Octavia has worked really hard to get where she is; the last thing she needs is an unexpected visit from her older sister.
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- Member Since 20th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 22nd, 2017
HeartTortoisePigeonDog
“Life is what we make of it. Travel is the traveler. What we see isn't what we see but what we are.”
HeartTortoisePigeonDog
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Why are the other comments deleted?
2935453I killed em
Really: Though they were favorable comments, the both and my own one, I did't want anypony going in biased, so I cleared the clutter. No offence to either of them. Only later do I think I should have not deleted them at all
Didst thou even read?
stay away from ANY rural town with an apple orchard EVER octavia, cause it well not end well for you.
Country Fiddle should shove Octavia's cello down her throat. May the Mane 6 forever ruin any of Octavia's successes.
2936481Uhhh
(And that thanks on your page was a thanks for the fav, I'm just being silly
)
2935453>>2935995Something I didn't make clear: the deleted comments were comments made BEFORE this story was published
2936438
2937408 look i get it there relationship is complicated and it tends to make octavia react in a bad way. but fiddlesticks is an apple now, we saw it in apple family reunion and the apples protect there own and seeing as an apple runs every orchard in equestria, it's likely if octavia goes anywhere near them after that, things won't end well.
2937498Headcannons
I don't know if you want to hear my own personal one I made before that episode aired
2937510 oh?
2937522Fiddlesticks is NOT related to the apples in mine. She got hired for a gig. After this little event here, a whole mess of other things happen, spoilers spoilers, she gets back into music, performing little hoedowns and such. She winds up in Ponyville at some point, gets hired for that particular gig, because, well, she's a great violinist
This can also explain why those other musicians were there too. The Apples simply know them, perhaps. It's a little less straight forward, but there it is.
2937550 well thats your headcannon thats your headcannon. i note it doesn't make much sense since it's implied only apples attend the reunion and on a side note fiddlesticks was in the family photo, but thats your headcannon i won't argue.
2937564She was in the photo?
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121222153805/mlp/images/b/be/The_Apple_Family_together_S3E08.png
Okay, sorry.....
I do realize I am really the only one that holds this idea. I made it before that episode aired... so, eh... What's done is done
I don't deny: she is close to them!
2937564I accept both the popular one and my own. I'm gunna be using both, in a way, in my stories that involve her.
2937581 it still stands to reason after this the apples may be very unfrendly towards the melody's.
2937587Quite
In fact, she's more the victim
Tavi ain't a bad pony
2937610 depends in alot of ways my friend. as much as fiddlesticks has wronged tavi, tavis own words and actions wrong her sister in turn, it is a crcle not an arrow.
2937623Indeed it is
/)
Your story is really complicated compared to the last draft.
I don't understand what happened. Could you PM me a summary of the events?
2937623
how exactly did Fiddle wrong Octavia? She made choices their parents didn't like? That's Fiddle's choice and has nothing to do with Octavia. That means Octavia's wrong for her comments to Fiddle and wrong for holding a grudge because Fiddle wasn't exactly what their family wanted.
2940065 if you caught the ending paragraphs, fiddlesticks was passing others music off as her own.
2940250
then it was poorly written it saying it. Considering Octavia kept comparing herself to composers I got the feeling she was disappointed that Fiddle chose to simply be a performer rather than a composer
considering the demanding nature of their parents and the flat out arrogance Octi is showing it wouldn't surprise me at all
2940369 it's especialy shameful cause if any of those composers are like there real life counterparts where, they'd be ashamed to be compared with her.
ludwig von beetoven didn't compose music because he wnated to be better then anyone. hell touching a piano brougth back painful memories of his fathers merceless beatings. he composed for musics sake, for the art for the beauty. he respected all music not just his own.
bach was much a similar man who loved the beauty around him, music wasn't about money or fame it was about expressing his soul and he loved a good fiddle as much as a violin session.
2940462
as I said, I didn't get that message from the writing at all
2940713 no that part was me agreeing with you, octavias self centered rant is especialy shameful cause she looses the true meaning of what great composers composed for.
