7. Aberration
Surprised ponies are really, really funny.
Andrew’s ‘expert bush-qualified’ driving was making the short narrow turns of the parking lot worse than a roller coaster for the poor equines. Rainbow Dash, the pony nearest to me, was finally showing some impressive coordination in managing to stay somewhat up right, all four hooves spread and a look of stubbornness adorning her features, nice change from her mopey face of late. Behind her, Applejack met with slightly less success, stumbling into a bench frame for support with a brilliantly clichéd “Whoa, Nelly!” for good measure. Rarity barely even gave the buss’s motion any consideration before swooning and sprawling out on the bench seat Fluttershy was now hiding under. Gracefully, of course. At the very rear of the bus sat the funniest pictures yet. Pinkie Pie, in some fit of broken logic, had decided that being airborne was the only solution, and was currently clinging to one of the heavy duty nylon hand straps hanging from the bus’s ceiling racks, swinging around like a piñata, windmilling her legs around. Just behind her sat Twilight. When Andrew had first accelerated, his excited burst had thrown Twilight backwards, eliciting a cry of surprise. Luckily for her, the rear bench had caught her like a catcher’s mitt. After a few moments of Andrews erratic driving, she was now throwing a thousand yard stare in our direction, but, sliding around like hockey puck on the seat as she was, it lost some of its effect.
I merely clung to the aluminium frame around the door area, grinning and barely containing my laughter at the ponies’ antics. Not to say I didn’t have any sympathy for them: I leaned over to Andrew, growling over the growing engine noise, “Dude, chill the crazy driving, our passengers aren’t going to get hospital care very easily are they?”
Andrew frowned and adjusted his rear-view mirror to look down the length of the bus, exclaiming, “No shit, dude, you better catch Pinkie before she goes through a window!” Andrew lifted off the gas and gestured for me to hurry towards the wildly swinging pink pony, an order I was only too willing to follow. With the bus slowing, Rainbow Dash straightened and looked up at me as I pushed past her. “<-Hey, Marc, ya think you could, oh, I don’t know, NOT try and kill us?->”
Her level of sarcasm was growing along with her energy level, I noted. Still, no point in being antagonistic; “<-Sorry about that, Rainbow, we should be travelling smoother once we hit the main roads. Here, why don’t you stand up front next to Andrew? You’ll get the best view.->” I waved her forward, sweeping my cap off and shoving it down on her passing mop of nearly luminescent prismatic hair. Rainbow spluttered in shock and leapt forward, spinning and feeling the cap with a hoof while giving me a questioning glance.
“<- And that was for what, exactly?->” She queried.
“<-Just to keep your awesomeness from attracting too much attention.->” I answered dryly before patting her muscled shoulder and turning back to my task. We couldn't have Rainbow Dash’s...rainbow-ness being visible to the outside world as much as it would be through the wholly transparent windshield, and anyway, that cap looked utterly adorable on her.
What?!
Brain, start thinking normally, I silently commanded. I knew that some guys out there, the hardcore Bronies of the world, would be all over these ponies if they had the chance that Andrew and I were getting, but we weren’t like that. To think of them on a human level was insulting to them, and us.
My orders-to-self complete, if senseless, I swiftly ignored my inner situation and continued down the bus to Applejack. Noticing she seemed a little stuck, I held out a hand as I would to a human, which met with a deadpan stare from the orange mare. AJ looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. “<- An’ how am Ah s’pposed ta use that, exactly?->”
She made a good point. With all her legs occupied in merely standing up against the bench frame, she had no way to take my hand. Other than biting it, which clearly neither of us were willing to attempt. Instead, I reached over her tough shoulder and pulled her to standing before guiding her, as Andrew braked, nearly sending both of us flying, to the bench seat, helping her up to the blacked out window. She looked out of the hazy glass and plastic, getting her first view of the city we were entering.
“<-Whoa, now...that’s some mighty tall buildin’s ya’ll got here...->” She noted quietly, staring out of the window.
“<-Yeh, I’ll get to explaining that lot now, just let me grab Pinkie...->” I was about to continue down the bus, but a strategically placed white hoof blocked my path. I looked down at the comi-tragic prone form of Rarity, stretched full-length on the bus seat on her back. I sighed, realizing that I’d have to deal with her before moving on to my actual goal. “<-hey, Rares? Do me a favour and just sit up like AJ over there?->”
Massive gasp, followed by, “<-But what if I fall! What If I am injured, or...scruffed up?!->” She swooned again, all of the three inches she’d raised her head. Seeing I was not going to win by reason, I chose the course of action: I grabbed the offending hind leg and, rotating it upwards, twisted forward, flipping Rarity quite easily onto her side. Then, ignoring her ‘eeps’ of protest, I reached forward and pulled her upright by the shoulders...shoulder area, anyway.
