Octavia, while preparing the spare room for Vinyl's visit, has a flash back to how she first met her best friend, found her true passion, and how a small event had a massive impact on the rest of their lives.
Octavia, while preparing the spare room for Vinyl's visit, has a flash back to how she first met her best friend, found her true passion, and how a small event had a massive impact on the rest of their lives.
Put a rule after this.
It's pretty difficult to read, and your pace is beyond break-neck. Slow down, and describe more
Um......where's the dialogue?? There's one quote and it's, "Hello"
Fan of the word "As"?
Put a rule before this
Looks alright, great ideas, but it's hard to read with the small mistakes. Fix em up, and we're in bussiness
2416260 Hey, thanks for the comment. I made some changes, and added the rules. I hope its better now :)
great story very heart warming I only saw one thing that could be changed "She sat down, and a male filly by the name of Filthy Rich introduced himself" a filly is the term used for a female adolescent while colt is the term used for males, so the sentence shoul go like this "She sat down, and a colt by the name of Filthy Rich introduced himself"
2428575 Thanks for the response, I believe I have fixed it now.
To bad it was only a one-shot. I would have loved to kept reading it.
2833799 well.. I'm actually planning a part 2 now.. After I finish another project, then I'll begin on this.