• Member Since 14th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

JeremyStorm


I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes; HEY!

Comments ( 51 )

I was recommended this from a friend and I have to admit that I wasn't expecting much out of this, just because of the fact that it was a clopfic, but this was expertly written and I enjoyed it, even though I don't read many clopfics. Bravo sir. You have made something happen that I never thought would be possible. :pinkiehappy:

2380330
You were recommended this already? I just posted it today!
But thank you so much! That really means a lot! I do plan to write some non-clop stuff too, so be on the look out.

2380345 I'll definately keep an eye out! :twilightsmile:

this was a good story dude I really enjoyed the writing style I forward to more stories by you

I thought it was very good. Very descriptive. I kind of had to imagine the character as a pony though, because it kind of seemed weird for a human and a horse to be going at it... :twilightblush:

2380619
Thanks! I have a few more stories in mind to write, so yeah, there will probably be more soon.

2380718
Whatever floats your boat! I'm glad you liked it.:raritywink:

I thought it was just the tipical clopfic but it's a really good story and the romantic nonclop scene is really tender.

I liked this! It was very detailed, focusing more on thr emotion than the sex, which was short and sweet, never more nor less than it needed to be for the impact. You could stand to expand on the world a little bit: how "I" got here, Sweetie's career, etc. Seriously, I would love to read more.

Nice job for your first time! :twilightsmile:

2381180
Thanks! I'll be the first to admit that I'm no expert at writing clop, but I did try really hard to show the emotion beforehand. I'm glad you liked it.

2381276
Wow, I can't believe you read my fic! (ugh what a fangirl thing to say:facehoof:)
But thanks! I really wanted it to be more about the emotion, so I'm glad that came across. And I'm really, really tempted to flesh out this world some more like you said. I have some ideas floating around, so who knows, maybe I'll take another look at them!

Very well written, and extra points for the story being a pairing with Sweetie Bell, the member of the CMC that gets the least love.

2381292

Oh, holy crap! You've read my story?

2381328
Well... I've been meaning to read your Under a Luminous Sky for ages, but I have to be in just the right mood for dark stories. But I also know of you because Darf mentions you on so many of his stories, and he's one of my favorite writers.

2381370
Ah. Yeah, I edit for him because he's a great guy, writes very thought-provoking, erotic stories... and I get free press every time he posts a new story. :pinkiecrazy:

If you ever do read it, I hope you enjoy it!

drat, we finally get some "you" x sweetie belle and its just another male perspective....no1 ever writes for girl bronies....its a nice story tho, the writing was nice and it felt prettty romantic and all, i dont mean 2 be negative, just doesnt do much for me, but im sure i'd like it if i was a guy if that helps

2381837
Well, being a male myself, its easier for me to write that perspective. After reading Xenophilia, though, I really want to try writing from a female perspective. I think that could be really fun, but it would certainly be a challenge.

So, a 'we'll see', I guess?:twilightsheepish:

Well played my friend, well played.

I see this story going far,
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia

i loved this story it was well paced had its funny moments and the human character was very nice. just the right amount and the right ending. just curious but do you plan on a sequel? it has potential

2383346
I am planning out a sort of prequel/sequel story thing. Show how 'you' got to Equestria, and how you met Sweetie Belle. Its still in the early stages of planning at the moment though.

alright sounds perfect cant wait to read it! ^_^ thx for the heads up on it now i got something to look forward to reading :pinkiehappy:

2382013
cool well i will look forward to seeing that if u do it some time (esp. if its sweetie belle again lol, i dont know what it is about her but i cant resist)

Not bad:twilightsmile:. You have a fan.

2384103 I am Sweetie Belle's boyfriend? Well beastiality ain't illegal... I wonder how I met her :derpytongue2:

This was very well done, I'm impressed for this being your first fic.

Here is what I like.
The story is amazing good and
quite smooth I may say and
Sweet

Here is what I don't like.
I hate people who thumbs down this
good story.
And has less views that's a no no
in my book.

awwww es demasiado dulce, es perfecto, esperaba mas sexo pero esta bien:derpytongue2::heart::raritywink:

I just died of cute.

