Not Alone
Rainbow felt guilty. It wasn't something that she normally felt that often and she hated it when she did. She preferred pride, joy, usually from something she did, either something for one of her friends to show that she'd always stick by them or because of some awesome trick she did. Either one of them was good. But feeling guilty was the worst because it meant that she had screwed up somehow.
In a way, she didn't really feel like she had screwed up. Okay, so she had gone and vented her feelings on Dusk while he had been out, but didn't she have the right to? She needed to do something to let out her frustration and since he had been mainly responsible for why she had been in hospital in the first place… well, what else was she supposed do? Sure, it hadn't been so bad in the end, but she still had the right to do it.
That was something that had really been bugging her and she had been hoping to resolve it today. Regardless of what he might have done to her, breaking first her heart, then her wings and almost her spirit, she felt that sense of loyalty towards Dusk that she did to all her friends. Once she'd talked to him today, she was gonna put that to rest and get it out of her head. She had been sure Luna would let them through if they'd just kept at it.
Then, of course, before any of them could argue further, Ray had conceded for them and now her chance for letting this go was gone. Once they'd left the Princesses' chambers and were out on the courtyard, she wasted no time calling him out on it.
"Okay, what the hay happened there?" she demanded, rounding on him. "We come here to help out Dusk after he runs off and you just go and give up before we even crossed the door?"
"Giving up implies that I don't intend to try again," he countered.
"I feel I must agree with Rainbow Dash on this," added Rarity. "It was Luna who was telling us that Dusk didn't want to see us, we should have at least heard it from his mouth first. This isn't the first time he's pushed us away, you know."
"I thought you said you were going to do all in your power to help him." Twilight's voice was a mingling of anger and despair. "How could you, of all ponies, think of stopping us when he needs us the most? When he needs me…"
"Whoa, hey, give some of the others a chance to gang up on me too, why don't you?" Realising his attempt at humour failed, he proceeded to explain himself. "Look, the way I see it, it's kinda understandable that he'd want some time to himself for now, right? I think it's better if we give him some time to get his thoughts together before we try talking to him."
"Either that, or he's just wallowing in his guilt so much that he thinks that he doesn't need us when really he does, now more than ever," argued Rarity.
"Well, we can't know that for sure, but either way we need to give him a little space before we try anything." He chuckled nervously. "Also, we were right in front of the Princess of the Night. Even I'm not stupid enough to try anything in front of her."
Rarity bit her lip and furrowed her brow. "I suppose that you have a point. We can't exactly go back now anyway."
Twilight looked like she had given up trying to argue. She'd obviously been through a lot and didn't feel like starting another fight with a friend. Rainbow, however, sure as hay wasn't gonna take this lying down.
"Even so, we coulda still done something, insisted that we go in and see him or just barge by and make him come out," she suggested. "Anything is better than just turning around and walking away."
"In this case, I'd have to say otherwise and I usually don't," he added.
She started to get a little annoyed with him now. "You're just saying, 'cause you're just-"
"Okay then, let me put it this way." An edge crept into his voice now. "You remember the other day, back in the hospital and we had that argument?"
"Yeah? What about it?" If this was an invitation to another one, she wasn't gonna let him off easy this time.
"I'll tell you what about it," he replied levelly, but sternly. "Remember how I yelled at you, because you thought you had it worse than Dusk did? Well, I still stand by what I said. What happened to you wasn't Dusk's fault, none of it was."
This again? How could he still say that? "What? What are you-?!"
"None of it," he repeated. "But that doesn't make him feel any less guilty about it. I mean, think about it. He shouted at all of his friends, attacked his town and turned its residents into zombies, broke your wings and he had to fight his marefriend. All of these things he did while under Doom's influence, driven by what he made him do while he was in his head."
"What's your point?"
"My point is imagine if it was you." He allowed some silence to pass and let that sink in. "Imagine if some evil force was acting through you, making you do things that you wouldn't even think about doing and probably even hurting your friends as a result. What if you actually hurt your friends as a result and you were completely helpless to do anything except watch? How would you feel if that was you?"
Rainbow would have retorted that mares went through that every year being in heat, but she bit it back because there was no way she could compare it to that. She'd never thought about it that way and it only made her feel even guiltier about what she'd said to Dusk. The idea of being forced to hurt her friends like what Doom had done to Dusk… the idea of it just made her sick and she could only imagine what that would be like if she actually had it happen.
Not only that, but she noticed something else too. This wasn't the first time Ray had defended Dusk on this from her, counting this point he'd made and the stance on his argument in the hospital. The way he talked about it, it was like he knew exactly what Dusk was going through. She knew that was kind to be thinking that and she could be wrong but that was what it looked like.
Still, her pride and her guilt kept her silent and she felt some minor annoyance that was giving Ray this victory. Even though she didn't really feel like wanting to win this fight anyway.
"Okay then, that's sorted out then," he said brightly, returning to normal once more. "Right, so we might have left him alone today, but we go back tomorrow in force. Sound good?"
"Ah've heard worse plans," agreed Applejack. "We can stay someplace till then an' figure out what we're gonna do when we get ta talk ta him."
