• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Admiral Biscuit


he/him

Sequels1

T
Source

On an otherwise boring day, Derpy accidentally triggers a portal gun. Then a second time, on purpose.
Given the recent ban on Humans in Equestria, how will Princess Celestia moderate the conflict?

Reading by AShadowOfCygnus!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 44 )

Poor little Derpy.

2363058 no consider do it
*thinks about glados rescuing them then testing on derpy and then turning celestia into a potato*

2365387

See, the problem is, it was written as a tongue-in-cheek response to Poultron's "No more humans in Equestria" April Fool's joke. I've only played portal once, years and years ago. It would take research I'm currently disinclined to perform in order to make it believable to all you video-game-playing people (high tech for me was Sammy Lightfoot on the Apple ][e, so I'm probably dating myself a little here).

Nevertheless, given the unexpected favorable response, I will strongly consider a sequel. I am curious what sort of shenanigans Pinkie Pie could get up to with a portal gun. And, maybe Derpy'll get a chance to use her Barrett M82.

2366078

in that case you probably didnt get the potato joke

2366219

Well, I'm vaguely aware that there's a potato/battery thing and something about Wheatly, but nothing other than that. I actually had to ask friends about a lot of the game mechanics (like the fact that you can choose which portal you make; I had no idea). The Enrichment Center, Chell's clothing, etc., all came from Wikipedia and a few YouTube clips. Thus demonstrating that I can still fake my way through most anything, but don't tell anypony.:trixieshiftright:

2366263nice use of the trixie

btw its wheatley not Wheatly

you should play the games more

2366276

That would require buying a console, a tv to hook it to, and quitting one of my jobs. I'd probably have to buy the game, too. It'd cut into my writing time, anyway.

2366286 ummm who said tv? you can get them on steam

2366290

How fast would it download on a 2mb/sec internet connection?

edit: would it work on a XP machine with 512mb of RAM?

2366296 no clue probably should look that up im not very techy

2366303

I'm just not that interested in video games, really (ducks from flying pitchforks).
I actually perform stage combat.
I've actually participated in live fire exercises with the local police department as a bad guy (and got wasted by assault rifles; even quarter loads and soft bullets hurt when they hit).
It makes video games a little less appealing.
Anyway, I've got writing fiction and watching ponies and acting in plays and movies and racing slot cars and photography and keeping my 260,000 mile Grand Marquis running as hobbies.:pinkiehappy:

2366330 well do you have a simulator with a sadist robot,fake promises,portals,and being insulted the whole time??

2366358

No, but I got dragged down my driveway by my truck once, and have been run over by a car. I don't recommend either.

2366375 one time a dog dragged me also that police thing sounds fun also you could find someone who plays the game to write it[not me]

2366386

I'll probably bug my gamer buddies for answers and watch some more walk-through videos on YouTube, which should give me all I need.

Now where are the princesses' stalemate buttons...

exactly like the Barrett M82 she had at home.  For protection against changelings, of course.

I lost all seriousness right here. I can't breath, man.
HALP ME

2478765

I'm glad someone got a laugh at that line. I was laughing at work all day after I wrote it.

2478801 Woah, know I know why she appeared in the Coronation episode. Security. :rainbowderp:

2478845

The best part is she only needs one good eye to use it.:derpytongue2:

Interesting word there, vituperations. Almost as if they were angry at each other... ;)

I love it but think it should be longer and I can understand Celestia not liking humans, but dropping them in a dungeon when they arrive along with anyone who accidentally brings them (derpy especially) seems a bit out of character. *blames instance of "outbox" where "out of" is now on this android's OSK's autocorrect being stupid*
2378621
On the moon. That's why Luna was sent there, duh
2366330 2366296
*hides his pitchfork with a sheepish (I think that's the best word for it) smile* IMHO, Portal, Portal 2, and maybe TF2 should be an exception for any otherwise valid excuse for not playing computer games.
Besides, as long as you have a stable internet connection it will download eventually anyway. I downloaded TF2 within 3 hours and got it working on my cousin's computer in spite of the ancient display driver/device that hated full-screen (tip for anyone needing Source games to start in windowed mode: use steam's launch parameters list)
If I can get Source games to run on that shitty, outdated machine, anyone should be able to get them to work. :pinkiehappy:

3236618

I love it but think it should be longer and I can understand Celestia not liking humans, but dropping them in a dungeon when they arrive along with anyone who accidentally brings them (derpy especially) seems a bit out of character

It was written as a response to Poultron's April Fools "HiE ban" (note the publication date). Yeah, Celestia is totally OOC.

