Bitch Sticker, Bandaid!
The Affection of Princess Nightmare Moon
Part 6: Bitchsticker, Bandaid!
Princess Nightmare Moon sat at her massive mahogany work desk. To either side of her chamber door was a guard, and at her back was the slowly rising moon. She’d gotten up a few hours ago to do research. Research on what? Courting the modern stallion, of course. She’d seen to her princess duties, and there was no Midnight Court that evening. After a quick breakfast(dinner?) with Celestia, it was back to work on her main goal.
Spread out in front of Nightmare moon was a smattering of romance novels, each depicting a nicely-shaped stallion coddling a wistful-looking mare. Bandaid did not resemble any of them. She had a stack of magazines, hoping to divine some knowledge out of their articles on attracting the nurse to herself in a more direct way. The nap they’d shared on Hearts and Hooves Day still set her heart aflutter, and she wanted to be with him more. Not just in the sensual sense, but more of a… companion, sort of thing. She didn’t know the proper words to describe it. Leaning, the black alicorn sipped wine from a fat goblet, swirling it about in a thoughtful way.
Bandaid did not fit any of these descriptions. He was unique, apparently. He was not powerful, or headstrong, or arrogant. He did not need to change for the better, or be taught how to treat a mare right. He wasn’t a pirate or a jungle king or a rich business pony like in those books. He was meek, easily rattled, and adorable. He needed to be held, coddled, and spoken softly to. He liked to play pretend with little plastic figurines and enjoyed warm naps in the evening moonlight. He was special.
Nightmare Moon sighed, not sure what to do. She stared at all of her relationship books and stacked articles from local Cosmarepolitan magazines. She did see the irony. Not six months ago she’d eaten Blueblood for being caught with such things. She felt bad for it. The dark alicorn tried to imagine what he’d been feeling at the time. Twilight Sparkle had been an unattainable friend at the time for him. She and Bandaid were already friends so… what was the next step? Romancing of course, but how to go about it… hmm… the night goddess scowled in concentration. This was more complicated than she initially thought. Maybe if she did some more work on her night sky’s paperwork she could get her mind off things. Maybe inspiration would strike her there.
=-=-=-=
Nurse Bandaid awoke, went about his normal routine, and stopped to get his mail on the way out to enjoy his evening off. Being a night-shift pony, he did get to enjoy quiet and pleasant evenings in Canterlot now and then… when he wasn’t being pursued by the local night goddess, or brawling with changelings, or other things like that. It would be nice to have a night all to himself for once. Princess Nightmare Moon had been rather quiet lately, and he’d not seen her in a few days.
Bandaid jolted to a stop when he found familiar hoof writing on one piece of mail. “Uh oh,” he murmured, brow knitting into a hieroglyph with worry. He checked the postage date. “Uh oh.” Then he checked the date on the letter itself. “Uh oh!” Then he started to shake rather fretfully. Dropping the letter he darted back into his home.
Rushing around, the brown stallion grabbed all of his Ponies and Castles things. He ripped his map of Maredor off the wall. He put away his collector’s edition 1:6 scale model of a Hyooman (some strange beast of legend). Dashing back and forth, he tried to find hiding places and secure drawers.
Suddenly he whirled around. “The kitchen!” he said in horror. Galloping into his little kitchen he seized his silverware drawer and yanked it open. Getting all the sharp utensils he stuck them on top of his highest cabinets and out of sight. He got his frying pan and did the same. Panting, sweating, he looked wildly around for anything else. Anything else at all. Rushing out into his sitting room, he grabbed his potted plant (Norbert, by name) and hid the poor thing in the closet.
Knock-knock-knock-knock.
Bandaid turned on his hooves, pupils having turned into pinpricks. He swallowed. “Who is it?” he called as loudly as he could without his voice breaking. The knocking got louder and angrier, but there was no response. “I-I’m coming, one second!” he looked around for something he might use as a shield. Nothing jumped out at him save a cushion off of the couch. Well, it was better than nothing. It would have to do… *gulp*… he went to the door, checking the peephole. Yep, it was them alright. Scrubbing at his mane with a nervous itch, he eased the bolt to one side and pulled the door open.
Six mares suddenly piled into the room atop him, tackling him to the carpet. He cried out in pain as they crushed him to the ground in a tangle of legs and shrill laughter. “HEYYYYYY, BITCH-STICKER!” they chorused as one, bursting into wild laughter before carrying him bodily inside.
