AUTHORS NOTE: ok so i no thta ever1 likez poniez n i tinks dat riting a stroy abbot dem wil b a gud way (geddit way like da name of ma caracter ebony way) 2 meet foggic bronze lik me. mi name iz emserelda (NOT my prep name Carol bcuz that iz a whorible name givn 2 me by ma preppy mum and dda) n im a got i wonder if any of u r gotic 2? if u r jsut tel me.
everbody clop (gefdit clop insted of clop) 4 mah frend TARA 4 helpin me 2 rite dis!!!!!!!!!!! u rox mah sucks gurl!!!!!!!!!
OH AND BTW my friends rote all the songs in this ecept for the ones they didnt
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ESMERELDA THE BLACK PRESENTS
AN ESMERELDA THE BLACK PRODUCTION
WRITTEN BY ESMERELDA THE BLACK AND EDITED BY TARA GILESBIE
"MY LITTLE IMMORTAL: FRIENDSHIP IS GOTHIC"
BASED ON MY LITTLE PONY INVENTED BY LOREN FAUCET
STARRING:
ESMERELDA THE BLACK AS EBONY WAY
AND ALL THE ACTORS FROM THE SHOW AS ALL THE PONIES THEY PLAY
My little Pony, My Little Pony, Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
I used to wonder what gothicness was
Until you all showed me what it was
"Awesome fighting!"
"Tons of drugs!"
"A sinful black heart"
"Beautiful and strong!"
"Punching posers, it's an easy feat"
"And razors make it all complete!"
My Little Pony,
Did you know you're all the darkest goths, yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!111111666666666666666
I watched frozen crystals of water drops drip droppily down the crystalized, frozen window of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons. it was just another winter day in Canterlot, where I lived with 666 other students, all of who were studyng magic to learn how to be good at magic.
My name is Ebony Way, and Im a sixteen year old unicorn at Celestia's SChool for Gifted Unicrons. I'm in my sixth year, even though most students my age are sevnteen. But my reacher, Princess Nightmare Moon, recognized my potential and put me there, even though Principle Celestia argued against it. That dumb bitch is always trying to put me dowmn, all beacuse I'm gothic. But she doesn't know my pain. I look at all the happy, dumb little preppy ponies in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons, and I know that none of them can ever know.
Finally the bell rang and I gort up to leave when somepony bumped into me. "What the fuck you piece of fucking shit?!?!?!?!?!?" I yelled angrily in my Royal Canterlot Voice which I've always had even when I was a new little filly even though only princesses like Princess Nightmare Moon can do that, and it;'s always been a mystery ever since i was little. It's really depressing to know that you've got awesome powers, because you don't know why you have them and everypiny makes fun of me for being so good. It;s one of ther easons I'm so depressed. I don't even have my cutie mark because I'm so good at everything and a cutie mark would restrict my talents. And even if I had one, I'd probably cut if off, because cutie marks are for preps, posers, and ponies who aren't cool and gothic mlike me.
U cut myself alot. It's how I got my cutie mark, a razor blade with blood dripping off of it, like crimson tears of regrent flowing down the pallid face of my life. My aprens uswed to beet me all the time when I was growing up, and my dad would rap me up constantly until i cried for help. But help never came.
Finally, I got pulled ouf of that house when I used my rouyal canterlot voice one day to destory the hoise. My dad was taking out his machinegun with a silemncer on it to shoot at me again because he liked using me for targit practice, and I reared back and screamed "FUS ROH DA" and killed him and my mom too. My mom would help him b throwing knifes at me. Then Princess Nightmare Moon jumped out of a tree and took me back to the castel.
"What the fuck is this little bitch diing here?" yelled Pinciple Celestia when she saw me. "This gothic trash is not welcome at my school!"
"No, Principle!" shouted Nightmare Moon, and she wnet inton the office alone without me and stayed there for a long tinme. Then Principle Celestia came out and said "You will stay here until you are the best at magic," but I dont know what they were really talking about. But I was happy to know that I was away from my mom and my dad and that they were in jail forever for torturing me with fires and tenticles.
