The Prophecy of Sweetest Belle

by FaelaArts

Lesson Number 1

Sweetie Belle had tried for nearly an hour to get any further information out of the mirror. However, every question she asked the mirror would simply say, ‘I was not given that knowledge upon my creation.’ It was insanely frustrating, and Sweetie Belle eventually bid the mare goodnight, and slipped into her sleeping bag. She would tell the others in the morning about the strange mirror.

Closing her eyes, she breathed out and relaxed for the first time since she had listened in on her sister’s conversation. If she had known it would have such dire consequences, she would have never done it in the first place.

But the voice said there was a way to save everyone, and she had to trust it. Her mind slowly became more muddled, and she slipped casually into the embrace of sleep.

“Sweetie Belle, Zecora says it’s time to wake up.”

Eyes flickering open, Sweetie Belle was greeted by the orange face of Scootaloo. She groaned and turned away, gently bopping the mare’s head in a weak attempt to get a few more minutes shuteye. A sigh escaped her friends lips, and suddenly she felt two hooves gently rest on her sides.

“I will give you one warning Sweetie Belle, because we are friends after all.” Scootaloo’s warning fell on deaf ears, as Sweetie Belle bopped her on the head again, grumbling and saying something about Scootaloo's own sleeping habits. It was then that a funny feeling started where the hooves were, it was then she remembered her fatal weakness.

“NOOO! Stop it! Ahahaha sorry! Sorry stop please!” Scootaloo’s attack was merciless, and she was soon reduced to a ball of laughter, unable to even beg for mercy. Eventually, after Scoots had decided Sweetie had paid the price, she was released from the holds of the orange tickle monster.

Sitting up, Sweetie Belle saw Zecora packing up the supplies, she also spotted the two hay sandwiches that had been left out for her and Scootaloo. Sitting up, she stifled a yawn and glared at Scootaloo. The one time she had played Truth or Dare, and had decided to pick truth. Now she was paying for it

“Oh yeah, Zecora the mirror I found speaks.” Sweetie dove into her bags and pulled out the mirror, satisfied to see Allusya was already out and about. Zecora walked over and gazed at the mirror, Scootaloo tapped the surface.

“Wow, how’d she even get in there?” Scoots stopped tapping, and frowned as the mare began shouting, but made no sound.

“Uhm…pardon?” Scootaloo asked the mirror, confused. The mare shouted at Scootaloo more, and once again she couldn’t hear a thing. Glancing to Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo shrugged at her frown. Sweetie Belle seemed just as confused as Scootaloo.

“She said to stop hitting on her.” Sweetie Belle didn’t understand why Scoots couldn’t hear it, and she glanced to Zecora for answers.

“This is the Mirrors Bane my little filly’s, no one can hear what she alone shares. Except for you, my green eyed- Oh, there’s my shoe.” Zecora pulled up the edge of Sweetie Belle’s sleeping bag, revealing a shoe made for climbing up cliffs, or soccer. The two fillies blinked, and decided to ignore what had just happened.

“So only I can hear her, why’s that?” Sweetie Belle hadn’t thought much of it earlier, but Allusya was talking to her via same method the voice in that greyness had been. Maybe they were connected.

“Ask her, transfer.” Zecora’s rhymes was normally full of useful information. However when she spoke smaller sentences it always made for confusing conversations. Sweetie Belle turned back to the mirror.

“Uh, Allusya…Why can only I hear you?” Sweetie Belle felt a small shiver pass through her body, and Allusya smiled at her.

’You can hear me because you are my master.’

“Uhh, but what does that mean? What does being your ‘master’ mean?” Sweetie Belle wasn’t sure who was more confusing at this point, Zecora or Allusya. Allusya giggled, moving to the side to Sweetie could see her own face.

’I am here to train the one with green eyes. And as you can see, you have green eyes. This is further proven by the fact you can hear me, master.’

“Wait, train me? Train me how?” Her confusion grew more intense as each answer she received. Why did adults have to speak in riddles?

’I was told by my creator to teach you magic beyond compare, and be a map to guide you to your destination.’

Sweetie Belle blinked, “Wait, teach me magic? A map to my destination?” Allusya nodded, smiling cheerfully.

“Did my ears ring true? She has a map for you?” Zecora’s voice cut off Sweetie’s questions, and she turned and gave a hesitant nod.

“This is most excellent indeed, this is what we need to proceed. Ask her the path we must take, and hurry before it is far too late.” Frowning, Sweetie Belle hesitantly turned her head and repeated Zecora’s question.

’I can’t give you detailed directions in my current state, but for now you need only head south.’ Sweetie Belle repeated Allusya’s directions.

“In that case, pick up the pace.” Zecora ushered both fillies out of the tent, bags in tow, and packed up the tent. Putting on her own bags, she handed Sweetie Belle hers. Having nowhere else to put her, Sweetie Belle put her in the saddlebags on her back. Scootaloo grinned, bouncing around with newfound energy.

“Well, lets go, no point in letting the day go to waste.” Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes, and Zecora gave a small nod. In cases where rhyming would only confuse the fillies, she had taken to being silent.

“Day 2 of our race against fate or whatever it is you’re running from Bells-Er I mean Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo hurried ahead, catching up to Zecora.

Scoots words caused Sweetie Belle to pause mid step. Scoots had never called her that before. Blinking, she realised she was falling behind, and quickly started running to catch up.

