Family Ties

by NightInk

A Misunderstanding

Luna was spared the process of having to give a statement at the police station, but I had to. I took her home first, but we were accompanied by a pair of officers, to make sure we didn’t run off I guess. I went back down and talked to the captain for a while. He was kind of a heavyset old guy, a cup of coffee on his desk and a lot of grey in his hair. He seemed happier than the ones on TV. Though fatter. After giving him my statement he didn’t say anything for a second.

“Well, I’m impressed, son,” he started. “We don’t see many young men who can talk down an emotional woman without getting anyone hurt. Especially after telling the gunman that if they can stomach it to fire at will.”

I ran a hand through my hair. I could feel the sweat that had soaked in. I really wanted a shower. “I knew she couldn’t go through with it. The only shot fired was into the ceiling, a safe shot under the circumstances since it was a one floor building. The gun wavered a little anytime I made a valid point and she was sweating almost as much as me.”

He shrugged like it didn’t matter either way to him. “The fact that you knew her aside, that’s all very impressive observations. Quite the story you told her too. You say you got that arm in a car crash?”

I shrugged the same way he had. Without care. “I told her that. She was too emotional to see that I was lying.”

“Mind telling me the truth?”

“Yes I do mind.”

He stared at me, trying to get a reading on me. I knew he wouldn’t get one, so I humored him by making faces at him, changing mine every time he changed his. “I don’t get you, boy,” he muttered, leaning back in his seat. “If you were on the force you’d be required to undergo psychiatric observation for this kind of experience, but on the outside you look totally unphased. What’s going on in your head?”

“Frankly sir, if my fiancé can’t even figure it out I doubt you can.” I smiled pleasantly.

He frowned and sat back, groaning with the exertion. “Are you aware that performing experimental medicine outside of a hospital, especially without a license, is illegal? As is having those procedures done.”

“Yup.”

“And is that strange arm of yours such a medical procedure?”

“Nope. Can I go home now? Luna isn’t in a very good way right now, and I don’t want her to feel alone.”

“Actually I needed to talk to you about that as well.” He flipped through a few papers, trying to look important. “We here haven’t been able to locate any mention of your lovely bride anywhere. No birth certificate, no legal documentation of any kind. Why might that be?”

“She’s actually a pony from another universe. She has the power to shape change into a human and can raise and lower the moon in her world through magic.”

The chief was silent. He glared angrily at me for a little while, and when he next spoke he wasn’t too cheery. “I’ll let you answer that again. This time, why don’t we just start with her name.”

“Luna.”

“Her full name.”

“Luna.”

“Full. Don’t get smart with me.”

“For me to be smart with you, we would both have to be smart. I haven’t seen any such proof from you.”

His face grew red and he kind of poofed up. “Boy, I don’t think you realize the gravity of your situation.”

“Oh, no. I’m very much aware of the current questions as to the nature of gravity, though no one is very close to mathematically unraveling its mysteries.”

He just kept getting bigger and redder, and knowing I loved it just pissed him off even more. “I think you better watch your step, or you just might find yourself spending the night in a cell with someone a lot less pretty than that lovely gal of yours.”

“Oh, I don’t own her. She’s her own person. If anything, I’m that handsome fellow of hers. And as for stepping, I happen to be a wonderful dancer. You don’t need to arrest me over that. I can prove it if you want.”

He slammed both hands down on his desk and stood suddenly. “All right, I’ve had enough of your sass!”

I slammed my hands down in the same manner and mimicked his stance. “Then I’ll have to move on to the ‘afrass’!”

He unintelligibly bellowed and slammed his finger into the intercom button on his phone. “Someone get in here and cuff this cheeky bastard!”

As he took his finger off the button I pushed it back down myself. “Yes, he suddenly doesn’t remember how to do it himself. Senility is the best quality for a chief, isn’t it?”

Three second later, two officers came in, each clearly trying not to laugh. They put the handcuffs on me, but weren’t harsh or cruel about it. In fact, one of them even went so far as to address the chief. “Hey, chief, what exactly is he being arrested for? I don’t think we have anything on him.”

The big man snarled at him. “One more crack like that and I’ll put you in the cell with him!”

The young man quieted, but I didn’t. “It’s ok. He can’t keep me long, and I don’t want you to lose your job over this. I mean, it seems like it’s being run by the right person. A chief should be cool and calm, even while being taunted by someone who poses no threat to anyone, and you sir are a shining example.”

The big man turned on me. “Actually, I’l be checking up on where you got that fancy arm of yours. If you got it anywhere I think you did, you’ll be spending a long, long time in our cells!”

I raised my hands, showing two perfectly good arms and hands. He was to hyped up to have seen the mirage spell taking effect. “What fancy arm?”

