Diamond Tiara's first thoughts were that somepony must have left her curtains open. She heard a noise and groggily swung her hoof towards her alarm. It was Thursday, so Grey should be on his way soon with cinnamon buns and a cup of rose tea for breakfast.
Her hoof swung freely over the edge of her cushion and down to the ground. Unbalanced, she toppled to the floor in a tangle of blankets. She then heard the noise once again, and this time, she realised that it was not her alarm after all, but a rooster. How does one turn off a rooster?
Opening up her eyes, she realised that she wasn't in her room, after all. There were pink curtains hanging on the window, but that was where the similarity ended. The floor was hard wood, there was a map hanging on one wall, and looking around, her tiara was nowhere to be found.
And then it hit her. Of course her tiara was nowhere to be found. It was broken. Daddy had broken it. Daddy had broken it and thrown her out. Stupid. He had no right. He had no right to do that to her!
She lashed out at the cushion next to her, and started pummelling it in fury, picturing Daddy's face there.
This is for my tiara! *Wham!* This is for abandoning me! *Wham!* This is for not being there when I need you! *Wham!* This is for not loving-
She squeezed her eyes closed and hugged the cushion to her face, choking down a sob. Then she tossed it back down to the ground in irritation and gave it a few good whacks, embarrassed at her weakness.
"Morning workout?" a voice said wryly. She flushed, suddenly remembering that she wasn't the only one in the clubhouse. Whirling around, she saw Scootaloo standing in another corner. She appeared to be tying down a bandage on her side. How long had she been watching?
"What's it to you?" she snapped angrily, and then regretted it. She might not like Scootaloo, but she needed her help right now. She shouldn't try to antagonise her.
"Oh, nothing, I suppose." Scootaloo finished adjusting one last bandage. "I was actually just about to start my own workout. It's sort of pegasus only, though."
With that, she dropped to the floor and started doing wing pushups. Diamond Tiara watched in fascination. She'd never thought those small wings were that strong. She didn't really get to see anypony working out too much, let alone exercising their wings.
It was actually sort of impressive how she just cranked them out, one after another. Diamond Tiara found herself involuntarily walking closer as she watched.
"You do all that every morning?" she asked, curious in spite of herself.
"Yeah," Scootaloo said, stopping her pushups and stretching. "My wings are pretty tiny, so I've been working on my wing muscle strength."
Well, she supposed that was reasonable. Now that Scootaloo had stopped moving,but still had her wings out, something caught her attention. In an area her wings normally covered, she had an old-looking scab on her side, and her fur was kinda thin in a line on either side of it.
Diamond Tiara would never have noticed if she hadn't been this close and Scootaloo hadn't been exercising. What could possibly have caused that?
"What's that on your side?" she asked.
Scootaloo looked up. "Hmm?"
"That spot there?" she said, pointing.
Scootaloo looked at her side and frowned. "I told you, that's personal."
Then she went back to her pushups, ignoring Diamond Tiara completely.
But she didn't say that was personal. She said the reason she was living here was. Diamond Tiara shook her head. Whatever. There were more important matters right now.
"What's for breakfast?" she asked the exercising pegasus.
"I... just said-" Scootaloo managed between pushups. "that you... could sleep here. I didn't... say anything about breakfast."
She finished her exercises and lay there panting. Diamond Tiara frowned.
"But I just left last night. How am I supposed to have anything here for breakfast?" she said, a high whiny tone entering her voice.
"We're ponies," Scootaloo said simply. "You do realise you can eat grass, right?"
"Well yes, but that's so uncouth, undignified, so-"
"Impractical? You will find yourself eating grass on occasion, but if it was the only thing you were eating, you'd have to graze all day." Scootaloo gestured outside the clubhouse window. "Take a look outside. What do you see?"
Diamond Tiara glanced out. "Trees."
Scootaloo sighed. "Could you be a little more specific than that?"
"Apple trees?"
"Right," Scootaloo said. "So what do you think is for breakfast?"
Diamond Tiara thought for a moment. "Apples?"
"Got it. Not much to it, but it's better than nothing."
A potential problem occurred to her. "Wouldn't Applejack notice apples around here were going missing?"
"Of course she does. But Applejack gave this treehouse to us knowing that it was in the middle of an orchard. She expected that we'd eat some of them. And Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle haven't been, so I can eat them without anypony noticing."
