Chapter 7: Introduction
"That was... strange..." Twilight said with a flustered voice.
"You tell me." the paladin replied. Her face still hadn't returned completely back to its original shape, but at least she could talk again. She was still picking hairs out of her teeth though. She gave the necromancer an evil glare, "If you ever do something like that again..."
"Don't step on my toes..." he replied with an amused grin.
"Was that a spell?" Twilight asked with excitement, "Can you show me how to do that? I've never seen a partial transformation like that before!"
The paladin cast her an incredulous look, "Why would you want to learn something like that?"
Twilight blushed, "It's just... I have the chance to learn a completely new field of magic! Think of all the possibilities! This could be the discovery of the century!"
The necromancer snickered, "I can see the headlines now, 'Paladin looks like goat, no one was surprised.'" Calindria felt tempted to slap him again.
"Not that! I mean your magic!" Twilight replied slightly irritated.
"Suuure..." he replied with a casual voice. All hell would freeze over before he'd teach her any of his magic, but she'd find out this fact herself eventually. "So... who are you again?"
"Oh, of course! I am Twilight Sparkle, librarian of Ponyville and student of princess Celestia."
The paladin gave a short bow, "I am Calindria Westwind, paladin of the order of light. It is an honor to meet you, Twilight Sparkle." the unicorn blushed at the paladin's courtesy.
Twilight turned to the necromancer, an expectant look on face.
He returned her stare for a moment, "What?"
"Show some manners, man. Introduce yourself." the paladin commented with a sour voice.
He gave her an annoyed look before turning back to Twilight. "I'm the necromancer." he stated flatly.
Twilight tilted her head, "Don't you have a name?"
"I do."
"And?" she asked inquiringly.
He turned to the paladin, "I don't get her."
"Don't play dumber than you are." she replied, "Tell us your name already."
"Wait... You don't know my name?!" he gave her an unbelieving look, "You've been hunting me for all those years and you never took the time to at least learn my bloody name?"
The paladin shifted nervously, "It's not like I had time to ask you..."
"It was written on the bloody door!" he exclaimed and waved his hands in the air, "Seriously, didn't you ever read the signs I put up? How did you even know it wasn't some poor farmer family's house you were storming into?"
"Because farmers don't live in towers decorated with bones and skulls! And I stopped reading those damn signs after realizing you just scribbled profanities on them to anger me!" she snarled back.
He scratched his chin, "I always wondered why those didn't slow you down anymore..."
"Excuse me?" they looked down to see Twilight give them a wondering look, "Why did she chase you?"
"Long story short, it's complicated." he replied with an uncaring voice.
"So... would you like to tell us your name?"
"I am Wouldyoutakacraponme." he said quickly,
"Would you take a crap on me?" Twilight tried to repeat his words carefully. She only realized what he had done when she heard the paladin give an annoyed groan and the necromancer's face light up in a big grin. "That wasn't nice." she said with a sour voice.
"It was hilarious." he said, barely holding his laughter, "But fun aside I'm not going to tell you my name."
She tilted her head, "Why wouldn't you? We're all friends here."
He raised an eyebrow, "First, why would I?" he pointed to the paladin, "Second, I'm not her friend, I'm her prisoner."
Twilight turned to Calindria, "He's your prisoner?"
The paladin gave a long sigh, "He's not my prisoner, the princess just ordered me to keep an eye on him. Let's just move on to that house she told us about, we'll figure out mister Anonymous here later."
---
There was a clatter as Luna pushed aside another shelf and caused several plates to shatter in the motion. The whole royal kitchen was a mess, tables and shelves alike had been turned over and searched. Much to Luna's annoyance, she still hadn't found the hand, but it was here somewhere she knew.
Celestia walked into the kitchen to see Luna rummage frantically through drawers and bend over to look beneath another shelf, "Luna, it is far too late for this..."
"I know it's here somewhere!" she replied with anger, "And when I find it I am going to take it and shove it up that insufferable necromancer's..." she looked up at her sister and stopped, a strange look appearing on her face, "Tia... do not move." she drew every single word out carefully.
