13 - The dinner party
It was a fresh new day, and I was ready to face the world. I found a note in my mailbox from Twilight that morning. She said she had a surprise for me and wanted to use my laptop for a few hours. This was good because I wanted to borrow a book on cooking. My tiny repertoire of recipes was somewhat limited to my own palette. I was cooking for my friends, and I wanted to offer only the best dishes I could create.
I soon arrived at the library and knocked. Remembering Spike, I quickly called out, “Careful, Spike, it's me, Alex!”
From inside, I heard a muffled, “Got ya! One sec!”
I heard some activity, and Twilight said, “There! Let's hope it works.”
The door swung open, and Spike was standing there, smiling, with a weird little contraption on his nose held on by straps. It looked like a little steam engine, puffing away, with a gearbox with a blueish glow. Spike took a tentative sniff, and then he smiled. His voice had a nasal tone, but he was otherwise completely understandable. “Alright! I can't smell you! This is great!”
I knelt and put my hand out, “Well, Spike, it's great to shake your hand finally.” Spike shook it enthusiastically.
“It's good to finally have another guy in the herd, you know what I mean? I mean, Twilight and the rest are great, but sometimes it gets a little too girly, you know what I mean?”
“Well, Spike, your attitudes may change when you're about a hundred like I am.” Spike looked at me in shock, and I caught Twilight out of the corner of my eye, looking a little sceptical. “I was forty-two when I first jumped, and I've been jumping for about sixty years, give or take five or six years. Back,” I found it difficult to say 'home', weird, “where I came from, it's only been about seven or eight months. As far as I can tell, I haven't aged. If I ever get back there, well, I don't know what will happen. It's just one more adventure, I guess. Anyway, good to finally talk to you face to face.”
Twilight cleared her throat, “Spike, could you get some tea for us, please?”
He shook his little head, “Um, sure. Right away, Twilight.” He trundled off, I assumed to get tea.
“Hey! Twilight Sparkle, I assume Spike was the surprise?” She nodded with a smile, “Because I'm finally glad to really meet him. Oh, and I've got the laptop right here.” I took it out of the satchel and held it in the air. The purple glow and slippery pressure around my fingers told me she was holding it. I let go, and she placed it on the table.
She had that little self-satisfied smile, the one she got when she was clever. “Yes, Alex Roberts, I finally got that device working properly. It was a wonderful intellectual exercise.”
“Miss Twilight Sparkle, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Alex? We're friends. At least, I hope we are. So, I assume you want to conduct some additional guided research on the topic of humans?”
Twilight smiled and, I think, relaxed just a little. “Yes, that is correct, Alex R..., yes. And please, call me Twilight.”
Now, when I say 'guided research', I mean I make sure she doesn't stumble on stuff that would be too shocking. Yes, she's an experienced adventurer and a full-grown mare, but she's still a pony. Ponies just don't have any experience with that kind of stuff. I mean, for these people, a 'desperate battle' is them throwing apple pies at each other. That one time she insisted on doing the research by herself, she stumbled on something nasty. She never told me what she saw. All I know is she cried for almost an hour, and I think her opinion of humans dropped a few notches. She later agreed that it would be best if I did the searching and generally vetted links.
Spike returned with tea, some cookies, and a small bowl of gems.
Twilight was researching different governmental systems, and I suggested she start with the system from where I came from, Canada. I knew the system and could maybe fill in any gaps. She happily read the various wiki pages and was soon looking at other systems.
“I can't believe how many kinds of governments you have. We only have Representational Monarchies, Republics, and Dictatorships. Your world is such a chaotic mixture,” she seemed a little confused and worried.
“Heh, yes. Can't throw a rock without hitting a different form of government. If you get three people in a room, you get four opinions.” I looked out the library window, “I envy you so much. You're born knowing you're part of the world. And when you reach a certain age, pow! You get your cutie mark. And, while I understand it's not the complete answer, it sure beats being a blank flank without a clue.”
Twilight looked up at the childish phrase and smiled. “Well, a stallion... I mean, a man of your age would certainly not be accused of being a blank flank. You seem to know what you want and how to get it.”