"So that's all you eat for breakfast? Raw apples?"
"Well, no, sometimes Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stop by, and we go out." She looked out the window herself. "In fact, it looks like she's on her way now."
"Wait, Sweetie Belle's coming over, like, right now? While I'm still in the clubhouse?"
Scootaloo folded back up her wings, and as she did so, Diamond Tiara noticed a few spots that were either bare or had really short feathers. Funny. They're all in line with that old scab I noticed.
She vaguely wondered why she'd never spotted them before. Then Scootaloo started preening her feathers, rearranging them to cover up the patches, and it became kinda obvious.
However, Diamond Tiara had other concerns at the moment. "If she comes over right now, I'll be discovered here!"
Scootaloo adjusted another feather carefully. "Well, you could hide in the clubhouse till she's gone, or rather, we're gone. But this'll hardly be the last time she comes over. You'd be better off just letting Sweetie Belle know you're staying here."
"Until we're gone?" she asked. She wasn't totally sure she'd be able to find her way to school in time by herself.
"Well, we're probably headed out for breakfast, so... yeah," Scootaloo said.
She sighed. Her whole ordered world of how things should be was in ruins anyways. The way things should go, she'd have a nice, sophisticated breakfast, be groomed, make sure she looked her best and get ready for the new day. Silvy would meet with her, and they'd talk about what they were going to do for the day, and maybe make fun of the blank flanks, if she ran into them.
Now she was here with one of the blank flanks, she hadn't even had breakfast, probably had horrid bed mane and bed fur, another was on the way, and Silvy probably wasn't even going to talk to her today. That hurt, even knowing why.
And Sweetie Belle would be here any minute.
It wasn't that she really hated Sweetie Belle. She seemed nice, after all. But she had so much potential, and she wasted it. She could have been one of them. She was sisters with one of the best, most sophisticated fashionistas in Ponyville.
Rarity understood the importance of always looking good, going to the spa, and undoubtedly knew what a proper, high-class breakfast should look like. She had even made a large number of Diamond's dresses, though some were Canterlot high fashion.
But Sweetie Belle had none of that. She ran around wreaking havoc with the Crusaders, going to the pond and catching frogs, and unerringly getting every single bit of tree sap in the area on her. Anytime she tried to do anything with any amount of grace, it ended in disaster.
She could probably force herself to get along with Sweetie Belle for now. She wasn't that bad. She did so want her breakfast. And she didn't think she'd done anything really bad to her personally.
She looked out the window and frowned as another time she'd looked out of this window occurred to her. It'd been back when Babs had been here. Babs had really known how to have a good time. It was a shame things had ended between them the way they did.
But they'd kicked the Crusaders out of this very clubhouse, and she remembered seeing Sweetie Belle crying through the window as they left. Bother. Why do there suddenly have to be consequences to everything now? she thought irritably. There never were before.
"Do you think Sweetie Belle would still be upset about the time we took over your clubhouse?" she asked tentatively.
Scootaloo glared at her. "We're all still upset about that. But Sweetie Belle will keep a secret if I ask her to."
Well, she supposed she'd better get down and face her. Sweetie Belle would figure it out eventually, anyways. Besides, maybe if she told all three of them how sorry she was, Daddy'd take her back in.
"Alright, I guess I'd better talk to her," she said wearily, and walked slowly to the door, only to find Scootaloo blocking it.
"Hang on, let me talk to her first. If you just walk out of the clubhouse, she might get the wrong idea."
"Morning, Scootaloo!" a voice called from down below. "You up?"
"I'll be right down, Sweetie Belle!" Scootaloo called out, then headed downstairs, out of Diamond's sight.
Diamond Tiara stood there, nervously, a knot in her stomach, as bits of what was being said drifted up to her. She felt as though everything was about to go wrong somehow, and much more tense than she really should be.
After a moment, she placed the reason she was feeling this way. This was just the way things been before Daddy had kicked her out.
Well, she doubted things could go that badly, at least. She settled down to listen.
"Morning! How are you - *gack*" Scootaloo's voice was suddenly cut off with a whumping sound.
"Scootaloo!" A second voice called out enthusiastically. It sounded like somepony was either being tackled in a big hug down there, or possibly being attacked. It was hard to tell. Most likely the former, though.
"Sweetie Belle... I know... you're happy to... see me, but... not on my side..." Scootaloo's voice came up faintly to her.