2940713>>2940772This is an interesting conversation
2940772>>2940713Though now, to answer both your slight confusions as to both sister's behavior, a lot of what is important is unsaid, but suggested, and yet also briefly stated:
Octavia's reaction and out right abuse of Fiddles isn't just because of resenting her lying, but a fear: a fear of being rejected for not being good enough, similar to how Fiddles was not "good enough" because she copied. To see that even her elder sister, whom she and everyone else thought was a prodigy, could fall was devastating; what would her parents do if she couldn't live up to their expectations of her, expectations which was then doubly laid upon her to make up for Fiddles. I mention a few times that Octavia enjoys her life and music, but also has lost sight because of the pressure put on her to do her best, and reaches for fame, to be remembered forever--but that isn't quite the main issue: the chief is still her fear of not being loved. She resents her sister because of association, kinda....
Country Fiddle is very thoughtful. She can be somewhat comparable to Nekhlyudov in Leo Tolstoy's novel, Resurrection; but she is also foolish. For the situation Octavia is in is precisely why she left all those years ago. She comes back (it is not stated clearly here) because she wants to show Tavi what she can do, that is, reassure her sister that everything is alright, through music, but that gets messed up along the way but Tavi's "defences". It is suggested that Vinyl and Fiddles are close: it can be assumed that Vinyl has kept correspondence with her for a while, but I don't state how they met, for as for this story it's not that important. I don't state how and why Fiddle's "copied" here, but in my other story, at the end of the first chapter (a chapter that needs be heavily re-written), that, while preforming her piece for a competition with Tavi to see who will be granted the honor of studying under Beehoofen, she panics, knowing how she messed up her song, and does a variation on the one Tavi had done just before her and wins! Later, very soon after, she tried to tell this to her family, but they dismiss it all. They were simply too proud to care: they all thought she was brilliant nonetheless. Too bad that it later haunts her like a bringer of death.
I hope I cleared some stuff up
EDIT: Also the title of the story, and the author's note about the "Confidence Pony," is a reference to Herman Melville's final novel, The Confidence-Man.
2938007
If Fiddle actually copied Octavia during a performance when they were supposed to be playing something different then yes, she definitely wronged Octavia. But that should be the primary thing that Octavia is pissed off about IMO
It would also be good if that was played up as the reason why Fiddle got out of that branch of music, the "i will be remembered as a great for hundreds of years, I will influence future artists" type for "I'll have a good time playing, the audience will have a good time watching and I'll make a good living from it," branch. Screwing over her sister for something she didn't deserve, not because it wasn't original but because it was done because her performance was inferior to Octi's and she was desperate tainted the art for her.
2941396>>2941203 i feel i also must point out octavias rant about her own future of being rememebred well fiddlesticks is destined to be forgotted is fundementaly flawed.
not every great composer is remembered and truth be told we have more compostions by 'unkown' then we do by actual named people just because her music is remembered doesn't necessarily mean she well be.
on the other hoof fiddlesticks music may be country fiddling played amongst friends or at a party but lets remember that some of the greatest muscians in different fields never started off as major people.
the beetles well be remembered for eons, they started out small
johnny cash originaly wanted to be a gospal artist and now well forever been known as one of the greatest country singers of all time
elvis precely is still the king of rock and roll and he got into singing by what most would call pure luck.
the point is just because octavia currently plays for adoring crowds there is no garuntee that in a hundred years people well be speaking about 'the great octavia melody' and not 'the hoof tapping fiddlesticks'
Hello! I am your WRITE officiated reviewer, and I'm here to go over the story Setting The Whole Tickled World A' Dancin'. I have read through the attached blog post as well as the story itself. I review in a casual manner (that's just my style) and through this I hope to bring to light some key qualities and observations I've noted, both good and bad.
The story itself is set to a very specific time and place, covering only the performance of the symphonies and the relevant areas around the building. The narrative does, however, frequently mention and detail the varied and unique histories of both Tavi and Fiddles.
A distinctive issue I saw immediately was just how purple the whole thing is. In writing, the term refers to 'purple prose', meaning roughly that the reader is being bombarded by overtly 'flowery' writing, an excess of obscure and 'clever' choices for wording, and images and metaphors that are overly large and packed in too tightly, too frequently. It's all too much and makes the writing very thick, like tar rather than water. and the reader struggles too immerse themselves in it.
