Family Ties

by NightInk

Wedding Bells and Not-So-Earthly To Dos

Frankly, there wasn’t much excitement for a while. Sure, there was stuff that didn’t quite go as well as it could have, but nothing so poorly as screaming matches or gunfights. In fact, things were so fine and boring that we’ll be flashing ahead to a week before the weddings. Exactly one week. Monday the 29th of July. Luna was a fully raging panicked bride.

To say we had one week exactly is both accurate and inaccurate. It was one week until the earth wedding, one week one day until the Equestrian wedding. Even though we had told everyone we initially talked to that the wedding was on the fifth, we moved the Equestrian one until a day later. It was easier to change those plans than those on earth. Either way, Luna was panicking while I was… well, kind of just being me. For reference, she spoke first in the following conversation, if you could call it that. Now keep up, I get pretty wordy.

“Where’s my planner?!?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, here it is, right where I left- Where’s the receipt from the florists?!?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, in the plan- Where’s my to-do list?!?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, next to the re- Where are my good shoes?!?”

“God damn it, I don’t know! Sit down and have your tea!”

She stopped running back and forth around the apartment. “I have tea?” I nodded. “When did I make tea?”

“You asked me to make you some of the orange and spice tea a half hour ago. It’s cold now, but I can heat it back up for you. On the condition that you sit down next to me on the couch, play a videogame, and relax for a while.”

She stamped her hooves, making me cringe. We were going to get another noise complaint if she wasn’t careful. It couldn’t be helped, I guess. “But we need to keep working on the plans!”

“We can talk while we play, but right now you need to sit down for a while. Don’t stress yourself out prematurely. Wait another day or two. Ok?” She grumbled as I put the cup into the microwave, but sat on the couch and put in a game. As I stood, waiting for the tea to finish heating, I watched her. “Don’t bite your lip. It’s unhealthy.”

She frowned but stopped. “I need a vice or outlet.”

“I’ll put something in your tea.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Neither do I, usually, but I think we could both use it. Trust me.”

“Ooh, every time you say that it makes me cringe,” she complained. I opened up the top cupboard and grabbed a rarely opened cheap bottle of rum. Although really, ‘cheap’ is a relative term for booze. I put some in a cup for me, putting on another kettle at the same time, then put a nip in Luna’s. Then another. And maybe another one. Or two.

Don’t give me that look. Trust me, she needed it.

I put the cup in front of Luna. She blew on it a little bit, then took a sip. I had left the tea bag in, so it was strong. She didn’t seem to notice how much I had put in, since she didn’t make any kind of face or say anything. She tilted her head back and let the tea slide down her throat. She swallowed and sighed quietly. The Super Smash Bros. Melee theme played quietly, since she hadn’t turned the volume up yet. She was quiet for a second, then breathed in to speak.

“We’re gonna make it. Right?”

I scooched a little closer to her on the couch. I put my arm around her and rubbed her wing, dragging my fingers through her feathers. “Of course we are. You just need to relax and calm down. I know that’s my answer to everything, but I’m serious this time. We’re going to be ok, and the wedding will be wonderful. You’ve made yourself sick over everything under both suns, and I’ve helped. I have my stuff set up, you have yours, and I have a surprise for you.”

She set her cup down so fast I’m surprised that it didn’t shatter or spill. “What surprise?” she demanded.

I put a kind hand on her muzzle and gave it a knowing rub. “Don’t worry. It’ll be a good thing. Ok?”

She almost said something else, but the kettle started to whistle and I stood and walked away. I poured my cup and chose a bag, waiting for her to say something. She didn’t, so I sat back down. While I sipped my tea, she tried to figure out something to say. But every time she opened her mouth to speak, she just took a breath in and rethought it. Finally, she just said, “I won’t have any clue or any way of knowing until the wedding, will I?”

I smiled. “Nope. Just play.”

She smiled and took another drink before picking her controller up.

