My Little Immortal: Friendship is Gothic

by Posh

Chapter Two: Don't Trust Any Of Them New Preps Over There

Ok it looks like most of u guys r goffs lik me so dats da good news but de bad news is dat i lost a lot of blod da last tim i tryed 2 comment sucid so da spellin mite nut be as good as last tim

fangs to my bffff (lol geddit bcuz of al da fs it means dat we will be fest frends forever forever 4ever 4everFOREVER) 4 hlepin me 2 rite dis. Tara u r da best gurl a girl could ax 4!11111111 KEEP BEIN SMEXY N GOFFIC66666666666

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lol thos r wut mi kuts lock lik i tohot u mite want 2 c okay now 4 da story!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I woke up the next morning and started to cry and cry because I realized that I wasn't dead. When I sleep I have dreams that I am dead and they're always gr8 because when I'm dead i can be in Pony Hell. All the best coolest and most gothic ponies are in Pony Hell.

I was walking around in Pony Hell when I met a prep. I gasped. "Preps???" I gasped. "In MY Pony Hell?"

"Like, hi there!" said the prep. She opened her shiny happy bleu eyues and flipped her long blond hair. "Would you like to listen to some Miley Cyrus on my iPod?" her cutie mark was a pikture of a Hilary Duff.

"Fuck off!" I shoute dand I kicked her as hard as I could until she was dead. I knew that she would go to Poyn Heaven to b with Porncess Cadence. Prjincess Cadence was Principle Celestia's preppy sister and she was every bit as mean and bad as Princiepl Celestia. WHen I was little and my parens were hitting me with their fire sowrds Princess Candice would show up and set me on fier because they thought it was funny. Then they would put me in the seller until it was night time and took me out and then they fed me dirt and poop. I'm so happy that {Princess Nightmare Moon killed them al and took me to Celestia's SChool for Gifted Unicrons.

Anyway, I brushed my fangs (I'm not a vampire but I wish I was because vampires are major fucking hotties) and went downstairs to the cafeteria. I sat depresisngly at my tabel that was mine and it had my name on it. Al the preps kept crossing out ny name and writing "Please do not deface lunchroom property." I put up my middle fingerassadnjsafhdsjghughruhjohajdsPONYCANNOTFINGER put up my hoof ad them and told them fo tuck off. Fucking preps are always trying to ruin brakefest for me. One tim I was eating my hay that was died red like blood with my blood red apples

I sat down at my table and started to pour myself a glass of cranberry juice and some steak. All the other students eat vegetables because they're preps. Goths like me eat only meat and rink red juices like cranbriar juice. I dont even cook my stake because it's the only way to keep the blood in it, and sinse Im a vampire pony I need alll the blood I can get. Princess Nightmare Moon understands and let's me go into Canterlot sometimes to likk ponies until I geg all the blood I need, but that bitch Principle Celestia keeps calling the Pony Police on me.

Anyway, I finished cooking my stake and sat down to eat it, when somepony bumped into me, spilling tomato jews al over my gothic red and black stripped dress that my best friend Rampage gave me. Rampage's real name used to be Twist but then she got hit by a magic spell that B'lood was tresting out and now she cant die anymore, which sux because she's really depressed and just wants to kill herself. Sometimes we sit down together and we slits each others hoofs but we never die. but we also make out a lot because I'm bi and so is she.

"WTF!!!" I shouted arngrily at the pony who bumped into me but then I stopped because then I saw who it was. It was the sexiset pegasus I had ever seen. Her coat was orange and her mane was purple with blue and black streaks in it. She wore a ton of blood red eyeliner that ran down like tears of gothic depression on her face. Her eyes were the coler of blood. I gasped. She was so sexy that I had a million orgasms at once!

"Sorry," she said sadiyl. At first sI thought she was crying because her face was wet and blue but then I realised it was just her blue eyeliner and eyeshadow running. She must have been crying earlier. I tjhink that's why she was sad. "I was just looking arund because I'm new hear."

"Oh its okay" i said gothically. "I'm Ebony Way. What's you're name?" I asked gothically.

"My name is Scootaloo, but I prefer if ponies call me Bleedaloo." said Scleedaloo.

"Why is that???" I questioned.

