The first few towns the Mare comes to might think her to be a curious, quiet sort. That's alright though: the Sisters have only just defeated Discord, and enough ponies bear scars caused by the tyrant for everypony to know when a mare just wants to keep to herself.
The defeat of the King of Chaos isn't the end, however. Great beasts now roam Equestria, preying on its inhabitants. On her quest, to Sisters-know-where, the Mare will defeat the monsters, and finally bring peace to the nation.
Chapters (4)
Who ya gonna call?
I really like how this story starts off. But it's weird how the monster turned into water. At first I thought it might have been a container of something or a Pandora Box. I look forward into learning how all of this will play out.
I only wish I had a bit more of Tilia deciding to go with the mare than her just running after her and her mother just knowing what she was going to do.
2380813
You're not the only one to express concern about the ending. I've amended the ending slightly, so hopefully it shouldn't come across as quite so abrupt. Equestria is a land of wonder and adventure, but that doesn't mean that I can't pace scenes a bit better.
I really like how you made the stranger act very kindly. I see too many stories it seems like where strangers often act rough and bullyish before you get to know them. this stranger acts calm and is always collected, always not hurting anyone's feelings or acting rudely towards anyone.
i.e. i like her.
Ooo, an original Adventure fic. Who doesn't love adventure?
This got featured on EqD ALREADY?
Ok, who did you bribe and how much was it?
Man, it's been forever since I've seen honest-to-god, good old-fashioned adventure. I expect more excellent fight sequences in the future.
Im getting a Claymore feeling from this story. I really like it so far.
The only thing that kinda bothered me was that the paragraphs weren't indented.
An interesting start. Here's to hoping it goes well with musing inspiration.
Reminds me some of the Claymore manga. That's a good thing. I read the start of that but never actually read the manga. Hopefully this story lives up to it's beginnings!
That certainly is an interesting start...
2449248
2450155
I certainly agree with OMJay and TheStratovarian, it has been a while since I have seen a good, original (and complete!) adventure story.
Just out of curiosity, how far and thoroughly have you planned out the overall story line? All too often it seems that an author will start an adventure story with an intriguing, promising premise but then loose direction 4-5 chapters in, causing the plot to meander out of control and dissolve like a salt covered slug. Inevitably the story gets cancelled to the dismay and sadness of all.
It seems to be a common affliction with this genre, possibly because all the characters, events, and locations are usually invented out of whole cloth without any elements from the shows to fall back on.
Best of luck to you, and I look forward to more.
2469331
I have the subjects of the next four chapters pretty solidly in mind, along with what the second half of the story will be about and the two huge confrontations of that half. Most importantly, I know where the Mare is headed, and why.
Be more worried about me prying myself away from Victoria 2 long enough to write. But for you guys, I can do anything.
2469748
I'm surprised you find time to write if you play EVE Online.
2479835
Oh, it's been so long since I've played Eve. Those were the days, though.
2482474
But... but... you have an EVE avatar! D:
2482603
Yep. I like it so much I've kept it all these years.
2484050
Caldari?
2484083
Aye, Deteis Caldari. The ambassador of industry, too. Wrote the science and industry guide way back when the only information about it was either an out-of-date guide or asking someone on the forums. People have written better guides since then, but I still hear back about the guide every now and again.
2484087
*runs around the room screaming in joy*
I did it! I called it! I knew just by looking at your avatar... what race... you chose...
You know, now that I'm typing it out, I'm feeling kinda sad...
Still, VICTORY~!
Also, did you release your guide in '08?
2484104
*checks guide*
Early 2006. Very early. Last updated early 2007.
2484152
Ah, never read it. Sorry.
But, hey! EVE Online!
This look like it has the potential to be really good.
...Woah. This is getting good.
Interesting angle, and who is who certainly has a fun moment of mulling.
her parents let her go too easily to seem realistic. also, the fear everyone else has is completely irrational. but good story otherwise. dis guna b gud!
this reminds me of "the ranger's apprentice" series. good job. you captured the worn, grizzled character of the stranger quite well.
This is...well...something, words can not describe it, but wonderful, amazing, and exciting come to mind. I wish I had a fifth your talent.
A lovely cliffhanger, and quite the notion to visit the one in its den, wounded and hurt, yet the harts there vulnerable, or not? Still till the next part we see.
And everydeer gets messily devoured.
Good riddance! Dang deer always eating my vegetables and flowers...
Does the sun crystal have any special significance to the Sika, or are they simply acting like two rival biker gangs fighting over the latest piece of shiny-shiny to catch their respective eyes?
2621697
Mmmm... Fresh venison burger. Served with a side of crisp slices of said vegetables... Yum.
2621697
Remember Bambi? Deer regime propaganda.
They're all around us, open your eyes sheeple!
2621759
In my original draft of the inn scene the deer stated why they wanted the crystal, but you'll have to wait for issue four to find out now. I'll also say that the sika are easier to understand as ninja clans than biker gangs.
2621805 I've been fighting the damn things for years. I chased a whole herd of them back into the forest when they were sneaking into my garden.
Branishing my Holy Pointy Stick, I let loose a feral roar of primeval rage and charged them. The deer, sensing an insane biologist was upon them, fled for their lives before I could catch them and dissect them alive.
not all that bad a chapter...I guess...
2626206 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lla73joKqy1qch1zro1_500.jpg
IT'S KILLING TIME.
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMDgvMTYvMThfMDRfNTZfMTA4Xzc1OTI3X19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9wcmluY2Vzc19jZWxlc3RpYV9hcnRpc3Rfam9obmpvc2Vjb19zaG90Z3VuIl0sWyJwIiwidGh1bWIiLCIyNTB4MjUwIl1d/75927__safe_princess-celestia_artist-johnjoseco_gun_princess-molestia_ask-princess-molestia_shotgun.png
2683014 I ATE ONE OF THOSE FOR BREAKFAST!!
2683153 What did it taste like?
2683160 Meat.
2683165 You know what else tastes like meat?
THE RED SQUIRREL!
The parables in this are just that enjoyable. I really hope you keep enjoying these as I do reading this.
Awesome, in every sense of the word, thats the only way I can describe this story. Spacing is perfect, story is immersive and engaging, and (although I have no right to say this being the worlds worse editor) I have been unable to spot a single error worth remembering. Props to you and your editor(s).
This is quite the epic tale, set is a feasible alt-universe with a much darker Discord and consequence of his horrid reign. So much is right about it, I would have to spend pages going over it chapter by chapter. Each episode adds a little hint here and there to the primary narrative, while maintaining a solid tale to each 'episode'.
I suppose it reminds me a bit of 'Cowboy Bebop' in that way.
FORE-SHADOWING!
Seriously. You've opened the door to talking about the metaphysics of this universe, now you have to answer where alicorns come from someday.