Anyway, I was doing some redding in my bedrom, while listening to some Hawthorne Heights on my iPad. They're my favorite hyuman band, and I always got to their shows when they're playing in Equestria. They mostly play in Poinyville, and I go there wenever I can becauz wone of my best friends livs there. She used to be Princess Nightame Moon's studdent but then Principle Celestia sent her away because she was too good at everything but not as good as me because I'm the best. Her real name is Crimson B'lood, but her pearents named her Twilight Sparkle bcause her real name was too gothic. But she likes it when I call her Crimson B'lood, or just B'lood for short. I was rigint her a email on my iPad when sudent;y the fone rang.
I turned off the instant messanger on my iPhone that I was using to talk to B'lood and looke to see who was caling. It was... Sweetie Bell! "Heyy girl!" I said depressingly while drinking some dark chocolate milk from a crystal goblin.
"Hey there" said Sweet Bell. "So did u here? Good Charlotte are playng in Ponyvill tomorrow!"
"Oh. My. Gucking. GOD!!!" I screamed. I LOVE GC. THey are my fav band, except for My Chemical Romance.
"Well," said Sweetie Bell. and she sounded nervous for some reason. I don't know why. "Maybe you'd like to go to the concert with me? I have another ticket r you if youd like to come with me.
"I gasped!
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I got redy for the consert, smeling happily. My best friend, Apple Jack was sitting on the conch watching me. Apple Jack used to liv in Ponyville but them Flem and Flan stole her barn and killed her family. Now she and her family live at the school. Princess Nightmare Moon found out that they were real good at amgic and told them that they could do magic there from now on but all there magic is about apples. Butt that's okay because apples are red like blood (lol wut of appls werent red wooden that be tearible)
"OMG sweetie bell really asked u out???{" asked Apple JAck (athorz notez: ir ote al of applingjacks talking ok NOTN Tara)
"Ya," I said back to Apple JACK. "But it'z not a date ok! Stop relling me I like Sweetie bell because I so totally fucking to not!"
"Ya watever girl" said Japple Ack rollin her limpid pale green eyez. "Ever1 nows she z a crus hon u"
"Shut up fucker1" I snapped and I hit her in the nose. but she is okay with that bcuz she is gotic like me. Apple Jacks parents were gothic vampire ponies who could transform into dragons but she only found out when Flem and Flan stole her barn. Her dad Big Mackintosh and Grandma Smith told her abot her true parens and she used her magic to kil Flem and Flan. Princess Nightmare Moon saw her do it and jiumed out of a tree and told her that she had awesome powerz and that she cold use them to lern magic an d stuff. That's when we became frendz.
"OK well I',m leafing 4 the consert now!" I screamed as appleJack cried because I hit her in ths nose. Blod was poreing everywhere but that's okay because my room is painted red with my own blod. I slash my hoofs all the time to kilm myself because I'm epdesssed but i never die for some raison. So I Just Use My Blood To Paint My Room.
I jumpd out of the window hping I wood die before I hit the grond but when i hit the ground i didnt die i just Came back to Life and was alive. I strated to cry butt then I saw Sweetie Bells car show up. It was painted blood red and was greenw tih read fire all over it. It was a Rolls Royuce with mashine guns insted of lisence plates and it had dise in the mire!
Sweetie Bell jumped out of the car. It was ac onvertable and also it was a transformer. "Heyy girl" said Sweetie Bell, tossing her red and black main behind her head. Sweetie Bell used to live in Ponyville with her shister Rarity but then she found out she was acthally cothig n rarity started to Hit her and beat her o. Then Riraty started to rape her with her diamdond dilodz. Seetie bell was so depressd that she was gooing to commit suicide butt before she could Princess Nightmare Moon jumped out of a tree and savd her. She sed that she was Too magical to killnherslef and that she could go live at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons instead. So she did.
I rembember the first time I sold her. It was a clear summers tay like this one, with ths sun shinning and the birds singing. I 8 days like that because the sun hurts my pale gothic cote.
anyweay I said "Hay Sweetie Bell kan we go 2 the consert now?"
