Rainbowdash loves applejack and Applejack loves her back. After being together for a long time and have being playing rough for a while. Rainbow finds out she has a problem how will she tell Applejack and what about her friends...
Chapters (4)
unicorn2445
Joined 13th Dec, 2012 ·
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It's pretty good, minus the spelling and grammar errors. I'd be happy to help, if you desire assistance.
It was... choppy. Not bad, but choppy.
I think it's a good story so far. As I'm sure you know spelling and grammar are a thing also I think you could work a bit on the pacing of the story. Things just seem to happen try and make them flow a little more but other than that it's a great story 7 out of 10 Flutteryays.
I am bored so the second chapter may come up I'm going to use word from now on then copy it onto the chapter that way my grammer and mistakes are better. I will work on the flow of the story as well. I am smart by the way I have been for a long time my grammer and spelling errors aren't normal but I have a cold so yeh thank you for reading.
The story is quite good, although I have to recommend you hire a proofreader so the punctuation and grammar won't interfere with the reading.
And here's a dancing dude to motivate ya.
i.imgur.com/KuE30.gif
2348376 thanks ha ah
I edited it enjoy.
2348225
Thats what i was going to say......................................
2348573
Not to be cruel, but I really couldn't tell. There were words that did not need to be capitalized that were, especially in the last paragraph; and you sometimes missed a tense (namely "told" and "said"). There's a lot of just dialogue, and it's kindof hard to envision the scene.
Ship ALL the ponies!
Unrelated side note, writing in present tense is not very common.
2348672 Do you want to edit it for me ??
2348789
I can. It's the end of the semester for me, though, so I might not be quick about it.
This has something to do with pregnancy, I just know it. The sex tag, the picture, the description, the specific 2 character cards, a hospital related character card, et cetera, all can add up to some sort of pregnancy conundrum.
2348913 Well, I think this could be a good story. I haven't seen this concept (which is quite obviously pregnancy) often, which is good as it means the story's original. If you hired a proofreader and editor (there are groups for this, check the Groups page), maybe this could become a really good story.
A tip I always use is when I've come up with a story idea and/or ideas for the chapters, I let the story sit there in my head and mellow for a while. That way I can decide what to write and get a vague idea of what I'll write about next.
Good luck!
Chapter 1-Chapter 2=Vast improvment
This was a good chapter don't delete this story it's really just getting interesting
The story has changed from cancelled to incomplete if it is getting good I might as well continue it.
me want more!
I definitely like where this is going, can't wait to see AJ's reaction. How far are you planning on taking this, if you don't mind telling? Are you stopping after AJ and RD have their discussion? After the birth? I hope you include an epilogue about how they are doing in a few year's time.
2353192 maybe after the discussion then a sequel or after the birth I will see were I want it to go glad you are liking it so far
awesome story. please do continue
Will soon taking me forever <.>
Do you feel your characters sound like robots? Worried that your story doesn't have that certain flow? Tired of being second best to wankers like J.K Rowling and Jack Kerouac?
Then try to all new comma! An ingenious device which can make any piece of text or dialouge seem a million times better!
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"But now, thanks to the comma, I'm always being conplimented on my grammatical skills! I discovered talent that I never knew I had, and it's all thanks to discovering that little button next to the full stop!"
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Well god damn, if an ultrasound and a doctors opinion didn't seal the deal, a home pregnancy test will?
Oh, knowing rainbow she is very stubborn, she wasn't quite sure.
well that was cute nice turn of events with the dream thing cant wate to read more
OMG amazing. more please. cute and well... Rainbows torrchering herself, tis tis.
Shes a idiot to think stuff like that.
Oh Rainbow what to do with you and your over reacting?????
p good keep righting :)
You should keep this up it has a good idea behind it. Definitely scratchy (and Fluttershy is one word) but it's really good and not to rush
Hello, to anyone who is favourite sorry for the long wait but things in this story our about to turn around by that I mean a major plot twist, Is Applejack really the mother?