“Humph, I guess I have you fooled too.” I was still looking out at the beautiful day, “Twilight, I don't have a clue what I want. I've been thinking about it ever since I got out of the hospital. I suppose I could be the grim defender of Ponyville, ready to fight the good fight. But, the Elements of Harmony can handle anything that crops up. And if you can't, I sure can't. I don't think my little toothpick would do anything other than annoy a Discord or Ursa minor. And, as I've discovered, I am in fact quite soft and squishy.”
Twilight blushed, “I'm so sorry about...”
I interrupted, annoyed, “Twilight, we've had this discussion before. Tree Trimmer is safe, and that's all that matters. Given the choice, you picked the correct one to save. Now, I'll have no more about that. Promise?”
Her expression wavered between embarrassment and confusion. Finally, with a little smile, she said, “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Thankfully, she closed her eye this time.
We continued to do her research and drink tea. While she's reading, I chat with Spike. I find out what his favourite kind of gem is and how to age them. Rubies and place them in a silk-lined oak box, as it turns out.
Once Twilight was done, or more specifically, she ran out of blank scrolls, I asked her one question before I left, “So, Twilight, what's the policy on donations to the library?”
Tuesday. It was Pinkie Pie Day, and I was a little worried. I'm not worried Pinkie Pie would do something... weird. I was worried I would, I don't know, fail her or something. I had gotten up early and scrubbed every surface, making sure everything was as organized as I thought it should be. Now I'm waiting quietly for Pinkie, skimming a book on Equestrian cooking.
I don't know why I'm so nervous. That pony is a real sweetheart, and I appreciate her coming to help me. I'm worried since it's the first time I've ever spent alone time with her. I've talked to her in groups, usually with Dash or Rarity, but never alone.
Finally, the focus of my anxiety knocked on the door.
I nearly jumped out of my skin and dropped the book. I rushed to the door, tripping over myself. I opened it, maybe a little too fast. “Hi, Pinkie! Welcome, welcome, come in, please come in.”
Pinkie was looking up at me, tittering behind her hoof. “Hi, Alex! Why are you so nervous? Are you planning something?” She glared at the ceiling for a moment, then looked back at me with a grin.
Fighting hard to relax and lighten the mood, “Only sweet and savoury goodies, and fun with a good friend.” I smiled, now feeling guilty for some reason. I offered her a cup of tea, made one for myself, and got two scrolls, one for food and one for the to-do list. I was ready.
“Okie Dokie Lokie! So...” Pinkie seemed to be reviewing a mental checklist, “I'm assuming it's casual, clothing optional.” I admit that I kind of snickered at that a little. Pinkie looked at me, a little confused but carried on. “I also assume your budget is basically unlimited.”
I interjected, “Technically, yes. But I want to do it myself. I really don't want to hire anyone to do this for me. I want it to be a gift from me to you.”
“Oh, that's so nice! Will you be giving it to the others too? Because if you gave it only to me, the others would feel really left out, especially Rainbow Dash and Applejack. I mean, even I can tell they're b...” She slammed her hooves to her mouth but was still talking for a few words. They were muffled, and I didn't understand them. Mind you, I didn't try too hard.
I just looked at Pinkie with a little half smile and a slightly confused and surprised expression. “We were talking about what needs to be done.”
“Oh, right! So, casual, unlimited budget, no staff, invitations. So, I assume it's going to be us girls plus you, right?”
“Yes, and Spike, since we have a workaround to our problem.”
I could tell Pinkie was in her element, planning a party. She didn't seem like the spastic party pony I've usually seen, here or on the show, and it made me feel good that I had misjudged her. “So, seven guests, plus you. Okay, we need a shopping list for the pre-meal snacks, the meal itself, dessert, and snacks for later. We'll also need some salted and unsalted drinks and something for Spike.”
“The only part I know for sure is gems for Spike. I know he likes rubies. After that...” I shrugged. “Oh, and before I forget, I'm just a so-so cook, but I have time to practice.”
“Mmmm...” Pinkie appraised the kitchen professionally, “The first thing we do is make sure you have some decent kitchen equipment. To the kitchen store!”
Pinkie was like a kid in a candy store or, in this case, a Pinkie in a kitchen store. “Oh, I love the kitchen store! Almost as much as the joke shop! Oh! Look at those knives! I imagine that would chop through veggies like... like... a hot knife through warm butter. You need those. And these mixing spoons! And a whisk! I don't know why Applejack didn't let me design your kitchen. I mean, you would already have this stuff! And...”
