We were once gods. We were the sun and the moon. Rulers of a kingdom built on kindness, love, and friendship. Our subjects lived in peace. Mortals and immortals coexisted peacefully. It was harmony defined.
Then along came a unicorn.
She was nothing special then. Just another unicorn applying for lessons in magic. They came by the thousands everyday. They were filed away in various colleges and classes, trained in magic, and never heard from again. They were not special. This unicorn was different. The raw amount of power she exerted... it was exhilarating. Nopony had demonstrated this level of sheer magical ability since Starswirl the Bearded.
Naturally, she became a student. Not just any student. She became a student to the Sun herself. For years, she studied and trained and honed her magical abilities, until she was the most skilled magician in Canterlot.
That was not enough.
We had seen her talent. Her talent was magic, and magic, as we all know, is friendship.
She was shipped out at once. Sent to Ponyville with the task of making friends. It was a test. She did make friends, though not of her own volition. When push came to shove however, she came through. She, along with her five friends, defeated Nightmare Moon. Nightmare moon was an Alicorn. A god.
The six had felled a god.
From then on, she became our champion. She and the five faced dragons, hydras, manticores, sea serpents, parasprites. They faced everything. And they grew stronger. Every encounter brought them closer together. It strengthened their friendship.
It strengthened their magic.
Their next task was to face off with an ancient opponent of ours. Discord. He was chaos incarnate. The epitome of wickedness. The ultimate enemy. Again, the six felled him. They then faced off with the Changeling Queen herself, and again defeated her. Then, it was King Sombra. Again, the six were victorious.
They were unstoppable.
This was where harmony began to dissolve.
We recognized that she was beyond the normal limits for a unicorn, even an exceptional one. My sister and I gazed with pride over the student we had created. Admired her the way an artist admire's his painting. She was beautiful. She was powerful. She was magic.
She WAS magic.
It was her destiny. It always had been. She had become her talent.
"She's magic, Luna. Just as you're the moon and I'm the sun. She's become like us, sister. She's become... godlike."
She was godlike alright, but she was no god. This was something we sought to rectify. And so we did. She passed from unicorn to Alicorn. From mortal to Immortal.
From the creation, to a creator.
She ascended to the pantheon. She had become royalty. She had become a god.
She worked tirelessly for years as the mortal's new god. A god of friendship and harmony. A god of magic. She was beloved by all. The ponies exalted her, cried her name as she walked past, praised her from the rooftops and on the street corners. The mortals loved their new god.
It was then that she made a simple request. She wanted a kingdom.
"Nothing too large or too fancy. Just a little slice of Equestria to call my own."
We gave in to her. How could we refuse? She was our greatest triumph. Our hearts swelled with pride at the sound of her name.
We spoiled her.
She came to expect getting her way. After all, she was a goddess. The mortals never refused her, and the we the immortals always bowed to her demands. She had proven to be reliable in the past, why should we have doubted her now? Her every whim was met, either by us or by the mortals.
Then she made the request we could not meet.
"After all, I am the element of Magic. Shouldn't I be the one to decide what magic the mortals can use?"
She had gone too far. She wished to exercise control over the mortals. Our subjects. She was a god. She had her own kingdom. She had no right to demand of us.
Oh but she did. She was now our equal. We had no right to demand of her. The only way to demand now, was by force.
She was a fast learner.
My sister spoke out against her, demanded that she respect her fellow Alicorns, but to no avail. There was a shattering of glass, a sickening crunch, and an earsplitting scream. Thus ended the reign of my sister.
The creation rebelled against its creator.
I attempted to undo what she had done, but it was too late. The sun lay dead, and the moon was waning. Cadence made her own valiant effort to stop the student, but she too was crushed beneath the hooves of the usurper. I was the only one remaining, and I am ashamed to say that I fled rather than fought. I fled to find the remaining five elements.
Honesty, Loyalty, Laughter, Generosity, and Kindness remained.
They came to my aid in a heartbeat. None of them wished to strike down their former friend. Understandable.
But the friend they had known did not exist. She was dead now. All that remained was the goddess. A twisted malformation of magic. Twisted, dark magic, but magic incarnate nonetheless.
Our quest failed.
She could not be reasoned with.
She could not be destroyed.
Without magic to hold them all together, the elements were useless. The remaining five bearers were struck down where they stood. Canterlot's throne room ran red with their blood. With them, all hope died.
I was forced to flee for my life. My only hope is that this memoir survives. If anypony can read this, learn from our mistake.
Friendship and Magic are one and the same, and both can turn dark in an instant.
Signed by,
Luna the Last True Goddess of Equestria
This raises a good point. Twilight has been spoiled since shortly after her first breath. She has never known hardship, and she has never known challenge. She has been given everything she's ever wanted, but a pony as spoiled as her would of course want more. She has been made a god, and yet, she is no wiser, she still doesn't understand the world beyond facts, formulas and theorems.