"Exactly what I was thinking." He looked around at their slightly morose faces. "Cheer up everypony. By the end of tomorrow, we'll have Dusk back with us."
The lavender unicorn among them started to walk off dejectedly. "I hope we do…"
Even though she preferred to keep a can-do spirit, even Rainbow felt a little hopeless just from hearing how defeated Twilight started and started to think they might have failed before they'd even begun.
The atmosphere in the hotel wasn't a friendly one. At least, not to the extent they were used to. Nopony really said anything and any attempts to lighten it by either Pinkie or Ray were met with dismal results and short, sharp remarks, usually from either Twilight or Rainbow. It was like when Applejack hadn't come back to Ponyville repeating itself, except with that it felt like they'd had more of a chance to resolve it and bring her home. This time though…
Though they said they were going to plan out what they would say to Dusk, they didn't really come to any kind of tactic or plan. They were just going to go in there, insist on seeing Dusk even if he might not want to and do everything they could to convince him to come home, to make him see that they didn't care about what had happened and they just wanted their friend back.
In Twilight's case, she was going to do a lot more than that. She had come close to losing Dusk one too many times. He'd left on a misunderstanding, she'd been forced to leave him behind, Discord had taken him from her, they'd fought and argued and he'd been lost to his darker side again. Each time he'd left or been forced away, they'd always managed to get him back and only ended up strengthening the bond they shared. After all they'd been through now, she wasn't going to let this time be the only exception.
Even so, she didn't feel much of the same strength as she'd had those other times and she couldn't help but feel that if she failed now, when it was most crucial… she just wouldn't be able to take it.
They made sure to get a good breakfast at the hotel and decided to wait a little longer and take their time. Unlike with Applejack, they at least knew why he'd left and could think more about what they would do and how to act. They also didn't feel the threat that he would run away, because there weren't a lot of places he could run to now.
At around ten, they left and made their way back to the palace, like troops marching out into battle, on a mission none of them had any intention of failing. Recognising them, any guards that stood between them let them past and even some of the citizens of Canterlot seemed to recognise that some kind of force drove the group, enough to give them a little space. Like the pony they were going to see, Twilight didn't care much for delays or for being late, now more than any time.
Celestia was the first to greet them, stepping gracefully down the stairs to meet them. It was like she'd been expecting them and she probably had been.
"I don't think I need to ask what brings you here today, my little ponies," she said in an almost solemn voice. "Luna is regaining her strength for the night, but she's give me responsibility of our guest for the day."
"We understand, princess," replied Twilight, hoping her teacher would give them some kind of concession. "Are we allowed to see him today? Does he want to?"
"Wait a moment." She turned and went back up the stairs. They all exchanged unsure, nervous glances with each other while they waited for her to return.
What if Dusk still didn't want to see them? Did they risk a chance making demands of Celestia in the hopes that they could? The idea would have normally seemed horrible to Twilight but right now, she was willing to risk it if that was the case.
"I've spoken to him, as both he and I knew that you'd be back today. He was reluctant but I managed to persuade him to give you a chance." She stood aside to let them pass. "Best of luck to you all."
"Thank you, princess," said Twilight sincerely, leading their group up.
"Whether he'll admit it or not, he needs you, all of you." She smiled sadly. "I hope you manage to convince him."
"We shall do our best, your highness," promised Rarity. "Well, come along everypony. We don't want to keep our gentlecolt friend waiting."
They marched together down the hall towards the door where Dusk had taken residence. Twilight could feel the tension mounting in her chest as they approached, taking one last glance at the group before using her magic to open the door.
The entire room was bathed in darkness. The lights were off and the curtain was closed, the only source of light being from the door they'd just walked in and from a small crack in the curtain. It seemed that the thought Twilight had about Dusk being able to blend into the darkness due to the colour of his fur was right, because she couldn't see any sign of him in here. It was actually rather eerie, how quiet and dark it was in here.
Only after Fluttershy closed the door behind her did she see and hear some kind of movement, from the furthest corner of the room. Even now she could see where he was, she could barely make him out in the darkness.
"So… you're here." His voice sounded so distant and forlorn when it reached her ears. "I had a feeling that you might come after me. Not much of one but… it was there."
"There's those psychic powers of yours acting up again," said Pinkie brightly, keeping her smile.
A single, cynical chuckle answered in return. "I suppose so. Please," he added, when he saw Rarity move to a lamp, "don't turn on any lights."
"Oh really?" She paused with her hoof reaching for it. "And why is that?"
"I'd just prefer to keep it dark," he answered in an almost monotone voice. "It's the only thing I really deserve…"
"Come on now, sittin' in the dark ain't no way fer anypony ta live," reasoned Applejack.
"Ever practical as always," he said, with a hint of fondness. "But I can't agree with you this time. Darkness is the only reward to those who have lost the light… like me…"
"B-b-but why would you want to stay in the dark?" stammered Fluttershy. "It's… it's scary in the dark…"
"I suppose, but not for those that live in it. Monsters don't fear the dark, they shun the light, because they know they don't deserve to dwell within it," he said morbidly.
