Five Things That Never Happened to Twilight Sparkle
Five Things That Never Happened to Twilight Sparkle
© Scribbler, April 2013
1.
“You should make friends, Twiley. College isn’t just for studying, it’s a whole package. Don’t avoid the social scene just because some dusty old book is calling your name.”
“There you are, Twilight!”
Twilight’s natural inclination to bolt and run raised its ugly head. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the other ponies at Canterlot University. She didn’t know them well enough to dislike them. However, they seemed to know her, which was a disquieting thing as she had never sought out any of them. The undergraduates looked up to her as Princess Celestia’s personal student with the kind of awe usually reserved for celebrities in the off-campus world. They were nice enough, Twilight supposed. By virtue of the fact they were at the university she knew they were studious and knowledgeable. Probably some of them had the ability to converse for more than five minutes about Starswirl the Bearded’s theory of temporal relativity, or Silvertongue the Gifted’s principles of esoteric mechanics. It was just that … well, after discussing those with the one pony in all Equestria who had actually met Starswirl and Silvertongue, talking with anypony else just seemed … redundant. Other than magic, what else was she supposed to talk about with other students with whom she had nothing else in common?
Undaunted by her lukewarm responses, the undergrads still often extended her invitations to things, though she suspected it was less to do with her own reputation as the life and soul of a party and more to do with the vague hope that if they did, the princess herself might drop by. And who could blame them? Princess Celestia was the beginning and end of Twilight’s social life since her brother went on his latest tour of duty.
Shining Armour. His words from the day she moved out of their family home and onto the college campus came back to her as she was confronted with three of the four most persistent students in the whole university. The location of their fourth member soon became apparent.
“Moondancer is having a little get-together in the west courtyard. You wanna come?”
They all leaned toward her eagerly. Twilight wasn’t great at reading facial cues or body language but they seemed genuinely willing to include her.
Nevertheless, her usual response hovered on her lips: “Oh, sorry girls. I’ve got a lot of studying to catch up on.” Her saddlebag was heavy with the tome she had been reading. It was only an old foal storybook, with big pictures and simple language, but it had been useful to re-familiarise herself with some myths and legends in preparation for the essay she was planning on indo-Equestrian cultural manifestations of magic in literature. Her brain itched to get back to her room and task Spike with finding her more reading material on the Mare in the Moon.
“Don’t avoid the social scene just because some dusty old book is calling your name.” Shining Armour’s parting words rang through her mind like a knell. “Books don’t get up and wander away just because you waited a few extra hours to read them. Have fun in other ways too, otherwise it’ll be your school graduation ball all over again.”
The graduation ball, which Twilight had skipped because nopony had asked her to go. Instead, Shining had found her in her bedroom at home, already going over the reading material for her college courses even though they were still an entire summer away. That was several years ago now. She had blown through her courses faster than anypony ever before her, gaining a degree and a Masters in half the time they should have taken since then. She still got a little thrill to think that she had come so far so fast that Princess Celestia herself was the only one who could teach her anything these days. Well, about academia, at least, though she had intimated Twilight should learn other things during their latest lessons.
“You should live life without regrets, Twiley. That brain of yours is big enough already. Don’t let your heart shrivel up in the meantime, okay, Brainiac?”
The three ponies on the path looked at her. The book in her bag seemed to grow heavier. She should say no. She wanted to look into the genesis myth some more. She needed to cross-reference the prophecy she had just read with more academic writers. She needed to …
“C’mon, Twilight,” said the mare who had spoken. “Don’t you do anything except study?”
“O-Of course I do.” Twilight clicked her hooves together, her voice only a little hesitant. “I’d … I’d love to come. To the get-together. With you. Love to. Yes. Um …” Why were they looking at her so strangely? “Thank you?”
“You would? Cool! You’re gonna love it. It’ll be so awesome!”
They surrounded her, sweeping her along with them towards the west courtyard. Twilight went along with them, smiling as they asked her surprisingly intelligent questions mixed in with effusive declarations of how much fun she was going to have and how pleased they were she had finally decided to join in.
High above them, Princess Celestia stood on her balcony and watched as her faithful student was whisked away. She smiled to herself. Those were good ponies, she knew. They were younger than Twilight but that was no bad thing. Youth could sometimes teach age a great deal. Perhaps Twilight was finally going to make some friends after all, without the need for her to intervene more than a few hints during lessons.
The next day, when the sun should have crested the horizon to welcome the Summer Sun Celebration, it did not rise. In Ponyville, citizens froze in horror as their celebrations were invaded by a legend whom nopony recognised. In Canterlot Twilight stared in horror at the dark sky and neither she nor her new friends had any idea what to do.
2.
“What do we do? They’re eating all the food in town!” Fluttershy’s voice faded into the hubbub created by the chattering, feasting little bugs currently laying waste to Ponyville’s food stores.
As if on cue, Applejack gasped. “My apples!” She galloped away, head-butting and bucking ineffectively at the creatures as she headed out of town towards Sweet Apple Acres.