…

Ok, really that was about it. Wedding time. Everything was going well. The girls were in from Equestria, and they had all taken to their transformations into humans well. And while I would never admit it to Luna, they were all really breathtakingly beautiful. Rarity had made each of them a lovely blue dress. I guess it was the color Luna had picked out. Each was simple, but elegant. I guess that’s kind of cliché of me to say, but the dresses were anything but that. They would have made anyone look stunning.

Obviously, I wasn’t allowed to see Luna, but I heard stories. She probably could have used another cup of tea. The one a week earlier had been a great deal of help to her. Ben and I went around and fixed things that Luna thought needed fixing, which really means we double checked the flower delivery, caught up with AppleJack and made sure her food preparations were coming along, and checked with the earth bakery to make sure that the cake was on it’s way. If anything, the wedding would end up being delayed by about an hour.

My mom and dad were there early, helping to set up for the reception. There were white tablecloths everywhere, quite a few chairs, lots of alcohol, champagne, etcetera. Mom was wearing a nice, floral dress. Dad wore the same suit he always wore. It didn’t matter what the occasion was. Funerals, weddings, whatever. Both of them were crying happy tears. Every time I walked into the room, mom latched onto me and told me how proud she was with her bourbon breath, and dad tugged her away, smelling a bit of the drink himself. They weren’t plastered or anything, just a little bit more lose.

I didn’t get the opportunity to greet them at the door, but I caught them both at their first drink. I gave them each a hug as I walked into the room. “Hey, hey, aren’t I the one who should already be drinking?” I joked.

They both laughed. “Honey, you don’t need alcohol. This is the greatest day of your life!” my mom gushed.
I shook my head, smiling. “Not yet. Just now, it’s just the most stressful and worrisome. Frightening, definitely. As soon as I get to see my lovely bride, then it becomes the best day. Right now, the best day is the day I first got a Pokemon game.”
“Don’t let Luna hear you say that,” Ben quietly warned. Despite his naturally dark voice, it was easy to hear the amusement in his voice.

Dad laughed too. “Trust me son, this will be one of the best days of your life.”

Mom looked at him funny. “One of?”

Dad stuttered. “W-well, our wedding was the best for me. The very best. Really!”

Ben laughed. “So that’s where you get it from.”

We all laughed and talked a little bit more. Eventually, mom and dad caught onto something they hadn’t realized before. “Adam, who is this?”

I looked back blankly. “Who is who?”

“This man. I don’t believe we’ve met before.”

My eyes opened wide as I remembered that they had indeed not met. “Oh, right. Well, this is Ben. He’s the Grim Reaper. I met him while on a trip of sorts to the Crossroads. The Crossroads being the land of the dead.” Now that I think about it, that may have been what really started them drinking.

Both of their jaws dropped and they were struck speechless for a moment. After a moment, mom whispered, “What kind of trip? You didn’t die, did you?”

I laughed, trying to think quickly. “No, no. I’d tell you about something like that. This was when I went to visit Nightmare Moon after… you know… I killed her.”

Their faces grew pale as I mentioned the killing. They spaced out for a moment, enough that I had to wave my hand in front of them to see if they were still ok. They blinked absently, and Ben took the time to pull me to the side. “You seriously didn’t tell them about everything that happened? I would think that dying would be one of those things you tell your parents, like having been in a car wreck.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Dude, look at them. They obviously don’t take bad ethereal news very well. I may have skipped a few details.”

He grumbled. He still had his hood on, but if I could have seen his face I bet he was glaring. “And what exactly were these details?”

“I died, I know how to magically construct things, meeting you, Celestia shooting me…”

He groaned. “Ok, I’ll admit, those are probably good things to keep from them. Although they may find Celestia shooting you to be rather amusing.”

I smiled at the idea of telling my parent about my sister-in-law shooting me, but I decided to let it pass. Maybe at the reception, Celestia would tell the story herself. That thought made me realize that Celestia still wasn’t here. Maybe I should have listened to Twilights reports on Luna’s panicking.

While my parents came back to their senses, I excused myself and went to the restroom. Quickly setting up the portal, I stepped through to the throne room of Canterlot Castle. I found Celestia running around in human form, desperately trying to find everything she needed. (Oh yeah, she can transform into a human. Luna and I were able to work together to help her make the first transformation, just like Tia and I had transformed Luna for the first time.)

