• Member Since 14th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 29th, 2012

TwinkieSpy


E

Hearts and Hooves Day is fast approaching, and Canterlot's newest musical star is without a date. Reluctantly, Sweetie Belle agrees to let her manager set her up on a blind date--after all, what's the worst that could happen? But when she arrives to the designated restaurant on February the 14th, Sweetie is shocked to find herself sitting across from a familiar orange and purple pegasus!

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 80 )

Well that's just adorable.:yay:

205314
Glad to hear it--that's what I was going for! :pinkiehappy:

That ending :rainbowlaugh:

My pinkies.... Take them all.
:pinkiesmile::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiesmile::pinkiecrazy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiesmile:

So damn cute. :twistnerd:

I don't see this pairing too often, but I wouldn't mind seeing more of it! Your writing is clean and easy to understand, and I was able to follow all the ideas presented.

Keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

As everyone else has already said, very cute.

I would like to have seen more of Sweetie and Scootaloo's interaction, more of their date, building toward the kiss. What there is is nice, but boy do they switch gears quickly.

Good. The kissing is sudden, and so is everything after, and I would have loved to see more detail as far as character emotion/thought. But that was just plain adorable.

I liked the suddenness of the kiss, it worked with the emotional flow, but everything after it was a bit sparse; I think if you fleshed it out it would work much better.

205318

Not to be rude, but are you going to go back to this? Reading the comments makes me want to read it, but i would also like to read it at its best. :raritywink:

I really like this. I like how you wrote the characters, it seems to fit their personalities from the show. Except Vinyl Scratch, but that's because she doesn't have one in the show, haha. You set the mood very well.
Now the bad. Just one thing; you switched perspective randomly during the kiss. That's it, everything else is good, in my opinion.

Keep it up!

Really adorably cute, I really like this. The kiss was brash and sudden but i think it's a great aspect of the story...
I wish there was more...:twilightsheepish:

205770
Yeah, I like to head on over to my stories periodically and make small edits, so I'm not sure I can tell you exactly when it will be at its best... but I plan on fixing it up a bit more this weekend, so if I were you I'd come back then.

What a sweet couple they are.

SO CUTE! Never read about this pairing before, I like it :3

Have a good one.

Sweetie's voice is 'onerous'? I'm not even sure what you were trying to say there. 'Sonorous', maybe?

Raise the sails! Hoist the anchor! This ship's gonna fly, baby!

cute
i like
sudden kiss was sudden
but over all
great
that is all
kthanxbai

"My pal dusk told me there..." Capitalize Dusk.

It was a cute story, I really enjoyed it.

Cutest. Fic. Ever. I simply adored it!

Keep it up! :pinkiehappy:

The cuteness level... IS OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great story bro 5 stars:pinkiehappy:

this was cute :twilightsmile:and the pairing is interesting i myself have never seen it before but i must say i rather like it:eeyup:

The kissing came a bit abruptly, but other than that I absolutely loved it! I really want to see more! That is, if you want to of course...:scootangel:

Tell you what, all five stars. But I have a question. Could you tell us what Scootaloo's cutie mark is? That would make it even more descriptive.

:pinkiehappy:

The only part was the abrupt kiss it kinda threw it off for me :unsuresweetie:
Other then that I loved it.
I await more...if there is any

206249
Nah, it's a legit word. It means "labored" or "heavy." Basically I was saying that Sweetie was laying it on a bit thick.

I gotta say, this was a rather sad story to me. What really stuck out to me is the few sentences about Dash. She and Scootaloo were maybe not the closest of ponies, but they had an important impact on each other's lives. And all that's now gone in the span of one sentence.

I just find that really sad, and I can't really get past it.

What they said.:rainbowderp:

207034

Don't worry, I imagine they make up later. A lot of this story borrows from my personal head canon--Vinyl's personality, the CMC's cutie marks, and the like, so not everything was resolved in the end. But I assure the rest will be resolved offscreen... er... off page. And, though I didn't really focus on it enough, I wanted to convey that the lightning bolt necklace Scootaloo was wearing was a sign that she still hadn't quite gotten over that... break-up, if you want to call it that.

You have a thing for showing, not telling; I'll give you that.
But the Scootie Belle part could've been better. That kiss felt awfully forced. :applejackunsure:

Wait, they kiss straight out of nowhere? Not even a brief though from either of them on whether they are prepared to risk their friendship? I'm sorry, I love this story and this couple, but that felt out of place.

