Caramel and Derpy had been happily dating for five months now, but when a certain ex-husband returns to reclaim his former wife, Caramel contemplates what he should do. During their confrontation, Caramel may have to give up the one thing in life he loves the most, Derpy. Why did Doctor Whooves come back? What are his motives? Will Caramel get to stay with Derpy?
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Uh for a second there I was like: "man, Doctor Whooves is a big jerk!" I literally screamed out JERK when I was reading this and a friend of mine was like " huh? Who's a jerk?" I fell silent then...heh heh
2358513 How about no?
Hello again, onto the review.
Positive: Your writing is phenomenally good with no grammatical errors (as far as I am aware look up Gaiman's law). I am extremely impressed with your dialogue between Carmel and Derpy. It felt natural and something I would say to my girlfriend. (What is your inspiration for the dialogue?)
Negative: The Doctor was acting a bit out of character for this. Now if you are unfamiliar with Doctor Who I won't blame you for not fully getting the idea of his character right, but call him Hooves instead of Whooves. And if you are familiar with the show I know the Doctor cared for all of his companions but he would never do something like that.
Overall: A good fic with a great presentation and dialogue that feels natural plot, don't read if you are a diehard whoviean.
2360785 Once again, thank you for the review.
I don't really have an inspiration for the dialogue, I just want it to leave an impact, whether it be comical or meaningful.
Unfortunately, I am not familiar with Doctor Who nor do I plan to watch it. I am, however, aware of its high praise and fanbase. I made Doctor Whooves/Hooves have good motives at the end because I know that a lot of people love him and wouldn't like it if he was a bad guy. Besides, it made a good ending.
2360937 My problem wasn't with the intentions of the Doctor. My issue was more with how he did. He has done the same thing in the series a few times before. But he never was that harsh. However that is not to say what he said in the end wasn't a good idea, in fact I like it. Thinking about, if you wanted to take it out from the pony world and then put it in our world. Derpy and Carmel represent the two lovers and Doctor Whooves represents a father looking over his daughter. Really my issue wasn't what were you doing but rather how you presented it. If the Doctor does represent a father he is just a bit to harsh and the apology feels to rushed for this character. I may have just dug to deep into this story.
I liked this... Until you pretty much said the doctor is a jerk. You see Doctor Whooves is my favorite pony because he CARES so much. You pretty much made this the opposite of who he is and I really don't like it. I mean everything else was okay, the plot, etc. But just not how you switched one personality to the opposite. I know this will be lectured but I don't care. Just please next time keep in mind that the doctor is a nice and loyal pony and wont just act like a jerk because he can. Sorry if this hurt your feelings. I just needed to point that out. I hope you write more stories but please don't mess with the personality. Thanks.
I loved the story. the doctor is still looking out for derpy, and I know that he loves her with every fiber of his being. he still looks in on her from time to time, and that shows how much he still cares for her. he knows he can no longer be with her, but he still wants her to have the best life possible. his love for her will never die. thank you for such a wonderful story.