"Because I love blood so much that sometimes I cut myself to look at it" Bleedaloo giggled showin me her cuts on her rists. I gasped. They were in the sahpe of Deaths Touch Sign!!!!6666666666

"OMG well you'd better not cut urself around me too much" i whimpered. "Because I am a vampire and I drink blood to survive."

"Really?" she roared. I looked at her cutie mark. It was a bloody soul that cried out for death whike sobbibg black tears. "Well maybe later you and me could get together and I can show you around" said Bleedaloo. "I know this cool spot that none of the preps know about."

"Yeah well only if my marefriend Sweetie Bell breaks up with me you fucking perv!!!!11" I shouted and I bit her ear and tore it off and drank all the blood that cameIWILLNEVERLETYOUFORGETABOUTMEout of her ear. I started to drink and drink and Scootaloo cried but that's okay because goths are okay with other goths drinking there blood.

Anyway I walked out of the cafeteria looking for Sweetie Bell.

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I found Sweetie Bell in a class being taught by Professor Cheerilee. Professor Cheerilee is one of the preppiest bitcas (bUFFYROX) at Principle Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons. Wenever I walk by her office she screams at me for being too tohic. One time I was walking by listening to some My Chemical Romance (my favorite band ever) when I passed by her office and she came out and started hitting me. "WTF are you listening too???" she demeanded.

"Just some MCR, you got a problem with that you fucking preppy bitca(BUFFYRIX)???" I gothed at her.

Principle Cheerily gasped and went back into her office. I heard her pick up the phone and start talking on it to her sister Berry Punch who lives in Ponyville. I new that Berry Punch wouldn't care because she is gothic like me.B erry Punch owns the bar clothing store where she sells us gothic clothes like what I was wearing (My favorite ripped-up black dress that shows off my smexy flanks and my cutie marks, rhinestone belt that was in the shape of a sinister pentagram, and my Joel madden hat that said "I'm a goth) on it" and also she sells us alcohol. Principle Celestia tells us not to drink beer because we're too young but whenever we see her we put up our middle HOOVES at her.

Anyway I walked into Sweetie bells class and said "Heyy sexy bitch, wanna go back to my room and do it???"

Professor Lyra was teaching them how to play Party in the USA on the trumpet. "You ridiculousd imwit!" she screamed at me. "Get out of my classroom! We r trying to lean!"

"Fuck off, you old fucking bitch!" I shouted, pulling out my red and black Nightmare Before Hearths Warming Eve machinegun and shooting her turmpit into a million peaches. Everypony clopped at me. Sweetie Bell looked sexily at me, and we frenched. Then we went back to my room.

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I took off Weenie Bells red fishnets and black thong sexily, then we started to do it again!!!!!!!! It was even better than last time we did it because now I new what to do!!!!!!!!! This time Sweetie Bell started to scream and screammbecause she was getting her organism but then she said "Oh Bleedaloo, I love you1"

I stopped doing it with her. "WTF!!!" I yelled, and I stormed angrily out of the room. Sweetie Bell followed me crying black tears. "No! Ebony! U don't understand!"

"Whatever!" i yelled. "You're just a fucking cheating fillyfoller bitch!" I think lesbos are gross lol. I stomped and did so until I found Bleedaloo. She was smoking some pot in Princess Nightmare Moon's office. I didn't know where Princess Nightmare Moonw as but she was probably being beat up by Principle Celestia for not being a vegetenarian again.

"Bleedaloo!" i screamed ponting my hoof at her. "I cant believe you cheated on me with Sweetie Bell!" Everypiny on the classrom gasped. I gasped too because I couldn't believe she would cheat on me like that!

I don't know what Ebony was so upset about. Years afgo when I was little I helped Bleedaloo escape from jail, where Principle Celestia sent her because she woldnt do it with her. We fell in love after that but then Bleedaloo broke my heart because she started to date Ruby Pinch. Ruby Pinch was a prep and made her a prep too. I was so depressed that I tried to kill ymself. Why didn't Ebony understand that???

"but I didn't cheat on you@" said Scootaloo angrily. "Your just paranoid!"

"Wel if you wanted honesty that'sa ll you had to say!" I screamed and I started to stomp away.

Snipes and Snails walked up to me and said "Are you okay Ebony?"