"Sure you ignorant piece of redneck white trash" she sanpped at me but it's okayt because were bothic and us goths talk like that 2 each other.
We went to the concert and saw GC. They were singing all of my favorite songs. We moshed to the music for a littl while while smolking pot and drinking bony bear. "Arent they fucking hot?" is houted. "Its topo bad that they arent ponies bcuz Id live to fuck them all at the same time" i shouted.
Suddenly Sweetie Bell looked depressed. I thought she was thinking about mhow much she missed her sister Rarity in Bonyvioll. Sweetie Bell and her sister were best friends but whe n Flem and Flan stole the barn the also stole Raritys clothes shop and Rarityt was so depsrssed she killed herself.Sweetie bell was sad but then Princess Nightmare Moon jumped out of a tree and brought her back to Celestia's SChool for Gifted Unicrons to learn how to do magic like her.
but then I realized way (GEDDIT BCUZ MY CARACTERS NAE IS WAY( she was sad. "ey don't worry" I said putting my hoff around her neck. "I like u way more than all of them"
"Really?" she asked with her sparkling red yes glimmering with gothic hoe. "You really men it?"
"Ya I ssaid." Onies are smexier than humanz anyway *I WSIH THAT I WAS ACTALY A PONY)
"Aww" said Sweetie belle and she smiled at me ,and i thought she was going to say something else but then she didn't.
Anyway we watched the badn and got to meat themb acksateage afterward. They sined my face and gave us tshitrs. We got back into the Mercedez to go back to Canterlot but then sWetiie belle started to go somewhere else. I gasped. She was taking us into....................the EVerfree Forest!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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We got inside the forest and got out of the car. "Seetie Belle!" I shouted. "Wut the fuck are u doing? Princess NIghtmare Moon told us never to go in here! She can't choose what tree to watch us from because there are so many!"
Sweetie bell looked at me like she had something to say agfain. "Ebony?" she asked.
What "I snapped."
Then she looked at me with nher sparkling blue gothic ees that were so full of depressing sorrow and evilness that suddenly i didn't feel mad anymore. Then she did something that I never would have expected anypony to do because I'm so ugly and plane and mnobody likes me.......................she KISISED me ONT THE LOIPS! I was mad at first but then I started ot loike it so i started Kissing her back
She started to take off my cloves. I was wearing my HAwthorne Hieghts tshirt that I got at the Hawthorne Heights concert (they are my favorite band! AUTHORZ NOTE THIS IST RUE ROE MOE TOE) that had all kinds odf black swear words and blood red lace all over it, my black high heeled horse shooes with the blood red razor bladez on them and my bagy black jeans that were all torn up and stuff. I was wearing my red tong thatwas autographed by Orctavia (she is my favorite singer!)but then sweetie bell toook it all off. I shiverd as she kisst me everywhere. Then................................
We started ti do it1 "oh! Oh! Oh1" I yelled as I had m yorgism for the forst time. We frenched sexily for seven minutes strate. I hate that word though. "Straight." Because all the ponies at my school hate me for not bieng straight, even though they aren'st ragiht aither. I have always liked mares. iT was wone of the reasons that my mom and dad liked to hit me with belts and belt buckels wien I was littl. When I got to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons, I realized that everypony else liked mares too, and that there wwere noe straight poinies. But wy could that be? I asked Princess Nightmare Moon one day.
Princess Nightmare Moon did not know. "It's only known by the old sages," she told me darkly. She was wearing her shining black armor that was made out of black stuff that was ccovered in blood and guts. She always goes to fight the bad guys on the borders of Equestria but her sister Principle Celestia takes all the credit for it because she hates goths like Princess Nightmare Moon. Princess Nightmare Moon lived on the moon for a thousand years because she unplugged Principle Celestia's stereo when she was listening to some Hilary Duff (ugh I hATE Hilary Duff! THORS NOTE MII TOO)
"OMG you stupid fucking litlt fucker!!!!1111111166666" said Principle Celestia flupping her long blond hair ehind her and gaizng at her with her stupid fucking pink eyes. "I, like, can't nbelieve you just did that!" So she used the elements of Harminy to send her to the moon. Luna didn't like it there bcuz there werent any trees there butt she had adventures while she was stuck there but she wont' tell me about them.