"You're… you're not a monster, big brother," she said kindly, starting to approach. "None of us think-"
"Please, don't." She squeaked from how harsh his voice sounded. "I'm sorry, but you can't. Don't come any closer… and don't call me that. Don't call me your… your…"
"B-but you are," she insisted. "You are like my brother, you know that."
He appeared to be staring at her from out of the dark for a long while before he answered. "What kind of a brother would be willing to hurt his sister? Or her friends?"
"Okay, that's it!" said Rainbow angrily. "I thought I could put up with this, but now this is just getting stupid."
"I know perfectly well your feelings on the matter," he replied, his voice a little harsher.
"Good, so that means we can't waste any time," she countered. "I've heard enough of this, so cut the emo crap, so cut the depression poetry, turn the lights back on and come back with us."
"Come back?" That cynical laugh returned. "How can I come back after what's happened? After what I've done?"
"I could throw you a party," suggested Pinkie typically. "Would that help?"
"I've told you before that a party isn't the solution for everything," he answered, though not entirely out of anger. "This is one of those times."
"Now, while ah do agree that a party ain't the solution ta everythin', ah get the feelin' that even that might be good here if this is how yer gonna act," argued Applejack. "Everypony makes mistakes, but feelin' sorry about it ain't no way for anypony to go in their lives."
"My thoughts exactly," put in Rarity. "We've always forgiven you for mistakes in the past and we're willing to do the same now."
"I… appreciate that, but I don't deserve your forgiveness," he sighed. "Not this time… I failed you all and this is the only thing that is owed to me."
"Now, we know what happens when you start talking like that," joked Ray, his aura starting to glow around something.
"No, not this time." Dusk's aura countered it and threw the pipe away. "No amount of striking me with a blunt object is going to change my mind about this, Ray."
He shrugged in response. "You never know until you try and I'm willing to try anything at this point if it means getting this into your head."
"Well, don't," he snapped. "Though maybe something along those lines might be an appropriate punishment…"
Realising that she'd been silent up to now, Twilight knew she had to try something before it was too late.
"You don't deserve any punishment, Dusk," she said softly. "Maybe you could do some extra work in the library, I'd be fine with that."
"Twilight?" There was a noticeable break in his voice when he said her name. "You're… you're here too?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Hers started to break too, but she had to keep at it. "I was there for you before. Do you remember, at the hospital? I was always there for you…"
He was silent for a moment. "Of… of course I do. The doctors told me, after I woke up and… I heard your voice, speaking to me… it was unclear but… I knew it was you…"
"Doesn't that say anything then?" She slowly walked towards the sound of his voice. "Don't you think that's worth something?"
"It… I… it was wasted on me," he answered after some stammering. "You didn't have to do that… you shouldn't have… I wasn't worth it… I never was…"
"Spike said you'd say something like that," she giggled, in spite of herself. "He's wrong though. You are worth it. To me, you are, you really are."
"I'm not though, I… I don't… no…"
"Dusk, please…" She reached out towards him, tears blurring her vision. "Come back with us, with me. I've waited for you, don't leave me now…"
"I… I was… you…" She felt a magical barrier come up, preventing her hoof moving further. "No… don't… please, don't…"
"Just come back with us. Don't push me away, please," she begged.
"But I have to. Don't you see, that this is what I have to do?" There was so much belief in his voice that she was almost convinced herself. "You might be willing to forget, but I can't. I remember everything, what I did to you and to our home, what I let him do because I wasn't strong enough to stop him. I tried to, but I failed and now this is all I can do as penance."
"Dusk, don't-"
"Twilight, no… I love you, so much and all of you. This isn't easy for me, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I have to do it." She could see his head turn towards Rainbow. "I heard you, you know? You were right, I deserve all the blame, for everything, what I did to you. I am sorry, I truly am and that's all I can offer… even if I don't deserve your forgiveness… and never will…"
Silence lingered in the air like the stench of death in the wake of his words. They all seemed to be at a complete loss as to what to say to bring him out of such despair and self-loathing. Twilight wanted nothing more than to hold him, to tell him that she didn't care about all of that, but how could she when he wouldn't even let her get close?
He seemed to sense their response and she could hear him start to move away. "I… appreciate you all coming for me. I'm only sorry that you wasted your time on me again." His aura opened the door, though he stayed out of the light that streamed in. "I don't want to appear rude, but… I think it best if you were to leave…"
"Dusk, please, don't do this…"
"I don't want to… but I have to…" The regret and pain that ebbed into his voice was heart-wrenching to hear. "Please, just go… forget me and move on… it's what's best…"
At first, nopony moved. Then, one by one, without a word, they left. Applejack placed her hat over her heart and bowed her head. Rarity was trying her best to hold back tears, while Fluttershy was weeping rivers. Ray comforted her, eyes lingering on Dusk as they left with Pinkie, no longer with her usual smile and bounce. Rainbow was conflicted between anger and sadness, leaving the quickest out of them.
Twilight was the last to go. She stayed the longest, her eyes locked on the place where Dusk sat in the dark. She had tried and her efforts had been for nothing. She'd lost him. Stepping out that door, knowing she might never see him again cleaved her heart in two, even more so when she could hear quiet sobbing following her out.
