Oh. My.
Man ... this feels so taboo
Oh, my. Wow. I really want to read more R63 Chrysalis now. But FiMFic doesn't have a single fic about Nymphamos. Anyone know any?
Oh. SWELL night.
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I wasn't too thrilled about the incest, but the writing style and grammar are just about flawless. Keep up the good work, I will be watching to see your next story/update.
so much taboo in this! little brothers breastfeeding from their sisters, and so on. That's a whole new taboo for me right there. Yet I find it funny.
So your probably wondering why I'm quoting this... This douche is in my video games.
2647782 I got it the moment I read the fetsh list.
When you catch someone in bed...
With yourself...