Ouch. That must have hurt.
"I'm sorry!" she heard Sweetie Belle say. "I just thought after yesterday that you'd really need a hug, and I needed a hug, and-"
"That's fine, but gently, alright?" Scootaloo said resignedly.
"Ok," Sweetie Belle said. "You missed a spot on your left wing, by the way. I thought those had all come back in?"
"Some of them have, but that was just a partial molt."
Partial molt? What exactly is a molt? Some pegasus thing?
"Shouldn't you have had a full one by now, though?" Sweetie Belle said, sounding puzzled.
"It's running late, ok?" Scootaloo rebutted, annoyed. "Can we drop it?"
"Right," Sweetie Belle said. "So, did you want to get some breakfast over at Sugarcube Corner? My treat."
"That'll be great!" Scootaloo exclaimed, then got ahold of herself. "But something kinda happened tonight. Can you keep quiet about this?"
"You know I can. What's wrong, Scoot?"
She couldn't really hear Scootaloo's reply. She figured Scootaloo had whispered it. She heard the response loud and clear, though.
"You slept with Diamond Tiara?!"
Alright, that does it. She charged through the door and down the ramp, working up a head of steam.
"I did not sleep with-" she paused and took in the scene. Sweetie Belle was looking at her, wide-eyed, while Scootaloo cradled her own head in her forelegs.
"-Scootaloo," she finished weakly. "Morning?"
Hmm... okay, my interest is piqued. Some minor issues with the dialogues, still but the characters are becoming a lot clearer now. If I have the mental picture right, Scootaloo has a scab and some bare patches on her wing that suggest something cut her along that line. Something really sharp, I'd imagine. Wild speculation says either wild animal attack or abuse. One makes more sense in the show, the other more in the story. And I think I've heard you pitching that particular idea somewhere else, too. Can't say I'm totally against it, either way: it would suit the story.
The thing that'x really surprising me at the moment is: the way this ended made it look like Scoots and Sweetie Belle were together. Like 'together' together. I'm not sure what to make of it, other than the fact that I'm really sympathising with Diamond's confusion right now.
Diamond waking up was a good intro to the chapter, Scootaloo showing she is indeed the confident filly she is on the show (my main objection to Orphanloo is that it doesn't mesh with her confidence so far) was also good. And yeah, wing pushups in the morning... Scoots is hardcore. It's really nice, and it's really close to themes I like exploring as well.
Looking forward to more.
2688588
I did indeed abandon the original Scootaloo backstory somewhere in one of the rewrites of the last chapter, and switch to a version of one I'd pitched before, which felt more original. And I actually spent a surprising length of time looking at information on birds molting for this. And even on treating horse injuries.
I just modified one line near the end. Scootaloo was cradling her own head in her forearms. Hopefully that'll lessen confusion. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are close, and she was being very huggy, but I didn't quite intend 'together' together. Oh well, there's always next chapter on that.
And yeah, Diamond waking up was my favorite part to write. That scene with the cushion was actually very hard to skim past every time I went to work on this chapter. It was a little too effective on me.
This Scootaloo is indeed the confident, assertive, probably too stubborn for her own good filly we all know. While I may occasionally like reading about her being a fragile little waif that needs a home, that's not what I'm going for here. I like the pushups scene. Scoots is athletic, and it really makes sense to me she'd be pushing herself like that.
Though, admittedly, my Just Winging It Scootaloo is less athletic than this one.
Glad you enjoyed it, in any case. Here's hoping the next chapter flows easier than this one did.
We enjoy this story! We are glad thou hast shown the little brat getting her just deserts. Thou hast good writing style and We look forward to seeing how Diamond copes at school and We look forward to thy next scroll Keep writing hoof servant!
Well, if by 'one scene' you meant 'three scenes'^^
What's more, he doesn't even have a character tag. Considering that Rumble (who speaks one sentence) has one, not to mention Tank... that's just insulting. Frankly, I don't understand the reasoning behind him not having his own tag.
I believe the standard method for turning off a rooster generally involves an axe and kind of a mess. Fluttershy would not approve.
Wing-ups are really weird. It's hard to figure out how they even make sense. Plus I'm surprised Scoot's wings are even big enough to reach the ground to do them at all.