She wanted to cry, to weep over what she had lost, but she just felt empty. Her heart was left with a hole she knew she could never fill again. It wasn't even worth crying over now, because the tears just wouldn't come.
When she arrived back at the courtyard, not even looking up at her teacher, she saw that, as if from some unspoken agreement, her friends start to disperse, drifting off in different directions. Like Dusk's presence as the Element of Unity was no longer felt and there was nothing keeping them together anymore.
She looked away, not willing to pile on more pain and stared somberely at the castle. Once upon a time, she thought it the most grand and beautiful sight her eyes would ever behold. Now, it seemed more like an imposing fortress, keeping imprisoned the only one she wanted to see now, but never could. She didn't know for how long she stood there, a second, a minute, an hour, she didn't really know or care.
Apparently though, somepony did.
"Twilight? Are you alright?" asked Ray, concern evident in his voice.
"Well, what do you think?" she snapped.
"Hey, hey, I was only asking," he placated, raising his hooves defensively.
She took a moment to calm down. "I'm sorry, Ray… I… this isn't easy for me…"
"I know, I can tell. You wanna talk about it?" he offered. "I know it doesn't seem like much but it helps, you know?"
"I… well…" She considered just saying no and leaving it at that, but in truth, she really was in need of some kind of comfort. "I've lost him, Ray… I was stupid, ignoring what I felt and not even doing anything until it was too late."
"You couldn't have known what to do," he soothed. "What were you supposed to do?"
"Anything, just something instead of just hanging on the side-lines!" She knew her voice was rising again, but she didn't care. "All of my magic, all my knowledge and I did nothing! I couldn't even say that I loved him because I didn't know… until it was too late. Now, he's gone and there's nothing I can do…"
She bowed her head, realising she was wrong when she thought she didn't have any more tears left to shed. A warm hoof was placed gently on her shoulder and she looked up at Ray, who she noticed now didn't look as defeated as she or the others did.
"Twilight, you can't beat yourself up about this," he advised. "Sure, you knew, but could you honestly say that you would know how to deal with something as bad as Doom? You were scared and I don't blame you. Anypony would be. We know he doesn't."
"But… but I…"
"And as for your feelings, you know you're still new to romance, you both were. If it's something like love, then of course you needed some time to think about it. I mean, I've never really experienced it myself, but it's a pretty big thing and some ponies need more time than others to deal with something like that, like how Dusk is now." He let a smile come to his face. "But you did it, didn't you? You know now?"
"Yes," she answered without hesitation. "I know now… I love him."
"Well, there you go," he said brightly. "I said before that you guys make a great couple and that's just one other thing I'm not gonna see brought to an end. If you can come to terms with your feelings for Dusk, then he can get through this. That's what I think."
Though she had given up, Twilight found herself reassured surprinsgly by his words. It wasn't so much what he said, but how he said it. It was with such conviction and knowledge, that even she didn't think that there was much chance of him failing, with determination like that. She still had her doubts, but the lingering words 'have faith' echoed in her mind.
Even so, she didn't feel like she had much faith to give anymore. That and she was a little curious about what exactly he intended to do and was about to ask, until he brought up something else.
"Look, I know it doesn't mean much, coming from me, but maybe it would help if you spoke to somepony else about it," he suggested. "Is there anypony like that?"
"I… I guess my parents…" Now she thought about it, seeing her sometimes fussy mother, her forgetful father and her loving brother was exactly what she needed right now. "Yes I… I'll go and see them."
"Okay, that sounds good. You want me to walk you there?" he offered.
"No, I'll be fine." She gave as much of a sincere smile as she could manage to him. "Thank you for trying to make me feel better, Ray."
"Trying's all we can do, right?" There was something else in his words there too that she was going to ask about, but he just smiled before she could and headed off, flashing from a teleport spell.
She looked at the spot where he'd vanished and felt a smile tug at her lips too. They hadn't really spoken much like that, but she was grateful to him for trying… even if that emptiness in her heart remained.
Sighing, she started to trudge along the path to her parents' house, hoping to find a little comfort there, if any.
Shining Armour had thought he had a good day. The patrols had been back on time, with little to report, he'd spent an enjoyable lunch with Princess Cadence and he was secure in the knowledge that Twilight and her friends were safe following the attack that had occurred a few days ago in Ponyville. He had been annoyed at being kept in the dark, but he'd gotten over it, as long as his sister was okay.
That was until he got home later that afternoon, to find his parents with Twilight, who had looked absolutely devastated.
Like any good brother should be, Shining hated to see his sister upset. If it was because she'd hurt herself, he made sure that she was looked at. If it was because she'd lost something, he would do his best to help her find it. If it was because somepony had hurt her, then he wouldn't hesitate to find them and tell them exactly what he thought. In this case, it had been the latter and that was something he really, really wasn't happy about.
When he saw her, it made him feel even worse. She was so distraught, so heartbroken like he had never seen her before. This wasn't that she'd lost her Smartypants doll or had grazed her knee. Something had really upset her and it only made him all the more determined to find out exactly who or what had done it.