I had a cart full of handy, dandy kitchen tools by the time we were done. And happily, none were hokey speciality devices. All were good professional-grade kitchen tools. “Pinkie, is there anything here you would like? Anything at all? I owe you that, at least.”
Pinkie looked at me bashfully, “Well, I could use some new cake decorating tips.” I looked around the store and strode to the display of a one-of-a-kind set, over one hundred tips in a beautifully carved wooden box, plus a storage drawer for the frosting bags. I took it and added it to the pile. It was over three hundred bits, but I didn't care. Pinkie just looked at me, flabbergasted.
I smiled at her bashfully, “Thank you Pinkie. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help. I want to give my friends a real gift, and I feel embarrassed that I don't know you well enough to give you anything but this. I hope to get to know you better, so I can thank you properly one day.”
Pinkie nuzzled me, “You silly willy! I don't need gifts to know you're my friend. But I do appreciate this. Thank you very much.”
“Pinkie, if you ever need anything, come to me, and I'll make it happen. Do you promise?”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” When the originator of the Pinkie Promise did it, it was extra cute. I don't think I'll ever tell them the human version. It's a bit too grim for this place.
I paid for everything, had a saddle bag over each shoulder, and carried Pinkie's gift. That was easier than 'normal' bags. We dropped the tips off at her place, and Mr Cake was impressed by the kit, “I haven't seen half of these before and have only seen half of the other half in magazines. That's a real complete kit there, Pinkie.”
We went back to the cottage and started organizing the kitchen. I said, “You know, Pinkie, I'm starting to really dislike those cartoons. The ones based on this place. Going by the show, you would be some marginally psychotic hyperactive...” I searched for the words “thing that thinks the only solution for every problem is parties and silliness and has a complete mental breakdown if her friends don't talk to her for five minutes. The mare I've gotten to know really is the Element of Laughter, an intelligent, hard-working mare who finds joy and laughter in anything and brings that to the forefront. The point is, I'm thrilled you're my friend.”
Pinkie looked at me for a long moment, then gave an appreciative smile, “Thanks, Alex. It feels good to be seen as something other than some silly willy bobblehead. I know I can act that way, but that's not all there is to me, and I'm happy someone recognizes it.”
“No problem, that's what friends do, right? They see the best in their friends.” I put on a silly grin and changed my voice and demeanour to that of a formal French chef with a very bad French accent, “Zo! Let us to be making with the menu planning!” Pinkie laughed at that, and, as planned, it lightened the mood.
After some work, we devised a simple but tasty menu well within the scope of my meagre cooking skills. She also made me a timeline, what to start cooking when, what to prepare in advance, and so on. With all this, I only had the invitations to write, to be sent a week in advance, and music to choose from.
Music. That's a tough one. I got Pinkie to listen to some of my own music, but I was fairly sure they would not be appropriate. Her reaction? “GAH! What are they doing to that poor cat?!?!?” So, unsurprisingly, heavy metal was out.
I ended up with a nice selection of Michael Bublé, some light jazz, and some nice classical music stamped with the Pinkie stamp of approval. A good eight hours of music should be enough. I would put it on a loop and random, just to make sure.
On the day of the dinner party. I wore a casual outfit, just shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. I realized I had never felt comfortable wearing such revealing clothing until now. I found it difficult to be comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. But, well, what can I say, these were my friends.
Pinkie and Dash were the first ones there. Pinkie was bouncing all over the place, double-checking everything, making sure I had followed her instructions. Lucky for me, everything was just so. Dash just sat on the lounge chair and watched me with her smirk. I started the music, low in the background, perfect.
Soon, everyone else arrived, and I had the snacks and drinks out. So far, so good.
I tried to include something special for everyone. Spike was very surprised I had gone through the trouble to 'age' some jewels for him, and he was very pleased with the flavour. I had licked one of the extras, just out of curiosity. It was like licking glass with no flavour at all. I shrugged.
I had found out from Pinkie that Dash likes sarsaparilla, so I made sure to have a selection, including a little bowl of salt. Turns out she liked the brands I had provided.
For dessert, I made some apple pies and apologized that they weren't as good as Applejacks. She was very kind and said they would not have been out of place at home.
