• Member Since 1st Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 13th, 2017

kento124


E

Shalin, a kingdom in which darkness embraces it, laying under the light of it's dual moons.
Never have they felt the warmth of the sun, Seen it radiant rays.
Only the wars and the unforgiving cold reality their world brings them.
Even in the disrepair, a King must remain hopeful, diligent, strong for his citizens. and no Alicon princess nor some strange ball of light in the sky will stop him. T

And I like to give thanks to my editor, mixer
for working on my story.

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 10 )

I like the idea of the story, but what it really needs is an editor, I saw A LOT of spelling errors

Comment posted by kento124 deleted May 5th, 2013

:facehoof: If any one would like, can some pony comment on the prologue.

The lack of words is getting to me.

Ok due to me not havin internet i wont be able to post any new chapter for a wile. Sorry but i am working on the story, ill just be a huge update when it comes and ill release a manifest on what i did.

There is a good story in here, but it is marred by the atrocious formatting and some spelling errors. Each new speaker should start with a new paragraph and I think you need to go through and correct the spelling mistakes and random capitalisations (every instance of a name should also be capitalised). I don't mind working to understand a story's meaning, but I'd rather not have to work just to understand what the text is trying to say.

With all the harsh stuff out of the way, I really like the idea. I'm disappointed there aren't more mulitverse-type fics on this sight. You paint a good picture of the situation on Shallin and the threat faced by the Equestrian ponies. I'd like to keep reading this, and see how they will respond to this menace from another world, and hopefully the grammar issues will clear up later on.

Comment posted by Shahrazad deleted Sep 24th, 2013
Comment posted by La Barata deleted Oct 6th, 2013

Due to the deletion of a review comment, this story will be removed from The Equestrian Critics Society. If you need the review reposted as a comment, please PM me and I will have the reviewer put their review back up.

Comment posted by Mixer deleted Jan 26th, 2015

Looks good

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