He'd listened to his parent's explanation that they'd gotten from her, that in the aftermath of the attack on Ponyville, Dusk had practically broken up with Twilight for some unspecified reason they were now trying to get out of her. His mother was naturally angry, while also wondering what could have happened to cause such a thing. His father didn't really appear sure what to make of this situation. Shining, however, knew just what to make of it.
Telling them he'd be back later, he'd strode out, found out from the nearest guard where Dusk was saying and marched off towards the princesses' royal quarters, almost barged through the doors, was grateful that neither princess was there to stop him and flung open the door to the guest room, thunder in his heart and anger set on his face.
"Who…?" The stallion looked up and his eyes widened with surprise and fear at what he saw. "Shining? What are you-?"
"Don't even think of trying to play dumb with me, Noir!" he shouted, striding up and sending him almost scrabbling away. "You know exactly why I'm here, so don't try to say it's otherwise."
"Shining, please, let me just-"
"No, you let me explain!" he shot at him. "Right now, my little sister is with my parents, looking like she's just had her whole world ripped away from her and I all know is that you're the one that did it! Now, you've got exactly thirty seconds to tell me what you did or I'm not gonna be held responsible for what I might do to you!"
"Fine, fine, I will, just stop and-"
"No, you start, because your thirty seconds already have. Make it good," he growled, already starting to flex his hoof.
He took a few of those seconds to collect himself. "I know that this isn't easy for her… it isn't any different for me, believe me, but it… it's what needs to be done."
"Needs to be done?! Breaking my little sister's heart, without any reason at all, that has to be done?!" he shouted. "You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that!"
"That's all I can tell yo-"
"No, it isn't!" He grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him up. "I know it isn't, now why did you do it?!"
"Shining-"
"Tell me!"
"I really don't-"
"TELL ME!"
"Because it was me!" he cried. "That attack you heard about on Ponyville, that was me! It was because of me that it happened and your sister was hurt in the process!"
Now, as well as being angry, he was confused. "What do you mean, it was because of you?"
"I'll tell you, but I'd much appreciate it if you let me go," he said levelly.
"You're not exactly in a position to ask anything of me." He leaned in closer. "Explain to me exactly why it is this is your fault and maybe I'll let you go. Maybe."
Dusk fell into a minute of silence to pick his words carefully. With a few stammers and pauses, he told Shining about how, like Luna and Nightmare Moon, he'd had a similar affliction, becoming a pony called Blackhole Doom. It was his darker side who had broken free of his mind and had used his magic to take over Ponyville and attack its citizens.
"You know, you're not exactly making yourself sound much better, because all I'm hearing so far is that you had this guy in you and you put Twilight in danger, when she didn't even know!"
"She did!" he insisted. "She knew about it, but she never spoke to me about it, nor did I with her. If we had… we could have prevented it… but I didn't, I was too scared. He's gone now, I don't hear him anymore. I have her to thank for that and I do… but… I'll never forget what he's done…"
"Right," he said unsurely, still not convinced. "So, did you keep him back before that or something?"
"I did, along with Princess Luna," he answered. "I held him back during the day, she took over at night and it was working… but I failed. He got out that day and… that's when it all happened." He gazed at him imploringly. "I tried, I really did, I didn't want him to hurt her or any of them, but I failed!"
"And why exactly should I believe that?"
"Because it is the truth." He looked to see the Princess of the Night herself standing in the doorway. "I understand you are looking out for your sister, Shining Armour, but I must ask that you release my student. Now."
The dangerous level her voice took and her authority as a princess made Shining comply, although he was about to anyway. Dusk however, didn't appear all that shaken now he thought about it. If anything, it looked like he welcomed it.
His next words confirmed that. "I understand too, Shining and I don't blame you in the slightest for acting like that. You trusted me to protect your sister and… I failed. I failed both of you. If anything, I deserve what you did… and more."
The captain of the guard would have shouted more, would have made sure that he never did anything like this again. Surprisingly however, in the wake of what he'd just heard, he felt his rage ebb and pity slowly start to replace it.
Shining didn't know what it was, but he couldn't really bring himself to stay angry at him. Maybe because his sister had been truly happy with the stallion or that he'd already proven himself to him or that he'd genuinely grown to like him. Truly though, it was how he saw him, how truly pitiable he'd become and how contrite he sounded that he couldn't be entirely angry towards him. Not when he was like this, because Twilight was much the same way.
He looked to Luna, who was watching her student with much compassion in her eyes. He had to admit that when she'd first arrived back, he hadn't really trusted Luna and suspected she might return to the Mare of Darkness if given the chance. But he'd given her the benefit of the doubt and after all this time bore as much ill will to her as he did to her elder. It was almost the same with Dusk, in that sense and it was what prompted his next words.
"Doesn't sound like it to me." Dusk looked surprised at this. "Sounds to me like even though Twily knew about you and what happened, she was still willing to stick by you and you were willing to do all you could to protect her. I get the feeling not many other ponies would have done that, you know."
"I… I still failed though…" he repeated. "I got her hurt…"
"Only because she actually went out of her way, along with all your friends, to save you herself, even if it meant getting hurt." He chuckled a little. "She always was committed to things she thought were important and it doesn't look like you're any different."
"But… why… how would she…?"