“Oh, Adam! Thank the Goddesses you’re here! I can’t find my purse!”

“You carry a purse?”

She stopped moving just long enough to glare at me a little bit. “Of course I do! When I’m in human form, at least!” Her sudden stop made her hair fly in front of her face and her dress flutter a little. She was wearing a blue bridesmaid dress like the other girls, and her light blonde hair still flowed a little bit. It wasn’t as strong and noticeable as when she was a pony, but it was certainly stronger than Luna’s human hair. I quietly wondered if it would be an issue. I didn’t know what exactly went on in her head these past few days.

I shrugged. “Under the throne.”

She ran over, impressive in heels, and checked. I couldn’t help but notice her backside as she knelt to look. Not bad. She pulled the purse out from under the chair and looked at me oddly. “How did you know it was there?”

“I dunno. Just a guess. Come on, Luna is going to start wondering where we are.”

She frowned a bit and looked back at the chair for a second. Then she smiled and held out her arm. “Well, then. Would you be a gentleman and escort me?”

I smiled and linked arms with her. “Well, I suppose I can. I’m still a free man, after all. For a few hours at least.”

She stopped suddenly again. “Thinking of which, I have something I want to tell you.”

Her face grew grim and serious, so I made sure to take her as such. “This feels like something that needs to be said in private.”

She nodded once. “Yes. I simply wanted to tell you that if you hurt Luna in any way, I will kill you in all manners and fashions until you cannot come back to life ever again. Do I make myself clear?”

Usually I would have made some kind of joke, but something in her tone made her sound more dangerous than Nightmare Moon could ever have been. I stepped to the side so that I faced her head on. Looking her dead in the eyes, I spoke seriously. “I swear to God, the Goddesses, and you personally. If I ever do anything to harm her, I want you to do all of that, then come to the Crossroads and destroy my spirit, too. Luna deserves a place in the heavens, and if I can’t hold her in that regard, strike me down without mercy or regret.”

She stared at me for no more than ten seconds, then smiled. “I will, don’t worry.” The only thing that worried me was how happy she was to threaten me.

I smiled and gave her a hug. “Thanks, Tia. You’re the best.”

She hugged back, giving me a pat on the back as she did. “I know. Now let’s go make sure she has the second best day of her life.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Second best?”

“The first best being when I get to marry you two,” she smiled. “Now come on. You don’t want to be late for your own wedding.”

“The maid of honor being late wouldn’t look good either.” We took each others arms again and quickly stepped back through.

“Adam.”

“Yup?”

“Why are we in a men’s room stall?”

“I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone?”

She didn’t think it was very funny. Luckily no one saw us coming back out. How would that have looked? A little ways down the hall, we ran into Twilight again. Even in human form, she had purple hair and a sense of urgency, though she sighed in relief as she saw Celestia.

“Phew! Thank goodness you found her!” she breathed. “Princess Luna was beginning to worry!”

“Beginning?” I didn’t quite believe her. Luna had been worrying since I had proposed. But she didn’t like being corrected.

She ignored me anyways, so it didn’t matter. “Come on, Princess. Princess Luna is waiting for you. Adam, Rarity was looking for you in the center room with Spike.”

I nodded and started off towards the chapel, listening to Celestia as I moved away. “Please, Twilight. I’m not a princess today. Just call me Celestia.”

“I-I-I can’t.”

I found Rarity standing in the middle of the chapel, guiding levitating streamers with one hand, putting floating flowers into position with the other, and telling Spike where to set the candles all the while. “Rarity! Twilight said you wanted to see me?”

She jumped a little as I spoke. I guess she hadn’t noticed me come in the door, being so busy. “Darling, don’t sneak up on me like that! But yes, I’m glad you’re here. Keep going Spike! Remember, once you finish with that side of the room, make it exactly the same on the other side!”

I heard him sigh a little bit, either trying to catch his breath or admiring Rarity (I didn't blame him), but he kept running. Poor little green-haired dude was wearing a little purple tux, making him look similar to the dragon that he was. He was making excellent progress, though. The half that he was almost done with looked great. I turned my attention back to Rarity, who was still working the streamers and flowers. “What did you need me for?”

