Today is the greatest day I'll ever know...
Can't live for tomorrow, tomorrow's far too long...
Thanks to my two amazing pre-readers Twow443 and Sliverfish.
Chapters (1)
Regidar
Joined 13th May, 2012 ·
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Songs you can listen to which will heighten your reading experience are as follows, but not limited to:
Today- The Smashing Pumpkins
Wish You Were Here- Pink Floyd
Disenchanted- My Chemical Romance
Fake Plastic Trees- Radiohead
Summertime- My Chemical Romance
The Light Behind Your Eyes- My Chemical Romance
Everybody Hurts- REM
Belong- REM
Shiny Happy People- REM
The World Is Ugly- My Chemical Romance
Under Pressure- Queen
Mayonaise- The Smashing Pumpkins
All Apologies- Nirvana
2338004 I'm listening to the Chicken Yodel. Does it count?
2340068 No.
Oh damn, something serious from you? This was well done, Reg. At first Pinkie reminded me a bit like the Pinkie in Fallout: Equestria, who threw herself into parties (and drugs) to try and deny how reality was falling apart around her. Dat ending-- A++, mate.
2340073 You're no fun
2340094 Thank you. I haven't gotten that far into FO:E So I wouldn't know.
2340144
2338004 I read it five times over just to read it with all the songs. Some I played twice
I have to ask: Is this Incomplete or you forgot to mark it as complete. If the former, that isn't a one-shot, y'know?
2340173 Whoops lemme fix that.
I really really like your interpretation of the character, this fakeness she has.
I wasn't expecting anything serious from you Regidar, It was pretty good.
Add: "Something I Can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails.
2340244 2013 never regret
2340246 I'll be the judge of that. Let me take a listen.
Well written. I enjoyed it
It also helped that I was listening to this....this counts right?
2338004
Does the slow part of "Danger Line" count?
2338004 You forgot this one.
2338004 I listened to Shiny Happy People, such an uplifting song.
Warning: This comment contains spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, DON'T read this comment!
Hello Regidar. I've just finished this story and I'm going to talk about it. I'll offer what I liked about it and what I don't like about it. I ask that you not become discouraged in any way by anything negative I have to say; anything here is only meant to offer advice for future writing. Also, please don't feel obligated to take every form of "advice" I have; there may be some things that don't gel with your style, and can therefore be ignored. There may even be something that I'm missing, and I wouldn't mind having it pointed out to me.
With that out of the way, here is my review:
Half of me really likes this, and thinks it's great; the other half of me really doesn't like this. It all boils down to character for my conflicting emotions.
On the one hand, I really like what you set out to do. Setting Pinkie Pie as a character that not only causes happiness but searches for happiness is clever, and for me, it's a fresh take on the character. The way you point out what her life could be like
was touching. Actually talking about how weary everypony got of her parties was excellent, and her time in Ponyville seems to be bittersweet.
One thing in particular I like is the tone Pinkie Pie takes throughout the entire thing. She's allowed to let her mind dwell on the past, but she doesn't ramble on anything insignificant. She focuses on key moments to her, and talks about her own thoughts there. It doesn't appear as though you added anything in there to fluff it up (except in one case, but I'll get to that), and you focused on what was important. Moreover, you talked about things that seemed important to her, and made it seem quite real to me. I think the tone it takes is nice for this story.
The ending is also sweet. Having her put on a genuine smile after all of this thought was great, and it makes sense to me. The beginning went along great with it, I think, making life seem like a routine at first, and then this reminder that today was another day that she needed to use at the end was a great link between them.
On the other hand, the story is so dull.
And by dull, I mean non-exploratory. You had a chance to explore how everypony related to her, and you only talked about Twilight Sparkle. Heck, you barely talk about how she affected Pinkie Pie in any relevant way. You say that she had best friends, and that their (or, specifically, Twilight's) kindness rekindled her feeling, but you don't talk about any of the relationships she has with any of the other four ponies—or Twilight, for that matter. I believe it is relevant that her relationships with the others is explained, since the story is about how special her life is, or how mundane her life is.
Actually, let me address a line:
Where did she do anything special for any particular pony? Why is her brand of happiness valued above anypony else's? You don't talk about anything specific, so that whole dialogue about her best friends and how she met them doesn't really make sense. In fact, it sounds like her friends (or, specifically, Twilight) are her hero, and not the other way around.
Speaking of heroism, why was that part with Discord mentioned at all? It bears no significance to this plot, as far as I'm concerned. Although I like how you say there was no future for her (that was excellent), it doesn't serve anything more than to glorify Twilight Sparkle more than she needs to be. It has no relation to the party-planning at all. In fact, you don't talk about how Twilight saved Pinkie Pie. This could've been a great moment to talk about what visions Twilight showed Pinkie Pie, like all the memories of her causing happiness, and making her feel happy as well. There had to be something there that brought her to her old self. And keep in mind, when she was brought back, she was bubbly, but she HAD to be somewhat unhappy in your story. So what was it that made her see some hope in all of this? There's nothing to link it (that I saw).