"I'M NOT OKAY!!!!!" i screamed *geddit lik da song imo noto okayo)

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I ran into the Everfree Forest and found the spot where I did it withS weetie Bell for the first time. It still smelled like do it. I cried and cried and cried her name as loud as I cold. I couldn't believe that sh would cheat on me like that! I didn't know what to do and I was seriously thinking about killing myself for the first time in my life/

Then suddenly......................................I saw the most terrifying sight I'd ever seen in my life!!!!! A big dragon that wasn't just a dragon appeared out of nowhere. He had a griffins arm and a dragons leg and was long like a sea serpent and had the face of a goat but I knew he wasn't actually a goat (just think about how Discord). I gasped....................................It was DISCORD!!!!!

I screamed and screamed. He took out his knife and started to wave it at me. Then I screamed "FUS RO DAH" just like I did when I killed my parents and hit him with my royal canterlot voice. He started to die and I felt sorry for him even though I knew he was evil so I stopped.

"Ebony," he said gravely. His voice sounded like a c-r-o-s-s between Joel Madden, Gerard Way, Sweeny Todd, and Robert Patterson (I fucking love him!!!!!).. "Thou must kill Twilight Sparkle!!!!!"

I gasped. "No1" I gasped. "Twilight Sparjle is my best friend!" Twilight Sparkle's real name was B'lood and her cutie mark is an unnecessary apostrophe.

"Thou must!" said Discord in his evil old english voice. "If thou does not then I shall kill thy belovd Sweetie Bell!"

"OMG!" I gasped. "But I am so mad at Sweetie Bell for cheating on me that I dont care if you kill her!!!!!!!!"

Discord looked at me like I was stupid (even though I'm fucking not). "Dude, ur so retarded," he said like a prep. "Sweetie Bell really loves you okay? So even if she cheated on you once, it's okay to get back together with her becaus she really loves you ok?"

Discord was right. Sweetie bell really did love me, and all I did was be a hue bitca at her. "Im sorry Discord" I said sorrily. "Your right! Sweetie Bell is my marefriend and I love her!"

"That's the spirit!" said Discord, and he handed me his pink Barbie shotgun with blonde hair. "Now go out there and kill Twilight Sparkle!"

"No! No! Please I don't want to!!!!!!" I cried but he wooden listen to me.

"No! Thou must kill Twilight Sparkle, and that is final!!!!!!" Then he got inside his volkswagon and drove away.

Suddenly Princess Nightmare Moon jumped out of a tree. "Ebony, r u alright?" she asked me gothically.

"Yeah lol" I said. "But Discord wants me to kill my friend B'lood and I don't want to. But if I don't he said hell kill Sweetie Bell! I dont want her to go to heaven but B'lood is my best friend in Equestria the world!!!!!" I started to cry.

"There there" said Princess Nightmare Moon. "We'll get you back to the castle and I'll make you some hot chocolate with blood in it instead of milk."

I sniffed and wiped my nose with my unresponsive to all treatment if there's no change soon we may have to take drastic hoof and said "Okay." And together we started to drive back to the castle.

"You know Ebony, your very pretty" said Princess Nightmare Moon. I blushed even though you can't see it because I don't have any blood because I'm a vampire. Then..............................................Princess Nightmare Moon started frenching me!

I gasped.

Comments

[That_one_guy]

This is horrible, but then I remember the original and I can't stop myself from laughing. Four and a half stars, simply because it's a great parody. I can't bring myself to give you five because this really is awful, though. Like, stunningly bad.

[Posh]

192354 ur just a prep

[That_one_guy]

images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/3/8/6ee21a07-b5e0-48a9-9a29-52674c3ea9a8.jpg

[Eternal Ember]

I dont even know....this is just too horrible

[KartalTheWriter]

I'm really enjoying this. That's right, newest comment here. I feel so awkward.

I love how the introduction is the most difficult to read and then the first paragraph is completely perfect but as soon as Ebony starts talking, it gets progressively worse. This should have about...20% more mistakes. Oh, yes.
But seriously, this is so entertaining.

[Venficus]

You.....

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???

Kill it! Purge it, BURN IT WITH FIRE! ....AND MAYBE ORBITAL FRIENDSH-Never mind, Don't make it come back! Don't ressurect things that should stay dead!

Okay, now that my over the top reaction is over, I'm not sure how to take this.

My brain is currently offline due to the stupidity, so I'd say you captured the essence of "My Immortal" perfectly.