After she got over her shock at being manhandled, she cast an almost vicious pout in my direction. “<-My word! How dare you treat a lady to such roughhousing? Why, I’ve half a mind to...->”
I cut her off before she could go into full Whine Mode Plus by yet again invading her personal space by nudging her cheek, making her head turn and face the window. This had the desired effect, that being Rarity’s eyes being drawn immediately to the bright colours adorning many of the buildings, cars and people within visual range. She cooed under her breath at the sight, suddenly unmindful of my transgressions.
I took a step back and balanced as Andrew made a final turn out of the parking lot and onto the road proper. As I did, I thought back to a certain realization I had made when ‘helping’ Rarity up; I was surprised at how different she...felt. Where RD and AJ were strong and notably hard-muscled, Rarity was much...softer.
It took my half a second to realize what I was thinking about. Instead of another internal berating, I simply forced it from my mind. I was getting a little too familiar here for my own comfort, let alone theirs...
This is why I refrained from getting even a foot closer to Fluttershy, who was still hiding under Rarity’s seat. Instead, I leaned down and said, hardly daring to look at her, “<-Fluttershy, you should really sit on a bench like the other ponies.->” I patted the one behind Rarity’s, “This one here is open, so why not get more comfortable. I’m just gonna go help Pinkie Pie real quick, I’ll come back in a bit.->” I didn't stay to hear her reply, rather caught up in ignoring my sudden over-familiarity with the equine members of our party.
My sudden change in tone, from friendly bantering with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, to forcefulness with Rarity, to my sudden shyness with Fluttershy, was not going unnoticed to the gently swinging pony now only a few feet away. Somehow, Pinkie had managed to hook her hind legs through two of the hanging nylon straps, and was hanging upside down with her forehooves nearly resting on the floor. Her curious, happy, smiling face beamed up at me as I found myself looking directly into her tail. This certainly shocked me out of my reverie.
I huffed and dropped to my knees as Andrew accelerated again, setting Pinkie swinging about as she attempted to talk to me; “<-Hey, Marc!->” swing, “<-Why are you looking all->” swing, “<-Grumpy-pants->” swing, “<-All of a sudden?->” Swinging terminated.
I gently took hold of one of Pinkie’s forelegs and reeled her in ‘til she and I were more or less level if I stooped down lower. “<-Pinkie, what on earth possessed you that made you think THIS was a good idea?->”
Pinkie giggled and thrust her head forward, her eyes growing to tremendous size as she stared attentively at me. “<-Well, how could I talk to you if I was holding on with my mouth, silly!->” Her free hoof swung up and, before I could react, batted my gently on the nose.
I snorted in surprise, earning a high-pitched guffaw from the dangling mare. I couldn’t help but chuckle along with her, even as I attempted to right her. I crouched alongside her, ready to catch her when she fell as I lifted her with an arm around her midsection. Her hind legs slipped from the loops, but of course, on a moving vehicle, nothing ever goes as planned.
As Andrew slowed for a turn, Pinkie’s body began rotating forwards, pushing her into a head over hooves tumble. I couldn’t stop her as she began to spin in mid air. Luckily for me, I didn’t need to: Pinkie found me to be a perfect spring board, managing to kick both my head and stomach in opposite directions, spinning herself through a summersault any gymnast would have been proud of. I got a wonderful view from my new position entangled in the frame of a seat as she landed with catlike grace in the middle of the isle. With radiant grin, she leaned in to me, and before I could protest, bit the front of my jacket and hoisted me halfway to my feet before stepping back and exclaiming, “<-There ya go, Marcy, easy-peasy!->” and clamping me in a rib crushing hug.
Okay, all semantics aside, I couldn’t help but note one thing about Pinkie: You think eating a dozen cakes a meal would make her all soft and huggable? Well, partly...but under a thin layer of adorableness, she was every bit as built as Applejack and as lithe as Raindow Dash. I’d only really seen her in her fatigued state before this, and this was, well, terrifying.
It barely lasted a few seconds before Pinkie, with no trouble balancing at all, bounced back, flashed me an impossible smile, and then leapt clean over my head and landed on the bench she had pushed me against, staring out of the window, bright eyed and full of overly awed cooing.