It was interesting that you yourself qouted "Simplicity...simplication," in the story, as I was thinking of that very sentiment to put in this review before having it here. It stands just as true either way. The writing is very convoluted, obtuse, and driven entirely by narrative in massive exposition dumps. For instance:
As a reviewer, and as a reader, I must ask myself, what does this do to advance the story? What does it do to enrich the characters that drive it (or should be driving it?) There is simply far too much being described - none of it particularily relevant - for the reader, this pargraph is like an stormy ocean. There are too many waves: images going this way and that way, to deal with, and they threaten to topple our little reading dinghies. The problem is compounded by the very passive nature of the characters. Fiddlesticks does not interact with any of this. She seemingly stands idle, thoughtless and feckless, waiting for YOU the writer to TELL the reader all these things, rather than have us experience it THROUGH her, as it rightly should be. For instance, she might flick through the pages on the stands, feel the warmth of the fire, ponder the heavy chandelier overhead.
This same intrusion of the Narrative Exposition into what should be Characterization is very endemic throughout the story. For instance:
As such, and compounded by the eminently purple quality of the writing, this made the story hard to follow. Even now I'm a little bit confused by the whole thing. I can see when they're angry and when they're sad, but there's too much literary noise to seperate the relevant from the fluff.
By this point, I'm sure you're feeling a little downcast about this whole reviewing thing, but bear with me. It's not as bad as all that. I sympathise a lot, as I used to be extremely purple myself (and, receiving reviews just like this one, learned and improved on it.)
The very fact that you can use write like this already proves that you have what it takes to write better. The trivia you set in the related blog show an attention to reference and detail that are very useful in writing. Rather than needing to supercharge that literary engine of yours, we need you to ease the breaks so you don't go flying off the road at the turns. It's a matter of control and smooth gear changing, not one of bombing the throttle to show off how many fancy words one knows.
Some people mistakenly take this to mean that it has to be a matter of 'dumbing down' their writing for the plebian masses. This is utterly false. Remember as before, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistcation."
Too many colours mixed together just become brown (or occasionally mouldering cauliflower-green.
Too many flavours on one dish make it taste bad. (think of aforementioned cauliflower).
Too many metaphors make very a very vapid, confused and disorentating story. Anyone can write a dozen metaphors into a single paragraph and consider it the exemplar of creative writing. It takes considerably more skill (I assure you this) and is entirely more appealing to write just one - the right one, and convey exactly the one feeling you wish to express, rather than a feverish, indistinct medly of overlapping impressions and ideas.
Similarily, characters need to be driving the narrative - not the other way around. This story was very steeply imbalanced towards exposition, the very nature of which is passive and unengaging storywise. Think to the prior example I qouted above, where the various aspects of the well-furnished room are described. Remember that Fiddles is not doing anything here, she is not moving or thinking or feeling anything for all the time it takes the reader to get through that mass of words. Remember that readers experience the story through the characters, and so, in a way, despite the rich and detailed accounting of the room, we too are doing nothing, not moving or thinking or feeling anything particular, and such lack leaves very, very little by way of lasting impression.
Rather, have your characters do the thinking and the feeling and the moving, and let those things be the narrative the story needs. It harkens back to a well used and abused principle known simply as SHOW vs TELL. This is a theme I see again and again in reviewing, and is a fundamental intrinsic to all types and all standards of writing. I have every confidence you can quickly comprehend and apply the core principles with a little effort.
My overall sentiments are this - You're writing the story way too hard. You apply semi-colons as if you needed to tell us that yes, you do know how to use them (see above run-on sentence [I still mess them up myself, sometimes]). You're going out of your way to apply obscure words and overcomplicated, mistakenly 'sophistacted' ways of wording at the cost of the natural-feeling flow to the story. A short sentence is not somehow 'less' than a long one. Rather, like hot and cold, both are exceedingly useful in their own ways. The narrative forces the characters to evoke vague, undefined and exceedingly baffling notions of joy and sorrow and regret and anger, like something out of an Opera. AND, like an opera, it eludes us all as to what the hell is actually going on. To further the issue, it's all swiss-cheesed by sudden and unncessary metaphors and images. As it stands, I entered confused, I found some writing to further confuse me, there was something I vaguely recognized as having the shape of a climax, and left confused (and somewhat more tired for the exertion)
You ask about low readership - well, not many readers will trudge through all this for that. A story is, after all, a medium of enjoyment - be this saccharine or sorrow or sombre or sexy - if there isn't some prompt to stay, why would anyone?
