• Member Since 15th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 11th, 2017

krafty


E

A burning anger is just on the horizon and its seeking out and killing all Changelings in its way. Chrysalis tries to face this threat head on, but failure after failure convinces her to seek help from... her mother? As Chrysalis faces this fiery threat, she can't help but think that it's her fault that changelings are dying.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 9 )

Interesting concept, gonna give chance to this one

Well, this is a very uneven intro. One one hand, there are good ideas everywhere, but also it's very hard to understand what's going on. I still don't really understand what the wall of flame is. I guess it's killing the changelings, and that's the main problem for the story, but why do they keep flying into it? I like the part about the other changing queens. That could be interesting, but the story needs some sort of structure.

The story is following Chrysalis's perspective, but I found the flow of thought confusing. She didn't have the obvious thoughts that the reader would be asking. I guess you wrote it so that she already knows that stuff, and doesn't need to repeat it, but it's confusing. Also, you drop cliche's like there's no tomorrow.

2376615 Hey thx for the feedback. As for most of my stories, I don't like revealing what the big baddie is at the very beginning. Plus its just an intro... but is your outlook towards the idea mostly negative or positive?

2376646 To the idea: Positive. I think this could be an interesting story, but It needs better writing. Maybe you should look for an editor.

2376657 I found that finding good editors is kinda hard. They'll stay with you for one chapter, but then you can't get a hold of em.

Did Celestia do this?

2377136 It was not Celestia :3 However, Chrysalis may have to ask her for help.

Hmm I was little wrong, concept is old like hell, incoming doom in one or other form (mostly they do as starvation), but you can do something other aim for other parts like what Chrysalis live was or how heavy burden of everything happening is for her

2627557 Yeah, the impending doom thing is kind of my way of looking into Chrysalis' past, and adding a few of my own ideas about changelings.

Login or register to comment