The concept is great, and has a lot of potential, but the actual events are much too vague for me to latch onto anything. The biggest problem is that no relationship is delved into to give Pinkie's work some weight. Pinkie Pie just goes into Ponyville and throws parties; there's no reward that comes from it. That study in happiness yields no results that are discussed, making it superfluous. The entire story just doesn't examine anything about the relationships Pinkie Pie has, and how they're used to continue giving her a ray of hope that there's some form of happiness for her, and therefore, it falls flat for me.
Again, please don't feel discouraged about the criticism; again, it's only meant to offer some thoughts. I wish you the best of your talents with your future writing projects!
2341145 In summarization, this fic was far too short to leave much of an impact, which is correct.
What Regi set out to do would've taken a lot more time and a lot more exploration in order to develop properly. To be fair, he does raise some very good points in this fic, but the problem is that he doesn't do anything beyond that.
I'm glad that Regi is stepping out of his comfort zone when it comes to writing fanfiction, but he does need more practice at writing something that's serious and making it work.
Honestly, I thought this fic was... meh. It had some good stuff that could've been focused on, but it seems like it was written purely out of emotion and in an abrupt manner.
Also, here's another song to help the mood of this fic.
2341241 I agree. I admire that Regidar's stepping out and attempting to write something with a lot more heft to it (the only other story I read from him is Where did you Sleep Last Night?). You are right in that he does raise good points. I can't comment on stories written purely out of emotion, since I haven't had that happen to me yet, and I don't know what's different about those compared to those written out of an idea.
I decide to look at the newest stories today and what do I see? Regidar has a new fic, and it already has 21 comments? Maybe one day I'll grow up to be just like you.
2341449 Oh god I hope not.
Also, I may be younger than you.
2341454
For real? How old you is?
2341469 15.
2341145 Thank you for the in-depth read. The truth is, as you have guessed, is that I did write this on emotion. I'll keep this all in mind for the future fics I write.
It was vague at parts, but so beautiful- SO much EMOTION!
2341873 Yeah, I wrote it last night off an emotion outburst.
*starts slow clap, no one joins in, awkwardly stops*
2341894
It shows. I need to try that. I usually draw.
2341914 Give me a pencil to draw, and you will regret it.
2341899
Well done sir, well done.
You know, this is one of the most serious stories I have ever seen.
Seriously, I'm not even going to use emoticons in this comment. I figure I'll just talk about what I love.
That.
That was really something that made me read on.
Talking about someone's life is usually pretty boring for me (since there are quite a lot of beginner writers here like myself), but this was pure genius. I really love how you described her life as her perspective.
Not my perspective, but her perspective.
Also this:
It really is a great touch to mention an episode. I especially love how you didn't ruin any of it and just let it be what it wanted to be.
Overall, this story deserves a beautiful like. Thank you for writing this.
2342945 Aye, thanks!
2343541 Aw, thank you very much! Your review brought me a smile.
And if this is honestly one of the most serious stories you've ever seen, then... well, ok then.
2343571
You will not BELIEVE what I've seen.
Trust me.
2343574 Ohmai
Wow... you did an amazing job with this. The vivid descriptions of bittersweet emotions really opened me up to a new view on Pinkie's truth. It was tragedy without tragedy, yet by the end she discovers that maybe she wasn't lying to herself all along. Simply touching...
And as for my music selection...
Keep up the good work!
2345306 Aw, shucks. I like the description "tragedy without tragedy".
2345318
Well, I try...
2341899
*Starts clapping a few seconds before you stop*
An interesting look behind the mask of pinkie pie.
This reminds me of something...
Something from another...
2381548 How so?
2382833
I believe I've read something like this with the same idea/plot somewhere, I don't remember if it was pony or not, but it doesn't feel original to me.
2384091 Oh. Well, rest assured, I was not attempting to plagiarize. I had no idea about this other story.
Second Smashing Pumpkins fic.
Someone needs to eventually write one for "1979", "Cherub Rock", or "Luna".
2395018 Oh yeah, I also wrote "Twilight Sparkle and the Infinite Sadness"
2395492 I haven't read that one yet, but I'm going to in probably.. two minutes.
I think I'll write something based off of Siamese Dream... each song representing each chapter of the fic. Hehe.. Silverfuck will be fun to write..
2395637 I'm actually writing one based off Siamese Dreams, called "Alicorn Dreams".
2395822 Really? Damn. I thought up "Equestrian Dreams". Maybe something for Oceania or Gish.