• Member Since 13th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 23rd, 2018

TheDrunkenJinjo


Coming Soon! Maybe.

T
Source

(Currently undergoing heavy reconstruction. All rewritten chapters will be marked as "REVISED".)

Masks. We all possess them, whether we realize it or not. Some are thinly-veiled facades that we wear to get through our daily lives. Others are hardened shields forged through years of effort and practice. But every mask has its cracks, its chinks in the armor. And when those cracks finally show, the mask begins to crumble and fall away, and you start to see what lies beneath.

And it's not always pretty.

NOTE: While I appreciate all comments I get on this story, I would personally prefer if they could say more than the usual "Great chapter, keep it up!" or whatever. What do you like about it? What stuck out to you in a specific chapter? What would you like to see expanded upon? How can my writing be improved? Maybe there things you don't think are working and if so, leave suggestions on how I can make it better!

(Rated "Teen" for language and "Sex" for some crude jokes and innuendo I'll likely throw in.)
(NOT a self-insert by the way. Seriously, screw those.)

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 151 )

A worldly traveler gets lost in the woods and stumbles his way into Equestria.

Equestria is already full of those guys. :twilightblush:

Damn, now I feel like I missed something that would give me a clue as to what he forgot.

Ahh yes. A map, never forget the map.

Yea! Lazy assholes for the win!:flutterrage:
(No sarcasm included)

This story is amazing and I highly recommend you write more :twilightsmile:

2562501 You have no idea how much that sentence pleases me. :pinkiehappy:

I like it. More.
That is all. :twilightsmile:

JBL

It's a wonder his ass hasn't gotten attacked yet the way he's constantly talking out loud! :facehoof:
Perhaps he should try internalizing his thoughts a little more

JBL

Dude just busted his ribs and carrying on like nothing happened! :unsuresweetie:
Also, I'm pretty sure getting eaten alive is worse than being taken prisoner!

JBL

Best chapter so far.

JBL

Braxton vs Rainbow Dash, now that'll be fun!
Just wait until they hear he eats meat, she'll knock him into next week!

Well by the looks of the perfect grammar and easily read paragraphs I can deduce you found a proof reader

JBL

I will get used to it, so you better had and keep the chapters this length or eeeellllllsseeeeeeee........ :pinkiecrazy:

I'm hoping Braxton isn't the guy who just takes everything that happens to him and just accepts it. Hopefully he'll verbally tear a piece of Rainbow Dash's flank off if she keeps pushing him. There's only so much a guy can take after all.....

2633276 Trust me, Braxton is anything BUT that guy.
I hate how in most HiEs the OC just takes whatever is dished out to him and never fights back. It's a fucking disgrace.:facehoof:

JBL

2634165 FINALLY someone who understands and shares my pain when I see that happening! One more reason to like this story.

another awesome chapter :pinkiehappy: I look foward to your further releases good sir :moustache:

Comment posted by JBL deleted Jun 2nd, 2013
JBL

Don’t make me go chop suey on you!” Braxton threatened, mimicking quick karate chops with his hands.

Well.............. that put me in the mood for some takeout! *grabs keys and heads out* :rainbowlaugh:

This chapter made me lulz :rainbowlaugh:
Keep up the great work :twilightsmile:

2667075 Ironically enough, I can't stand Chinese food.:pinkiesick:

“Yo Spike... you alright" was that suppose to be a .mov Reference cause it be pretty sweet if it was

Heeey, .mov reference.:pinkiehappy:

Spike: Hey Applejack... y'alright?
AJ: *gurgles*
Spike: Yeah, you're gonna be fine.

Or he's British.

British people speak perfect English. Always.

dis nigga thinks he's clever n shit. tryna be a rapper n shit. 1v1 me rap battle fgt. i'll fkn wrek you kid.

aye yo mayne i'm just chillin heyuh liek dam i cayn wait till this nigga gets him sum nawm saiyan? gotta get on that shit dawg. get him summa dat fluttabooty ya dig?

awwwww dayum dis nigga boutta be hella pimpin doe. cayn wait fo this nigga ta be gettin his dik wet. i wish i could fuk a pony mayn. i wanna wrap flutta's mayne around my dick ya feel me dawg?

2634165 cmon nigga, i was lookin forward to braxdawg bein tied up n shit while bootyshy shove gerbils n shit up his ass. du fuk kinda fan fic is this? you tryna fkn fite me or some shit? ill do it nigga. fkn find me homie. real talk.