---

“Yep, Ah reckon they were definitely ‘ere. But Ah’m sure there’s three here Twilight, not two.” Applejack took a step back to let Twilight look at the tracks. She wouldn’t be able to read them, but she should be able to see the three distinct tracks in the dirt.

“But then why do their tracks end shortly down the road, did something catch them?” Twilight turned her gaze to the ruined castle, and frowned.

Fluttershy’s quiet call caught her attention, and the others paused to listen, “O-One of the squirrels said C-Changelings frequent by here. T-They gave me direction to the h-hive.” Fluttershy bowed her head and turned away, she disliked when her friends gave her sudden attention.

“Damnit, already? Lead the way Fluttershy, we need to get there as soon as possible. Rarity what are you doing?”

Rarity jumped out of her skin and looked to Twilight, “Uuh, nothing dear Twilight. I was just thinking of a new line of fashion, jungle vine style!” Rarity quickly launched into more details of how she would implement it, and Twilight grew bored and began walking in the direction Fluttershy pointed.

Rarity inwardly sighed, that had been close. If Twilight had seen her fear and worry there, she might have realised Rarity remembered who her sister was. The others might not remember, but she was certain if she timed it right she could convince them Twilight was in the wrong.

Oh how she missed her sister.

---

The sun was making its descent by the time they slowed to a stop. Sweetie Belle noticed how tired Scoots looked, and realised she barely felt fatigued at all. Zecora began preparing the tent, sending Scoots to get firewood and telling Sweetie to talk to the mirror to find out more ‘information’. Pulling out the mirror, she decided to start with an obvious one.

“So Allusya, what kinda magic can you teach me?”

’Very well, let’s begin your first lesson. I want you to call upon your magic, focusing on the mirror.’

Closing her eyes, Sweetie Belle focused and called upon her magic. It came willingly, and she then focused it on the mirror, feeling it wrap around it. It kinda tickled, her body.

’Now, pull with your magic.’

Sweetie Belle frowned, but obeyed and began pulling with her magic. She felt it resist her tug, but as she concentrated more something began to slowly slip out of the mirror. Suddenly, the magic jerked to a stop, and Sweetie was pushed backwards, sliding a few feet before managing to recover and stand up.

The mirror was hovering in the air, a green aura surrounding it. Suddenly, the mirror grew huge and turned upside down, looking almost like a portal. Sweetie could only watch as an unknown wind picked up, and a gray hoof stepped out of the mirror, followed by the rest of the pony. The mirror, finished with it’s duty, fell to the ground and was picked up by the mare who had been entombed within it.

Her coat was gray, but it shone in the dawn and seemed to glow, the silver mane sparkled like stars. Opening her striking green eyes, Allusya gave a warm smile to Sweetie Belle, and held out the mirror.

“It is so nice to have a physical body once more. Please keep that mirror with you at all times, otherwise my link to this place will vanish and I will once again be trapped in the mirror.” Her voice was soft, but it held a hard tone to it. Sweetie Belle obeyed mutely, shocked and confused by the sudden appearance of the mare.

“How?” Sweetie Belle managed to speak.

Allusya smiled once more and began to respond.“ The first spell you had to cast had to be one to bring me here. This way, I can teach you more complicated spells that required being able to use more than one limb.” Allusya glanced to the tent as Zecora walked out and looked to her.

“Our party has become one more, I packed for three ponies not four.”

Comments

[FaelaArts]

3246054
SWEET BRILLIANT CRITIQUE!
IT's good to have to back. READ GRAVITY PWESE!

Like this. Looking at this alone it would even suggest Pinkie is the one wanting to ask the question. Your paragraph doesn't need to start with someone talking. I call this "focus switch"; when the character you are focused on is switched to a different individual.. This can be overruled in instances where your depicting a character's reaction between quotes

Yes I know it is a major problem, and I have all but stamped most of that behaviour out in most cases. I still have problems with it slipping through from time to time, but It's slowly going from every line to nonexistant.

Apart from that, you need to work on your pacing. A lot. With all the emotion running around it would do you a lot of favors to depict some of the thoughts running through a character's head (especially Rarity, given the context). You can do this either through a narrative like usual, or use italicized text to depict thought (keeping in mind this doesn't need quotations to mark it). The ending in particular could be drawn out to a few hundred words, adding in a sentence or two just stating a couple "get well" gifts that somepony left Sweetie, and a few paragraphs explaining why Rarity is so sad. Not to mention how happy Sweetie would be that her sister is helping her after all.
Apart from the obvious "my sister has a terrible destiny" part, I'm assuming Rarity is upset over the fact that she has to send her away at all, especially over something so terrible. Sweetie would feel bittersweet about the departure no doubt. Happy her sister loves her of course, but at the same time saddened by how fate basically decided to fuck her over (pardon my blunt way of putting it).
Finally, Twilight too. Yes, Twilight. Don't forget how it's affected her too. The thought alone of erasing Sweetie's existence from her own family's memory must have crushed her. While I'm on the subject it seems like Twilight sort of flipped a coin in a manner of speaking from the last chapter. Before she wanted to help Sweetie (from my recollection), and now it seems like she's given that up, instead trying desperately to make it hurt as little at possible.

While I have ben working on that, I get you point. I'll keep working on it further.