I have considered adding another chapter or two, but I've got too many irons in the fire as it is, and I'm not really good at time management.

You are a writing genius. I'm following you for sure, I hope your planning a part 2 to this!

3530150

You are a writing genius

I don't know about all that.:derpytongue2:

I am still contemplating a part 2 . . . that Barrett's just begging to be used.

3530006 Aww yiss, that's awesome. The thought of her firing that, the recoil rocketing the cloud backwards is too much for me.
:pinkiehappy:

They stopped long enough to wave, before AJ continued her inaudible vituperations.

...I think I love you...

What is this I don't even. I still like it though.

3833732

What is this I don't even. I still like it though.

When I use the 'random' tag, I mean it.

3846300 And I applaud you for it.

“Rainbow Dash says pegasuses are very strong,” Derpy muttered.

“But she’s wrong.”

“How so?”

“The plural of pegasus is pegasi.”

"Oh but it's just Derpy saying that-"

“Pit traps don’t work on pegasi,”

"-Oh, well, it's just the characters saying that-"

pegasi didn’t like inverted flight

static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131229145958/mlp/es/images/0/0e/Seriously_Luna.gif
The irony! You know why.
Side note - Perhaps the No More Humans in Equestria anthology should be marked as the "sequel" these commenters once clamored for.

You know why.

I don't, honestly. . . .:unsuresweetie:

It would keep her from falling to her death.

...
Chell's wearing long fall boots, is she not? Those things make you land on your feet, no matter what. And it doesn't hurt.

5812575

Chell's wearing long fall boots, is she not? Those things make you land on your feet, no matter what. And it doesn't hurt.

I think she does. Not sure what the maximum altitude they're effective at is, though, or if they work outside of the enrichment center.

5812587 From what we've seen, they should work at any altitude (if you fall for more than 12 seconds, you reach terminal velocity, so if you can survive a fall from 450 meters, you can survive any fall).
They look purely mechanical (just long strips of spring steel) so they should work anywhere. On the other hand, realistically they shouldn't be enough by themselves, so it's entirely possible that the Enrichment Center "supports" them somehow... Oh and let's not forget how most Aperture tech was pretty much invented by madmen.

Well, at six installments, I should see what all the fuss is about. I do like how this Derpy works with at least two of my interpretations of her special talent, carrying capacity and hyperdimensional movement.

This looks like it's going to be a fun binge-read. On to the next one!

8837500

Well, at six installments, I should see what all the fuss is about. I do like how this Derpy works with at least two of my interpretations of her special talent, carrying capacity and hyperdimensional movement.

She wouldn't be a mailpony if she couldn't carry heavy, awkward loads, right?

This looks like it's going to be a fun binge-read. On to the next one!

:heart:

who ever packed that box should be hit in the face with a blast of neurotoxin. Or possibly coconut cream pie.

So far, Derpy had managed a perfect record of undamaged deliveries. She’d dropped some mail before, but it was mostly letters, and she’d had no trouble grabbing them before they hit the ground. She’d had less luck as a mover—but honestly, what kind of pegasus kept a piano, anyways? She’d probably done her a favor, dropping it. And Twilight Sparkle should have known better than to be under a cloudhouse on moving day—everypony else did. Even Raindrops said so.

Bubble wrap?

Given the recent ban on Humans in Equestria

Wait What?

10034940
Way back in the day, long before you were a member, a moderator wrote a blog post for April Fool’s claiming that henceforth HiE would be banned. This story was my response.

EDIT: I should also point out that this was when gold user accounts were first mentioned (but not actually implemented) and since I got one as a joke, I had no choice but to pay the money to keep it. Which I guess means the joke was on me in the end.

Login or register to comment