I had just been completely Pinkie’d in less than a minute. I stood hesitantly and gawked at Twilight, who was watching me with barely contained mirth. When she saw my expression, she burst out laughing, not even bothering to contain herself.
That’s when I decided that it had been worth it after all.
I wavered over to her seat and sat down next to her, grabbing onto the bench’s top rail as we neared a roundabout. I sighed explosively as I sat, “<-in the name of all that is holy, please explain to me what just happened, Twi?->”
Twilight scrabbled against the bench as Andrew threw the bus into the turn, sliding away from me before she answered, “<I warned you about Pinkie, didn't I? Oh, I wish you could’ve seen yourself! Haha!->”
I rubbed the side of my head ruefully, “Yeah...I really didn’t expect that. Though to honest, just getting to her was challenge enough, hehe..->’
Twilight’s lack of and answer drew my attention to the Alicorn. She was looking at me with bemused eyes. “You know...If they’re any trouble, I could...throttle them back...a bit?”
I shook my head without hesitation, exclaiming, “<-No way you can do that without asking them, and then they might as well just control themselves. They’re adults...I think...and actually, I’m happier seeing them happy right now, rather than tired. Anyway, you’ve got bigger problems.->”
Twilight raised a brow. “<-Oh? And that would be...?->”
I pointed ahead. “<-Left turn->”
Andrew turned the bus sharply off the roundabout. Twilight, without the benefit of hands to grip the rails with, slid helplessly across the seat, a small cry escaping her as she vainly beat her wings, but they did nothing to halt her relentless slid across the leatherette seats. I braced myself. She crashed into my side after her short slip, causing me to break out in laughter at her surprised expression.
After a minute of surprise, she punched a hoof into my ribs. “<-You knew that was going to happen!->”
I rolled my eyes at her mock shock. “<-Well, duh, and you should have, too. But that was a lot more dramatic than I expected.->” Seeing her raise her hoof again with a grin, I babbled, “But hey, what would you rather crash into, me or the side panels?->” I patted the rough wooded panel with the flat of my hand to emphasize my point.
Twilight sighed in concession, and turned to look up the length of the bus, noting that each of her friends were now wholly focused on the outside world. “<- You know, I still doubt the ...wisdom of bringing them out here. Not that you won’t try your best to protect them...it’s just that they can be a...->...Handful?”
I nodded, waiting for her to lean away from my side so we could continue the conversation. She didn’t. I looked down at her just as she looked up, and I found myself staring into her eyes. It was actually hard not to, considering how huge they were. I swear, each one had to be the size of my fist at least! They were massive!
“<-Uh...Why are you staring at me...?->”
I pulled my head back at looked at Twilight from a more comfortable distance. “<-Wha’? Oh...don’t you wanna sit up straight? You know, instead of having to lean on me?->”
Twilight, instead of moving away, just dropped her head to my shoulder, her eyes scanning the bus yet again, sighing out, “Why bother? Andrew is just going to make me fall over again. Like you said, better you than the wall->”
I chuckled at her reasoning, shifting to accommodate her better. It wasn’t like I was uncomfortable to have her resting against me. I wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
Should I be?
I shook the silly feeling away. If, say, Sarah was in Twilight’s position, I would have no problem with it. I breathed out and checked on our progress: we were about to go under an overpass that blocked my view of the city, and I didn’t actually know where Andrew was taking us, but I could hear him avidly pointing things out despite the fact that the only two who could understand him were too far a way to hear him clearly.. The other ponies were listening attentively anyway, leaving the two of us unaccosted on the rear bench.
I quickly looked Twi over, trying to think of something to say. There wasn’t much I could talk about safely…except the bag hanging unassumingly, almost naturally, around her neck. “<-Twi? Why’ja bring Sarah’s bag along? I mean, didn't you guys get the scarves and whatnot out already?->”
Twi looked down at the bag, shuffling it fully out from under her wing – explains where she was hiding it – and hung it directly before her, but she said rather, “<-I could ask you the same thing about your bag…?->”
I looked back, noticing the shoulder straps of my laptop bag. Well, if the habit was so strong that even when blind drunk I never forgot this thing anywhere, it made sense that I had hooked it off the table in the apartment. I pulled it around in front of me and unzipped it, cataloguing the contents. It contained all of my electronics, minus my laptop, and a few other things. “<-Heh, this thing goes everywhere with me. It’s got all my most important things inside, stuff I don’t part with. Like this,->” I pulled out a long fine chain loop. Its double-links glimmered different shades of silver in the patchy light filtering into the bus, “<-My grandfather started making it in World War 2. Ya see, the stonger-looking links are the original chain; During the war, he served in the British navy, aboard the Battleship Prince of Wales…yeah, yeah, weird name, but that’s how they named ‘em… anyway, that ship was attacked and sunk while out patrolling. Three hundred and twenty seven men lost. My granddad planned on making one link on this chain for each of them, out of steel cuttings from the place the ship was built, steel was a commodity at the end of the war. He put the smaller links alongside the steel ones, in sterling silver, to make up the total, and left a space open for himself. I filled it in last year->” I finished, leaving the implications of that last to sink in on their own.
