Second Post Gets A Story - Anthology

by Duplex Fields

Eponymous

Author's Note:

I've lost my reference for what prompted this story from September 15, 2011. It's reposted and updated from the DeviantArt edition.

I crawl through the underbrush, being careful not to make a sound. My prey does not notice me creeping up on-

"Gotcha!" laughs Snails, as he turns around. "I found you, now it's my turn!"

"Aw, c'mon!" I say, smacking the ground with a hoof. "I didn't make any noise! How did you know I was there?"

"I didn't hear any noise," says Snails, "And that's when you always get me."

My eyes cross for half a moment. That actually made sense.

"Aw, I'm bored with this" I say, "Hay, I've got an idea. Let's be supervillains!"

"Supervillains?" asks Snails, scratching his head and looking up. "But we don't have superpowers."

I glare at him. "We're UNICORNS. Of COURSE we have superpowers."

"But my horn only makes glue and light, and burning glue" he says slowly, "and yours only cuts things."

I sigh and roll my eyes. This will be a long day.

---

A cape and mask are all I need. As my lackey, Snails wears an orange jumpsuit and a broken plastic hoofcuff on one wrist. (He just broke out of jail and is really mean.)

We sneak up to the front door of Sugarcube Corner, and burst in. "I am the Black Mask, supervillain extraordinaire!" I shout. Everypony looks at us.

"I think you mean extraordinary?" says Snails.

"HUSH, LACKEY!" I yell at him, then turn back to the astonished adults. "I demand you give me ONE THOUSAND MUFFINS! Or else, Ponyville will rue the day!"

The weird pink mare that owns the alligator grins, and ducks behind the counter. Then she leaps over, dressed in a blue-and-pink superhero costume and stands in front of the customers. "So we meet at last, Black Mask! Prepare to face the might of The Pink Avenger!"

I was not prepared for a superhero to defend a bake shop. "Hah HA! I have figured out your secret identity, Pink Avenger!" I dive under the nearest table, and shout, "RATTATATAT TATATAT!" while miming holding a machine gun.

"Pew! Ping! Pew!" She mimics holding up a shield, and not a shot gets through. "Kazummmmm..." she retorts, powering up some sort of ray.

Snails looks this way and that. I shout, "Get down, you fool!" but it's too late, because she switches her aim to him at the last second-

FLASH! Snails uses his horn for reals! CRASH! The ceiling above her breaks and she is swallowed by a pile of wood and insulation!

I jump out from under the table, tearing off my mask and cape. "Miss!" I shout, as I leap toward the pile of rubble, but the customers are already pulling the debris off of her.

She's dazed, but grinning. "That was fun!" she says, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Then they look at Snails and me.

Two stallions stand guard as one of the ladies goes to tell our parents.

This is not good.

---

"But mooooom," I whine, bringing my eyebrows together in what I hope is an expression of supplication.

"You nearly killed that poor mare and almost tore down the building," she says, unmoved.

"But that was Snaaaails," I say, trying to play on her sympathy. "This isn't faaaaair."

"Stop whining, Snips, you are grounded for a month, and that's the end of it!" She puts her hoof down, and I realize that is indeed the end of it. "I don't want you to leave this house except for school and not another word or it'll be two months! And Snails will NOT be coming over at all."

I grumble, and turn around to head to my room. "Yes, mom."

The rest of the day passes slowly, tortorously. I practice some magic tricks, I practice cutting rope and sticks and stone, I practice standing on my front hooves, then my back hooves, then only my right hooves.

Finally, I go back to my comic book.

I have three comic books. Mom says I'm not allowed to have any more. She says three is enough.

I read it aloud, in my best hero and villain voices. "Stop, fiend!" "You'll never catch me!"

The next day at school, Snails is limping. His dad must have really taken him to the woodshed. I don't talk to him until recess.

---

A month later, I'm free. We get together that afternoon after school.

Snails is still upset that his dad burned his Dimetrodon action figure as punishment. "Hey," he says, "Let's play supervillains again. That was fun!"

What can I do? He's my best friend. This time, we'll rob the library, using fake library cards!

Comments

[horizon]

I love the absurd innocence of this.

[RealityCheck]

Poor Snails. A paddling is one thing, but destroying his toys?