Nice work showing us their future. Sorry that it took so long for them to get back together after Scoot left Ponyville. Looks like pony society is finally becoming more tolerant to f/f couples in love, and with that horn conception thing, scoots could end up with a bit of pink in their filly's mane and tail, I'm sure she'll love pink the most. I think the kiss was just to show how much they missed each others company, after all those lost years.

Awesome...

You built up the story so wonderfully, had them laughing about how silly it would be if they were together, and then the next paragraph they're making out. I dunno. Other people have already said this though. I just wanna say, if you want to make this story better, don't make that kiss so sudden. That was my only complaint about this, though- everything else was awesome, especially the ending. Hungover Sweetie Belle(sorta) FTW!
:unsuresweetie:

Really cute, far to short though. You have a decent amount of world-building going and sort of pushed the relationship along for the sake of brevity it seemed to me. Would really like to see you expand on this, I adore the characterizations and your writing style was most enjoyable.

But PLEASE, I implore you to expand, revise or otherwise add onto this story. There's so much potential!

Ha, yes, this was quite cute.

Like others have said, the kiss was super sudden, and it kind of ended abruptly after that. More details/emotions would have been nice.

4.5/5 Nonetheless.

To address about the kiss, and the apparent suddenness of it:

I like to think of it as a "Hey I missed you and also you're kinda hot" kiss, not a super-serious kiss. The CMC aren't the best at self-control, so in my mind it made sense for Sweetie to act rashly like that. Plus, this story was written for a WTG prompt, which was due soon, so I kind of had to wrap it up quickly. :twilightblush: That being said, I'll try to make it a bit smoother transition when I go back to edit it this weekend.

This was adorable and it also reaffirmed my belief that Vinyl Scratch is best pony. I really liked this.

Please expand on this :fluttershysad:
and I think no one has mentioned this but I want to know why Sweetie doesn't want to see Apple Bloom

That was cute. ^_^ Scootie? Bellaloo? Scootabell? Sweetieloo? Sweetaloo. ... That one. Sweetaloo. I THINK A NEW SHIP HAS BEEN CREATED.

I found this cute and entertaining.

I'mma rate it 5/5.

must...resist....the......adorableness..........NOOOOOOOOOOO
[img]Dave_Ruck_WTF: First and last time I play with those assholes http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/76a716801d0d4fc605a77788dba8aa41/93345%20-%20animated%20artist%3Asirponylancelot%20Bouncing%20Lyra.gif[/img] DARN, GAVE IN TO THE...awwwww, too cute :scootangel:

208134 subtlechaos.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/durarara-gif1.gif THATS FOR NOT POSTING MORE CHAPTERS :flutterrage:

also, take these stars, i found them in a cardboard box in the dumpster labeled "John Howard's Dreams"

208810
Lmfao.. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
I'm keeping that for future use.

Both you and the author deserve this.
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/4/14/129157477066831452.gif

Okay, I actually enjoyed this pair a lot more than I thought I would. So adorable and cute :rainbowkiss:

Anyway, I thought the kiss felt right, it was an act of passion and brashness. If anything, I wouldn't expect those two to take it slow. Now, the thing that I thought was rushed, or could have been expanded upon, was the aftermath. There wasn't much controversy over the kiss, and they both just head over to The Sunspot. I think delving into their thoughts and feelings here would be a little beneficial, but that's just me.

Overall, wonderful little story :twilightsheepish:

Fox

I absolutely adore this pairing, because they're just so CUTE together. I don't see too many fics about them, either! The bit about Dash was quite impacting, too.


That said, I was a little surprised that Scootaloo didn't even seem to notice Sweetie say she was into mares, and after the lack of sureness from Sweetie only a short time prior, it seemed kind of strange for her to say it with such implied casualness.

Like other commentors here, I feel their interaction was rushed, but not because of the kiss; the exchange seems to lack genuine exploration. The kiss itself seemed to fit with the mood, but that mood was poorly established. There should've been, perhaps, a bit more nervous tension before it, intermingled with the aforementioned comment by Sweetie.

Plus, while the ending was cute, it also leaves a feeling of incompletion. Perhaps more chapters should be considered? A session with them reminiscing, realising how much they missed about themselves and their feelings for one another in their youth? Reconciliation with RD? The two meeting up with Apple Bloom, as a couple? I don't know, it's just that this story deserves more than only one chapter. I look forward to seeing what you have in store! :scootangel:

KAWAIIII!
But I feel kinda bad that Bloom wasn't in there. :applecry:
Too cool for you
:unsuresweetie::scootangel:

Aaaah so nice, I loved it.

And I loved the kiss, those two ponies clearly don't need words arround each other anymore to known how they feel.

thanks :derpyderp1:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!