“No! NO! Help! HALP!” Nurse Bandaid shrieked before the door slammed and locked behind them. “Ahhhhhhieeeee!” His cries were high and mare-like.
=-=-=-=
Nightmare Moon looked up from her copyright paperwork. Her brow furrowed in a disturbed sort of frown, and her ears perked forward. Her two dozing guards jerked back to consciousness, peering at her intently. They straightened up just in time to hear her speak. “I sense a great disturbance in Canterlot,” the black alicorn said, slowly setting her quill down. She turned her head left, then right, as though listening to a high-pitched noise. “As though an innocent voice cried out and then… silenced.” She rose slowly from her seat, capping her ink-well. “My new night sky’s finalization will have to wait. Guards! With me! I sense somepony is preying on my beloved Bandaid!” she kicked the door of her office open with magic, striding from the Obsidian Hall. The two guards looked at each other, wondering exactly how their Princess could know something like that. Then they galloped after her. If her Majesty’s beau was under attack, they had to do something about it!
Galloping to the other side of the palace, Nightmare Moon knew she was right when she could hear faint sounds coming from the royal apartments. She passed Twilight Sparkle’s apartment, moving to the ‘lower-tier’ dwellings and zooming towards Bandaid’s. If Chrysalis had paid him another visit there would be no mercy, no Celestia to save her this time. She swore it! Rushing forth, she tried the door with her hoof.
“One side, Princess!” One of her guards turned and broke the door down with all his might. Wood splintered wildly into the room, and the three of them stampeded into Bandaid’s living room. What they found there was nowhere near what Nightmare Moon was expecting.
Bandaid lay sprawled out on the carpet, all his furniture pushed to one side, while a group of six mares laughed and drank and argued with each other over him. They were so rowdy they’d not even noticed the door being kicked in. The poor brown stallion was basically being used as a table, for he had two coasters and an open beer balanced on his belly while they bent his front legs back and forth with curious expressions. His eyes had been replaced with swirl-marks, and now and then one of his legs would give a little twitch.
Nightmare Moon blanched, not entirely sure what to make of this. “Uhhh… halt?” it came out like a question from one of her two guards. The six of them turned to stare, and not one of them looked impressed. “Er, this is the Royal Night Guard speaking, cease and desist your current activities, and move to the nearest convenient location to pursue them there.” It was like reading off a cue card. Nightmare rolled her eyes.
“Sorry, siblings only!” One of them chucked a beer bottle and it blasted apart on the lip of the guard’s helm, blinding him with the fizzy liquid. There was uproarious laughter.
“Kill them!" Nightmare snapped, stamping a hoof.
“Er,” said the other guard, looking up at his Princess in shock.
“Er, I mean,” Nightmare amended huffily. "I shall stop them."
Finally the group seemed to notice the massive pony standing in the room. “Oh wow, there she is! Its Princess Nightmare Moon!” said the one in the back. “To Princess Nightmare Moon!” they raised their bottles, clank-clacking them noisily together with a shout of agreement. Then they drank a bit. Nightmare cocked her head when all six of them set their drinks on the up-turned stallion’s belly. They were using poor Bandaid like a table, those ruffians!
Nightmare and the second guard exchanged a look, unsure. “Very well then, we shall deal with them personally.” Her jowls rose up to reveal her long and elegant fangs. Her horn lit with black magicks, shrouding all six mares in her dark aura. She lifted them and, with some satisfaction, tossed them across the room like so many horseshoes. They landed in a squealing heap of confused legs and junk food and beer bottles.
“Get your ass outta my face, Bone Break!”
“Sorry Stitches I thought it was your flank!”
“Rug Burn your hoof is going up my nose, knock it off!”
“Get your arm outta my face!”
“You’re crushing me! You’re too fat like mom said!”
“I am not, you take that back!”
“Rawrrrgh!”
Very suddenly a six-mare wrestling match broke out, much to Nightmare Moon’s confusion. They grappled with each other violently, flinging each other over sofas and through whatever they could. A decorative vase Bandaid had taken a liking to exploded against a wall when one of them was tackled over an endtable. The Princess noticed things were missing from the apartment. Models and books and other delicate things were nowhere to be found. “We are coming, Bandaid!” The alicorn waded into the fray while one of her guards helped the other recover from the glass in his face. Nightmare scooped up Bandaid, putting him on her back and started for the door with slow, careful steps.
