Not an Octavia and Vinyl shiping fic. It is not like that.
After a long year of living with servants and helpers, Vinyl wants to do every thing on her own. Octi, just wants to be left alone. When Vinyl asked Octavia for help, what can go wrong? oh wait, Vinyl has some other plans for Octavia.
The only problem is... Octavia need some help herself.
edited by: Darian Stephens
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This can be good, the plot is there, it just need some water and sun light to grow. You need to slow down. and fill in the blanks. like where are they, how long have the been friends, Stuff like that. you might want to pull this story off and re-post it after. that way you wont have any bad press or dislikes. Just have fun with it. if you cant have fun while writing. then what is the point?
Yes, slowing down would do wonders to this story. Their emotional changing is surprisingly fast. It's like, you're forcing the whole story to get to its end. Take your time and savor every moment of writing.
Also, you might want to fix some things in it. Missing sentence-ending punctuation and forgot upper case at the beginning of the sentence.
And the last thing, but it's not a big problem. Calling Octavia simply 'octi', in the narrator's name is not really a proper way to tell the happenings. but it's just my opinion, maybe there are people who like it that way...
So, slow down, add more detail and such. Fix those typos or I don't know how to call them and it should be good.
Here, have a like for encouragement.
Have a nice day!
~Adam
2348103
i would say that that was kind helpful. but not realy. anyways thanks for telling me
it was ment for vinyl and octi fans that are already firmiliar with the duo. as for the quick paced, it kinda was, but it is just the intro and only 1000 words. the intro is to grab atention, (or as my teatur alls it, the"hook")
if i get pressed with dislikes ill do what i did before,
(i removed the story to reedit) it got 9 likes to 33 dislikes before i ended it
2349551
well thanks, but it couldn't be any longer than this, it is the intro. the people i am for like short chapters with simple plots thatarn't to long on details and hate 4000 words.
asfor the No caps at the start of sentances. if you ment the talking part ya i need to fix that.
as for not enough detain. if you have a basic knolage of the carectors and the items they are using it would make sence, cellos are strong and sturdy, so if i had to break from inpact it has to be mroe the 10 feet.
2349597 Oh, I get it now. Okay, then. For an intro, it is really good and yes, if we know the characters, then of course you don't have to explain every single thing. Well done, in that case!
It's just my thing, that I like to explain everything anyways, so...
2349640
its fine. i never go into detail like this story.
2 scootaloos for you
sweetie belle wanted in.
2349701
Okay.
2349708 eeyup. now if i may, i am going to get something done in my life. and try and find that blimy spider
2349712
Haha! Alright! 
2349712 because you wanted it here you go derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDMvMzEvMDRfMzVfMzBfNjM0XzI4NDAxOF9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfcmFyaXR5X2FuaW1hdGVkX3N3ZWV0aWVfYmVsbGVfY3J5aW5nX2RvdWJsZV9yYWluYm9vbS5naWYiXV0/284018__safe_rarity_animated_sweetie-belle_crying_double-rainboom_choking_5158a7fb7f123b0e1a000175.gif
heres a link to pic
2351962 okay, but i alread stole the other one
ill take this one too
2351979 thats the spirit
looks like google translator disappointed another one who needed a translation. octavia was in full rage, “Nein, gehen Sie weg bereits!” what were you trying to say?
2357181 Nein, gehen Sie weg bereits is german for, "no go away already
"
2357662 that would be the google translation version of german. if you translate it properly then it would be "Nein, hau endlich ab!" or "Nein, geh endlich weg!". I am from germany so trust me on this.
2357807 okay, i was thier but never learned.
i think it is the order i put them in.
like in spanish the order changed the word format.
lolz. and yay a german. would you mind helping me with this?
2357851 sure send me a message with what you want to have translated and i do my best.
2357898 okay, so far nothing is realy going to happen. in german anyways.
and i am going to google translate yours and compair
2357898
Nein, hau endlich ab! = get out at last!
i have class transistion so i have to go
will do
2357918 lol google translate works better for words not for sentences because it ignores the grammar.
2357940 true, i should have figered.
well it is nice to have a german on the site for once
(your the first one i have seen here
)