So hmm... seeing that Scootaloo's injury mentioned in this chapter seems to be unrelated to the incident that started this story, I could make some guesses as to what that's all about. It sounds like some kind of cut, of course, and "scab" instead of "scar" means it's fairly recent, but beyond that I think I'll just wait to find out the backstory here instead of throwing around predictions.
As promised, I've read, in recognition of deviousness!
In general, I like DT/SS redemption stories. Not terribly sure why. Maybe I just want to see things turn out okay for kids, in general. Either way, I was happy enough to get into another one.
I think you made the right choice in starting up Chapter 1 so near to the event in question. Bully DT wouldn't be much of a fun read. So less is more, there. Likewise having her take such a middle-road on her reaction was good too. She was freaked, she tried to deny it, as any kid (or most adults) would. But... she also knew she did something wrong, so her denial wasn't exact vehement. If you erred to far on one side, she'd seem pretty monsterous. And on the other, the redemption would be too easy.
Filthy's response... is something I really hope you go back to later in the story. The setup on his depression helped to take the edge off of it. To show that he wasn't in the right state of mind. So no issue there. But is it really legal in Equestria to throw a child out onto the streets? I'm doubting it. Especially since, hey, with the absurd gender bias we see, there's bound to be lots of mare-mare couples who would be willing to adopt.
I like the Scoots portrayal. A little bit of the expected pegasus combativeness there. We wouldn't blame her for smacking DT around, really. But, in the end, she shows that she's by far the better pony, more in line with the Babs Seed 'The Cutie Mark Crusaders, we ain't looking for a fight' and 'Can't we be friends?' angle.
Don't get me wrong. I still sort of hope there's some difficulty with Sweetie or AB, at least enough to add a bit of drama, before they relent and accept her. But, that's more a 'would be nice' thing, and less a critical aspect.
At times the dialogue borders on being a bit too mature. But... that's a really hard one to avoid, when writing with kids. And there hasn't been any points that had me pausing or boggling, so it's mild.
All in all, quick and good, thusfar. I'll follow along!
I don't read many sad or dark or tragic stories, and I fav even fewer, but this one I'm making a special exception for. Keep up the good work.
2688768
Thanks. I didn't see much point to showing more of her bullying before the incident, since we already know how much of a bully she is. And I didn't particularly want to show her as a monster. Largely self-centered, and a lot of her problem is that she's never or rarely been told no.
Believe me, I have plans for Filthy later. Though I'm not sure how the reaction on that one will be. But I'm glad him not being in the right state of mind came through. And no, throwing your kids out on the street isn't legal in Equestria. He could be in a lot of trouble is anypony found out about it. Unfortunately, Diamond doesn't really want to tell anypony about it.
Getting the right take on Scoots was actually difficult for me in this story. She was being too nice on the first couple drafts of chapter 3. I think I struck a good balance eventually.
We'll have to see about Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle's reaction will be in the next chapter, at least. For Apple Bloom, we'll have to wait a few days.
The dialogues a perpetual problem with me. My own vocabulary was a bit too mature at that age...
Glad you liked it, at any rate.
2688760
I would rely too heavily on it being new. Scoots is pretty athletic, and reopening an old wound would be pretty easy for her. Or I could just not be describing it right.
Yeah, wingups don't make much sense, but they are canon, so I went with it. And I doubt Applejack would approve of anypony turning off her roosters either.
2688738
Well, the leg-breaking happens in the first scene, at least. But yeah, it really is the first three scenes.
No idea why Filthy Rich doesn't have a character tag. I suppose I should add "Other". I'd thought I had...
2688736
Glad you like it. I have a feeling you might enjoy Just Winging It, though it isn't in the same universe...
2688869
Thanks. And I'll try...
2689687
My mistake- I'd thought you meant in the show! Mea Culpa, mea culpa.
2689694
Ah, yeah, that explains it. Yeah, he does have three scenes, and should have a tag. He even gets some quality time with Diamond Tiara...
imageshack.us/a/img560/8823/filthyrichshovingdiamon.png
2689706
You know what's really funny about that scene?
I never really understood it intended as punishment, like others have (except perhaps on the part of the writers); rather, it looked like it had two possible not mutually exclusive reasons:
a)Filthy pushes his daughter into the circle to facilitate good relations with his business partners, the Apple Family; and/or
b)he wants to make his daughter spend some quality time with the other kids. "Stop hanging around just this Spoon girl and go have fun like all those other kids! A kid your age should have more than one friend!"