“We’ve got to do something!” Twilight wracked her considerable brains for the answer. Getting rid of them using earth-pony methods hadn’t worked. Neither had pegasus aerial tricks. The only option left should have been the most obvious, she thought as it arrowed to the front of her thoughts. Why hadn’t she considered using magic before? “I’ve got it!”
Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Rarity turned to look at her expectantly. Of course they were expectant. She always knew what to do, even when she didn’t.
“I’ll cast a spell to make them stop eating all the food!” Twilight declared triumphantly. She bent her forelegs and summoned a dieting spell she had learned years ago when her roommate at the Academy asked for help to avoid cream cakes before she outgrew their graduation robes. If she keyed the spell to affect their desire for all food, not just one type, that would surely make the bugs stop eating.
Twilight’s eyes popped open as another thought arrowed through, splitting the first with cold logic. If she stopped the bugs from eating food, would that make them stop eating entirely, or would they just start eating other things? Her roommate had successfully abandoned cream cakes but developed a terrible obsession with sprouts and cabbage, which had created a methane problem in their room until the end of the year after Twilight discovered she couldn’t undo the spell. What if something similar happened now and she couldn’t undo that either?
She needed to rework the spell – and quickly! Concentrating, she shifted the charm participles within the enchantment framework, adding a word-magic seal for good measure. It was clumsy spell-casting her old teachers would have pursed their lips at disapprovingly, but she was pushed for time.
“Stop eating Ponyville and the food within it!” she said aloud. Her horn radiated the magically enhanced instruction in an expanding circle until it reached the town limits. Even more bugs were vomiting up new versions of themselves there. Twilight gritted her teeth and pushed out extra power, grunting a little with the effort. “Nggg!”
Silence fell. Panting, Twilight raised her head. Every bug hung in the air wearing identical puzzled expressions. She watched with bated breath as one approached an overturned bucket with a single apple still inside. The bug nibbled at the apple, ditched the idea with a disgusted noise, revolved around the bucket for a moment and then flew away from that, too. Twilight beamed. Success!
“You did it, Twilight!” Fluttershy said with delight.
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash pumped her hoof. “Now we can try rounding them up again and not worry about them eating – yowch!”
Twilight whirled to see Rainbow Dash shaking out her hoof and glaring at the bug that had flown up to her. It weaved from side to side as if hypnotised by her movements.
“The little cretin bit me!”
“Ow!” Rarity cried out. “Ooh, get away, you horrid things! Ouch! Ow, ow, ow, ow!” She turned in circles, kicking out at the creatures that were biting her haunches like gigantic fleas. Wherever the bit they left nasty red weals on her white coat. Except that weals didn’t show through fur, Twilight realised as Rarity shrieked louder. The red marks were on skin where her fur was suddenly missing. “Get them off me! Get them off me!”
“Oh!” Fluttershy tumbled out of the air, the bugs that had been nesting in her mane now fastened onto her face and neck. Whatever she was trying to say vanished into gurgling whimpers. Twilight ran over to her, blasting the bugs away with raw magic she didn’t bother weaving into any spell. “T-Twilight.” Fluttershy stared at her with wide, shocked eyes. She was bleeding from dozens of tooth-shaped cuts. “What’s going on?”
Screams started to echo around Ponyville. Ponies streamed out of Sugarcube Corner, where the bugs that had been feasting on pastries were now feasting on customers. Rose galloped past, shrieking at the buzzing mass clamped onto her belly and chest. Caramel pawed at his head, where several bugs had already reduced his mane to shreds and were starting on his scalp. Bon-Bon rose onto her hind legs to scrape off the bugs attached to Lyra’s ears, which were now nothing more than stumps, only to fall back with a strangled scream at the three burrowing happily into her own stomach with affable chitters.
Twilight’s left hind leg exploded in pain. She kicked out, but stumbled when she tried to put the hoof down again. Why was that leg suddenly shorter than all the others? A bug flew into her face, preventing her from being able to look and see what had happened. The sudden faceful of wings made her jump back, stagger and fall on her side, her vision swimming with the white-hot agony crawling up her haunch. She summoned more raw magic to her horn, the sound of her friends’ cries only slightly lessened by the bugs crawling into her ears.
Her revised spell had worked. They weren’t eating Ponyville or the food anymore.
For the first time, Twilight wished one of her spells had failed.
3.
“Come now, Twilight Sparkle.” Discord placed the cone he had just created against the pink cloud above her head. Abruptly the rain that had been following her around for the past hour ceased and the cloud morphed into delicious cotton candy. “You’ve got to get into the spirit of things.”
The spirit of things? What spirit? She had failed in every task she had tried to accomplish. Misery settled like a lead weight in her stomach. She had failed to prevent her friends from being corrupted and then failed to save them afterwards. She had failed to find the Elements of Harmony until it was too late and then failed to implement them. She had failed to stop Discord from spreading his awful chaos and failed to make even a dent in it even with her most powerful spells. After her friends abandoned her outside her home, she had wandered around Ponyville trying ever more dejectedly to fix things, but all to no avail. Like an infectious disease, chaos spread outward from Ponyville and she could do nothing to curtail its range.