“Well, darling, I was worried that we may not have enough flowers to make everything they way it’s supposed to go. See?” She gestured towards the last two pews. “See? The only flowers I have left that aren’t supposed to be set in a specific place are in the bouquet. Which technically have a place in Luna’s hooves… er, hands.”

I frowned and hummed. “Ok, just take a little bit from each of the others. Like, a single flower from each into these last two.”

She nodded a little. Her purple hair bounced lightly. “I thought of that, but I don’t have anything to bind them with.”

I ran back to the entrance and pulled a spare tablecloth out of a box. “Here, this works for the main part of the wrap.”

She held it uncertainly. “That’s wonderful, darling, but what about the lace wrap and ribbon?”

“You only need two, right?” She nodded. I opened a pocket dimension I had placed in my inner jacket pocket and pulled out one of the dress shirts inside. It was one of the ones Rarity had made for me, and it had been intended to mimic old English styles with the big poofy collars and sleeves. “Take and cut the lacey stuff off the sleeves.”

“But darling, that will ruin the shirt!” she protested.

“It’s either the shirt or the wedding, Rar. Which do you think I’m more concerned about?”

She muttered. “The wedding…”

I nodded and left to try to find Pinkie. She should have been in the reception area by now. By the time I got there, she was. And mom and dad were desperately trying to cope. That probably put a few drinks on their tabs too…

“Ooh, Adam! Lookit the balloons and the streamers and the candy and the glasses and the tablecloths!!” As a human she wasn’t any less hyper, bouncy, and impossible than as a pony. Her trusty party cannon was next to her, smoking just a bit from its last firing.

“Good Pinkie. Anything you need?”

“Nope!”

“No last minute disasters? Problems? Anything?”

“Nopie, dopey, loki!”

I sighed and smiled. Somehow, Pinkie made it seem like everything would go well. then mom and dad approached me again. “Son,” my dad whispered. “Who is she?!”

“That’s Pinkie Pie. Before you say or ask anything, this is a calm day for her.” He looked at me unbelievingly. Boom!! “And that party cannon is actually pretty useful. She’s actually making me a similar one for a small fee.”

I heard him groan a little bit, but he let it drop. At that moment, AppleJack and RainbowDash came into the room, each balancing a number of plates full of cakes and refreshments, followed by several men from the caterers. “Howdy, Adam! These fine men from the caterers were just pulling up as Rainbow and I were coming through the stable portal you made in Luna’s room!” I believed her, since they all looked fairly shaken by everything they had undoubtedly seen.

RainbowDash gave them a glare as they stared at her wings and rainbow colored hair. “Though they aren’t very nice! Oh, by the way, there were a bunch of people showing up, and one old dude dressed in black who says he has to talk to you.”

Great. Now we had a bunch of early guests, looking for an unfinished chapel occupied by a humanized perfectionist and baby dragon, and a priest who would probably have a heart attack as he met each of the bridesmaids. Maybe I should just introduce him to Pinkie first so that the others would be ok by comparison. “I’ll go talk to him. Have you seen Ben?”

“Yeah, the Princess asked to talk to him beforehand. Hey! Yeah, they’re wings! Back up!”

I just about sprinted back to the entrance, finding Father Ed standing in the chapel gawking at the woman adding the finishing touched to the ceiling with her glowing hands. Fluttershy had also finally found all of her birds and sorted the trained Equestrian ones from the normal earth ones. They were in the back, perched and practicing. “Adam, what’s she doing?”

“Talking to the birds. They’re practicing the music. Just listen to her as she talks to them.”

We listened to her for a moment, hearing the birds chirp rhythmically. When one slipped up, Fluttershy called him on it. “Oh, sorry, but you were a little flat on that last note. It should be-“ She sang a note. “Instead of-“ She sang the improper note. “It’s just a little thing, but please remember this is a royal wedding, and things should be as perfect as it can be.”
I gave him a pat on the back. “You needed to talk to me?”