My recommendation? Leave this story, it really is a mess, a big ol' heap of words. Keen editing could remove maybe half, maybe two thirds of the word count and not only preserve, but enhance the story-proper. That's a lot of work. And for what? We still get a somewhat etheral, vague encounter between Fiddles and Octavia in a not entirely understood fashion for wishy-washily conveyed reasons.
Rather, my suggestion is to keep this as is, set it as a milestone your improvement against. Try a different story, something short or something long, and apply those writing techniques, being particularily mindful of how much purple sneaks into the story (less being more), and letting the characters shine through with their own opinions and actions, rather than being spoken for by the narrative. Streamline everything you can. Cut out everything that doesn't serve the advance the plot, refine the tone, or develop the characters.
Remember what the Man himself said: Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
I am happy to discuss any questions or comments you have regarding this review.
3215668Oh... mai! Thank you!!
This is exactly the kind of thing I wanted: a good, solid review.
All of what you said makes sense completely. My purple writing is, not out of a way to impress, as just how it comes, sometimes. That one writer, most either love or hate, Melville, is a big inspiration on me; no doubt his writing leaks into mine
Even just there with another semicolon, not to mention the excessive semicolons in the story. The same happens with the emotions; the references and metaphors: they are piled on top of one another like van Gogh's paint: THICK. More by way of thought process, I think.
I am working myself into a simpler style... or at the very least, lighter.
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." --- Leonardo da Vinci
I can't thank you enough for this, the most thorough, insightful, and helpful review I've received.
Sorry, I like hugs--
static.tumblr.com/7hzm0e8/7Rhm6s01q/ty_lee_hug.gif
3215901
Glad you're happy! In my own experience, I found writing a very short story (2000 - 5000 words) with just two characters present in a simple scenario was a particularily useful exercise in practicisng the sort of relaxed minimalism that can balance out tendencies to write ramapntly purple.
P.S. - I freaking love Hugs. And I love Avatar (New season of Korra!!) so you are forgiven
3215967
Korra is---
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1ppfiVywJ1qh5yw0.gif
3215967Permit me this one word to clear some things in the story that was lost in the sea of words, for you, and also, I guess, to allow myself to unveil it simply as possible?
I'll do it all in sequential order, with the flash-backs first, and then the start of the real story (this is all typed rather quickly, I am sorry for any possible typos):
Country Fiddle is Octavia's older sister; Octavia always looked up to her elder the way only a younger sibling can. Their parents, particularly their father, trained them musically.
One day Beehoofen, recognizing the sisters' talents, said he would teach only one, to be decided whom by a contest, one against the other. Fiddles won for her "originality and natural talent." Octavia, however, had played her piece flawlessly; Fiddles less so, but Fiddles pulled off the mistakes so well it appeared intentional. In truth, Fiddles copied Octavia's piece, with variations. Beehoofen and her parents, and even Celestia praised her. She almost immediately tried to tell them what she had done, but nopony paid much heed, instead saying she did great because, whether she copied or not, she entertained them and made them really feel something. (This perception of course flip dramatically later on.)
Octavia got professional training at school while Fiddles was privately trained.
After Fiddles is done with her training, her parents paraded her around Equestria, having her perform original works and works by other famous composers for countless audiences. Fiddles felt it was all a lie, and hated it. However, her new training with Mozclop (a kind of insurance their parents did for their daughter to assure she kept improving) was one of the few things she loved. Mozclop was very loving and kind to her, like she was his own daughter. He died young, while away from Fiddles somewhere (like his real life counterpart, Mozart (his name is "Mozclop" for Mozart's love of scat humor)). Soon after she would not play on stage any more and ran away.
