Fallout: Equestria - Gaia Prevails

by John Colt

Introduction

Introduction

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...

...there came an era when the ideals of friendship gave way to greed, selfishness, paranoia, and jealousy. The two major nations of this world have built parts of their vastly growing economy and technology on the resources that only the other nation can provide: the zebra’s coal to power the pony’s engines, and the pony’s crystals to be used in the zebra’s object-based magic. This didn’t go well for a long time and the inevitable happened: war broke out, and in all the chaos, mistakes were made, and the war grew worse.

As yet another mistake, Princess Celestia saw herself unfit to rule Equestria, and her younger sister, Princess Luna, took the throne and reformed the nation's government entirely. Six Ministries were created to take on various aspects of the war. Power fell into the hooves of corporations, and the greed and selfishness that started the war only increased.

Then there came the good intentions and the faith in the equines' good nature. Both sides were given a weapon; it was so destructive that it was meant to terrify both nations into ending the bloodshed, once they realized these ‘Megaspells’ would not only destroy the nations, but all of life and poison the land for future generations. But it only takes a few people who have... more flexible morals.

Balefire, Pink Cloud, Dark Magic, Annihilation, Salt Cube, and more were enhanced to bring all kinds of devastation to the land. While not every inch of the world burned, and some survived, magical radiation quickly spread across the land, contaminating it. Most of the survivors had taken refuge in enormous underground bunkers, called ‘Stables’. When their decentents slowly returned to the surface they found it much like they have left it: in chaos.

Fallout: Equestria - Gaia Prevails

Comments

[Josephdalepony]

Turing the war
You mean during perhaps?

[Gig]

I like how you did your little twist of the 'classical' Fallout prologue. It gives a good insight on the narrator themselves (I reckon a self-centered, cynical individual? I've yet to read the following chapters)

Just a thing: you shouldn't have modified the good old "War... War never changes."
It's like Superman's glasses spandex outfit. Not only it never gets old, but people will scream in anger if you dare touch it.
Besides, the ';' kinda make the whole end of the sentence dropped from an helicopter or something. I would suggest something along the lines:
"Our world hadn't changed, for war... war never changes."

[GhostlyReader]

Huh. I can safely say that I personally think this is just as good as KKat's, and will admit you now have my interest from both this and the summary...

...Okay, I'm sold. You've got my upvote. Let's see where this goes.

[Doomande]

So what is this? It is REVIEW TIME of course! The moment where Grand Liberian Doomande writes feedback that are longer than the chapter that it goes with, but don´t count on that when we get to the real chapters

I have some mixed feelings about this. It is clear that you know what you are doing, that your wording are fine and have taken inspiration from the games and forms a good atmosphere, but what teller style are you going after? Why I ask this is because it feels like that you both are trying to make a third person all knowing teller, with your first real line, how you are depicting Equestria and ponies as things instead of personalise them from a characters perspective, but yet do you begin in the last sentence of the second segment to personalise the perspective with statements coming from a knowingly character. It is like we go from the history book like teller style, a teller that tries to be as non objective as they can be, just like the intros in the games, and then goes over to the history teacher that continues with that story, but put his personal touch on it. I would really much have enjoyed an non objective intro to a Fo:E story, there are to few of them, to many that already from word one tries to point their view on the things and lore down the readers throats, educating them instead of teaching them if you could say that.

Beside that do I think that it is some rather... imaginative statements that you come with. I can personally not remember that to little territory, space to live on, where any problem, but that it was "only" the gemstones and coal that was the real problem. That the ponies used the megaspells with smiles on their faces is maybe a little bit of an overstatement, but I would say that it comes down to personal interpretation. I can just personally not remember anyone that enjoyed building or using any megaspells, and that there generally where an atmosphere around them that they where build to be a defence of a sort, so dangerous that they would frighten the other side into laying down their arms. And now that we are at sides, where there not only two sides? And not multiple that it somewhat sounds like with the "neighbours" that you use, somewhat making it sound like it where a world war instead of two countries with their smaller allies. But then again, that is maybe just me that are going into to much detail over the use of the word in plural.

A little thing I would point out about your megaspells is that it sound like you are missing the ones that the ponies used, balefire and dark magic was after all what the zebras used, and not the ponies, the ponies where, and will always be, more imaginative than just using the same weapon again and again after all. But we are only seeing this from the Equestrian Wasteland does it sound like, so that could be the explanation on that.

And before I end do I need to ask a little question, why "war never changes?" One of the most tragic things with the original Fo:E story is that it makes the picture of a world going into what could very likely be its first war. Sure the pegasi had a Roman like empire in the days of old, we know that from the Hearts and Hooves episode, but that did not mean that they went to war. It is so tragic that this worlds first world war, or at least one that happens on bigger global scale, kills it. That it takes so many leaps with its technology, medicine and magic, that the world almost reached an utopian setting, but fell so low as it did, being usurped by its own crutches that it used to reach its goal. It is so tragic that all those tools made to do better, to fight diseases, hunger, disability and even to a degree death, made it rot from inside. The world of MLP are so full of love and friendship that it is even materialised, and in its own seek to do better did it hurt all.
One of Kkats biggest themes is after all "the route to hell is paved with good intentions", so why take that away and say that the world always where rotten, that nothing had changed at all, that it was unavoidable what there happened, that all those ponies that knew that they could stop it if they dared to speak up instead of follow the flow don´t have anything to be ashamed over, because after all do war never change. That if superstition and religion didn´t play the role that it did in the zebra culture would the worlds fate still not change, because war never change. That no choices where really important, because war never changes, and the outcome is unavoidable.
"War never changes" are one of the most fitting and thought provoking sayings that are in the games if you ask me, to this day do it still give me chills when I hear it in that intro, I do almost despise myself for being human when I think to much on it. But I ask again, why use that saying in this setting? How does it fit into the world?

And now that I have seen the intros again to remember their wordings, would you not mean that you are a better writer than to copy so much that you do from the intro of Fallout 2? I must say that it do not wake much hope in me to see so big similarities that I almost want to yell copy paste. But it is a first chapter, and those should always get some slack one way or another after all. I do just hope that the real chapters have some original originality in them

Ohh and a little nitpick:
"in the magical land of Equestria... ...there came an era when the ideals of friendship gave way to greed" So far I know is there no rules against this, but it looks rather silly with a double ellipses as you have here.