He did nothing but sputter and point at me. I think the old man would have taken a swing at me if the guards hadn’t rushed me out of the room so that they could laugh. We stumbled into the hall and the door slammed swiftly shut behind us. The older looking of the two officers gave me a kind pat on the back. “I haven’t seen him that riled up in a long time. That was great. We’ll put you in holding for a little bit while he cools off. He has a point though, about your fiancé. She doesn’t have any records that we’ve found so far.”

I smiled. “Check under immigration. I think you’ll find a set of papers belonging to a Luna Burrfoot, in from Canada three years ago. I don’t know what her parents’ names are. I kind of tune that out. You know what I mean.” I nodded my head to the guy on my right.

He tilted his head. “Matter of fact, I don’t.”

I snuck a peak at his left hand. “Oh, my bad. Well, if the brunette who left her hair all over her uniform pushes for commitment, I’m sure you will.”

He turned an embarrassed red and cleared his throat. His partner just laughed. “Wow. You are good. I bet you don’t have anything on me, though.”

“Except that you haven’t asked out that pretty redheaded receptionist we just passed yet. Make your move, before it’s too late.”

They were both stunned. I can only imagine their faces if I had told them I was really just reading the basest layers of their consciousness and using little things to back it up. Like something off one of the numerous fake psychic shows out. I smiled at them as they sat me down, cuffed me to the bench, and walked away. I tugged the cuffs a bit, and then pulled the set of lock picks out of my belt and unlocked them quickly. I slipped the pick back in my belt as the guards came back a second later with the still unhappy chief.

“How did her file show up in the system?!” he demanded. “We should have found it the first time through!”

I shrugged. “Computer error, maybe? Or maybe you just need to look harder next time. I can’t account for your own incompetence.” The guards exchanged quiet laughter and high fives behind his back, but he didn’t notice. I think he was busy trying to think of something he could pin on me, but he had nothing. I waited patiently, but he didn’t say anything, so I did. “Now can I leave? Luna is probably worried some moron is trying to arrest me. Oh… well, I should be getting back either way. Can I keep the cuffs?”

He snarled and went for his keys, but once I was sure he was letting me go I stood up and shook them off myself. He started to say something, but he just gave up. “Get out. Take the cuffs. I just want you gone.”

I smiled and waved cheerily at the two guards, who just didn’t know what to think anymore. “Later, guys. The Old Keg Bar, right?”

Their jaws dropped at the name of their regular haunt, and I left the station in a substantially better mood than when I had arrived. I did, however, have to deal with an emotional woman when I got home.

…

Luna was on the bed when I got back, still human and still crying. The police were gone, so I tossed the cuffs into my end table drawer and sat down next to her. I put a hand on her back and gently began to give her a rub. She was all tensed up, partially from the emotional upheaval, partially from the crying. I lay down next to her, keeping my hand on her back. I put my other arm under her head and drew it into my chest. I let her weep until she was all cried out, which took an impressively long time. When she was done my shirtfront was soaked through and there was a wet spot where we were.

“Why?” she groaned.

I kissed the top of her head and kept rubbing her back. My hand was kind of cramping up. “Why what?”

“Why did you date her? Why did you let me go see her?”

I sighed and sat up, propping her up against my shoulder. She just let her head slide down my chest and rested on my leg. “I dated her because back then she seemed pretty well balanced. When you talked to her on the phone she also seemed to calm down. In retrospect, I should have tried harder than just begging and pleading and reasoning to try and keep you away from her, but I know that now. Luckily, she was the only unfinished chapter I had. Now it’s over. Granted it ended in gunplay, arrests, and a very upset police chief, but it’s ended now.”

“Upset police chief?”

“Yeah, when they were looking for your name to put into their report they realized you had no papers. I distracted him while I magically made some in the national database, which just happened to be open on his computer. Then I used basic mindreading magic and trickery to amuse the guards, getting them onto my side. By the way, you are now Luna Burrfoot in this world. You immigrated from Canada three years ago.”

She coughed a little bit of a laugh. “Burrfoot?”

“Yeah, he was a character in an old book of mine. I’ll have to find it sometime, they’re pretty good.”

She rolled over and looked up at me. “And where did the cuffs come from?”

I smiled back and brushed the hair from her eyes. “I allowed myself out. He eventually just gave up trying to pin any sort of crime on me, so he let me leave with them. Consider them a gag gift slash apology. I will never drag you to a standoff again.”

She giggled and put a hand on my chest. “And you’ve talked your way through one before?”

“No, but I had a plan.”

“Lie?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” She laughed again and I felt all the stress of the day melt away at the angelic sound. “Now, what do you say to a cup of tea and some TV?”

She nodded. “I suppose I can be convinced. Chamomile?”

“I think we’re out. I think there’s some Earl Grey? Aaand…nachos.”