We were done having sex and swe started to french sexily when suddenly we herd an angry preppy voice yellin at us. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!"
I gasped. It was......................................................Celestia!
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We wer being draged back to Cantelrot in Principle Celestia's preppy volkswagon. Only preps drive Volkswagons. She kept yelling at us while screaming "You ludicrous fools!" She drived so fast and so scarily that six hundred and sixty six ponies kept tying on the way. "PRincple Celestia pelase your going to kill all those poor ponies!" i sobbed while Sweetie bell looked at me and held my hoofs in her hoofs. Sweetie Bell looked so fucking beautiful in her gothif red clothes. She was wearing a black rinestone belt that had nives and stuff in it too inc ase she needed to kut herself suddenly. She was also wearing lots of gothic black eyelinger but she had been crying so muc that it was running down her face and twas smeared all over the place. She was isting to some GC on her black iPod that had a picture of Billy Joe Armstrong on it and she was moshing to it while sining. I wanted to sing too, but I was too depressed. I tok out my nife and started to cut my hooff.
Finaly we arived back at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons. We got out of the car depressingly while Principle Celestia took us upstairs while souting at us while walking.
We got inside. Professor Lyra and Professor Bon Bon were there staring angrily at us.
"THEY WERE HAVING INTECOURSE IN THE EVERFREE FOREST" shouted Principle Celestia.
"Why would you do sich a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor Lyra.
"How Dare you!" shouted Professor Bon Bon while putting my iPod in her bag.
The Sweetie Bell shouted "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!'
They were silent for a while. Bhtne professor Bon Bon spoke. "Fine. Very well. You may go back to your ooms."
Sweetie Bell and I returned to our rooms. I was really depressed, so I toom off alll my clothes and changed into my panamas--a glack robe with a picture of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac on it. He is my favorite cartoon character, ebven more than SPonege bob Squirepants. I was about to get into bed when sudde ly I heard some beatufil singing. I turned around. I gasped..................................it was............................Sweetie Bell!
I know your sad and depressed
But you have my heart and you have my lips
My bleeding soul and blackened eyes
Will be with you not in disguise
Oh Ebony my only love
I will treat you like a glove
And give you all my wretched heart
Until the day we're torn apart
But 'til that day comes rest assured
(LOL I CANT THINK OF ANYTHIN ELSE TO TO WRITE SO JUST PRETEND SHE KEPT SINING OK)
I started to cry tears of bloody gothic joy. I wrapped my hooves around her and started to kiss her and she kissed me back. "I love you Sweetie Bell." I said into her blood red mane.
"I love you too Ebony." Said Sweetie bell. Then we turned and we went back into our roms.
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So wat do u giz tink? u can jsut tel me in my reviewz butt be nice or I WILL GUT MAD N USE MAH MAGIC ON YOU
Ebony: Ya be nic.
Tank u ebony. <33333333333
******
Ponified My Immortal. I laughed at this almost as much as I did the real one.
This needs a lot of work but could become one of the better stories if you fixed the kinks.
186926 It's supposed to be bad. It's a pony version of My Immortal, a Harry Potter fanfic notable for being one of the worst things ever written.
Alright, there's actually a problem with this.
You're already mad.
Gilesbie doesn't go mad until later chapters.
lik dis if u cry evertim
186928 I think the spelling is to good at points it neds supifyd
186929 Gilesbie was always mad. Raven was her stabilizing influence. In this story, Gilesbie is Esmerelda/Emserelda/Emeralda/Toucan Sam/Carol's stabilizing influence. It's the mad leading the mad.
But I digress. U R A PREP N A FLAMR
You misspelled "goffik."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
This was my idea, but I LOVE YOU
Wow. I should have expected this.
Hah, and it's already better than 95% of pony fanfiction.