For Twilight, I made a batch of fried doughnuts, again for dessert, like the ones at Pony Joe's place. Extra sprinkles.
For Rarity, the snacks were those fancy little tidbits you find at society soirées—plenty for everyone.
For Fluttershy, a rose petal salad. I was a little worried because giving roses would be a romantic gesture between humans. Anyway, Pinkie assured me there was no such connection for ponies, at least not in this context.
The party itself went very well, with only one little incident. Somehow, 'Love Surgery' by GWAR was in the playlist. It started up a few minutes after I had served the main course. Once I heard the distinct heavy base, I stood fast enough to knock my chair back and scrambled to the laptop. It was in the other room, and in a burst of speed that, I think, impressed Dash, I vaulted over the couch. The song had gotten most of the way through the first verse before I managed to flip to another song, 'Beyond the Sea' as it happens.
There was an awkward silence, “Um... Sorry about that. That wasn't supposed to be on the list.” Thinking fast, “It's actually a comedy band. They take things so far to the extreme that it becomes ridiculous.” I added, “It's a human thing?” That seemed to satisfy everyone. Before going back to the party, I double-checked the playlist and didn't find anything else.
Everyone was gone, except for Dash, “Hey Dash, you don't have to help me clean up, you know,” she had been a guest and friend, and I didn't want her working for her supper.
That smirk just radiated confidence, “Hey, no problem! I don't leave my friends hanging.”
“Alright then, what would you like to chat about? Dealer's choice,” I smiled as I started washing the dishes.
“Tell me about growing up. Tell me about your dad, that kind of stuff.” Dash was picking up the streamers and seeing how many different ways she could pop the remaining balloons.
“Okay, well, I grew up as a base brat,” Dash looked confused, “my dad was in the Air Force, he fixed aircraft, and I grew up on military bases.” This grabbed her attention.
“So, he was a doctor?”
I smirked, “No, he repaired aircraft, flying machines.”
Dash gave an exasperated chuckle, “You and your machines. You're worse than Pinkie and Twilight combined.”
I stopped washing dishes for a moment and bowed deeply, “From you, I'll take that as a compliment.” I returned to my dishwashing. “So, I grew up on bases. My mom and dad were great, made sure I got a good education, supported me, and all that good stuff. Boring but safe. Now living on military bases had some cool perks, but in some ways, it's a sucky way to grow up. The worst part was moving every three or four years to different parts of the country. I found it hard to make friends.”
“What are you talking about? You made friends with me in, like, less than a day.”
Still facing away from Dash, I didn't want her to see my expression, “Well, unfortunately, humans take longer to make friends between themselves. Remember when I was telling you humans are not as nice as ponies? How we don't have a Princess and magic to bind us? Well, that's why. All you have, as a human, is what you can see and hear. I didn't have friends. I had allies. That's why I like it here. Aside from the fact I'm fairly sure I won't be caught up in a plot by a villain, and you will not be trying to make a stew out of me, it's that I have friends, not allies.”
She sounded sad, “Oh, I... I didn't know. I'm sorry for bringing it up.”
I turned and smiled, “Don't you dare apologize! It also had its perks. I got to see places and things most kids didn't see. It gave me a broader view of the world. Something I know you would have loved was seeing an airshow. Dash, when seven fighter jets fly by just under the speed of sound, it's loud. You feel the sound in your chest. Have you ever been to a concert or a dance and stood by the speakers? That subsonic rumble that vibrates your bones?” I breathed deeply at the memories, “When I was a kid, that was the best.” I had an idea, “Hey, do you want to see it? It won't be the same, but it will give you a taste.”
I shut down iTunes and fired up Chrome, went to YouTube, and a quick search produced what I was looking for, a Blue Angel airshow.
The video showed a pilot climbing into the F18, Dash was fascinated, “If the pilot is about as big as you, it must be huge!”
“Planes tend to be. No magic. We're stuck with physics.”
As we watched the acrobatics, Dash sniffed, “They don't turn very sharp.”
“Well, yes, compared to a pegasus, they handle like a brick. But they're not being compared to pegasus, remember? That thing is considered nimble.”
We finished watching the video, and we watched a few more. Dash was getting a kick out of it, and I thought I would show her something I got a kick out of the other day. I googled 'Rainbow Dash Search and Rescue Patch'. First hit.
