Hurricane's Fall
Commander Hurricane forced herself to not look back over her shoulder at the foal. In her mind’s eye, however, she couldn’t force the image of those big, yellow eyes set within a blue-gray face beseeching her for some shred of maternal mercy. She could all too well imagine feeling her daughter’s eyes on her as she flew away from the tiny puff of cumulus where she had left the child. The cloud was small and shrinking rapidly as the light from Celestia’s golden orb caused it to evaporate.
Her daughter’s voice carried thinly through the rarified air. “Mama?” the child asked in confusion.
She closed her eyes and beat her wings faster. The pegasus who had never retreated from a battle her entire life was now fleeing from a scared little girl.
As she flew, the mare reflected on the bitter irony of her situation. She was the Commander Hurricane and, as a member of the Triumvirate that ruled over Equestria, the most powerful pegasus in the world. And yet, because of her position, she could not deviate from tradition in the slightest. A single flinch or a moment’s hesitation would spell the end of her position.
“I must be resolute,” she whispered to herself. She was careful to be quiet enough that the guards flanking her could not overhear her. It would not do for them to even suspect that she harbored doubts.
The foal she had left behind was Thundercloud, her youngest foal. Hurricane had known at the time of her daughter’s conception that she was getting somewhat old for foaling, but none of the physicians who had examined her at the time had found any indications of trouble. In fact, they had supported her decision, citing her extreme fitness and activity level for a mare her age. Despite these pronouncements, the pregnancy had been difficult from the start and the birth was a nightmare of pain and blood. Thundercloud’s entry into this world had torn her asunder and this foal, this strange, meek foal, was her bloodline’s last chance to continue.
The ponies’ arrival in Equestria had taken place over a decade ago. Songs and poems about this event were taught to every foal born in this green land. What these songs left out was that so few of the ponies that filled their homeland had survived to arrive at this idyllic place. Thundercloud was Hurricane’s seventh foal but was the only one of her line to survive. Four of her children had frozen to death battling the windigos. The two that survived the diaspora had died fighting the savage beasts that threatened the immigrant ponies.
The difficult pregnancy and delivery were just the beginning of her trials with this foal. Thundercloud was so different in appearance from both her mother and father, rumors were started about Hurricane's fidelity. The foal was bluish-grey with bright yellow eyes, mane, and tail. Hurricane was a solidly built pony. The mate she had chosen for this foal had been the quintessential sergeant: solid, strong, uncomplicated, and practical. Somehow, Thundercloud had ended up with a gangly and awkward collection of legs, wings, and neck. At once, the girl managed to be both delicate and clumsy and, try as she might, Hurricane could not find either herself or the sire in her.
The girl was timid. Despite her daughter’s name, the crack and rumble of thunder would send the filly scurrying under her bed. (Until Hurricane had forbade it in shame, the girl would run to her mother’s bed and try to hide underneath her wings like a newborn). The girl was weak. The other foals at the academy would bully her, as was expected and proper. Instead of defending herself, she would run and hide from her aggressors; bringing shame onto herself and family. The girl was clumsy. Other parents were given the gift of seeing their foals come home with bruises gained in battle against other children. Win or lose, those were badges of honor and bravery. She alone would greet her daughter at the door covered in bruises gained in some ignominious collision or fall. Eventually she had given up and stopped asking about from whence the battered filly’s bruises came. Commander Hurricane was, for the first time, defeated.
“I did my best. I did all that I could,” Hurricane said to herself in an attempt to staunch the wound tearing its way through her heart.
She had hired the best tutors money could buy. She had trained the child herself in combat techniques when matters of state allowed the time. Desperate for any path that led away from this terrible fate, she had begged, she had shouted, she had bribed, and she had eventually beaten the child. But nothing she had done had broken Thundercloud’s softness.
In the distance she heard her child again, shouting in desperation. “Mama!”
The muscles in Hurricane’s neck popped and strained as she fought every instinct to turn around and race back to the child. Thundercloud may have been a failure, but she was her failure and a mother’s love doesn’t always obey the needs of the tribe. “This is why we have laws,” she growled through grinding teeth. She forced her wings to keep moving.
The last straw, as the earth ponies would say, was the fact that her daughter couldn’t fly. Thundercloud was of age to enter the agoge, and the unfledged could not pass into that stage of life. Among the pegasi, the unfledged were not allowed to pass out of childhood at all. Today was Thundercloud’s birthday, her last barring some miracle. The girl’s sire had left in disgust years ago, so when the guards came it was just the two of them. Knowing what was coming, she placed her foal upon her withers and allowed herself to be escorted by the cold-eyed pair.
Over the last few years, the whispers about her weak daughter had grown into a roar. Hurricane now spent more time quashing usurpers than actually ruling as a member of the Triumvirate. Despite the efforts of Posy to shield her from the hurtful words, samples of the seditious talk still occasionally reached her ears: “A mare too old to bear a healthy foal is too old to lead.” “The child is a reflection of the weakness hidden inside Hurricane, the same weakness that lead to the concessions with the other tribes that had cost us Pegasopolis.”
Hurricane knew that she held onto her power by the thinnest of threads and any weakness shown during this ritual would be used to force her into retirement. So she fought her instincts, grit her teeth, and forced herself to abandon her last living child. But as the sun burned away the last wisps of the cloud upon which her Thundercloud clung, the child let loose a terrified scream. The great general spun, unable to ignore the call of her child, and watched with tear-filled eyes as a faint gray speck spun and fluttered while falling thousands of feet. One of the stallions besides her sighed in disappointment while the other chuckled. In that instant, Hurricane’s reign was over.
