120 years after the war, a young trader and his friends are given an incredible task from and unsuspecting source that will change the face of the Equestrian wasteland forever. Question is, will it be for better? or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Again with the 42??!! I fucking love you man... (No homo)
So far it's looking good. The one flaw I'm seeing is things seem rushed. We're introduced to two party members at fast speed while just getting to figure them out. And so much happened in this one chapter that it seems a bit disorganized. Hopefully things will be a bit slower with some more description to cushion the story as I go. Otherwise the humour is nice and Backlash and Sky seem pretty balanced character with a nice best buds thing going on.
So basically my thoughts when reading this chapter boil down to "Yay, Pinkie's back! Best FoE fic EVA! Now Pinkie and Fluttershy can get together and party after the war to catch up all that lost time!" And "Yay, sillytagonist! And a Steel Ranger. Shiny metal armorflanks!" And "yay half-dead purgatory spirit guides and computer-y things!"
Welp... I tried to read the second chapter, buuuut... well, it kinda was worse tan the first... I'm just gonna wait for this to get re-edited. Too much stuff needs work on it for me to enjoy it. Maybe trade the capslock words for italics instead?
Urgh... editor instincts kicking in. I just need to go before I end up working on this.
*If, *here. I thought you had a beta reader.
*sucking.
... Even for an apparently Pinkie-centric fic, that might be pushing things.
This feels really rushed. Party members are added quickly and encounters are resolved easily. What gets left out at this speed is motivation; I don't understand why the protagonist and his friends are doing what they do.
Short answer: ADVENTURE!
In my opinion, this is just an example of why you don't make the newbie carry all the supplies just because you're a lazy bum. (Assuming he's newer than the other acolytes, which I think is a fair chance.)
This story serves as a reminder that everyone had to start somewhere. :/