• Member Since 15th Nov, 2012
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warewolves


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When the sweetest belle has green eyes, the world shall meet its untimely demise.
An ancient prophecy foretells that if the 'Sweetest Belle' has green eyes, she will bring the world to ruin. Rarity refuses to believe that her Sweetie Belle is the one the prophecy foretells. However when Sweetie Belle begins to display the signs Celestia, Luna, and Cadence warned her to look out for, Rarity has to decide if she should let her sister die to save Equestria or protect her sister from harm. And if Sweetie Belle finally finds out what they have in store for her, Rarity dreads what actions her little sister will take.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 90 )
Comment posted by Flabbergasted deleted Apr 1st, 2013
Comment posted by warewolves deleted Apr 1st, 2013
Comment posted by Flabbergasted deleted Apr 1st, 2013
Comment posted by Flabbergasted deleted Apr 1st, 2013
Comment posted by warewolves deleted Apr 1st, 2013
Comment posted by Xeravon deleted Apr 1st, 2013
Comment posted by warewolves deleted Apr 1st, 2013

Reminds Me Of The Song "Ultimate Sweetie Belle" :twilightsmile:

Shit just got reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaal

Track now, most likely fave latter. I'm have to many unread chapters in my favorites already :raritydespair:

I really like this idea, and it's definitely off to an interesting start. I think I will follow this. :moustache:

2356345
I have 272 :applejackunsure: I use favorites to keep track of stories if I feel like reading. As said on my profile: I favorite if I like a story, or if I think I might like it.

I'm always on the lookout for Sweetie Belle adventure stories, and if magic is involved, all the better. I'm kind of curious as to how your vision of magic will play out in this story.

I enjoyed the story well enough, but there were two particular things that caught my eye. First being that the story could use a proofread and edit for some of the grammar. And I felt that the opening was a bit too out of character. Twilight in particular. Aside from that I am curious as to where this story will go, so I'll give it a fave and thumbs up. :twilightsmile:

2363920

Thanks, hopefully I can keep all the different factors neatly bundled into a plot. As for being out of character, I didn’t feel she was considering the situation, but I’ve always had trouble portraying Twilight right.
And the grammar, ARGH.
Granted I’m getting better, but still ARG.

Oh dayum, what gon happen nexttt? ;D Tune in next time to another exciting chapter of...

THE ADVENTURES OF THE ADORABLE GREEN EYED FILLY WHO WILL SOME DAY DESTROY THE WORLD!

2369193 "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER WORLD DESTROYERS! YAY!!"

2369193
Oh not much, and stop spoiling the story!

When the sweetest belle has green eyes, the world shall meet its untimely demise.

You have my attention sir. Added to read later. I'll get to this tonight.

Good chapter, though I'm a little confused about the part where Sweetie started rhyming. Was that part of the prophesy, or was that just something Zecora did to calm her down?

2433661
I consider it more of if you spend enough time around someone their habits start to rub off slightly.
Kinda like catching a cold.

2433717
Gotcha. That makes sense. :scootangel:

2433736
I try not to be confusing, but sometimes I fail.

Her eyes were unfocused on the world around her, breath coming in short gasps as she tried to comprehend what she had just head.
Correction "heard".

“You won’t have to. The blood will be on our hands, not you innocent ponies.”
Correction "hooves".

“My darling Sweetie Belle is not this ‘Sweetest Belle’ and nothing you say will convince me my sister is going to cause the destruction of the world." Twilight raised her head, looking closer at the friend.
Needs to be added, and while I'm nitpicking that might be a good place to separate the paragraph, since you're switching the focus from one character to another.

Rarity nodded, her face stern and unyielding.
“It won’t come to that, Sweetie Belle is not going to destroy the world, I stake my life’s work on it.”
Should be moved from the end of the former paragraph to the beginning of the latter

"Okay Okay now can I have it?"
Second word should not be capitalized.

Sorry to be nitpicking, but I kinda like this story so far. I wanna see it as great as it can be. On to chapter 2.

2434661
WILL YOU MARRY ME
er :pinkiecrazy: :pinkiehappy:
I mean be a nitpicky as you want, I NEED NIPICKERS.

The plot thickens.

Good news is I can't really see any grammatical errors this time around. Storywise I think the idea of magic channels makes a good bit of sense in the way you introduced it. Not too far fetched, but just enough to be interesting. Now what will Zecora have to say on the matter? Moving on.

2434736
:twilightsheepish: Yeah I've got pre-readers now.

Her shoulders slumped from alert to slightly wary, feet beginning to pick up the pace. Concerned eyes filled with hope, they were nearly there.
Correction "hooves". I've been writing pony stuff so long writing hooves instead of hands and feet is almost second nature. Sometimes I screw it up when I'm writing with a human character.

"I can only see what has been, I cannot tell more to ears so keen."
This does not rhyme. I have no suggestions; I hate writing for Zecora. If you're okay with stretching it maybe, "I can only see what's already been seen, I cannot tell more to ears so keen." I still don't get what that means, but either way I chalk it up to Zecora being Zecora (aka criptic).