Most of all, she had failed to accomplish anything Princess Celestia had asked of her. Equestria was doomed, her teacher probably hated her for so many failures, her friends would never be her friends again and her family would be ashamed of her. Who could possibly be proud of a daughter or sister who was so big a failure she couldn’t even figure out a simple riddle before it cost her everything she held dear? So much for Braniac Sparkle. Shining Armour would probably call her … something else now, if he ever spoke to her again. She couldn’t even use her notorious intellect to think up a new nickname. She was pathetic.
Discord licked up a massive clump of cotton candy with every sign he was enjoying it. Or maybe he was enjoying her misery. Maybe he would produce another cone and turn her into something to be consumed. At least then she wouldn’t feel so bad.
“After all,” he continued, spreading his arms wide. “This is your new home.”
Twilight looked around. Ponyville wasn’t even a shell of itself. She felt sick. She had done this. It was all her fault. Her self-assurance had drained away, leaving her grey and washed out and … a failure.
“Not anymore,” she replied morosely. She took a few steps towards her home, which was at least still right-side-up. Then she stopped. Spike was in there. Spike had always had faith in her. She couldn’t bear to face him now. She couldn’t bear to face him or anyone else ever again. She could leave Ponyville but what would be the point? The whole of Equestria was doomed and it was all her fault.
“Yes!” Discord yelled gleefully, dancing like he had all her happiness as well as his own. “Harmony is finally dead!”
His words reverberated in her ears, slinking into her mind and along her veins like poison to her wretched heart. Harmony wasn’t dead. Not yet.
Twilight turned and walked slowly back to a place she had passed earlier. She had tried to magic away an orchard of bullfrog trees and instead turned them all into operatic marshmallows. The confectionary choir gathered along their red and yellow branches with a chorus of finely tuned ooh-ing and ahh-ing, the music taking a turn for the dramatic as she headed up an incline that had not existed there yesterday.
There didn’t used to be any ravines in the middle of Ponyville. There certainly weren’t any with giant candy canes at the bottom. Twilight tried one last-ditch blast of magic to turn them back into the meadow. The canes shattered into shards of stained glass, as if she had summoned the windows from Canterlot Castle. She could see her reflection in the pieces: a grey, grim failure, no use to anyone anymore.
Accompanied by a histrionic crescendo and Discord’s maniacal laughter, Twilight jumped.
4.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride.” Shining Armour swept past Twilight, his expression more ominous than she had ever seen it before. “And you can forget about being my Best Mare. In fact, if I were you?” He paused, as if he couldn’t quite believe he was saying it either. “I wouldn’t show up to the wedding at all.”
Twilight gawked incredulously at his departing tail. Her big brother had sometimes got mad at her when they were foals, sure, but never like this. They had never truly fought before. Any sibling spats had cleared up quickly and he had never, ever looked at her the way he had just looked at her: like she was something he had stepped in that he wanted to scrape off his hoof as soon as possible.
She sank to her haunches in utter shock. How could this have happened? She had been trying to protect him, not ostracise herself from him. How couldn’t he see that? Everything she had said had been because she loved her brother and wanted him to be safe. Okay, so she had been wrong on a few things … okay, a lot of things, but her intentions had been good. That had to count for something, right?
Right?
“C’mon, y’all.” Applejack could barely conceal her anger. “Let’s go check on the princess.”
Even her friends were mad at her? But she had been trying to do a good thing! Why was everything going so wrong?
Before anypony could see the tears in her eyes, Twilight leapt to her hooves and galloped out of the doors. She ran blindly, pulling up short when she heard voices ahead of her.
“Wh-why does she hate me so much?” Cadence sobbed. “We used to be so c-close.”
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Shining soothed. “Twiley doesn’t hate you, sweetie. She’s just a little … overwrought, that’s all.”
“Overwrought is complaining about the c-colour of the flowers in her m-mane, or the length of her h-hemline,” Cadence choked. “She’s going to r-ruin the weddiiiing!” Her sobs became muffled, no doubt as Shining pulled her close and let her cry into his mane. Or maybe it was his chest. Maybe they were hugging. Loving couples hugged, didn’t they?
“No she won’t,” Shining said more firmly. “I won’t let her.”
Twilight’s heart lurched. She hurried out of the castle, avoiding the main corridors where she might meet other ponies from the wedding party. Instead, she escaped through one of the servant entrances by the kitchens, which emptied out onto a side-street. Once there she vacillated, unsure where to go. She couldn’t go back inside. She had been awful to Cadence and, by corollary, to Shining. She could have gained a sister. Instead, she may have just lost her brother.