"Dusk, look. She's at my parents' house now, crying her heart out and it's not because of what Doom did to her, but of what you've done to her." Looks like her comment about stallions being stupid wasn't entirely wrong. "She doesn't care about what you did or what was inside you, she just wants you. I can tell that much pretty clearly and I don't have to be Cadence to do it."
"I do too… but this is what's best," he muttered, not looking him in the eye. "I'm just doing what I feel I need to do, what I feel is the right thing to do. It's hard, but it's for the best…"
"Best for her or for you, because I'm not really convinced by either." He shook his head, knowing he'd said all he needed to. "You know, I thought better of you, Dusk. I really thought my sister had found a great guy when I never thought she would, neither did my parents. Now though, I see you're not much more than a coward."
"Because I'm trying to protect her?" he asked icily.
"No, for not facing up to what's happened and abandoning those that care about you, at a time when you need them the most and when they do too." He let those words sink in. "I never did have much time for cowards. Sorry for disturbing your rest, Your Highness."
Bowing his head to the Princess, he left Dusk in his room, hopefully having gotten through to him. Regardless of what he thought, he'd made Twilight happy and he looked just as miserable without her as she did without him. Maybe it had worked, maybe not, but he'd done all he could.
He paused when he thought he saw something green out of the corner of his eye. He turned as something flashed yellow, revealing nothing. He was probably just seeing things, some of the setting sun reflecting off a plant perhaps.
Knowing his sister still needed him, he made his way back to the house to try and do what he could for her and try to set the record straight with their parents.
"He has a point, you know," Luna said in the wake of Shining's departure. "Regardless of what you might think, you need your friends, Dusk. You can't just leave them."
"Easy for you to say…" He sighed and shook his head. "I just don't know, Luna… I need some time to think. Outside."
"Of course," she nodded. "Come by the Canterlot ball room later. I wish to discuss something with you there."
"As you wish…" Almost echoing the steps of his friends, he exited the royal apartments and went out into the courtyard, making his way towards the gardens.
He sat in the glades of the trees, allowing the light of Luna's moon and stars shine on him when they began to replace the sun in the sky. It gave him some comfort that his teacher was still looking out for him in her own way. Not much, but some.
Dusk pressed a hoof to his head, like when he'd had those headaches from his exertions from lessons or when Doom had been tormenting him. This was one was just as bad. He hadn't exactly been entirely convinced when he'd gone through with his decision to leave Ponyville and assign himself to a sort of exile from his friends. He didn't like it, but it was what was for the best, he'd told himself. It would be hard for both him and the girls with the memories they all had.
They'd come for him, as he'd expected they would. Turning them away face to face had been hard too, but he'd still done it. It put his mind into conflict though and he had to use all of his restraint to prevent himself from returning to them the moment they came through the door. He wanted nothing more than to hold Twilight, to let her know just how much he loved her. But how could he, after what he had done? How could she honestly still love him?
Then, of course, his close encounter with her big brother had driven him into further conflict. He wouldn't have really cared if he'd been called a coward for turning down a fight, but he'd been accused of abandoning his friends. In a way, he had, but he'd told himself it was for their own good. Now, with this idea that Twilight still loved him whirling in his head and that he might lose her forever if he didn't act…
What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to go back, after all that had happened? How could be expected to just forget?
Something reached his ears. Soft hoofsteps on the grass, like somepony trying to sneak up on him.
"Hello? Who's there?" he called out. "I can hear you."
"Darn, I never was very good at sneaking around when I tried," came the casual voice of Ray. "Ironic, considering my abilities, really." He stepped out of the dark, stopping just a few yards away from Dusk, as if he'd just came across him at a coffee shop. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it? Clear night sky, cool air, really refreshing."
"Why are you here, Ray?" asked Dusk bluntly. He wasn't in the mood for his antics.
"Well, apart from having a nice stroll, I'm here to talk about this little problem that you have," he replied jovially.
"Ray, as I've already said, I don't intend to return to Ponyville, so there's no point in-"
"Sorry, not that, that's not the reason I came here for." He looked sympathetically at him. "The way you've been acting recently, I just wanna say first… I get it. How you're feeling, I mean. I really do."
Dusk felt his eyes widen in shock at these words. He knew Ray was good at reading ponies but how could he know that?
"How could you possibly know?" he asked cynically. "How could you know that I feel like I've just had my heart ripped out and stamped on, from the things I've done and have happened because of me? How could you say to me you could even begin to understand how I feel?"
He hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but that was just how he felt right now. He didn't have much feeling towards formalities anymore. Ray, however, didn't seem fazed, still keeping his smile, though it was now a little colder.
"Do you think you're the only one who's made mistakes like this?" While Dusk froze at his words, the stallion pressed on. "Do you think you're the only one who's ever had horrible accidents or tried to run away from your problems? Cause I'm sorry to say you're not exactly special in that area."
He didn't exactly elaborate how he knew this or what mistakes he had made, but for some reason, Dusk felt inclined to believe him. But how could that be possible?
"Okay, maybe I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can take a pretty good guess," he continued. "You feel responsible for what's happened, for hurting your friends in ways that you'd never even consider and that you can't face them again, so you run away to try and spare them more pain. Easier than facing them, right?"
