• Member Since 10th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen March 21st

HuskSummers


E

The Princess of the Night has returned from her 1000 year exile to the moon. There is a lot for her to catch up on. However, she learns she still much to repent for, and that her time on the moon was likely the easiest part of her fall from grace. As Luna tries to live in the present she must also reconcile her past.

As always, I enjoy constructive criticism, so if you have any, feel free to post it in the comments below.

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 39 )

2398161
Yes...Let yourself be filled with the feels!

I WUV WOONA!!! :heart:
(I even have her cutie mark tattooed on my side)

I am actually pausing Friendship is Witchcraft cause I GOTTA read this!

2399227
Awesome! I can't wait to hear what you think!

2399243 Very sad... To think that she has spent a thousand years living with the regret of her final words to her mentor, Starswirl...

I must get back to reading... I sense a Fave, Upvote, and Follow coming! :pinkiehappy:

:facehoof: already following lol

2399251

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I just hope it doesn't go unnoticed by the rest of FimFic because of being published at this time. Most people in the US are asleep and most in Europe are getting ready for work/school...

2399264 I just finished this, and I have to say that it has touched my heart.

I think I shall try to get the word out. This story deserves to be read, so that others may feel what I have felt when reading this.

2399276

Thank you very much! I appreciate your kind words, and the publicity is a bonus too! You're a very kind person!

2399280 I try. And your welcome.
The blog just now posted

I figure between my followers, and the many who have favorited my stories, the word should reach over 1k readers... let us hope that at least a few will pass the word along as well.

2399295

I can't even tell you how much this means to me! I really love that I can reach others through my writing, and what you said in your blog post about the story made my day(which really needed to be made by the way)! And then to tell others to go read it too? That was the icing on the cake!

Thank you so very much!:twilightsmile:

2399311 Your welcome, and thank you for the follow.
Now, I have a decision to make... I just got inspired by a song while I was in my truck a few moments ago... had this song blasting:

Was thinking that Fimfic needs to have a Sheriff Silverstar & Breaburn story (non-shipping) inspired by this song. Maybe Bad_Seed_72 could write it. Or maybe I shall find myself adding ANOTHER project to my pallet lol

2399376 I'd read it:ajsmug:

Husk my friend, manly manly tears are being shed :fluttercry:.

2399376 2400834

Dash....Yes...just yes haha I love that song, listened to it right before I fell asleep last night actually, and I would definitely read that.

Shiro... For once I have made the great Shirotora shed manly tears...I have accomplished a great thing today! Glad you enjoyed it man

2400980 Truth be told, I'm really a big softie. Da feelz are my kryptonite

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :yay: c:

I'm very impressed by this, the detail and the fact that Star Swirl tried to stop Luna from falling into darkness, but Gods are....let's say emotional, they can't be tamed, what is only a blink of an eye for them is many, many years to us. Damn, even Gods must be loved though, poor Luna, if only she could speak with Death to see Star one more time:fluttercry: I really liked this, you did great, other then a few errors:twilightsmile: And thanks to Biker_Dash, I'm hoping word gets out more, it really caught my attention.

It felt too fast. You just kind of created this relationship between luna and starswirl, but didn't really let it grow quite enough. As a result, the luna betraying him didn't hit me quite as hard as it should.
Additionally, you really sped through the making his constellation. Could have had that take days with her 'trying to get it perfect' and add in some feels there, that she's trying to say sorry...

All in all, it feels like too much was crammed in to too short of a story.

I'll give ya a C+, maybe a B-. good effort, needs improvement.

2407760 Thank you very much for your comment, I appreciate your kind words

2476696 Thank you!

2477174 I can definitely see what you mean about letting it grow, but at the same time, this was meant to be a quick, short memory, one of many that will take place in the other chapters.

I agree on the making of the constellation. That could have, and probably should have, been made into multiple nights of work.

2477249
I kinda caught that... I hope you expand on that relationship as the short stories continue a bit, but I treated it as a one-shot on my critique.

2477315

I completely understand, and I really do appreciate your critique. So few people are willing to tell someone what is wrong with their work, for fear of hurting their feelings. I enjoy getting critique such as yours, because it helps me to continuously improve my writing.

Noooo! I had a long, rhyming comment about Snowdrop and my stupid web browser crashed, forcing me to lose it all! Gaaaaaaargh!

EDIT: Great story, BTW, loved the reference. Keep up the good work.

2477402 And most of the people who will tell you what's wrong are ass holes about it. It's always good to see people tell you what's wrong respectfully. Glad to see this is doing better.

No pony should have so much feels...
I'm writing a story about Star Swirl and Luna myself. It will be much less compact, but I can only hope it has as much soul.

2907354

Thanks! I'm glad I can still instill emotion into my readers with my writing

2906895

I agree haha I feel so bad about doing this to Luna, but it's something I feel really hadn't been done before and needed to be written.

Also, *Spoiler alert* There may be some happy feels on the way...maybe *End Spoiler alert*

I would very much like to read your story when it is done! I'll follow you right now so that I remember!

Welcome back :twilightsmile:

Ahhh, Luna feels... so glowy warm...

4599384

Thanks for the welcome! I appreciate you sticking with me even after being gone for so long.

For some reason, this wasn't fav'ed:rainbowhuh:

Finally got to read this chapter. It's a good one, lots'a feels. Keep up the good work.

A couple recommendations; separate different character's dialogue into different paragraphs and put the contents of the letter in italics. That'll prevent confusion.

4602820

Thanks for the compliment!

I usually do split each character up into different paragraphs, but I wanted to see how this style worked out, because it felt unnecessary to start a new paragraph every time I switched speakers. I definitely see how it is confusing at times, and so I'll probably go back and edit into separate paragraphs in the near future.

I've never done the italics, mainly because I used to use them for thoughts, but I believe that you are right on that front as well. Italicizing the dialogue would help it stand out immensely.

As always your constructive criticism is very appreciated.

4603003 Well, separating dialogue is just proper grammar (holly sh*t, I'm giving grammar lessons. Hell must have finally gotten that ice water). Also, if you don't want to use italics for the letter, you can always use the quote feature, like this

Dear husk,
Take a look at my pony, my pony's amazing. Give it a like, mmm, it tastes just like rainbows. Praise the Sun Butt! How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck was Chuck Norris? Insert random phrase here.

Shiro

That also helps hive it the appearance of a letter.

4603083

Another good idea I never thought about. However praise of the Sun Butt cannot commence without firstly giving Lulu her rightful praise as well...lest we forget

As for the proper grammar thing...there is argument among those who study the English language as to whether or not that separating dialogue in that manner is completely necessary. Most say it is, but a lot of new-wave graduates are leaning towards a more flowing style of grammar; a style where "proper" grammar is more of a firm guideline than it is a definitive rule.

At least...that's the way it was explained to me by my English professor in college...she could very well have just been toying with us..haha

4604270 Considering that language, both spoken and written, are just meant to convey thought, as long as others understand it shouldn't be a problem. That being said, the separation of dialogue lets readers know someone else is talking, so that's a good rule to follow.

I have to agree, it is good to see you back here wit the rest of us, and a nice piece to read while I am at it, things are moving quite nicely.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!