186928 Oh, didn't know that . Well that explains a lot of things.
To put it lightgly, nothing short of utter bollocks.
It's really annoying to read with such bad writing. Not just bad spelling.
Was the original really this terrible? Or is it making fun of how terrible it was by being worse. I could picture something like this being popular.
Anyway, I can't believe I read the whole thing.
187231
>completely missing the point
Yep, typical brony.
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187231 Wow. Someone who hasn't read the original story.
I think if someone were to just glance at that other story on my profile, and notice the gulf in quality difference between the two, they'd catch on that this is supposed to be a trollfic. I mean, I put "ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL" in the description. I don't know how much more obvious I can be.
Shoot, and here I was hoping for a full five stars. Oh well. I'll just blame prepz and flamerz.
Sweet jesus....should....I read it?
Definition of LULZ!
"Her real name is Crimson B'lood, but her pearents named her Twilight Sparkle bcause her real name was too gothic."
( I had to read the sentence about 17 times before my brain just gave up on the thought.)
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4/10 on trolling attempt, just because it was funny.
I haven't read the original, but I figured that you were trolling if you weren't it would have been extremely sad. Nicely done.
My Immortal was one of the funniest yet most depressing 'works' of literature to ever grace mankind. I automatically like any and all parodies of it. Especially pony ones.
Aslo im totes cumpltey goffik 2!!!"111 I thaut i was the only one hoo cut myself darkly. Don't let dem stoopid PREPS get u dwn!
As an admirer of the great Tara Gilesbie, I can say that you have done a wonderful job channeling the spirit of the original masterpiece. Everything is there... the blatant self-insert Mary Sue protagonist, the horrible grammar, spelling errors galore, inconsistent and meandering plot, everypony out-of-character, names spelled differently every time... my heart is filled with joy as it evokes the feelings of awe that the Original inspired when my eyes first gazed upon it's prose. It is almost perfect, but I know the best is yet to come; my body shudders in anticipation of the part where Esmerelda and Tara will have their inevitable feud over the poster and sweater, a conflict whence resulted Tara's best writings in the Original.
I can't find a decent picture of Princess Celestia to caption, so I'll just leave this here:
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But seriously tho, don't let teh prepz and flammers git u daown.
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Celestia's School for Gifted Unicrons!!?? Wasn't ONE Unicron bad enough!??
Heh. This is so delightfully wretched
I haven't read the original, but I still really enjoy this for some raison. Stay amazing, author.
Truly one of the great literary works of our time. You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
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dis si soo col leik
That must be so hard to write like that. You've got me trying to decide whether or not to read the original but it's so long...
This fanfiction is fantastic. The raw emotion is palpable. This beautiful piece of prose made tears of empathy stream down my pale face. So . I can clearly see the effort put in to this. No spelling mistakes or continuity errors. The characters are all original and not ripped from the tv show. The elegance. The romance. The tension. All flawlessly and painstakingly thought out and full fleshed. No rag tag half plots here! I am eagerly awaiting for the next installment in this ripping tale of ponies and love.
My initial reaction.
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My reaction after reading it.
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Wow, everything is there: the Mary Sue main character, unlikeable OOC supporting cast, the poser goth bullshit, and so many misspellings that Noah Webster would kill himself. I applaud you sir or madam.
I have never personally read "My Immortal," but I did watch a hilarious reading of it.
This fanfiction really speaks to me. It reminfds me of how painful it is being One of a Kind...
Lets see those stupid FIMs use their worthless freindship now...
*gazes at Twilight sparkle*
"Look at the pain and suffering Ebony is going through! This is what your so called "friendship" is wrought...!"
"W... why isn't it working...? Friend ship has never failed before!"
"That's what you think..."
What's with Nightmare Moon and trees?
187326
YES.
IF U DONT TEN UR A STUPD PRP ND U SHULD GO 2 HEVEN (geddit cuz im goffik)
Funny, I have read the entirety of My Immortal twice, laughed a lot, and when i am reading this, it is even funnier, because it is a parody.