Complete conjecture on my part, of course. But doesn't he look worried rather than angry in that scene? Not to mention that a circle-hopping group of happy children don't sound all that terrible to begin with... certainly a weird punishment, when all the other foals are having the time of their life.
2689770
Yeah, I'm tending towards a) for purposes of this fanfic. I'm not tending to see it as punishment, but the way he shoves her over there caught my attention.
Of course, so did Scoots hopping around with bunny ears.
2689849
Yes, that's always a plus!^^
Hmm, I have a feeling that if Babs were here, she'd break more than just Diamond Tiara's legs as retribution...
Tiara sta pagando lo scotto dei suoi gesti! Mi sembra un conto troppo salato
2689882
Yeah, most likely. It hasn't really occurred to her, though. She probably wouldn't even remember that the two of them were related unless somepony brought it up, and "actions have consequences" is particularly a weak point of hers.
more c:
2701774
Well, if you mean "more" in the sense of more fanfics, I'm also writing Just Winging It...
Otherwise, well, I released this chapter 3 days ago. I'm working on the next one, but it may be a bit. I'm a bit further than I expected on it, really.
I just wanted to say that I hardly ever read multi-chapter stories, and I usually avoid incomplete stories. Frankly, there are many stories where I hardly make it deeper than a few paragraphs before my eyes glaze over and I realize I don't give a damn about the characters or what is going on in the story.
So explain to me why I just sat here and read all four of your chapters in a row? I think I can, and that is because you made me give a damn about the characters in them. I read, and I wanted to know more. I like the way DT is shaping up, and Scootaloo, well, she is the prototypical graduate of the school of hard knocks, and I like the way you are writing her:
Perfect!
I like this story, the way you have interpreted the characters, and hope to enjoy more chapters in the near future.
2705547
Thanks a lot. I really appreciate your kind words.
Characterization is really my biggest concern in this story. It took quite a few rewrites of chapter 3 before I was able to get Scoots right. (Though that line, phrased a bit differently originally, was always part of it.)
Part of the issue with Scootaloo, of course, was that I'm writing another fanfic with a very different Scootaloo. Different backstories equals different personalities. I'm happy with the way she's turned out so far, though. In both fics.
I love writing DT for this story, though. Being in her head has been a very interesting experience. My biggest challenge right now is getting Sweetie Belle's characterization right. And in a few chapters, Apple Bloom...
This is a really good read. Gonna be interesting seeing some of the scenes play out and how other ponies will treat Diamond.
Now, with that out of the way. Have a thumb and a mustache.
This is glorious. Please, go on.
2754155
Yep. I absolutely could not resist. And somepony has to show the ropes, right? Even if there may be a noose involved. ^_^
Oh, definitely. And cubic zirconia is even more fragile. (And, yes, I do have plans for the title. Eventually.)
2754233
I'm planning on it. I'm technically 3.7k into the first draft of the next chapter, but there will be a second draft. I'm feeling like I need to reorganize it a bit. And besides, I'd like to get another chapter of Just Winging It out before the next chapter of Cubic Zirconia. Working on both fics at once gets a bit tricky, especially because they have two distinctly different Scootaloo's. A different backstory equals a different personality and character, and in Just Winging It , her next meal isn't a concern...
2754526
It's quite a coincience: Before reading this, I was just planning something involving Scoots and Tiara, which happens to involve a tragedy Tiara is responsible for. And I'm pretty sure I've never read anything that focuses on these two before.
I think it's a pretty poignant title already, actually.
2755626
Well, in the Lunaverse, they like to do this whole "Diamond Tiara has a crush on Scootaloo" thing, but that's about it.
Sometimes it just seems to be the right time for ideas, though.
With me, once I knew Scoots was in the clubhouse, she had to be a main supporting character. But then, so are Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, really, they just are taking longer to come on-stage.
Thanks! And I just mainly have one scene in mind way later with a name drop. It's far enough in the future that the story could twist away from it. I hope not, though, because if it moves far enough off track that that scene isn't possible, then I really have no idea where things are going...
2693433
è parte di quello a cui sta andando a parare questa storia.
In or out of context, this scene is hilarious.
I'm surprised those two are out of the hospital so FAST.
4503150 img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130120180812/mlp/images/2/2d/The_Element_of_Magic_full_power_S03E10.png
MAGIC
4621305
You could've worded this so much better