She is an unfit leader, to argue otherwise is folly. She breaks like glass under pressure, she makes judgements without reason, she decides that she is always right, even with evidence against her. Celestia made a monster, and it will destroy her. Or else destroy itself.
They say the Element of Magic is greater in power than the other elements. Yet, the Elements keep balance, instead of order. Ergo, the Element of Magic is the opposite of the Elements of Harmony, a twisted facsimile of light.
Historically, Magic was always the betrayer. Celestia and Luna both betrayed one another in the past, and both have wielded magic.
This would be an ineresting story.
Totally badass
i hope you don't mind but i made a video of me reading this it's uploading now
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i'm reblogging that because it's true
2365937
Yo Dawg.
I herd you like reblogs, so put a reblog (of this fanfic) in yo reblog.
2365937 Use my name or don't, it's up to you.
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i linked to the comment
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/149454/twilight-is-spoiled-and-an-unfit-leader-says-some-guy-on-some-other-guys-comments
because thats how i roll yo
oh i almost forgot
this story was awesome
upvote
Make a sequel or maybe a version of this that has more detail on how those conversations between the charecters went out.
I would do it myself but I am already drowning in ideas of my own.
Impressive and like the other said.. Though provoking.
Fav'd. Upvoted.
Well done.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Quite the story for something so short and simple.
Now this is what happens when you make twilight an alicorn, you get F$(ked
?
Enthralling novel, acquaintance!
(i c wut u did with the word count)
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Crap. Missed that typo. Thank you for pointing that out.
lol exactly 1000 words.
I FUCKING HATE ALICORN TWILIGHT
2369166thank you, someone who agrees with me, by the way Corah if you need some to kill her, I know a certain planet devouring God of chaos, hint: he is Unicron
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I'm not interested in killing her. This is not, nor will it ever be a hate fic. This piece of fiction is about the inherent danger is exalting that which is mortal to the plane of immortality. It is a warning, not a condemnation.
well written but I didn't enjoy it sorry.
So I made this.
Yes, it sucks. No, I don't care.
It's good, don't be so angsty.
Well if you can't stop her, banish her into space
Ignore the haters. stop beating yourself up. and always remember " As long as there are those that enjoy your work, DO NOT abandon those who support you. They will always wait, waiting for your next piece." never give up on what you start; because sooner or later you will have to finish what you have set in motion. WE AUTHORS GOT TO STICK TOGETHER YOU KNOW.
"This raises a good point. Twilight has been spoiled since shortly after her first breath."
I must argue this. We don't know what happened in the past with her, we only caught a glimpse of her past. That glimpse hinted that even as a filly she had an inclination toward kindness and humility. Despite her being allegedly "spoiled", she is perfectly happy living an ordinary life in a commoner town, instead of the fancy life in the Royal City where she was raised. She has also shown a strong Generous streak ("The Ticket Master" where she didn't even hesitate to give up what she wanted to make her friends happy, and "Sweet and Elite" where she only used her connection to Celestia to do something for a friend, not to mention encouraging said friend to do something for themselves when said friend was supposed to be at Twilight's Birthday Part)
"She has never known hardship"
Despite the implications in "Lesson Zero" that she was bullied? We know next to nothing about her past, so we cannot say as fact she hasn't known hardship. For all we know, Celestia, far from giving her special treatment, may have put more pressure on her to challenge her. We don't know, as we didn't see it
"and she has never known challenge. She has been given everything she's ever wanted,"
Again, have we actually seen this as established fact? I can't find any episodes where she was wanting a lot and getting it all, nor is there ever an indication this happened before the start of the show
"She is an unfit leader, to argue otherwise is folly. She breaks like glass under pressure"
She handles herself well in most situations, the only times she truly cracked were in "Lesson Zero" which was right after she was traumatized by Discord, and in "Canterlot Wedding" where she thought she saw her brother being hypnotized
"she makes judgements without reason"
Bridle Gossip, where she refused to judge Zecora without knowing the facts. Looking through the episodes, I can't find any time where she was "judgmental" except maybe "Canterlot Wedding" where she had good reason to be suspicious
"she decides that she is always right, even with evidence against her."
Maybe she showed that attitude in "Feeling Pinkie Keen", but she acknowledged it, and she is quick to admit when she's wrong (sometimes taking the blame for things that WEREN'T her fault, like in Bridle Gossip.) Other than that, I can't find any examples of what you're saying here, except maybe "Canterlot Wedding" where the "evidence" against her was flimsy and weak
"They say the Element of Magic is greater in power than the other elements. Yet, the Elements keep balance, instead of order. Ergo, the Element of Magic is the opposite of the Elements of Harmony, a twisted facsimile of light."