This is very good. I really like the build up in this story, and the setup doesn't take too long. Only thing though is that the clop is too short. You have all that build up leading to the big romantic bed scene, and it's over in just a few minutes. Even though the tone through out the story is consistent and the romantic theme stays strong from beginning to end, the build up to the clop is long and promising, but ultimately delivers a quickie when I was expecting intense passion. This is still good writing, I just hope you give a little more attention to the climax of your stories.

3323322
Yeah, reading back over it, I really see what you mean. I think it was a combination of inexperience with writing and over-excitement about actually finishing a story. I didn't really edit this story near as much as it deserved.
Anyway, I will keep that in mind if I do more clop, which will probably happen. Thanks for the feedback!

3324053
I hope you do write more clop because your style of writing is emotionally fulfilling, and there are not enough clop stories that offer that. I can really see your writing getting better the more you do it.

3324426
I'm by no means against clop without emotion (for instance, one of my very favorite writers is darf, whose work doesn't always have emotional connections between the characters involved) but I do tend to find that more emotionally charged romances are more fun to write.
I do have more fics that I'm working on, but I haven't had anything worth posting in a while. Hopefully the story I'm working on now for NaNoWriMo will be worth posting when I get more done.

Please edit this story... I enjoyed it 110 percent but it wasn't NEARLY long enough:fluttercry:

-Mudraynebow

3577209
Yeah, this was my first attempt at writing fanfictions, and writing sexy stuff in general, so I kinda blew through it (haha, pun not intended). I'd still like to do a sequel to this some day, but I've been working on other things lately.

3577215 For a first time that was suprisingly good!

I'd still like to do a sequel to this some day, but I've been working on other things lately.

You MUST write a sequel!:pinkiegasp: I don't think I could live without one:fluttercry:
This is, without a doubt, probably THE BEST fanfic I have ever read, definitely sequel-worthy:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

-Mudraynebow

I read this and yes it was one sweet night! If you get what I mean! *wink wink*

Would also would like to see this more than a one shot but chances are that won't dear author right or will it ?

3617875
First, I want to say that I'm really happy you like it! It was so much fun to write, and the fact that others have liked it has just been the icing on the cake. It means a lot to me!
On that note, I've actually recently started on a sequel which will be a bit longer. Maybe around four chapters or so detailing how you got to Equestria and began dating and subsequently marrying our favorite little unicorn filly.
In the meantime, I've just sent another story about her off to my prereader, so hopefully that will be ready to post in another day or so and sate everyone's Sweetie needs for a while.

Wow, for a first fic this is awfully good. I'm working on my own first and I've got a long way to go.

Even if it wasn't clopfic it would still be a great story.
Maaan, you have talent! Write more, not only clopfics! :twilightsmile:

this is your first fanfic/clopfic??? not bad... not at all.
as with any fanfiction, the feeling it tries to convey is important, sure there is the raunchy stuff but its the feels that makes or breaks (at least for me) a story - your story has enough of it, enough to make it memorable. good work :3

I don't want to sound rude, but you made a little mistake.

I’m bound to hear about that one eventually.

It's suppose to be a 'you' story where there isn't a first person, right? Now I can be wrong and just made a mistake, but I just thought this should be point on a possibility that you accidental written that on there. I'm not blaming, I'm just pointing something out, that is all.

4683069
Well, I make no claims to be perfect, haha!:twilightblush:
Thanks for catching that, though it's kinda embarrassing it's been there so long. It's fixed now.

YEAH!!! AWESOME!!! :pinkiehappy:

Very good for a first piece, very sweet and descriptive language. But the end felt a bit rushed.

I agree with many of the other comments. The recital scene was amazing, but the bedroom scene seemed very much a quick shot (heh, pun slightly intended) :rainbowwild:

Still, it was a well written read with little wasted words that conveyed beautiful emotions. Well done for your first writing attempt. I can only hope my first story is as well received when I'm ready to get to writing it.

This is pretty awesome for your first fic :pinkiehappy:, and the although a part of me wished there was a little more to the clop section, I do feel that what was there kept to a sweet classy feel keeping the focus on her special outfit and the other elements of the story.