“Hey! Hey she’s getting away with Bitch Sticker!” One of the wrestling mares suddenly stopped to point. The yowling, twisting mares turned to look and Nightmare Moon suddenly knew what it was like to be a deer in headlights. “Princess comes back!” They untangled themselves and stampeded forth.
Panicking, Nightmare looked around quickly. She could not fight them with Bandaid limp on her back. The first thing that sprang to her mind—whoosh! All six mares suddenly disobeyed gravity and were flung into the ceiling. They stuck there like magnets, twisted in a big heap of candy-colored bodies. The Princess heaved a sigh of relief while they struggled fruitlessly. “Bandaid…?” she eased him down to see if he was okay. “Art thou okay?” she leaned and nuzzled him tenderly. The poor stallion took a long time to respond, for his eyes were glassy and out of focus.
“Uh-whuh…?” Bandaid mumbled, shaking his head a few times. “Where did the herd go?” he asked, looking around. Then he looked up when he heard them cursing and flailing. “Oh jeez, hahaha!” he said, a grin flashing across his face. Nightmare was surprised by the pleased expression. He usually scolded her for such things, but this was amusing? “How’d they get up there?” he leaned on her a little. “Did you do that?”
“We did, yes,” Nightmare said carefully.
“My hero,” He chuckled, then leaned and pecked her on the cheek.
Nightmare blushed while the six of them started trying to climb down the chandelier to reach the floor. It did them no good. It was as though gravity were reversed for them.“Bandaid, thou has always said thou has no luck with mares. Who are these, then? Friends of yours?”
“Just the opposite,” Bandaid made a face. “They’re my sisters.”
“Sisters?” Nightmare blanched a little, looking up at them. She looked from them, to him, then back them. “Sisters?” she asked again.
“Yep. Rug Burn, Stitches, Bone Break, Triage, Candy Crush and Fireball.” He gestured to each one in turn as he named them. The Princess stared at him, then up at the gaggle of mares. Then back down at him again. She looked ready to ask a question, but couldn’t seem to get it out. “Yes, six sisters,” he put in for her, sighing. “And I’m the youngest.”
“Suddenly thy frailty with the opposite gender makes ten different kinds of sense.” Nightmare mumbled.
“Huh?” he looked up at her.
“Nothing. Allow me to… aid them,” Nightmare reduced her spell slowly, easing the mares back down again. “Greetings, sibling gaggle!” she trumpeted, lifting a formal hoof. “We are Princess Nightmare Moon, diarch of Equestria, very special somepony of yon stallion!” she stamped the hoof authoritatively.
Now, finally, they seemed entranced with her stature and status. They blinked up at her in awe, and finally things felt like they were well in hoof. “Very special somepony?” Bandaid asked softly, blushing.
“We are not very special somepony’s, then?” Nightmare asked, looking hurt.
“Uh-buh-well, uhm…”
“Bitch-sticker is dating a goddess?! Whoa!” blurted Fireball.
“I can’t even imagine what that’s like!” agreed Rug Burn.
“He must’ve grown a pair since we saw him last!” wondered Triage.
The six mares looked at each other, blinked a few times, then, “Nahhhh!” they laughed. Nightmare giggle-snorted before she could stop herself, and Bandaid gave her an angry look.
“Eh-heh-heh, well, regardless,” Nightmare lifted a hoof. “Thou may not use my beau as furniture while thou stays. We forbid it.” She nodded to make it official.
“What are you all doing here? Where’s Mom and Dad?” Bandaid asked, sitting next to Nightmare Moon. She stealthily put a massive wing around his shoulders, which he didn’t seem to mind.
“Mom’s still in the fighting circuit until the end of summer,” said Candy Crush. “Dad’s still coaching for her, so they’ll be all along the griffin borders of Equestria till that’s over.”
“I wish she wouldn’t do that. She’s past her prime,” Bandaid mumbled worriedly.
“Thy mother brawls for a living, Bandaid?” Nightmare Moon gaped at him. Well no wonder the poor stallion didn’t dare approach a mare. He’d grown up in a house of loud, violent, powerful females and didn’t dare approach one on his own. (The black alicorn counted herself lucky that he was not homosexual because of this!)