Choking back her own sobs, Twilight picked a direction and ran. Should she go home? Mom and Dad might understand. Or maybe they wouldn’t when she explained what she had done. She couldn’t spoil the wedding for them too. The sign for Canterlot Central Station loomed ahead of her like an omen and she cantered gratefully towards it.
She consulted the timetable and saw that the next train back to Ponyville was due to start out in ten minutes. Fate seemed to agree with her that it was time to leave. She charged the ticket to the royal account they had all been given codes for when they arrived to help organise the wedding. Princess Celestia would understand. Twilight cringed as she remembered the princess’s expression when she had teleported around Cadence, throwing accusation at her like pieces of sharp gravel. Now she was away from the castle, and with Shining’s explanations ringing in her head, her suspicions seemed stupid. Her behaviour, on the other hoof, was not just stupid, but cruel.
Help organise the wedding? No. Help ruin, yes. Shining was right; the wedding would be better off without her participation.
Twilight sat in the carriage as the train rattled its way out of the capital, not looking out of the window once.
5.
Buoyed by the success of her anti-gravity spell, as well as not needing to use it to stop herself falling on her head this time, Twilight stepped unthinkingly towards the Crystal Heart. Immediately she set hoof on the light blue star mosaic on the floor, a noise like the largest sword in the world being unsheathed cut through the air. Not even the whistle of high-altitude wind was enough to block out the distinctive noise of an alarm spell being triggered.
She had a split-second to act. Instinctively she leapt for the Crystal Heart. If she could just get to it, everything would be okay. She could knock it towards Spike, but he didn’t know how to use it and that would just make him a defenceless target. It was her responsibility to defeat Sombra. The Crystal Heart was the only thing that could defeat him. If she could just get to it before whatever magic she had triggered had time to materialise –
She grabbed the glowing crystal and held it to her chest as gigantic black shards knifed up from the floor around her. They formed a ring, encasing her within it. On the other side she heard Spike cry out her name and the sound of a distant snarl. Unable to land on all four hooves, Twilight slid on her shoulder and fetched up against one of the walls. She scrambled back at the cold-hot-slippery-stinging wrongness of it. She had encountered evil magic only a few times in her life and none of it had ever felt as bad as that brief touch. She cowered in the centre of the mosaic like a frightened filly who could hear the bully’s approaching hoofsteps.
King Sombra didn’t make hoofsteps. He did, however, hiss like a demonic snake as his vaporous body seeped between the shards and reformed beside her. Four armoured hooves alighted with the grace of a pony half his size and bulk. Twilight gasped and backed away, stopping only when her tail brushed the opposite side again. Pain shot to the roots of every hair, freezing her in place when she jumped away from it again. She was caught between them. She didn’t want to get any closer to Sombra than she could help, especially since he was eyeing the Crystal Heart in her hooves like a tasty snack.
“Twilight!” Spike called from somewhere behind Sombra. “Throw me the Heart!”
Sombra’s head snapped sideways, as if his ear had been bitten by a tick. He sneered, flicking a surprisingly solid hoof. Several horizontal shards slid from the vertical walls, even more spearing up from the floor around Twilight. Spike cried out again, this time in pain. The cry ended abruptly.
“Spike!” Twilight called desperately. There was no response. Dread washed through her, followed by pure rage. She felt the base of her mane begin to crackle as her fury swarmed up her horn and began to manifest itself as it had once done on a cliff outside Froggy Bottom Bog. “You monster!”
Sombra stared at her contemplatively. It was far too calm an expression for the situation. His mouth curled into a smile that showed sharp white teeth. So far Twilight had only ever heard him laugh. It was a dark, oily sound, but nothing compared to his voice when he actually spoke.
“So much power for one so small,” he murmured. His voice rolled over her, trailing a shiver that ran from her horn to her fetlocks. “So much … potential. You are not like the others.” He stepped towards her.
Twilight held the Crystal Heart behind her back. “You can’t have it!”
Sombra only smiled wider. Every available gap in the walls immediately filled with obsidian shards and a roof swooped into place above them. Twilight was left in darkness lit only by the eerie green light of Sombra’s eyes. They drew closer, though he still made the barest sound with his hooves. This time she couldn’t back away. When she tried, something sharp dug into her shoulder-blades.
“It is already mine,” Sombra purred. He actually purred, consonants twisting together to lock in his vowels as solidly as he had locked Twilight into this cage. “It was always mine. It will always be mine.”
“Not anymore!” Twilight tried to keep the tremble from her voice. “You won’t win!”
Her friends would come. She kept that thought uppermost in her mind, using it as a shield against her rising panic. If Sombra was in here with her, he couldn’t be out there detaining them. They would come to help her, just as they had when she was facing Nightmare Moon. They would get here in the nick of time, just like last time. Sombra would be defeated, the Crystal Empire would be restored, Cadence would be fine, Shining’s horn would be healed and they would all go home – all of them, including Spike, who might be hurt but would certainly be fine with some medical magic and –
In a flash of green, Sombra’s eyes appeared directly in front of her own. His breath blew into her nostrils. It smelled like bonfire smoke and that earthy odour she had last smelled in the Diamond Dog tunnels when they went to rescue Rarity.