“WHAT THE HECK, oh my god I can’t be this Sweetest Belle this can’t be true! I’m not going to destroy the world I have no reason to why would I want to-this can’t be right why the hell does it have to be me this can’t be true I am just a small filly with special eyes. It CAN’T be me tell me it’s not me Zecora.”
Sweetie Belle just said "hell"...putting aside the fact that the mlp universe has the greek version of hell known as Tartarus...what the fuck man? :rainbowderp::derpyderp1::pinkiecrazy::twilightoops::raritycry::applejackconfused::fluttercry::applecry::unsuresweetie:
Not that I have any kind of problem with swearing (piss, shit, cocksucker, motherfucker, ect), I really don't think Sweetie Belle would curse...ever. Tartarus isn't exactly a curse word, and it's canonically correct, so please just change that one little word.

She stopped running and blinked, wait, that wasn’t what she had thinked.
Correction "wasn't" and "thought".

TOO MUCH RHYMING MY HEAD HURTS!!! (Minor complaint, in truth I think that's pretty impressive)

"This is a journey for two alone, taking you very far away from home."
Does not rhyme, no suggestions.

*********************************

Well that's all I got for the grammar department, and now for my official thoughts on the first three chapters.

The idea you present greatly intrigues me, and the added prophecy (in rhyming fashion) demands attention. So you have you hook and line, but the sinker is the story (figuratively speaking).

The idea of using eyes for magic makes a lot of sense out of the prophecy, which makes me wonder which came first when you were writing this. The stress that Sweetie Belle goes through following the revelations seems very real, and the rhyming thing I can only imagine is part of some pre-writing magic code or some blah blah written in her from the beginning in terms of the prophecy, which makes it all the more incriminating that this is real.

So sinker, I like where the story is going to be honest. Personally I like the "screw destiny I am my own man" ending, but I also like the "you all betrayed me; time to die" ending too. The former because it's empowering and epic, the second because I just love watching the cute and innocent being corrupted into a blood-lusting revenge driven monster. I'm even writing my own story where that happens, a spin-off of a friends story, but I digress. Either way I like where this story is going to probably end up, and if you somehow find a different ending (that isn't recalling the whole story like the battle at the end of the Twilight Saga) I'll probably enjoy the whiplash.

Watching the struggle or acceptance is going to be fun based on what I've seen so far, so I'm removing this from "read later" to my favorites. I await further reading material. (In other words) MOAR! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOAR!

2434816
:twilightblush: Oh please, you give me too much credit.
And errors to fix :yay:

Honestly this is how I begin preparing to write.
Idea comes, jot it down and think over it for a few days, or if I'm really driven first chapter.
After the basic plot is ironed out, look for a picture and then once more check the plot is ironed out.
Write
???
Profit

2434828 When I get an idea for a story I normally put it off for a couple weeks. If I'm still coming up with ideas for it and it's evolved from the original starting point: I start writing. If it hasn't gone anywhere and I don't really like the idea so much: I trash it.

Personally, I let the plot drive me after a while. At that point I'm just putting up scenery :twilightsheepish:. I really do like where your going with this, like I already said. Though I do have to say, out of the three, I think Scootaloo would be the most likely one to push that "doomsday button" :scootangel:.

As for the errors, truth be told I've never really been the guy that points them all out before...ever. I can see I didn't really need to, since most of that was just nitpicking (except for the hands hooves thing; I'm a stickler for that).

Finally, I think those question marks are supposed to say "publish". :scootangel: (That's enough rambling out of me.)

“My darling Sweetie Belle is not this ‘Sweetest Belle’ and nothing you say will convince me my sister is going to cause the destruction of the world.

1. Forgot your closing quotation mark here.

feet beginning to pick up the pace
leaping to her feet in hope
If you are this Sweetest Belle, do not fear the day that fate decides that fate comes to take you away
that wasn’t what she had thinked

1. Mentioned earlier.
2. Mentioned earlier.
3. Uhh... I feel like the latter part of fate is repeated and not really necessary.
4. Mentioned earlier.

Now then, Sweetie will have to eventually choose... much like how DA:O has you to choose and how it will affect your future... battles, I guess. Though I can't help but feel that Sweetie will only destroy Equestria when threatened with death just to save herself... Call me cliché but yeah, my head thinks of very cliché stuff sometimes.

Comment posted by warewolves deleted Apr 19th, 2013

2450083
3 and 4 are rhyming purposes

2450234 Alrighty then! But that awkward moment where auto correct says wasn't is spelt wrong XD

2450256
Rule of the thumb: Don't rely 100% on autocorrect.

This can only end poorly... :unsuresweetie:

2483268
Well, it's not tagged Tragedy, so I'm hoping for a nice bittersweet ending. I certainly don't see a happy ending.

2484444
Believe me. I'm still hoping for the bittersweet ending as well. What I was more referring to was that after being told the prophesy about Sweetie Belle, then seeing this happen to Apple Bloom with only Sweetie as a witness, I can only imagine how Applejack is going to react. Regardless of how the story ends overall, I don't see much good for Sweetie happening these next few chapters...

2484477
Yep, and I'm actually very curious as to how it will be handled.

Oh my what a cliff hanger! I can't wait to see what happens next! :pinkiegasp:

2535905 I give you a compliment and all you can say is I'm on hiatus? How rude. Whatever then. :ajbemused:

Was that thing a werewolf? How... out of place. There hasn't been anything along those lines and it came out of left feild. I'm hoping it has something to do with the prophecy, otherwise it's just a shameless insert of what I assume by your username is you favorite mythological creature. Also it might add to the scene to mention something like "the radiant moonlight shining down through the twisted branches that make up the forest canopy". Sell it man. Rhyming is all well and good, and so is shock, but don't forget about dramatic build up.

Glad to see an update of course, and without any spelling mistakes that I could see on my first read-through. Getting better man.

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