----------------------------------------
The six ponies sitting around Luna’s bedroom were all transfixed in horror and sorrow. Tears streamed from Twilight’s face. Rarity’s mouth hung open as if in a moan. Applejack was staring at Luna as if the mare had grown a second head. Rainbow Dash’s eyes promised death to the princess as Fluttershy sobbed silently into the blue mare’s fur. Pinky’s hair was deflated in depression as she lay on her back staring at the ceiling. To no one in particular the pink mare whispered, "And that's how Equestria was made."
Luna lowered the musty tome she had been using to help her remember the story she had just shared. She froze when she saw the state of her audience.
“What the hay was that!?!” asked a furious Rainbow Dash.
“But, you yourself asked me for a tale about the Fell Commander.”
“Cause it’s Hearth’s Warming Eve!” the orange mare replied since Dash was still busy trying to comfort Fluttershy.
“Yes, b-but I had thought you might have enjoyed hearing a story lost to memory,” the midnight mare stammered in her own defense.
“How in Equestria did you think that was appropriate for a Hearth’s Warming story!?!” cried Twilight.
“And how dare you accuse pegasi of doing things like that!” added Dash.
“I assure you, it was standard practice at the time,” said the panicking goddess, “I did not falsify anything.”
“I think I might be sick,” Fluttershy whispered in a small, queasy voice.
Rainbow reached out and grabbed a potted plant that was near at hoof. Keeping her eyes locked defiantly with those of the princess, she deliberately dumped the pot’s contents onto the floor. The now-empty pot was provided to Fluttershy in case she actually did vomit.
Shaking herself free of the mesmerizing act of defiance, Luna continued, returning to Twilight’s question, “It has a happy ending!”
Six pairs of horror-filled eyes silently accused her of madness.
“Thundercloud survives the fall. She gets adopted by an earth pony family, drops the ‘cloud’ from her name, and takes the name ‘Hooves’ in honor of her adoptive parents,” Luna blurted in one breath.
“You’re telling me that weird little filly grew up to be Thunder Hooves?” asked Dash with disbelief coloring her words.
“Oh good! She is still remembered!” said Luna, a bit too loudly in her desperation. “She was a very nice pony.”
“Nice?!?” replied Rainbow Dash. “Her nickname was ‘The Dragonslayer’!”
“Well, yes, she was that too,” was all Luna could muster in reply.
Silence fell in the room.
Luna fought against the nearly solid aura of awkwardness. “So, should we head down to the palace’s Hearth’s Warming Eve celebration? I was told that there was to be various and sundry snacks.”
Twilight, as the natural leader of the group, answered her. “I think I speak for everypony when I say that I am no longer in the mood for a party right now,” she stated flatly.
All of those who were capable of doing so nodded in agreement.
The purple mare was then followed by her friends; Rainbow Dash carrying Fluttershy in her forelimbs and Applejack dragging Pinkie across the polished marble floor by her tail. None of the mares closed the doors behind them so Luna could still hear Dash when next she spoke.
“Gray, blond, klutzy, and last name Hooves. You don’t think...”
“Naw,” said Applejack in her distinctive drawl. “Derpy being the descendant of the ol’ Dragonslayer? Now that there’s crazy talk.”
After the sextet of mares passed beyond the range of her hearing, Luna gingerly stepped around the mound of soil and traumatized fern and exited her private chambers. As she gently closed the double doors behind her, she sighed and resigned herself to a Hearth’s Warming Eve spent trying to explain to her sister why the Elements of Harmony were not in attendance.
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:P I enjoyed that you scoundrel you!
The Derpy story sounds like a wonderful idea......
Very good. Liked and Fav'd. Love the thought of Derpy being the descendant of some epic warrior. Would like to see more stuff like this from you. You are very good at it.
There's a strange sort of sensation from being able to read something and seriously say, "I helped!"
I love the mythos you've built for the Titanoverse, and it's always a joy to see it expanded upon. And I still see the potential in here for a chronicle of the Sisters' rise to power in Equestria, although I do find myself wondering, given what Hurricane's successors clearly think about the idea of harmony, how much damage Discord really did, and how much of it was self-inflicted by ponies who clearly hadn't learned a damn thing until the fury of the heavens dropped on their heads.
Not bad. Interesting take on Hurricane's history.
Thanks! I'm glad you folks enjoyed it.
2335700
Did you mean the short story format in particular or stories in general? If the second, I've got two more up on fimfiction that are about 20x as long as this one.
2337599
And I truly appreciate the help. This whole pre-reader thing is pretty ok, maybe I'll have to start using it more often.
2345184
Lol. I liked and Fav'd those when they came out. I love your work; especially the world building.
What I meant was the short format. It's a nice change of pace to see something about Equestria's history that's not 100K words.
I don't know what your plans are for the Titanverse but these kind of stories really help it feel like there's a world outside of the current arc.
Anyway I can't wait to read your next story.
Ok, so I hadn't seen this earlier, but your blog drew my attention to it. I have to admit that I like it, it could admittedly do with some more fleshing out but I suppose thats just my hunger for quality writing coming out and demanding with a roar: "Words or blood!"
Oh and I can now once again claim to have read all your stories.
I hope you don't mind, but I liked this fic so much I have put together an audiobook version of it on YouTube.
2518202
OMG SQEEEEE!
I'm a subscriber to your channel and love your readings. I am deeply, deeply honored.
Thank you so much,
John
OMGWTFBBQ.
heard scribbler's read for this and... damn.
though, if hurricane knew the moment she whirled around that her rein was over, how come she didn't divebomb after thundercloud/hooves? Not to mention, that's the though that pops into view as she looks down in grief as her child falls to what hurricane thinks is her death? That her rein is over?
Heart wrenching and very well written.