“But little pony …” Sombra breathed. She didn’t need to see his mouth to know he was smiling.
The Crystal Heart was prised from her grip, though she tried to turn to keep hold of it. She lit her horn to see better just as something touched her right forehoof, lifting it above her head, presumably so she couldn’t retrieve the Heart. Something else traced her left shoulder, leaving the same cold-hot-slippery-stinging wrong feeling as the wall. The sensation paralysed her. The light in her horn died. The touch moved to her stomach, the small of her back, her flanks, her hind legs, her ears, everywhere at once it seemed – lightly, like a cloud of smoke rolling over her.
“I’ve already won,” Sombra purred.
The dark shards contained sound so well that not a single one of Twilight’s screams escaped.
Fin.
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Maybe 2:00 in the morning isn't the greatest time to read this...especially number two.
awsome story. one small request? can you show the aftermath of number 4? preferably from inside canterlot?
It wasn't bad, but it didn't really earn the dark tag, IMO. Aside from the parasprites, everything was left to the imagination. Didn't really seem... IDK, long enough. Just my thoughts, though.
Nice story; it's a great example of things that could have happened, but didn't.
I usually don't read very many Dark stories, but I found this one very interesting and well-written.
[Upvote Get!]
2377588
I find your comment especially amusing because #2 was written at 2am as well.
Apparently something about that time slot makes it optimum for darkfic.
Thanks for reviewing.
2377706
I've always been of the opinion that the reader's imagination can be the best tool a storyteller has.
I'd hesitate to say everything was left to the imagination. Twilight's actions in #3 were pretty clear, even if the gore happened five seconds after the camera stopped rolling.
Thanks for reviewing!
2377861
Thank you very much. The fact that you read it anyway even though you don't like the genre is the best compliment you could have paid me.
I've gotten an interesting question about #3. If Twilight DID commit suicide, and Discord won forever...what would eventually happen to him? Or all of Equestria? What happens when Discord gets bored? Even eternal chaos gets old after a while (though "a while" may be centuries)
As I've seen in "MLP: Anthology of Interest" (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/35438/mlp-anthology-of-interest) , if Nightmare Moon were to win and bring about Eternal Night, it shows that the entire planet would devolve into a frozen wasteland, even trapping Nightmare Moon herself into a tomb of ice.
If Discord were to get bored, what would happen? He can't just change everything back (why would he?), and he's spent hundreds of years reflecting on the fact that victory is boring. He can't just move on (can he?), and he obviously can't die.
2379100
>>I've gotten an interesting question about #3. If Twilight DID commit suicide, and Discord won forever...what would eventually happen to him? Or all of Equestria? What happens when Discord gets bored? Even eternal chaos gets old after a while (though "a while" may be centuries)
My theory? He created the most chaotic beings in the universe: the human race. And for shits and giggles he created the world exactly as it is right now, but implanted conflicting memories of creation in various parts of it, so we'd all start wars for silly reasons and general feck ourselves over at every opportunity in new and interesting ways. Plus, we have no environment empathy, so we're constantly held hostage to the whims of nature and everything in it that generally hates and wants to kill us, also in new and interesting ways. ;)
Bloody hell, that'd be a cool idea for a creation myth: humanity was the product of the boredom of a godbaby who used the remnants of a world of small colourful horses.
>>As I've seen in "MLP: Anthology of Interest" (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/35438/mlp-anthology-of-interest) , if Nightmare Moon were to win and bring about Eternal Night, it shows that the entire planet would devolve into a frozen wasteland, even trapping Nightmare Moon herself into a tomb of ice.
http://egophiliac.deviantart.com/art/eternal-night-265676790
>> If Discord were to get bored, what would happen? He can't just change everything back (why would he?), and he's spent hundreds of years reflecting on the fact that victory is boring. He can't just move on (can he?), and he obviously can't die.
Can't or chooses not to? Death, as Terry Pratchett says, is the last great wonderful adventure.
Oh God the parasprites. Excuse me while I go throw up
I always loved the "what-if" concept.
And that's how tyranids were made...
One I don't agree with is the first - I'm pretty sure Celestia did know everything in advance, she would have made sure Twilight was at the right place and time even if she hadn't got the letter.
fascinating and very unsettling. Very much "For Want Of A Nail". Aside from the parasprite scenario, which took a different (so very much) turn. Although I'm not sure where the last one diverged. I assumed Twilight would be all "No, I have to do this myself like Celestia said" and fail on that point, but that didn't happen. I may have missed the sport.
I did see some fanart of the parasprite scenario a while ago (by PonyKillerX, incidentally). Yes, it was a disturbing What Could Have Been.
I liked them all honestly. Should do some more what-ifs. That or expand upon the ones you have here
I'm not agreeing with the first, but all the other ones... seemed all too plausible.
