• Member Since 20th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 14th, 2021

WNA


im back yall

E
Source

In the flush of youth, neither Twilight nor her friends stopped to think about the consequences of immortality.
Now, many years later, she must face her fears and say her final goodbyes.

Cover art by Dreampaw.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

Right in the feels. Bravo!

WNA

2425848>>2425891
Thanks, guys. I'm glad you like it; it means a lot to me. :twilightsmile:

Jesus... this one hurt... and not in a bad way. So much emotion, and done so well.

Thank you for this beautifully written story.

My eyes burn from the feels.

WNA

2426654 I hope that's a good thing.

I almost got the feels from this, but I have a question, is spike dead too??

WNA

2426716 No. But he was always more of a son than a friend. And you would feel pretty bad to lose five friends, even if you still had three immortal ones (Luna, Celestia, and Spike).

Hnnnnng! I think I need a hospital bed, too!

I don't normally come to read other people's stories as much as I come here to work on my own, but this is absolutely amazing for such a short story. :twilightsmile:

WNA

2427862 Thanks! :yay:
It's amazing to be getting so much positive feedback on this. I mean, I hoped people would like this story, but I definitely didn't expect it.

2427876 I think it's a good five minute read. Definitely worth five minutes of anyone's time (unless, of course, they don't like this kind of stuff, and that's okay, too).

I believe this could be more tragic in atmosphere if you began to delve more into the characters as you began describing them during their conversation. For example, you wrote;


Twilight smiled bitterly and said, “Well, it’s not easy. This is—” she stopped herself again to rub her hoof roughly across her muzzle. “This is a goodbye party, after all.”

Pinkie Pie sighed, frowning, and said, “Twilight, stop this for a sec. Okay? Just listen to me.” With a comforting pat of her hoof, she gestured to the space beside her.

Twilight dropped her head onto the bed, eyes squeezed shut to prevent any tears from leaking out. “Stop what?”


This could be expanded to, for example;


Twilight smiled bitterly, but her lips only masked the sadness in her heart. "Well, it's not easy," she spoke up finally. Her lip quivered. The tension in her body caused her to stutter her words the moment she spoke them, while her throat began to undulate involuntarily as she strained to keep her voice sounding cheerful, assuring. It wasn't in her heart, though. "This is--" she stopped herself mid way, trying so hard to keep her composure. With a single hoof, she gentle rubbed her nuzzle. "this is a goodbye party, after all."

Pinkie Pie gave out a heavy sigh, frowning. "Twilight," she replied, looking up at the upset alicorn with empathetic eyes, "stop this for a sec, okay? Just listen to me." Her thin, veined, pale pink hoof lifted gently off of the bed sheet and gently patted a small space on the edge of the mattress beside her.

Twilight did not sit next to her friend. Rather, she sat on the floor, leaning her head to where Pinkie Pie's hoof was, resting it on the mattress. Her mind felt heavy with so many thoughts and feelings rushing through. So many that she quickly closed her eyes, keeping them shut to hold back the tears that welled up. "Stop what?" she asked in ignorance.


I dunno. That's just what I would do, but there's no right or wrong writing style; there's only a style that you like and that everyone likes reading ^^

WNA

2427987
I do see what you're saying; in this story, the character development is pretty much non-existent. That's something I'm trying to work on so I can write longer and more involved fics.

This deserves to get featured. I hope it happens.

WNA

2428027 IF YOU CLAP YOUR HANDS AND BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH (and make like 600 alternate accounts and upvote it) IT CAN HAPPEN.

Beautiful sadfic, man.

This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society

Story Title: Goodbye Party

Author: WNA

Reviewed by: Shahrazad

“Goodbye Party” is a short story with a powerful message. That it can convey an emotion and a message in less than 3000 words is a remarkable feat. It’s an excellent example of an emotion—in this case sadness—distilled into its pure form, uncomplicated by convoluted plots. The entire story is one scene in length, as are many good short stories. It says much in as few words as possible, and then leaves on a powerful note.

The entire story can be read in about ten minutes if a reader takes his or her time. It’s time well spent, as the story delivers its payload and then finishes strong. It does leave a few unanswered questions, but they aren’t the point of this story. It’s worth reading, maybe reading twice, to fully understand what a funeral is really about.

Full Review (spoilers)

Score: 9.0/10

WNA

3410626
Thanks for the awesome review. It's funny, but I'm pretty sure you know more about what I was trying to do with this story than I did when I was writing it.

I gotta ask, how could you write this one amazing story, and then do nothing more? You definitely got the talent, is there just no other stories you want to tell? I really hope I see more from you!

WNA

4150600 Well, I've got a few stories in the works--I've just gotta find the motivation to finish some of them up and release them. I'm currently working as a writer for Legends of Equestria, which does take up a little of my already-pinched free time, but I vaguely plan on another release in the coming months.

Wow... this is the only fic to make me cry besides My Little Dashie :raritycry::raritydespair: Wonderful story, though and well written.:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Oh my, I started reading this expecting meh, I'm wiping a tear away.
:fluttercry:
Great job.

:fluttershyouch:

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