“What about the purple haired woman? What’s she doing with her hands?”

“Putting up decorations with magic. You needed to see me?”

“And… why is the little fellow’s hair green? Is that what children like today?”

“You aren’t that old, you know better. He’s just a baby dragon, and his spikes are green normally, so his hair is green here. You needed to see me?”

He shook his head like he was clearing it. “This will certainly be the strangest wedding I’ve presided over. I was actually just wondering what time you wanted to start?”

I looked around. “Well, Pinkie is almost done with the cannon, Rarity and Spike are almost done here. Twilight is with Luna, AppleJack and RainbowDash have the food taken care of. I think once everyone gets here, we’ll be ready. Let’s start at one.”

He stammered. “AppleJack? RainbowDash? Cannon?”

I grinned, looking around the chapel. Spike was beginning to run about, lighting candles with little green dragonflames. The lights were low, so the whole place glowed in a surreal fashion. “A humanized pony, a humanized pony, and a party cannon. Harmless.”

Boom!! Ok, that was a more… worrying shot. I hope they were all ok. It was Pinkie though. She never hurt anyone. Intentionally.

…

Fast forward only one hour. After Father showed up, it was just a matter of the guests arriving. I stood in front of the chapel, looking down the aisle at the large double doors in the back. Fluttershy’s bird choir sang “Here Comes the Bride”, Spike stood one step down holding the rings, and Ben stood next to me. He still had his hood on, and stood next to me. He almost seemed proud in the way he stood. My parents sat in the front row, both crying. We had left two places open next to them in honor of Luna’s absent parents.

Each of the main six girls stood on one of the stairs, each on a separate step. There were seven stairs, so there was one for each of the Elements and one for Luna and Tia to share. Ben and I stood on the same step, with Spike holding the rings one step down. Everything was perfect. We didn’t turn the lights up very much, so the whole place glowed with Spikes green fire. It lent a spiritual aspect to the whole building.

After what felt like an hour of standing there, sweating, the doors in the back finally swung open. The human CMC led the procession down the aisle, throwing white petals as they did. They were perhaps a bit clumsy, not being used to their human forms in the least. They had just come to this world, their sisters not wanting them to get in the way or become overtired before the ceremony. Their faltering fingers simply made them all the cuter, though.

They came out about five step/skips before Luna came into view. She. Was. Radiant. I felt my heart skip a beat as she stepped into view, her veil hanging gently behind her head and dress trailing several feet behind her. Celestia accentuated Luna’s beauty with her own, picking up Luna’s trail. Luna held the bouquet in her hand, a bundle of soft white flowers. Her slightly tanned skin was almost visible within her dress, but not quite. Her cleavage showed just enough to tantalize every man in the church, but it was modest enough to still be ‘clean’. Her wings were open, and while it could have been seen as strange, it just made her look like a true angel, stepped down from heaven. Her hair had been done up so that it flowed very much like it did when she was a pony. And I swear to god, they wove real stars into her hair, and then sprinkled the remainder into her eyes.

She walked slowly up the aisle, and every time she passed a row everyone murmured again. Now that she was closer, I could see her ruby lipstick shimmer in the candlelight. As she walked up the stairs, I even heard the girls draw a slow breath. She turned to face me, and I took her hands in mine. I felt a tear in my eye, and all I could do was whisper to her, “See? I told you that you were a goddess. I knew it all along.”

She smiled and held back a joyous sob, looking down at the floor. Father Ed smiled and put a hand on each of our shoulders, his Bible still in the hand on my shoulder. “We are gathered here today before God to unite this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Before we proceed any further, I ask that if anyone has any opposition to these two being married, that they speak now or hold their peace.”

From the back came two booming voices that I truly didn’t expect that day, each saying the same thing.

“I OBJECT!!!”

Comments

[RainbowDragon]

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD/CELESTIA/LUNA/SPAGHETTI MONSTER DAT BOMBSHELL

[RainbowDragon]

I bet it's pshyco girl/? Or his parents
EDIT: maybe Luna and celestia's parents?

[Archivist Nightwatch]

Not cool mom and dad not cool at all.