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I loved 'er, but I didn't know how to tell 'er. Oh Celestia how did I get into this mess? I mean our love could never be, right? She was a unicorn and I an earth pony. She could never, no would never, love me. But I still had to try, right?
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I gotta say it's pretty good so far. Only things that seemed to be bothersome were the short chapters. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of that too. But just keep writing, and listen to criticism. You'll get better over time. By the way, I love your profile picture.
2394385 Okay thanks, I'm still trying to work on my writing skills, and this is my first My Little Pony fan fiction, so all suggestions are welcome.
2394345 Again thank you. When it come's to Rainbow Dash and Applejack I've been told by friends that I act a lot like both, so thank you so much for the complement. As for the 'southern speaking' I am from the south and unfortunately how I have a lot of my stuff written would be how my teachers would have done it. I've lived in the Midwest for about five years now, and according to my friends I still have the "dang accent", I still say that they're the ones with the accent, but I will take your suggestion seriously and thank you for your help.
2393643 Thank you, my friends have told me that I act a lot like Applejack, well at least the friends that have seen the show, and so after watching for a while I'd have to slightly agree, though I can see myself in a lot of the ponies from the show. I can proudly say that I'm a Pegasister, no matter what some of my 'friends' may think, and so to hear, well see, a comment like yours on a kinda crappy story like mine really makes me happy.
2394498 Thanks! I'm not too good at giving feedback by the way, but still I enjoyed your story, none the less!
2394540 I'm the one that should be thanking you, and I can be very persistent and stubborn, I'm not the best author, and there may be a few changes to the story, I got some interesting feedback from another reader that I think I'm gonna try, so please tell me what you think.
2394568 Will do!
2394861 Okay, thanks.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/36912000.jpg
oh I just discovered this story of you!
gonna read it! looks cool!
2402331 Again thank you, and I actually went through all of my chapters and changed them to third person. You were right it really helped. Oh and, FINALLY someone from the south! ok I hate to ask but exactly where at in the south?
I noticed some errors, mostly in the first chapter, and the shortness of each chapter is a bit jarring. As long as you take all the other people who commented's advice you should be fine, as I can't find anything else to add.
I too am a southerner, if you count people from Florida; although the only hint of it if you visited where I live is that a few people say y'all. I wish where I live had more entertaining dialects.
2402741 Ah not to far from my old stomping ground.
I was born and breed in the Tar heel state of North Carolina.
>> Equestrian Deadpool I'm not very picky. Again you're south of the Mason-Dixon, and that's good enough for me Shugarcube.
The last sentence left me a bit confused. Who used the distraction to their advantage?
Other than that I only spotted a few spelling errors but those are easily fixed;
You might want to fix 'trough' to 'through' and 'resin' to 'reason'
P.S. I hope Dag has a few broken ribs now...
2407387 Okay thanks, spell check didn't catch those. And you'll just have to continue to read and find out.
Well that was err... Sudden. Like, the bad kind of sudden, I was able to read the whole thing in about a minute, went back and read the last two chapters again two times, and It's still too confusing and sudden.
2407774 I'm sorry, I tried not to make it to confusing, and I wanted to add more detail. But I had irl friends that were reading and telling me to hurry up and finish. I got so tired of having to listen to them complain that I rushed through the rest. Again I'm sorry.
2407796
It's alright, but if you ever decide to come back to this story or make another one, I suggest you take it as slow as you need to explain everything better. If you don't have a lot of time to write, you could write something short but descriptive, and if your friends are saying you're taking too long, they're really impatient and if you can, you should just tell them to wait. It's better in my opinion to have a good story update with 1K words every week, or even two weeks, than to have a horribly rushed one producing 4K a week.
2407836 Okay thanks, I'm thanking about writing a sequel, what do you think?
2407796 I'm with Deadpool on this one, if you don't feel like you're explaining things enough, slow down and explain them; and if your irl friends are pushing you to update, tell em to 'be patient, its not ready yet'. Quality over Quantity. Like in season 2 ep 15 Super Speedy Cider Squeezy.
P.S. Spell check didn't catch them cause they are considered grammar errors, not spelling errors.
I totally agree whit deadpool
is way much better take the time to write something good that just rush for sumbit something quick
you need to take your time, always remember that
take for example one of my most fav stories " A Delicade Balance " (obviously an Appletwi XD)
Japanese theet, the author, takes like.....almost a month to do a chapter XD, but when she publish it....is just so awesome, and it have all explanations, feedbacks, funny moments, serious moments, romantic momnets all well defined.
maybe she takes a lot of time....but really, it worht it take much time to writte something great
2411209 Okay thanks.
ok i agree with deadpool its way rushed for this but it was a good story none the less! i do hope you make the sequel, i look forward to seeing you improve! oh and twijack is best ship! :D
2464611 Actually I'm working on redoing this one.
2468555 Thanks, ya I know, I was being rushed. So I'm fixing my mistakes.
okay first good premise for a story. Don't worry about it being longer to much. If you do it will come out rushed still, take your time and enjoy in its development rather than someone pressuring you to do it(or yourself). If you add both detail and backstory youll easily see each chapter reach a good 2.5K+ in words without tring. All it takes is detail and backstory. Also some side story scense about the twio stallion's and their relation to the main plot
4356210
Okay thanks.
Well that came out of nowhere with zero foreshadowing.
Sorry, but this came out a little... rushed. I didn't understand the story until about the middle, and Applejack's stubborn nature may not allow her to be pushed so easily into confessing to Twilight. There are other thing like description and chapter length that can be improved upon as well. I liked the story, but the grammatical mistakes and OOC characters were too much for me to consider adding this to my favorites list. But on the bright side, it won't be going into my hated stories list either!
7390193
Thanks, yeah it was a wreck I didn't even try to finish the sequel after a certain point. I do have other stories that are, hopefully, better if you're interested so feel free to have a look.
7390978 Will do!