Gosh, I could easily see three happening if it wasn't a kids show. Easily. *shudders*
I liked your interpretation of Sombra.
----------
Comma. You probably want that to be a "because" style "as".
No comma.
Comma.
No comma.
Commas.
"side street"
Comma.
Comma.
Comma.
Comma. Also, you might want to consider changing that "and" to a "but".
Comma.
Overall, I liked it, but I wonder... Would it have been better in first person?
^
Rating:
Hmm, that doesn't format well. I'll have to think on how to better raise angry Twilight to the crying Rarity power. (BTW that's a good thing.)
Clearly I was not the only one who had that "dark" thought, regarding the spell that Twilight placed on the parasprites. :D
Great job with these. Although the endings of a couple of them felt a bit vague for my taste, but I'm sure it was your intention to end them that way.
I feel most of these - except number 2# - where out of character for Twilight.
Other then that, this story was very well-written, and an enjoyable read.
DAMN...
2430787 Are you the comma god?
Please, oh please, bless me with your wisdom. I brought thee an offering:
Spine-chillingly well written.
It might not have a much deeper philosophical meaning than "bad choices make bad consequences", but God damn it all to hell, I enjoyed it immensley.
Good job. I applaud you.
2430914
My dear sir, is that an editing request or a veiled attempt to poke fun at me? Truly, I would like to know. (If I missed some, and I'm fairly certain that I did, it was because I was trying to not get bogged down in the editing and just enjoy the story.)
2431114 My Lord, twas but a testament of thine glory. I twas but only offing thee mine praise... and a pony.
#2 was the most horrifying for me. #1 was good but I felt that Celestia would have planed for it. The other's were all varying degrees of meh. I didn't feel the point of divergence was clearly defined. The Discord one felt the weakest.
Huh interesting views of the what-ifs, even if I did think some of them were a bit unlikely. Although what-ifs can go as far as your imagination!
Nice. To me, these aren't incredibly scary in a classic horror sense. They do point out just how important Twilight is. With or without wings, she's always finding herself at the crossroads of destiny, some paths leading to salvation, others to the destruction of Equestria. Or at least big disasters before Celestia mops up her mess.
I do find some plausibility issues in some of the scenarios. I suppose she COULD undo/overwrite the spell in the second one, damage done... I guess I can appreciate them for what they are. But in a lot of ways these are seeds of stories to me. They show us a divergence, and a really interesting one, and in some cases a glimpse of the darkness that follows. Maybe it's enough for our imagination to fill in the gaps, or take the stories to their extended conclusion.
Also makes me wonder, how many more? One thing we definitely take away from this is how large a consequence even the seemingly smallest of decisions can make. Even mundane ones. And there's something deeply unsettling about that.
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Well, mine subject, thy praise is well received. Indeed, the laud is appreciated, but, if you would, give honor unto the author; without his mighty work, my comment would have never been born.
I keep imagining the Credits theme at the end of all of them. Makes it a bit funny really.
Rainbow Caught her friend rarity in the sonic rainboom, but she wasn't able to get up in time and crashed into the hard ground and everyone died
Ps, i had this comment written on my phone, but it gliched and lost it all. Damn you moble internet Damn you i say!
"There didn’t used to be any ravines in the middle of Ponyville." -> "use to" (because the "didn't" already carries the past tense, so "use" remains in its infinitive form.)
This is a great little what-if tale, and it earns a thumbs-up form me. Nevertheless, I can't get over some of the logic:
1. Celestia knew of Nightmare Moon's return. Surely she had a better plan? At the very least leave Twilight information about the EoH, so she could eventually figure it out?
2. In the canon episode, the parasprites started eating Ponyville because Twilight didn't think through the consequences of her spell. At all. This what-if scenario averts that, and Twilight is concerned about unintended side-effects, and seemingly prepares for them. Than why is she suddenly not prepared? If she had time to pause and think, she should've put in better safeguards than that. Once the parasprites started attacking, she should have had a better contingency plan.
3. Twilight can get depressed, sure, but suicide? Just like that? It seems a bit of a stretch. And for all his "evilness", Discord laughing at somepony's death is unjustifiably dark. (Just my opinion, of course, based on my subjective impression of his character.)
4. Believable.
5. This is the least plausible one. Sombra couldn't reach into the crystal heart trap, at least not immediately; that much seemed obvious in the episode.. At the very worst, Twilight still had a few minutes left to strategize. Things could have played out badly with Sombra, but not like this.
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Good, now you know how Littlepip felt when she cleared out a building full of carnivorous, radioactive parasprites. Bigger than the regular kind, too.
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What happened is this: Twilight doesn't consider meat to be food, thus when she makes the parasprites stop eating food... she forgot that ponies aren't food, at least not by the definition of "food" she based the spell on.
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>> "There didn’t used to be any ravines in the middle of Ponyville." -> "use to" (because the "didn't" already carries the past tense, so "use" remains in its infinitive form.)
