• Member Since 19th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Soothing Stone


I write about ALL the ponies. Especially royalty for some reason.

Sequels1



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King Sombra survived his defeat, but just. By the time he returned to form, Twilight became the newest princess of Equestria and the Crystal Empire was restored to its former glory.

He cannot take over Equestria the same way he tried before, but he has a card up his sleeve. Twilight won't see it coming, and Sombra might gain a powerful ally in the process.

And it will all begin...with a book.

Edits on Chapter 1 done with the help of TempesttheDragnix.

Major props to InuHoshi-to-DarkPen for letting me use this. That artist is really good.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 1159 )

Interesting, I can't help but wonder if this is similiar to His Black Heart's Inquiry but I'll def read this since Sombra is pure awesome.

2369285

I haven't heard about that story, sorry to say that. I apologize if this sounds like a ripoff, it was not intentional.

I'll definitely be reading this tomorrow when I have time :twilightsmile:

2369344
No need to apologise. With a fandom this big it's damn near impossible to avoid all similarities between fanfics. :twilightsmile:

King Sombra had returned. And he wanted to make sure everypony knew this fact.

(cue resounding evil laughter)

Looking forward to this. :twilightsmile:

OMG!! this is AWESOME!! also, can twilight be his queen? it'd be awesome.

I like the story so far but I don't like your style at all. Sorry, :unsuresweetie:

2369812

Oh...what didn't you like about the style?

2369821

Seperate paragraphs for sentences, although they're better off being grouped into larger paragraphs.

Descriptions of things best lest undescribed. It was impossible to see what his cutie mark was, if he ever had one. This suggests the narrator doesn't have a clue BUT nevertheless hints at a past in which he did have one for sure.

Redundant wording from the narrator. He could hear but not see when he was limited to being a horn, as he did not have a way to envision his environment.

It ate him to his very core. Awkward way of saying it annoyed him immensely. There are plenty of more poetic alternatives.

The mane was as black as the night, or maybe even darker. Well, which is it? You're the all-knowing narrator, you should know.

Mixing up the way you adress something/someone. The mist moved away from the meadow and went for the air. He took off for Canterlot. It breaks the flow.

into the vast reaches of the area surrounding the city. Without saying ANYTHING about this 'area'? Plains? Desert? Mountains? Describe what you see, don't presume the reader imagines the same things you do.

There's more, but this is what was most noticable upon rereading.

I like the whole story setup and the pacing is okay, it's just not very well written in my opinion. :fluttershysad:

2369952

I do appreciate your critques, and fixed all the problem areas you suggested need fixing.

oooh I MUST know what happens! Love it so far! :heart:

Yes, yes, yes! The King of Shadows has returned! I, his improper co-ruler, relinquish my duties to him! May darkness ring out in the name of Sombra!

2370050 Remember, it's just MY opinion.

I haven't read this yet, but it immediately reminded me of a comic I stumbled upon on DA at http://fav.me/d5yb8pk

2371847

That was the inspiration of this story, believe it or not.

I did go out of my way to make the story unique, though. It's not a ripoff.

2371853
Given the artist basically said the comic was ending there, I think you could base a fanfic entirely on the comic without much issue and expand on it.

Go ahead and ask the artist, I'm sure they will be flattered.

2371885

I know, but I hate doing exactly what someone else did. Not that I'm wanting to be unique, but I don't want to be repeating what's already been said.

That out of the way, I made an outline of Kiss of the Dark, and it's going to go in a different direction from the comic.

2371901 I see the original comic as a simple confrontation and not a complete story. Even so, I understand your point of view.. I've been working on a sequel to Rainbow Factory for over a year now and Aurora Dawn created a sequel with the same title as mine... sooo. I refuse to read her's until I'm done with mine and I figure out how to retool mine to change the title.

That said, I'm going to read Soothing Stone tonight.

Twilight: Yeah, I'm telling you. It's something really strange. Unnatural for me.

Me: Oh don't you worry Twilight. I'm sure it's fine.

Twilight: But it's a bright orange horn and-

Me: BRIGHT ORANGE HORN?!

Twilight: Yeah but- Where did you go?

*comes up from behind*

Me: Is it secret? Is it safe?

*Throws horn into fireplace*

Twilight: What are you doing?