“My mother fights in the octagon, yes,” Bandaid said dully, looking annoyed. “My sisters follow in her hoofsteps, and I follow in my Dad’s,” he shook his head like he was disappointed in his mother. “He’s a doctor and coach for the league she’s in .”
Nightmare Moon couldn’t quite process it. Bandaid’s mother was a cage fighter of some kind? She tried to imagine a female Bandaid beating the stuffing out of another mare in front of a cheering audience. When it came down to it, it wasn’t that hard, to be honest. She’d seen Bandaid’s little rage episodes a few times, perhaps that was his mother’s blood talking. “…Interesting,” was the safe word the alicorn decided on.
“So what’re you guys doing here?” Bandaid wanted to know.
“We got left to look after the house, and they left us tickets to the upcoming Spring Festival.” Fireball said, digging into her saddlebags. “And there’s one for you too of course. Its invite-only, some kind’a hoity-toity thing. Mom’s in the big leagues, so she gets tickets for this sort of thing all the time.”
“We wanted to visit you too, it’s been too long!” Triage said helpfully, smiling in a rather predatory way. “We missed your birthday spanking. And your Hearths Warming spanking. And your new year’s spanking!” Bandaid grumbled at them angrily, but said nothing. “What? It’s a good family tradition!” she cackled. (Nightmare tried very hard NOT to imagine Bandaid being held down and beaten on the rump by a group of mares. She would file that delicious thought away for later.)
“It’s stupid is what it is,” Bandaid grumbled, leaning into the Princess a little. The alicorn smiled with all her fangs, and was delighted at the frightened expressions all his sisters got. The next few hours went by at maple syrup pace for Bandaid while all his siblings asked about every little detail of what he’d been up to lately. Nightmare learned quite a bit about how strange the stallion’s home life had been . His father had sent him to medical school as soon as he started excelling in mathematics and triage. He’d gotten his cutie mark by patching up his sisters during their many school yard fights, and the family had lived in close quarters because of several law suits taking money from them. Violent upbringings were not the best, it seemed, to have so many rowdy sisters and a meek little colt at the end of the line. It was easy to surmise his father did not want that life for him, and had sent him to Canterlot for elite schooling. Nightmare felt a swell of pity for him, and told herself to remember to be more gentle with Bandaid from now on.
It was past midnight by the time they’d gone, leaving Bandaid with his festival ticket. When he finally closed the door, the stallion leaned against it with an exhausted moan. Nightmare smiled gently, sitting on the couch and patting the spot next to her. Dragging a bit and almost tripping over an empty beer bottle they’d left behind, he flopped onto the couch with his head between her hooves. He looked beat. Hunching a bit, the Princess nuzzled him. He turned inward, curling up. She pressed her nose into his scalp, slowly nodding up and down. He purred quietly.
A long silence passed between them, and Bandaid slowly relaxed. Nightmare nibbled on his ear and he chuckled, flicking it a few times. Stroking his withers she chewed on him for a long while, playful and a quiet. He seemed to like that. Suddenly all of the Princess’ books made sense… in reverse. Bandaid was the mare in this relationship. “Oh dear one,” Nightmare purred softly to soothe him. “Dear, dear one…” the rumble in her throat was like that of a giant mountain cat.
Bandaid lay with his head in her hooves, eyes closed. “Maybe we can go to that festival together,” he mumbled after a time, slitting an eye open to look at her. Her face lit up, and she nodded. “Just don’t expect us to be going alone. Knowing my sisters, they’ll be going just to spy on us.”
“We shall stick them to a higher ceiling then, beloved,” Nightmare crooned possessively, stroking his chest with a massive hoof. Bandaid smiled despite himself. That would be funny to see. Another long silence passed between them and he let out a long, relaxed sigh of contentment. “Why do they call you ‘Bitch Sticker’?” Nightmare asked suddenly, leaning over him. Bandaid groaned, hiding his head under his arms.
End of Part 6
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Hazah, a new chapter is upon us!
YES UPDATE THIS PLEASES FLUTTERSHY!
Hope we can see what has happened with blueblood and twilight since the last story
Lol
He was meek, easily rattled, and adorable. He needed to be held, coddled, and spoken softly to. He liked to play pretend with little plastic figurines and enjoyed warm naps in the evening moonlight. He was special.