I get the feeling some of my phrasing and punctuation comes off as odd because of American vs. British English - I have learned through reviews that American correct usage of commas is what British English considers splicing, plus a couple of other things that are different. Mayhap 'used to' is one of these? I have been teaching English for years and I have NEVER seen 'use to' used as a correct version but I freely admit I'm not au fait with the rules on this outside the UK.
>> 1. Celestia knew of Nightmare Moon's return. Surely she had a better plan? At the very least leave Twilight information about the EoH, so she could eventually figure it out?
Probably this one would have turned out differently if we had more concrete evidence of that from canon. As it is, I swing between believing Celestia is an omniscient super-being who has planned ahead for every conceivable eventuality and believing she really is just someone who tries to be good and oft-times reaps dividends thorugh dumb luck and foruitous timing.
2. In the canon episode, the parasprites started eating Ponyville because Twilight didn't think through the consequences of her spell. At all. This what-if scenario averts that, and Twilight is concerned about unintended side-effects, and seemingly prepares for them. Than why is she suddenly not prepared? If she had time to pause and think, she should've put in better safeguards than that. Once the parasprites started attacking, she should have had a better contingency plan.
>> My aim in this was to suggest that the wording of her spell leaves a loophole in the one thing she did not state they could not eat (if this phrasing is clunky I claim tiredness - it's 1am and I've been up since 5:30am). She prepared for the notion that the parasprites might start eating inanimate objects and staved them off food but forgot to mention they couldn't eat living creatures either. As for the contingency plan ... I don't know about you, but if one of my legs was suddenly missing, that's pretty much all I'd be thinking about. In my headcanon spell construction is a delicate balance of different factors and structures - none of which Twilight would be able to concentrate on properly in that amount of pain.
>> 3. Twilight can get depressed, sure, but suicide? Just like that? It seems a bit of a stretch. And for all his "evilness", Discord laughing at somepony's death is unjustifiably dark. (Just my opinion, of course, based on my subjective impression of his character.)
I was trying for a bit of implication rather than spelling this one out.
The idea was that being 'discorded' robbed twilight of her confidence in her magic and, by corrollory, herself. Since for a large part of her life she has been defined by her magical ability and learning thereof (I cast spells, therefore, I am 
) it stood to reason (to me, anyhow) that the opposite of that would be a complete lack of faith in her own abilities and the destruction of her self-confidence. Suicide would be the final product of this corruption aided by Discord's ministrations and chaos magic - the antithesis of anything un-discorded Twilight would even consider doing.
>> 4. Believable.
Yay!
>> 5. This is the least plausible one. Sombra couldn't reach into the crystal heart trap, at least not immediately; that much seemed obvious in the episode.. At the very worst, Twilight still had a few minutes left to strategize. Things could have played out badly with Sombra, but not like this.
I'm going to go with opinion on this one. Sombra was an ill-defined villain with simplistic motivations and a creaky 'because the plot says so!' story surrounding him, which is damn frustrating on the show but left a lot of room for interpretation. He travels via smoke cloud and, as we do see in canon, that big 'ol thing is damn fast, especially across open spaces. When I rewatched this scene while writing, it seemed to me that he set off the trap around the Crystal Heart when the alarms sounded only to keep it safe in preparation for his own arrival. I didn't state how long it took him to get to Twilight after tripping the defences, so conceivably he had a few minutes to cross that space with no Cadance/Spike fastball special to get in his way. I do have to ask why you think he couldn't reach into the trap - he built it, so it stands to reason he'd make it accessible to himself if he ever needed to retrieve the Heart. As for Twilight's strategising, or lack thereof ... okay, you've got me there. Blind panic? Self-recrimination for keeping hold of the crystal when she should have knocked it outside the circle?
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Yay! I like your theory. I was just thinking she forgot to rule out living creatures but it actually makes a lot of sense that she wouldn't consider meat a food. Cheers for that.
2432506 The "used to"/"use to" distinction is not a difference of UK vs. US English. It is a hard grammar rule that spans every major dialect of English. It's difficult to grasp because the two forms are typically indistinguishable in speech, but the rule applies nevertheless.
You can see the rule in play if you substitute "use" with a different verb that makes the conjugation more obvious. Try "want":
"I used to write fanfiction." c.f. "I wanted to write fanfiction."
"I didn't use to write fanfiction." c.f. "I didn't want to write fanfiction."
The "did" hidden inside the "didn't" has the role of specifying time, and the verb that follows must be kept infinitive.
If you are an English teacher... teachers can still learn.
Oh, man, #2 is nightmare fuel!
Oh Scribbler! Such awesome work you produce!
Although #2 was slightly jarring to my psyche.
You've completely changed my headcanon on parasprites.
I really liked the story, well done.
Does your version for 4 also include changelings? Because I think that if she saw the danger Canterlot was in on her departure, she would have returned, no matter the consequences.
I still don't understand where Celestia disappeared to in the Nightmare Moon incident
This was a great 'What-If' fic!!