The Element of Magic is the embodiment of Friendship, she is less then each of her friends in their respective Elements, but she herself is a balance of all the Elements. Far from being the opposite of Harmony, she embodies it
"Historically, Magic was always the betrayer. Celestia and Luna both betrayed one another in the past, and both have wielded magic."
It is not established fact that Celestia betrayed Luna, and Luna was corrupted. All Unicorns use magic, and there is very little evidence of Unicorns being betrayers. In fact, Twilight has shown an intense loyalty not just to Celestia, but to all her loved ones
It doesen't suck it great
Like and faved.
Except they didn't, Cadence and Shining Armour did.
Aww, it's awesome, don't belittle yourself!
But, um, didn't Luna get killed by Twilight or something in the first chapter?
Unless I read wrongly or I am an idiot.
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Buck myself, I read wrongly!
wow
Don't be too hard on yourself. This is very well written and has a unique sense of pacing and structure all its own that is almost lyrical. It paints a picture of an alternate Twilight where Celestia stepped in whenever Twily encountered difficulty instead of allowing her to learn from the situation by letting her work at it to find her own solution. As a result, this Twilight Sparkle came to be a spoiled, egocentric psychopath who was humble while gathering power to herself but thought it was all about her. She never learned one of the true lessons about friendship; that friendship sometimes involves letting your friends shoulder the load when you are unable to do so. Its not so much that magic itself is to blame; rather, it seems that magic at the power levels of the Princesses tends to lead to egomania and superiority when not tethered and constrained by a counterbalance. Celestia and Luna have each other and a long-standing sense of duty and responsibility; Princess Cadence has Shining Armor. Our Twilight Sparkle has her true friends to keep her grounded; this Twilight Sparkle does not have anything to keep her from going too far. It shall be interesting to see where this story goes.
Poor Element Bearers.
One thing confuses me. Didn´t Princess Luna get killed and yet the document is signed with her name.
I feel a paradox here
3382199 So pretty much FiW Twilight? (Friendship is Witchcraft)
3429179 No, check again. It says that the sun was slain, not the moon.
Very interesting.
I will read this aloud whilst recording.
First chapter, couldn't read any more. Characters can change. Being "out of character" isn't a real thing, since characters evolve and change over the course of time.
I would like to point to an excellent work, Lines and Webs, and it's sequel Dusk's Dangerous Game, and even further, Stormsinger. In these stories, Twilight does have a very radical change in her character. However, it's done over the course of three entire books with many events that led to it. You can't just say that Twilight became a power-hungry murderer and not give us a why, when, or how.
What led to this change? Did she experience loss? Did the power curropt her? Did she have a goal or motivation? Was this after her friends died a mortal death? I mean really, some details and drawing this out a bit more wouldn't have hurt.
This story walked off on entirely the wrong foot. You've immediately made me doubt the story, despite the fact that it has a very comparable level of upvotes on the site.
On a sidenote, there are indeed "haters" who hate stories for no good reason. However, after reading the comments, I hope you realize there are plenty of experienced authors and readers who can tell some major flaws in your story. I'm neither the first nor the last to see it, and I hope you're taking the comments seriously and working towards becoming a better author. Ignoring criticism doesn't get you anywhere, as long as it's constructive.
EDIT: "Yes, it sucks. No, I don't care."
That is not an OK attitude to have. Not at all, under any circumstances. If your story sucks, the readers say it sucks (which I didn't, btw) , you need to look at it closely and consider how to become better. Ignorance gets you nothing. You could easily become one of the best writers on the site if you take advice and work towards better story telling.
This is probably what I like about Fan-fiction, exploring a "What if?" story centered on the main character. What if Twilight never truly learned her lessons about friendship, what if Celestia stepped in and helped at every turn and challenge, what if Twilight became power hungry as an Alicorn? these are questions I love to see some people give there own ideas of what could have happened. I plan to continue reading and see what Cappo will write in this story.
I enjoyed it, but I agree that Twilight is too OOC. You should tag it with 'alternate universe." If you do that, then that can be excused.
Hum. Let us see how this turns out.
Moon should be capital. What an interesting start, I look forward to what the next chapter holds.
can i maybe make a comic out of this? ill give u credit and ill notify u when i have finished it!! :33
It was already horrible enough.
I guess it's a good thing the style is like a narrative. I need that disassociation right now.
I think this is a lesson everyone should learn. Friendship and magic are the same but both can turn dark in an instant. Friendship is magic but can turn deadly so fast that you can only run like Luna did.But we can’t spoil people who can be a god but only show love so someone like twilight won’t be a brat and kill people too. Celestia unknowingly made a monster and it could kill her and or else destroy itself. But I don’t know what happened to Celestia. I don’t want to know but I am curious about what happened to Celestia.