Me: Shh shh shhhh. Hold out your hoof Twilight. You'll find that it's quite cool. Are there any inscriptions on the horn?

Twilight: No . . . wait. Yes! It's a strange language. Ancient Unilish . . . I can't read it.

Me: There are few who can. It's the language of Darkness.

Twilight: Darkness? But the only one that possessed that power was Sombra. But he was destroyed. Sombra was destroyed!

Me: No Twilight. The spirit of Sombra endured. His life force is bound to the Horn, and the Horn survived. Sombra has returned. His armies have rebuilt themselves, his fortress in the Night Valley has risen, and he needs only you to cover this land in darkness. He is seeking you. Seeking you - all his thought is bent on you. He yearns to control you. To make you and he one in the same. He must never get to you Twilight.

Twilight: I don't know. He's kind of hot...

Me: Twilight! Don't feed evil!

The Age of the pretentious Princesses is over; all Hail King Sombra the Cruel! Let his Enemies tremble with fear at the mere whisper of his name.

I must ask; are there any other sapient races in the far north that could pose a threat (or more accurately, some fun) to Sombra? Like say a civilization of Caribou, Penguins, or even Polar Bears?

Seems kinda weird that Celestia would just leave Sombra's horn just laying there on the ground >.>

~Have a good one.

Sombra is so cartoonish its amazing.

2372069
You, kind sir, have just made my day with that. Bravo!


Here, have a Sombra approval.
butterscotch11.deviantart.com/art/King-sombra-read-desc-350398421

2372069

Even now Sombra sends his servants against us.
Twilight: What are they?

They were once ponies. Great kings, then Sombra the deceiver bestowed upon them his dark power. Blinded by their greed they took it without question. One by one falling to darkness. Now they are slaves to his will. They are his slaves, his shadows, neither living nor dead. They will never stop hunting you!

She was one of the people...

Might wanna change that, unless Sombra believes in humans.

On a brighter (darker?) note, this was pretty good. However, I do question just how much strength and endurance Sombra really has. Building a castle, making drone guards and flying from the Crystal Empire to Canterlot seems pretty taxing to me, especially since he was asleep for 1000 years and was defeated as soon as he woke up.

Wow, the first pony fanfiction I've actually published since Fallen Apple...it's been a rough road, but with this story, I hope it will be worth the wait.

This has so far been worth the weight.

2372475

I'm going overboard with this Lord of the Ring stuff but, fuck it. Here we go again!

Me: We can only hope Twilight has Celestia's conviction in the coming days.

Luna: Her conviction? Pah! Celestia was weak Clonetrooper! Her strength was all but spent even in those days. It's because of her this evil survives in the first place! I was there over a thousand years ago. When Celestia took the horn. I was there when the strength of Celestia failed.

*flashback*

Luna: Cast the horn into the fire!

*Celestia stares*

Luna: DESTROY IT!

Celestia: No.

Luna: Celestia? CELESTIA!!!!

Luna: It should have ended that day. But evil was allowed to endure.

I hope Twilight becomes the evil badass Queen of Darkness.
Heh heh heh heh heh.:pinkiecrazy:

Join the dark side, Twilight...you know we want you to :pinkiecrazy:

2372144
Well the only other races introduced so far have been griffons and zebras really.

2373854 And yet i've seen fanfics introduce Deer and Camels.

2372745 I don't know if it's good or bad that these Lord of the Rings scenes fit so well :pinkiecrazy:

~Have a good one.

One does not simply trot into Sombra's domain. Its black gates are guarded by more than just shadows. There is evil there that does not sleep. The great darkness is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with frost, snow, and dust. The very air you breathe is poisonous sorcery. Not with ten thousand soldiers could you do this. It is folly.

2374404 That is the most poetic thing that I have read on FimFiction comments. It is beautiful and I give you points for putting it there. If you didn`t come up with it, I still think that it was awesome. :raritywink:

2374466 It's actually something that Boromir says in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.

Granted, the first bit

One does not simply trot into Sombra's domain.

is a slight change from the actual sentence. The internet famous "One does not simply walk into Mordor"

2374508 I haven`t seen the movie so I can look forward to hearing it if I ever get around to watching any of them. I still like that you put it there though. Also, I`m going to put this emoticon here because I never get to use it due to the fact I never have a reason to, so here! :scootangel:

2372745 those lord of the rings quotes were awesome:rainbowlaugh:

on a other note this is a great fic like how you do the pacing and how you made sombra, well a character his appearance on the show had great potential instead of his crazy obsession with crystals.

this will be a fic i'll be watching closely and hope we get a dark queen twilight for our king.