Ahahahaha! My stomach!
Very good but short chapter. It`s very rich in character development and explain a lot of things about bandaid. I should reread this later.
Wat?
2843527 Nightmare's breakfast time is Celestia's dinner time.
2843549
No, no I was pointing out a possible spelling error. I'm used to seeing Celly not Cellia, but I'm not sure what spelling standard you're using.
Yay new chapter
Whoo, a new chapter!
And poor Bandaid, 6 sisters!? And I thought 1 was bad.
He seemed to like that. Suddenly all of the Princess’ books made sense… in reverse. Bandaid was the mare in this relationship.
By all rights. Main characters here must be seen like this two: dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/81530720/Pater%20Familias.jpg
Yes, yesss! A glorious update for glorious Nightie!
He named his plant...
why?
Yay!
new chappy!
*reads*
AWESOME ADORABLE new chappy!
Now you come up with a hilarious story detailing how the nickname 'Bitch Sticker' truly came about. Always awesome to see your updates, can't wait for more!
And just like that much about makes perfect sense.
EEETS AY-LIIIVEEE!
http://youtu.be/14D5wKSVlXg
hahahah, Mahogany
New Headcanon: Bitchsticker is his name, given before his father showed up to veto it.
Nightmare wears the pants, Bandaid wears the skirt. His sisters probably made him wear one at one point too.
6 sisters?
...
That explains so much.
As soon as I saw the title of the chapter I knew what you meant, and had to stifle a belly laugh here at work.
Then I read the chapter, and, well. . . So much lawl and so much d'aww.
Too short!
2843623 who did that ?
That was awesome... and oooh dear. So much was explained in such a short amount of time! So much development! ...I LOVE IT! xD
His nickname... I like it.
Just when I was starting to think it was cancelled....IT'S NOT!
You poor, poor stallion!
-
While growing up: One sibling is annoying. I have one brother. Three siblings is anoying-er. My father had three brothers and moved out of the house before he was 18.
Poor, poor Bandaid. SIX sisters!
Yeah, it was a Death Star of six mares.
Great Star Wars reference!
"Then we shall have to stick them to a higher ceiling."
If I had laughed any louder my family would've given me odd looks. For chapter that reveals Bandaid's past and how mistreated he was it was very light-hearted.
i.qkme.me/3rkmpe.jpg
So Bitch-Sti... Bandaid has a long history of being brutalised by mares.
He has for sure an interesting family.
Ah, an update. My work day is know complete! Except for the looks I got while trying not to laugh my rumpus off...
I love how the plant was named after Norbert Beaver of the Angry Beavers series.
Overall, I'm enjoying the sequel. Though I sometimes wonder about the relationship between Blueblood and Twilight. Perhaps that will be answered in later chapters, or a separate story.
2844207 ha! He has older 6 sisters, I have one younger brother. bitch-sticker has it easy.
Ahh, yes the "my-crush-is-being-harassed-by-multiple-female-siblings-sense"
Delicious, delicious character development.
This chapter was pure motherfucking GOLD of the highest quality! Excellent and always-improving!
2844207
It's like a reverse Weasly family. Well besides the mother being the assertive, aggressive one while the father is much more laid back.
2845067
Bandaid's mother: "You don't have to whip your horns out for everything!"
A reference to the younger Briony, perchance?
Whenever this updates, my life is put on hold.
2845432 Very good, VERY good eagle eye you've got there....
Bitch sticker sounds like it's got a hell of a story behind it.
I give this my stamp of approval
you earned it "bitch sticker"
Update!
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/129/658/1596ac93ffebe546f6d01d43556a36f9.gif
bitch sticker
need to remember that one
2843623 A black and red Alicorn.....kill it with fire
2845943
Baaah... Hes mane is reddish-purple and coat have a lot of turquoise. Anf tell me how pure black-blue NMM is better?
Okay, six mares is a gaggle? I...actually have no problems with that whatsoever.
2846319. Because she's the goddamn NMM!!
That was beautiful. Thank you for the update!
I can't wait to see what happens. Have some mustaches.
Loved this chapter! One note though, the chapter title is "Bitch Sticker, Bandaid!" while the second line lists it as "Bitchsticker, Bandaid!" Doen't really matter, just wanted to point it out.