JBL

You will pay for that clifferhanger damn you! :flutterrage:

Waiting for him to verbally tear Rainbow Bitch apart :pinkiecrazy:

No! Oww, my leg!

Its not your leg

Oww MY LEG!!

ITS NOT YOUR FREEKING LEG!

Oww MY LEG!!

DAMNIT OLD MAN, ITS NOT YOU LEG!

:facehoof: Nova is awesome, all i have to say.

2696126

Well, I have come to the conclusion that something is wrong w/you.

2563129

I also agree you need to write way more... (so i don't half to stop reading)

2699978

I know right, something is wrong with him.

Heh.... cliffhanger you say.... HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I TIED A ROPE TO YOU AND THREW YOU OFF A CLIFF HUH!!!

yes... :pinkiecrazy: yes im going to the hardware store now, going to buy a nice rope... yes a nice rope that has diffrent colors and looks nice... yes... maybe push some nail's through it yes.... and then did a hole at the bottom of said clif...:trollestia:

So Mr.Author, what is your favorite type of rope? and where is your favorite cliff located?


(this is a joke, some people cant take them)

2713794 I like a good double braided natural fiber rope, good for strength and durability. :ajsmug:
My favorite cliffs are the Cliffs of Moher, located on the Atlantic coast of County Clare in Ireland.:twistnerd:

...What? I like to think about these things from time to time.:unsuresweetie:

2713238 agree rainbow does need a good verbal lashing at this point

2713873

Okay, going to ACE hardware, and going to buy some double fiber natural rope shit. Friend and i have been wanting to go on vacation to Ireland. So we can land his private jet at....fuck... where do you live?!?! *insert closets airport to you's name* get you fly to Cliff"s of Moher, and drop kick you off :) :Squee:


(still a joke)

(or is it?)

Braxton was finally gonna tell rd off and then a cliffhanger.
My reaction: F****************************ck!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

REVIEW

Reviewer: Arcticbrony

The following review is as objective as possible but could eventually contain some subjective influences. I'm Norwegian by blood and a Viking by heart. So with my helmet on and my axe in hand I’ll get to work.

Once you’ve posted your story in the group A For Effort you’ve accepted to be reviewed. No review is made to humiliate the writer but to make him grow up and enhance his skills.

Name of story : Beneath the Mask


I found no spelling errors and your grammar is excellent. However, you seem to like to comma, and use it a little too much in some occasions. Resulting in breaking the flow.

originality: It's a Hie where the main character gets transported to Equestria by unknown means and ends up in the Everfree forest. I can't give you any points for originality in that regard

OC: Braxton is a fairly likable guy. The fact that he constantly talks to himself could be an annoyance, but you manage to create several humorous moments with it. He balances on the border into Mary sue land, with his perfect aim and the fact that he shrugs what appears to be a broken rib like it's nothing.


My final Verdict.


APPROVED.

While the beginning may lack in originality, your effort shines through in your writing. You do a really good job of describing his surroundings and elaborating on Braxtons feelings in some of these situations. It definitely has a lot of potential. You have created a solid start, and you manage to get the reader's attention, encouraging them to keep on reading.

SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2010/296/c/9/saxton_hale_by_vexp-d31cqqf.png
Wait am I in the wrong place?:derpyderp2::derpyderp1:

2722692 I think you are very much in the right place, good sir or madam. :moustache:

2713794 ye dawg i feel ya doe. my niggas on the east side got them a caddie they stole from sum bitch nigga tryna fuk wit dem. we finna ride up on this nigga house n fkn glock his shit yo. imma need like 50 dolla fo gas do ya feel? we finna show this cheeky cunt what happen when you mess with a real nigga. 313 represent. real talk.

2724719 I like the feel of a AR-15 in my hands, and the nice cabin of a private jet, oposed to some glock, and old-azz caddy... ya feel?

JBL

There wasn't as much Braxton vs Rainbow Dash as I had hoped, false advertising! :flutterrage: Well there had better be more to come, a simple shake hands and make up simply won't do!

2732147 Trust me, it's nowhere near as cut and dry as that, there will be more to come. This was just a sample, if you will. :ajsmug:

I hope he meets Lyra.
If he does, what would her reaction be?

Anyway... Great chapter:pinkiehappy:

TOG

Well Braxton won't go completely angry on her. If she destorys something of value for him, he'll maybe go Super Saiyan and beat the crap of her.

Another awesome chapter good sir :moustache:

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