She practically exploded, “OhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGosh! That is so cool! That's what the Wonderbolts do when they're not doing shows. Quick response team for all of Equestria. They deal with any problem.” She nuzzled up to me, “Thanks Alex,” then gave me a peck on the cheek.
I glanced at her and saw she was blushing. “What was that for? Not that I'm complaining.”
“For being a cool friend. And knowing I would appreciate something cool like that.”
I barked a laugh, “Cool is not a word I would use to describe myself, my dear Dash. But I'm glad you think so.”
We sat for a few moments. “Okay, Dash, your turn. Tell me about your childhood.”
“Well, I grew up in Cloudsdale. My dad is Thunder Dash, and my mom is Golden Rainbow. My mom was great, always quiet in the background. Always there for me. My dad, well, he loved me. Tough love, ya know.” She looked a little sad, “He tried training me hard. He always expected me to be better than the best. I was never quite good enough.”
“I've never told anyone, but I think my dad always wanted a colt. Actually, I know for sure. He told me once when he had been hitting the salt too hard.” She saw my flash of concern, “Oh, don't worry, he never hit me. Just... I was a disappointment. He never came to my graduation from flight school, top of the class when all the others were losers, and was nothing to be proud of. Said I would never be a winner, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I practised. But he did it because he wanted to make me strong, not like Mom. So, winning became the most important thing. The only thing. But I still love him, Alex. He's my dad.”
“He doesn't sound like much of a dad to...” The next thing I knew, my jaw was sore, I had a split lip, and I was on the floor.
Even through my stunned surprise, I could see Dash was angry, and she had tears in her eyes. Her glare was withering. She screamed in rage at me, “He's my daddy! He loves me very much! Don't you ever dare talk about him like that! Ever!”
I was still a little fuzzy, but I could see the tears starting to drip on her cheeks. “Dash, I'm sorry, I...”
Still screaming, voice filled with rage, “My name is Rainbow Dash, Alex Roberts. Don't you dare bucking forget it! Rainbow! Dash!”
She ran out the door, tears flowing freely, and I could feel the gust of wind as she took off even from inside the house.
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Great story, just read from the beginning keep up the good work.
Why.. Why must you make the last few lines of the last chapter sad, just before I need to go sleep...
I wont be able to sleep tonight
rainbow dash is like "i wuv u"
say whaaaaaaaat
childhood issues what about u
and i'm like
and then he's like dats coolz
and then i'm likez ok i'm chillz with this
and the shes like i want to learn more about you
and i'm like
and then
and the she's like daddy issues
and then he's like "not much of a father"
and then she's like "POW"
YOU JUST BUCKED UP SON.
YOU JUST GOT KNOCKED THE BUCK OUT
The hell was that for? Sheesh, chill the fuck out, bitch.
Damn rainbow chill. Also, I would have liked to see some lamb of god in that playlist... As well as some tool, system of a down, and rage against the machine. I'm sure fluttershy would be pleased with that selection
one problem. you made a rather funny mistake. look and see what you did here: a hot knife threw warm butter. (it should be a hot knife through warm butter) i would put a youtube video or something like that but i can't find one.
but still very good job
It's a bit late for this, but...
uvtblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/friday-damn.jpg
being a Navy brat myself i know how it is to live on base...oh Point Mugu how i miss the sound of your jets and the smell of your hangers. i always felt safer on base.
Women.
(Teleports into fic, sits down near alex)
The fuck bro?
As I read rainbow dash's reaction, all I could think of was, "fired up Chrome" You use Google Chrome too? BRO HOOF!
The only story that can make me nervous, mad, and surprised thoroughly.
nice going man not cool.
That Rainbow Dash part was so horribly cliché that I cringed, it was also executed poorly.
Also:
Careful how you use that word.
I know I'm late but...
thank you my good sir for being one of the first using the correct browser.
"were", not "where", and "specialty", not "specially".
"worse"
Ah, I know that feeling exactly, military brat here too
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/114/2/3/my_little_pony_meme_by_haikuwriter120-d4xg9yg.png
Yay, Canada :D
Dash has Daddy issues?
Ehh... that seems odd...
But other then that, good chapter.
Jeez that escalated quickly Dx
stop this
That's a n e c k.
Oh no! Drama that wasn't at all expected and completely natural! Egads, it's mad!