I really like how most of your fics so far focus on the characters a couple years down the road from the show, allowing you some play room with them as adults while still keeping the overall feel of the character intact. Sweetie Belle is prob my least fav of the cmc (which sounds negative but really im just a glutton for anything scoots and AB has that adorable accent and sassy nature to her. Its not that i dont like her just more into the other two), but she has really been growing on me as the show goes on and this fic really takes her up a notch by building on her love of singing and really making you excited to see her living her dream. The parts about her being nervous until she saw him in the front row, and her passing out at the end was pretty adorable, :rainbowkiss: and her getting all flustered over Rarity seeing her making out with you. Will eventually work up to reading your main fic, Im interested to see how you approached/characterized Dash and any of the Wonderbolts characters since they were really what got me into the show and at least with the wonderbolts they're all relatively blank slates (heard someone say one of your fics had Soarin in it, and since its Dash focused im guessing some of them show up at some point given its length). Oh also liked your choice on her cutie mark, scene several different fan made variations on her all usually tieing in music but the musical notes with hearts is my fav so far :heart:.

I also liked your approach to the human in equestria scenario. Although there are plenty of good fics that go with the ponies are afraid of humans approach I really like the angle of ponies being more rudely curious and perhaps a little untrusting of a human but looking at them more like a foreigner/oddity than a monster; staring and acting weird around them at first but being relatively normal once they get some common ground. Feel your interactions between Fluer Ee Lis, Fancypants, and the main character were pretty good, and still pointed out that the main character stood out as strange but it was a short lived awkwardness once they figured out he was close to the amazing new singer on stage. Feel like given the vast variety of intelligent creatures in Equestria and the utopian style of their culture that most ponies would be pretty quick to adapt to a new human being around. I always like that approach better than letting their culture get muddled to much with our worlds conservative untrusting nature.

Lastly loved your Rarity. Her tearful conversation with you during the show was really sweet/cute :raritycry:, and her little bit in Sweetie Belle's dressing room was very entertaining :raritywink: , lastly the idea that she made the evening surprise sweetie belle was nice little unexpected twist of humor.
Had to search for some grown up Sweetie Belle art after this one and here are two of the highlights in case you havent seen them before :pinkiehappy:
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/235/3/1/sweetie_belle_s_big_finish_by_rixnane-d6jfxe6.png
http://th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/212/f/b/sweetie_belle___beauty_of_a_voice_by_quanno3-d6ftuk0.png

5801782
Man, you continue to amaze me! This fic is the first thing I'd actually written outside of a couple of page-long short stories or poems that I'd written way back in junior high and high school. And it was certainly the first thing I'd ever written purely because I wanted to, so I'm still surprised it went over as well as it has.

As for focusing on events years after the show, it's really due to my love of the CMC. I adore all three of them, and I'm always excited when they get an episode. But my favorite things to write about are love (I think that's rather obvious though) but also that feeling of confusion or out of place...ness that comes with growing up. That may be a personal thing, considering I dealt with those feelings for multiple years when I was younger. And so these two things sort of come together to make the specific time period I seem to aim for in my fics my favorite. (To Find a Rainbow takes place in much of the same time, when the CMC are all just on the verge of reaching adulthood but aren't quite there yet.)

Like you, my favorite CMC tends to rotate between Scootaloo and Apple Bloom though I still love Sweetie Belle dearly. But there's something... that clicks with me and Sweetie, I suppose, and it makes her immensely easy for me to write about her. On top of that, until He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named wrote the episode Simple Ways, Rarity had been my favorite of the Mane Six since the very early days of Season 1. I love her dramatics, I love her passion and even her fussiness. And so when I decided that I wanted to write my first fic, I knew who it had to be about.

But just like your comment on In the Arms of the One I Love, thank you so much for everything. I'm so glad you were able to like it, even in spite of my lack of experience and the clumsiness of the clop scene. I know that was the most lackluster part of the fic and I'd definitely handle it a little differently if I wrote it now, but I was and still am very proud of this story. To this day it's still my highest rated fic, so I guess I did something right! :rainbowlaugh:

This was hot. The build up was good.

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