"Yes…" he murmured, calling into question his actions further. "You're quite good at that."
"I try," he shrugged. "I'll tell you something else too."
"I had a feeling you might."
He ignored that and continued. "Like I say, I get why you're acting like this, but I don't agree with it. It's one thing to feel bad about yourself and to cut yourself off, but I feel that only slides when there's nopony else willing to help shoulder your burden. In the past, maybe the way you're acting might be reasonable, but right now you have seven… no, eight friends more than willing to help you fight this pain. Instead though, you're pushing them away and that alone is hurting them more than Doom ever could."
"How would you know that?" he asked bitterly. "They might be better off without me…"
"Wrong again, sorry," he said, shaking his head. "You're the Element of Unity, I did a bit of brushing up my history, I know and as such, the friendship between those girls could never be as close if it weren't for you. Without you… it won't last."
"But… but… what do you mean?" asked Dusk, a little scared now.
"I mean what I said. It may not happen anytime soon, but eventually they'll just drift apart. Heck, it's already started to happen," he said, waving his hoof back towards Canterlot. "I've been around and seen them. Rainbow and AJ are throwing their own temper tantrums, Rarity's being very un-ladylike and being rude to pretty much everypony she doesn't know, Pinkie's hair has gone all straight and long, Fluttershy's crying her heart out no matter what I say and Twilight… well, you know about her. Then there's me, not really sure if this whole thing is actually gonna work or not."
A long silence passed in the wake of his words. Now, Dusk's guilt was really piling up. If Ray was right, then his friends were right now falling to pieces and it was all his fault, when he'd thought he was doing the right thing. He'd forgotten about his responsibility as the Element of Unity and now everypony would pay for it.
"If that's the case then, what do you think I should do?" he asked Ray slowly. "Doom might be gone from my head, but the memories of what he's done still linger, as is my… guilt for what he's done. H He was born of my negative emotions, after all. As long as that's there, I could never hope to feel the same around the ponies he's hurt. My friends…"
Ray just shrugged again. "The way I see it, if Doom was made from your negavtivty and he created these memories causing your guilt, then you're really feeling guilty from your own negative emotion, never mind what's in the middle."
"What? But I still-"
"Look, having darkness inside of you, no matter what form it takes, is nothing to be ashamed about." He let that sink in before continuing. "Light and darkness are two sides of the same coin, a coin called life. Even the most benevolent of individuals have a bit of shadow in their hearts. I mean, the girls were all corrupted by Discord, acting the opposite of their normal selves. Those feelings weren't born of nothing, no emotion can be. Dishonesty, greed, spite, disloyalty, even cruelty, they all existed inside of them, just far beneath the surface. The difference between them and you is they've come to terms with that, while you continue to struggle with yours. That's where the problem is for you.
"Darkness is simply a part of us. It makes us who we are. You seem determined to reject it, but in order to overcome darkness, you have to learn to accept it as a part of who you are. Fighting it will only make it stronger and harder to resist, as you've already proven."
At first, Dusk felt appalled at this idea. It shocked him to his core and at first, he didn't want to accept it. But thinking about it… Doom had only grown stronger, despite his and Luna's efforts and had broken free to reign again. Could it be true?
"Look, whether or not you listen to me and whatever you do as a result, that's up to you." He looked sadly at him. "But as long as you continue to deny this, you'll never be truly happy. You need to learn to trust yourself to be better than it before you think others can trust you. For what it's worth though, I hope you do come back because, believe it or not… well, I consider you to be my closest friend, Dusk. I don't wanna lose that."
With one last smile, he left him in the darkness with his thoughts, the silence of the night following in his wake.
Even though he didn't want to accept the idea, he knew that Ray did have a point. He had battled with his darker side for months thinking he could keep him back and he had returned, stronger than ever. Though it was now past, he still endured the memories of what he had done, plaguing his waking hours and his dreams as they had before, surfacing whenever he saw the girls.
Yet… he remembered times when he had been grappling with Doom mentally and, usually by a word or act, one of the girls had brought him out of his struggle and given him strength. Twilight especially. She'd stayed with him, even though she knew about what dark secret he held, so had Pinkie. If they were willing to accept him for who he was and what he'd done back then, who was to say the girls wouldn't now? They had come here to get him back, all of them.
They still wanted him, even after what he had done. And he'd pushed them away…
Ultimately though, Dusk was still undecided. He'd made a mistake leaving them, he knew that now. If he was to correct it, he'd need to go back. But how could he ever hope to accept the things Doom had done as a part of himself, like Ray had said? But how had he known? What influenced him to see ponies in such a way, but still be cheerful and carefree? If he had done it… was there hope he could?
But he had proof that it could work. Even after Nightmare Moon and all that happened, Luna had returned to the world. It had taken her a while, but she had come to terms with what she'd done and moved on, not letting them get the better of her. She even celebrated Nightmare Night, a holiday that made fun of who she had been, yet she was able to laugh about it and have fun. Because she'd accepted it and not fought with it, like she had been telling him to do by urging to talk to the others. He'd needed to accept it first…
Feeling the need to ask her about it and remembering what she'd told him before, he started to walk to the Canterlot ballroom. He wondered what exactly it was she wanted to show him there, while he walked through the gardens, not feeling as heavy as he did before. It was still a little unclear what he needed to do, but it was better…
He noticed that the lights were out and he could see no sign of activity inside. He pushed the door open and was about to cast a light orb… when they snapped on.