I'm sorry, sir. I wanted to like this story, I really did. You set out with an intriguing concept that I'd been hoping someone would write.

However, there's too much stuff getting in the way of my enjoying the story.There are issues with word choice (an introversion of his color scheme would mean his color scheme prefers to keep to itself), but those can be forgiven and wouldn't be too hard to correct. Find a friend to preread for you to pick out errors, or go to ponychan's fic board or spacebattles's creative writing forums, and you should be good on that front.

Then there are things like Sombra's sudden regeneration. The way you wrote it, it seems as if he could have regained his physical form any time he felt like it. It didn't seem like he'd been biding his time for the right moment to return, either. Canon seems to suggest that he can't even take physical form unless he's drawing power from the crystal heart, so his suddenly regaining a physical body because Celestial made him mad rubs me the wrong way. He was just a formless mass of shadows up until he'd almost grabbed the heart in the show, after all. I'd fix this bit by either having his regeneration be more gradual after Celestial left, or show whatever it was that catalyzed his regeneration. Maybe Celestial tried to grab the horn in her magic and he siphoned off a chunk of it? Maybe Celestial noticed a slight twinge in her horn as she lifted the Sombra fragment that she mostly ignored? Maybe he'd previously hacked into the crystal heart so it'd slowly leak energy for him to feed off of? (He could prefer it to be charged with fear and loathing, but love and friendship could do in a pinch.) I want to know how he regenerated, why he did, and why he didn't do it sooner.

Another question: What was Celestial seeking out his horn for? It didn't seem like she said anything very important to it. Nothing that couldn't have waited until after Twi's coronation at any rate. Was she feeling cruel and had to rub her enemy's face in his defeat? Was she coming to finish the job of destroying him? (That one opens up the door to absorbing the energy from some combat spells to aid in regenerating.) Did she want to offer him redemption? Did she want him to return so he could be Twilight's dark groom so the two of them could balance Celestia's and Luna's light with their darkness? I'd like to know why Celestia's here on such a special day. Maybe she actually came here shortly after Sombra's defeat and he slowly started regenerating, only to show up in canterlot just in time to see Twilight crowned?

Final point of contention: the narration feels a bit bland. While I did kinda like the bits about Sombra being upset that the world wasn't as he'd left it, I'm just not feeling the rest of it. I'm not feeling Sombra's personality shine through. I don't want to just be told that he's evil and menacing; I want to see what makes him tick. I want to see what he loves, what he hates, why he wants to rule the world. I want to see his motivation. Is he lonely? Does he want to propel the world into a new age of slaves and steel? Why would he fall in love with Twilight, and what could she possibly see in him? Does she (mistakenly?) see him as misunderstood but well-meaning? Have him let us know when he's irritated, miffed, excited, angry, or vaguely pleased. Do that through his tone if you can. And try to flavor the descriptions more like observations through the narrator's eyes. The narrator is a character, too, even if he doesn't do anything but tell the story.

Please don't let this comment discourage you. I may have given you a down vote for now, but the fact that you made it to the feature box is a testament to how excellent the story's concept is. I won't be faving this story, but I'll keep it in my read it later list for a while in case you revise it.

Interesting, I will definitely be keeping an eye on this.

2372628
When you're the evil lord of darkness, you need to acknowledge the existence of gryphons and dragons.

Comment posted by stephfluttershy deleted Apr 5th, 2013
Comment posted by stephfluttershy deleted Apr 5th, 2013

2375178 Celestia was seeking Sombra's horn for the same reason she had to reform Discord. Sombra's magic might come in useful some day! Because.. uhm.. stuff could happen... that needs it... for the stuff.

fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/213/d/1/celestia_shrug_by_furrylife1-d42dylv.png

2375178 But we already know Sombra's motivation! From his own mouth!

"CRRRRRRYYYYYSTALLLLLL SSSSSLLLLAAAAAAVEESSSSSS!!!!"

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mejmjgQW4q1ru1fsdo1_500.png

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