Wait, where's the su- oh crap! 
1. That party was awesome!
2. I think I just found what's going to give me nightmares tonight.
3. What the heck? What is she doi- oh my god!!!
4. Awwww, poor Twilight.
5. Dear Luna, that was suspenseful!
You are writing about possible failure states, but there were plenty of options available to Twilight that would have solved the problems she was facing much faster or in a better way than in canon. And don't let me start on all the cases where Twilight's own actions created the problem in the first place... There's no need to focus only on negatives!
I... hope I don't come off as overly critical here, but while I found the different scenarios fairly interesting I wasn't particularly pleased with their execution.
I can understand wanting to leave things to the readers' imaginations, but the lack of exposition here made it difficult for me to even feel remotely involved in the stories. The notion of Twilight committing suicide should invoke some strong emotions, but I honestly felt nothing. It seemed more like a list of five ideas rather than five stories.
I won't go on because otherwise I'd steer more into the realms of criticizing your chosen style rather than actual errors, and that kind of thing helps no-one.
It looks like I'm in the minority here anyway, so carry on with what you're doing and congrats on the EQD feature.
It was solid. Execution was sort of iffy and the scenarios all seem far too ill-defined for the set in stone method of diction you chose.
I agree with the below comments about which ones seemed plausible and which didn't. Number four especially.
The second part reminds me of Stephen King's It. Everyone who has read It knows the part I'm talking about.
The concept behind this story reminds me a lot of the concept behind Doctor Who's Turn Left, where the smallest decision (turning right instead of left) resulted in incredibly bad things happening (don't want to be too spoiler-y).
Very fascinating. I could see maybe expanding each story to a chapter, but besides the slight lack of detail(length?) it was very well written.
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I don't belive Celestia is omniscient nor omnipotent, but she is wise. And in the second episode, she outright stated that she "saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return", so she would've had some way of putting her student on the right path, even if the detailed strategy would have to be up to Twilight.
My point is that once Twilight started enumerating things that could go wrong, she wouldn't just stop so quickly. I see Twilight as having a very all-or-nothing approach. Either pull a random strategy out of her rump on the spot (as she did in the canon episode) or plan carefully for every eventuality. If she understood that her spell could go wrong, she wouldn't just sloppily patch it, she would make it explicitly and easily reversible.
... good one.
I phrased that badly, I just meant he wouldn't get there so quickly. Cadance's barrier was still up for a few minutes after Twilight became trapped. And it didn't seem like much time had passed in your story because of the lack of dialog between Spike and Twilight - there should have been a lot more of Spike pleading with Twi and offering up ideas - even if they didn't work.
I really think you missed out on the ideal branch point, which would have been Twilight refusing to let Spike take the heart after it had rolled near him. She could've justified it by having Celestia's words echo in her mind ("It must be you and you alone...") and becoming convinced that she could escape in time, only to fail. That I would've believed.
You did and you didn't.
I would like to see a bit more of number four, just to see what happens. In the description you said something about consequences that come with the decisions, yet I see none. We can only assume what would happen next, not see. We know what would happen with number two and number one would be it's own story but what about the others? Discord wouldn't allow Twilight to kill herself, after all, where's the chaos in death? The wedding, what would have happened if Twilight had left?
I would like to see a bit more elaboration on the consequences.
Yeah, I had imagined that very same parasprite situation.
A good read, but slightly disturbing. Especially number two. I guess Twilight made some good choices in the canon universe, huh? I feel more disturbed than when I started this story, and since it's supposed to be dark... good job, sir. Have a moustache.
#5 changed too much. Mainly making Sombra have an IQ higher than 12. You made him too intelligent, when he was clearly a raving nutcase. If that changes, then what happened to him in the past would als have to be changed, given that it was likely his lack of intelligence that led to his defeat.
#1 Celestia knew that NMM was coming back and had set everything up for Twi and friends to become the Bearers. That's even explained by Celestia at the end of episode 2.
#4 Well, not sure what would happen then. Chrysalis would still have her rather ill-conceived plan rather than a stealth invasion. And then there's still the wild-card of Luna. I suppose that's why you ended it where you did. Any number of events after part 1 were arguably forced and contrived for plot convenience, and thus making 'alternates' for them still leaves them disgenuine.
#3 I could see this only if Discord was more sadistic, but if he was, Celestia would have already known that and not kept his statue right where ponies could be near him. It's the issue I have with all the 'grimdark' Discords. Celestia would never have allowed a creature who caused, even indirectly, the deaths of ponies to be right out in public. The evidence supports a mean-spirited prankster, not a malicious dealer of death and despair.
#2 I dunno... I thought of that as a joke, but never took it seriously. Still don't.
...is it terrible of me that I want to see how you could continue with the 4th vignette?
Heh I like this. 2-5 seem plasible enough. (I especialy like the parasprite ones).
But I think for #1, Twilight would have received Clestia's message anyway, and being loyal student that she is, she would have went to Ponyville.