Twilight’s eyes widened in realization, but she said nothing, much to my relief. Instead, she hummed a short caption of a tune before looking down at her own bag. She spoke as she unzipped it and rifled magically through its now reasonably vacant interior, “<-I have something similar. I isn't as meaningful, perhaps, but it still means a lot to me->” She pulled out a necklace made from golden wire braided and woven through flat platinum chain links. Upon it was strung a small, yet ornate flat signet. “<-This was given to me by Princess Celestia and my parents together. My...regalia wasn’t completed, but this signet was supposed to mark me as a royal. My parents were so proud...They had the chain made for the signet. When I thought I lost it, I got rather upset. I’m very pleased to have it returned; I never thought I’d see it again.->” She stared at it for a while, unblinking, before beginning to lower it into the bag again.
It never did make it there, though. Instead, the signet chain found itself wrapped around my hand and yanked from Twilight's ethereal grip. Before she could react, I held it open over her head. I smiled benignly down at her. “<-Twi, if it makes you feel better to have something precious close to you, then you should no doubt keep it there.->”
She raised an Eyebrow at me, a questioning look falling over her features. Immediately, and without a doubt, I responded, “<-And I’ll wear mine, too. I’m proud of my history, as you should be of yours. We’re be a pair of proud gits together!->”
The weird thing is, though, that for once, my actions towards Twilight did not yield the expected results: Instead of that cute little smile and giggle I was going for, I got a slightly nervous, thoughtful glance, before Twilight leapt down from the bench, turned around and sat down facing me in what used to be the isle. “<-What am I thinking?->” She asked matter-of-factly.
I raised an eyebrow. “<-Uh...you’re probably wondering why I would say something like that...->” suddenly my head kicked up a gear, almost whittling out what Twilight had realized “<-And you’re wondering why I always say just what you need to hear...->”
“Andrew! Brake, please!” Twilight called out suddenly.
“You got it, Sparkler!” Andrew called back as, despite us being pretty much in the middle of an intersection, he slammed on the tired brakes. Gravity suddenly seemed to shift ninety degrees, throwing everyone forward. Twilight slid backwards gracefully, landing with a slight bump alongside Rainbow Dash, who was trying to scrape her face off the windshield.
Twilight looked at Andrew, an amused grin breaking across her face. “Thank you Andrew, we can continue...and don’t call me Sparkler.” The she turned to me shouting out in English through the bus, “So, Marc, what am I thinking now?”
I stared at her dully. I had been so close to a massive realization, but when Twilight zoomed off, she took it with her.
...Wait...
Twilight spoke my thoughts out clearly. “Marc, you are apparently my conscience. Come on over here.”
I did so. I didn't bother even checking on the other ponies, thoughts of my pony-social awkwardness pushed from my mind in the quest for whatever answer Twilight planned on giving me; her tone clearly bespoke her intent to expand upon her statement. As the bus finally started rolling again, much to the joy of our very agitated fellow road users, I made my way to stand beside Twilight, looking down at her questioningly.
She took the liberty of leaning against me as she collated her thoughts into a believable response. “It’s...somewhat awkward to explain. But my mistakes come back to bite me again, and you, I’m afraid.”
Sadness settled in my heart as I realized what Twilight meant. It made me even sadder to realize it wasn't my realization at all. “I think I know what you’re talking about...”
“Of course you do,” She stated with a sigh, “I think...I think you may have gotten more than just an understanding of Equestrian when I...forced it on you. I think you may have gotten an understanding...of me. It sounds weird, almost...wrong, nonsensical, but it’s the truth.”
I didn't know what to make of this. So I just innately knew how Twilight ticked? Seriously? I knew that if I wrote that into any of my fanfics I would get no end of hate from my readers for such a stupid line.
But come to think of it, it made sense. As much sense as magically-fueled pan-dimensional ponies, that is. Ever since Twilight had done the whole language-upload thing to me, I had been slowly chipping away her facade piece by piece with incredibly poignant comments and actions the likes of which were far beyond my usual social abilities. That’s because they weren't really my comments at all.