She finally earned her cutie mark playing in front of Pinkie, alone.
Meanwhile, her parents were devastated and confused. Their precious daughter they loved and protected and reared (too closely) just left with not so much as a note. Soon they were going over her work, going through memories, when they noticed that her original works with forgeries. Sadness gradually fell into animosity. Their feelings infected their impressionable Tavi. And Tavi developed the same feelings toward Fiddles, which soured and infested her soul with the addition of fear: her parents grew to despise Fiddles, and Tavi, seeing their capability to disown a daughter, feared the same for herself, and strove to keep Fiddles as far away from her heart as possible to prevent association.
At school Tavi became friends with Vinyl, and Vinyl had met Fiddles, and they had become friends, during the Fiddles had been on parade.
Fiddles traveled for a time, and finally settled in Appaloosa, working the apple orchards.
*~~NOW THE PRESENT~~*
Fiddles sent a letter ahead to her sister informing her to meet at a local bar or some such. Fiddles struggles to keep things on friendly terms. Octavia came regrettably, more by insistence from Vinyl than any real desire to see her sister.
Octavia's fear of ending up abandoned like Fiddles, which has laid dormant during Fiddles' absence, rears its ugly head, and she just wants Fiddles gone.
Fiddles reflects on how Tavi has changed.
Fiddles had originally planed to show Tavi that she was not what everypony said she was: that she was a good pony, and still a good musician, after she attended the recital.
Vinyl struggles to reveal the full extent of Tavi's animosity in the garden (a usually beautiful place drowned in heavy mist, representing the current situation, which Fiddles desires to be happy and full of sisterly love again).
At the theater, Fiddles's dress and hair style, and absence of her hat, represent her personality: neat but quirky; intelligent and thoughtful, but silly.
Octavia's drafts on her music show her fear of public opinion:music is abstract and up for debate, but the written word, especially in letters, is immediate: she must be careful.
Fiddles initial plan changes after hearing Tavi's original work. She sees Tavi as very fake, and it disturbs her. She still sees her sister as she remembers her: a kind, fun-loving filly.
The scenes with Beehoofen in his box and the scene during the intermission are meant to emphasize Fiddles' position as a lost country pony in a place she once had connections, but is now "run" by Octavia.
Highly upset by all this, and worried about Octavia's "false" music, she wants to talk with Tavi. It's almost on sudden, country-like (almost savage) impulse. She's gunna take her place back as a prodigy from Tavi.
The songs "Mother" and "Father" she takes as personal insults.
Her parents watching her: she's like an animal in its enclosure to them; a dangerous one that might throw something at them. and they are right: wouldn't Fiddles go up to them and confront her parents if they had made eye-contact, making a connection?
The large, empty practice room is merely a prelude. The rooms she looks in represent the sisters. Trapped in the art world, and their lives governed by the opinions of others. Endless study of one section without knowing really anything, holding on to almost as invented meaning; the incessant writing to the outside world. The death of a soul.
The viola is free in an empty room; alone and broken, but still good.
The grand room Fiddles find Tavi in, the telling is long, but the scene takes a moment to take in. It is the full body of what the practice room was merely the feet: This is Octavia. A too ornate object of wealth. Made to awe and inspire. She represents idle, merely entertaining art.
Tavi keeps her high position in society, and flaunts it, speaking to Fiddles as to one lower and less worthy. Fiddles speaks to her as an equal; almost as an older sister. Tavi is frightened. She doesn't want to end up alone and broken like Fiddles: she's worked herself to the bone to get here: to be remembered that it could all collapse in an instant makes her sick. She has to drive Fiddles away by force if not by authority and superiority.
Tying up Tavi, Fiddles is tying throwing away her last attachment to this high-society. Tavi's influence, however, prevails, when her (Fiddles's and Tavi's) peers and family make to throw her off the stage.
Tavi cries because she feels she has finally lost her only sister for good.
In the end, the story is a portrait not only of them, but also of a battle of art: idle and heart.
The Con-pony? That's.... actually harder to explain.... It's... oh gosh... it's not simple. See, at this point, they are both "cons". Tavi coning the music world, and Fiddles... is coning... herself.