"SURPRISE! Again!" added the late voice of Pinkie after everypony else. "Darn it, not again!"
His vision cleared and he saw them all emerging from hiding places, the ballroom decorated as it had been the last time he was here. Before he could ask anything, Ray teleported in front of him and grinned broadly.
"Surprise! Got ya!" He chuckled and stood next to him. "My idea, just so you know. Cheered up the party master and you didn't see, but her mane perked right back up when you walked in."
"Sure did!" Pinkie pointed to it and beamed. "Ray said you'd come here and that we should throw you a party, like how Twilight had hers here and I wasn't sure at first, but as soon as I saw you, I just felt happy again! You look a little better too."
"Looks like you were wrong about parties too," added Ray.
Dusk finally managed to speak. "You… threw a party for me?"
"Well, since your birthday party was spoiled by your meanie of a brother, I thought it'd be good to throw this one to make up for it when Ray suggested it." Pinkie shifted a little on her hooves. "If we're not gonna see you again, can we at least have one last bit of fun before you go?"
"Please don't go…" Fluttershy's bottom lip started to quiver again.
Even though they wore their smiles and their party hats, he could also see the imploring hope in their eyes, that he might change his mind and come back with them. He looked at Ray, who merely shrugged and grinned. He'd been right. They still wanted him, after everything he'd done, after all he'd said, they didn't want to let him go and to help him.
So who was he to deny them that?
"I don't think you'll need to worry about that, Pinkie," he said, allowing a smile to grow. "I've had a lot of time to think since you all came by and… I think I need to reassess my priorities."
"Does that mean what ah think it means?"
"It does, Applejack." He shook his head and spoke contritely. "I've been a coward and a fool, for a number of reasons that would more than allow you to give up on me. But… if you're willing to take me back then… I'd be willing to accept."
All at once, tension seemed to rapidly evaporate and the girls all cheered, their smiles becoming more genuine and true.
"I think this speaks for itself," beamed Rarity. "Do you even need to ask, darling?"
"It always does well too." He would have returned it, but there was one last thing to tie up and she was walking towards him across the hall, halting directly in front of him. "Twilight…"
"Dusk," she responded curtly.
He flinched a little at the tone in her voice, but carried on. "I just want you to know that, despite all I said… my feelings for you haven't changed. But… I understand if you don't want me back, after all I did. I just hope that, if I lose you as my marefriend… can we still be friends?"
Twilight let the silence hang between them for a good few minutes. Dusk had feared this and braced himself for the worst. It was what he deserved, after all. He expected her to just walk away, if not yell or shout at him for breaking her heart and pushing her away like this.
What he didn't expect was for her to break out in a smile, grab his shoulders and kiss him like she had never done before. His body tensed from the shock, but he soon relaxed into it, the two of them conveying everything they needed to in that kiss. Her forgiveness for him, his reconciliation to her, forgetting about how they'd failed to act before and just expressing relief that it was over now.
When they finally stopped for her, she hit his leg lightly. "You're still an idiot."
"I know…"
"But you're my idiot." She hugged him and he gladly returned it. "I love you, Dusk and I'm never, ever going to let you forget that."
"I didn't think you would," he said with a smile. "Perhaps we could draw up a schedule for regular intervals for these reminders."
"I think I'd enjoy that." She pulled back and beamed, placing something on his head. "I think this is yours."
"Still warm," he remarked, feeling the comforting weight of his hat on his head, followed by a magical aura from Rarity, placing his necklace half back. Now, he was complete. "Thank you. I… I love you, Twilight."
"I love you too," she replied, grabbing his hoof. "Now, let's have some fun. We've earned it."
"I wholeheartedly agree," he replied, exchanging a look with Ray. "I think we all have."
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Yeah!!! Good ending, if it is the ending. Which I sincerely hope that it is not. I want to see Dusk's full potential realized.
Yay! Happy endings are happy!
well, i did not really expect that, but i am not complaining
2712735 Not to specifically brag, but.....*leans back and pulls out a nail filer*............Ray knows what he's doing. 'Nuff said.
2713477 Well, I thought as much, what with all of the foreboding that Ray did in this chapter. I think it might have to do with that fairy tale that was about Celestia and that other dude. Don't confirm it; That's just my theory.
Fluffy!
2713560 ....................not sure what you mean by "foreboding"................but.........okay.
2713560
I sorta agree with your theory. The author rarely has stories told for the heck of it. They always seem to be foreshadowing.
2714630 Quite right, my friend. Every author does some form of foreboding and foreshadowing.
2714654 That, and it kinda explicitly states something along these lines in the story summary.
2716250 True, very true.
Crisis Averted!
So much liquid pride....
Why do I get the feeling that Ray is somehow going to end up an antagonist?
2716250 I read the first book in this series and now I never read the summerys of these books!
2716250 I read the first book in this series and now I never read the summerys of these books!