Made me feel kinda stupid, actually.
This is why I didn't deign to respond. The words in my head, ready to be released, were so perfectly conciliatory they made me sick. If I was literally Twilight’s conscience now, then fine. She could break that stupid link whenever she wanted to. She knew that, and so did I, by extension apparently. The unspoken, illogical truth was that she just didn't want to.
Fine. Whatever. I actually didn't mind, because it was clear that me having her thoughts was making it an easier load for her to bare. And of course I cared so much for her because she cared for herself.
That’s all there was to it.
I had nothing to do with it.
It wasn't as if I was actually...”Andrew, where the fuck are you taking us?!”
Looking out of the window, I found myself looking up at stately tall office blocks and dizzyingly busy streets as we crawled past at a snail’s pace (probably the bus’s top speed) Andrew, having a gay old time, whistled a snatch of tune and alled out in an almost singsong voice, “I’m taking us up Long Street, partner!”
I jumped a little, disturbing Twilight who was still nonchalantly leaning against me. I put a hand against the windshield squinting at the brightness of the city after the dinginess of the bus.
Andrew was indeed taking us up the infamous party street. At ten in the morning, though, it lost, well, most of its appeal, which I wasted no time at all, informing my somewhat whimsical friend. “Mate, my would you take us up there? I thought we agreed on driving around Seapoint and all the prettier parts of the city, not...here.”
Andrew snorted derisively as he turned off the infamous street. “Mate, you tend to plan using late-night internal monologues which you then assume have been broadcast to every other living soul. I was just driving around while you did...whatever it was you were doing. And now it turns out you've hopped onto Sparkler’s wavelength, so you guys know more about this than I do. I was just driving in the general direction of the museum.”
Twilight gasped, “Museum? <-Museum?->”
All of the other ponies turned and exclaimed as a harmonious whole, “<-Museum?->”
Rainbow Dash’s head found itself reacquainted with the glass before her yet again as she groaned in protest. I raised a brow at Andrew. “Dude, how what purpose would going to a museum serve? I don’t know if you realized, but I don’t think the facilities there a quadruped friendly.”
Andrew shrugged. “Well, it ain’t like we can take ponies surfing at the beach or anything. What other options do we have? The gardens? The Castle? Table Mountain? There aren’t lot of pony-friendly places to visit. I was just gonna drive past them all, give the ponies some eye candy.”
Twilight, though, looked down, deep in thought. When she looked up, she had an oddly worrisome look in her eye.
“<-I want to get into that museum, and I think I know how.->”
Well, fuck, this could only go well.
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Andrew =
's conscience? It makes perfect sense, yet at the same time it doesn't... I think.
Please wait while I reboot my brain.exe and check for coding errors.
...
...
...
...
...
...
Diagnostic complete. Analysis indicates conflicting emotions on the topic.
This odd occurrence has released to increased endorphin production from reading your work.
Suggested actions: Next chapter.
Immediately.
An upgrade of Whine Mode? I don't think so.
<INSERT HATE WITHOUT END HERE>
The words in my head, ready to be released, were so perfectly conciliatory they made me sick.
also, when will we get into the 'B' chapters? Every chapter so far has started with 'A"
2698126 Glad you...mostly enjoyed it.
2698300 At least you seem to have fun being a cynic, eh? I know I do.
I really was dropping hints for this little development from the very beginning, so I tried to soften the blow, but keep it fun as well. Now that the ponies have their sea-legs, so to speak, I can begin the crazy.
Oh, and 2698315: When I run out of A's
Guten Tag ich bin Einsatz pony.
I'm back!!!!
for the reason that you fired me as your editor i shall not point out the mistakes soz I'm f.ff.ff.far t.tt.to cc.c.cccold to do that
and as Ive heard through the derpy-mail some of you more observant pony's have deduced that i am Andrew well done to you and to the rest now you know
Quicksear I look forward to more chapters across the board (including tending flames) go well and god speed
über und aus
Twilight Wants IN the Museum. hehe, wow. this can go wrong so quickly in so many ways. let see long duration light bending? hmm humanize herself? go in after dark? or mind rap everyone inside?
the possibilities are endless.
2698126
no 'marcy' is (pinkie told me to say ir!)
2698493
you are andrew? interesting
2700471
Guten Tag ich bin Andrew Fick ich meine Einsatz pony.
very surprised someone commented so soon
über und aus
2702351
i'm crazy that way!
eh