"What is it?" Celestia asked with concern. She started to take a step towards Luna.
"Don't move!" Luna shouted out with a frantic voice, "Just stay where you are..."
Celestia eyed her sister with worry, "Is something wrong?"
It was in her hair, the very object of Luna's loathing was in Celestia's floating mane. It was hovering above Celestia's neck and using two fingers to give Celestia bunny ears. Luna eyed it carefully, "Don't move... I have this."
Celestia's eyes widened as she saw Luna's magic flare up, "Sister?"
"Don't move..." Luna whispered as she concentrated to take aim, "This will only take a moment."
---
Half-way on their way to the outskirts of Ponyville, the necromancer suddenly stopped.
"Is something wrong?" Twilight asked.
He ignored her question and turned to look at the Canterlot castle in the distance, "Wait for it... wait for it..."
Both the paladin and Twilight followed his gaze. For a moment they didn't understand what he was waiting for, but then a blinding flash seemed to explode from one of the towers. When the two had regained their eyesight, they were shocked to see a big hole in one of the towers, smoke slowly starting to rise from it.
He turned around to give the two open-mouthed and big-eyed females a big smile, "Perfect." he stepped past them, "Let's hurry on, we don't want to be tardy now, do we?"
---
In the shattered remains of the Canterlot kitchen, stood a startled Celestia. There was a big and charred hole in her floating mane, and smoke was still rising from it. Behind her, the wall of the tower had been reduced to rubble by Luna's blast.
"Did I get it?" Luna scanned the room with excitement, "I think I got it!"
Celestia tried to contain her anger, but her anger turned into mischief as she saw the hand crawl on a beam above Luna. "Sister." she spoke with a clear voice.
"Yes?" Luna turned to face her, and saw her mane. She cringed visibly and blushed, "Sorry... I think I may have overdone it a bit."
"You don't say..." Celestia replied, "Maybe you would like to look up for a moment."
Luna gave her a quizzical look, "Why? What am I supposed to..." she was cut off as the hand landed on her face and took a hold of her nose, turning her words into shrieks, "GETITOFF!GETITOFF!"
"Don't worry, Lulu..." Celestia gave a small smile as her magic flared up, "Just hold still. I have this."
Luna's face blanked, "Sister?"
---
As he was pinned down by a shouting paladin and a shocked Twilight, the necromancer looked up in time to see another flash come from the castle, "Two times? Heh, maybe this place isn't so bad after all."
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he's really suicidal, walking a hairline...
i'm surprised if the necromancer isn't dead within a week
i love the necromancer's personality
do he have a proper name?
2412752
dead? Celestia wouldn't kill him, and she wouldn't let Luna kill him. He'll definitely be in the middle of a prank war though.
god damn i love this story
iz so good that i loath the day it doesnt update 
my days always better when i read this in the morning.
Please, please, someone draw a picture of Celestias holey holy mane. This is wholly necessary for our collective amusement.
2412752
Within a week? I'm surprised he's currently alive at all! Within a day of him showing up, he both pranked and royally pissed-off TWO all-powerful goddesses, verbally abused every single living thing he has come across, and attempted suicide repeatedly. If he wasn't a main character, he would have died in chapter 1. Actually, he most likely would have died before then.
Marv? what are you...?
Harry! Don't.Move. *raises crobar
gotta love home alone
I had an idea guys! To anyone who read this if you are a good writer then I would like your help. I was watching my little pony again and got an idea from season 2 episode 5- The cutie pox: After Applebloom is cured she still remembers how to do all the talents. You can do anything you want with this idea, just please send me a link to the story.
2412705
Why so serious?
...besides, it was Luna who put a hole in the castle and Celestia's mane. Mr.Handy didn't do anything but sit there.
And it's Luna's fault there's a second hole in the castle.
2413711
She should have let a professional deal with the hand. The preferred weapon of choice:
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTDrgTfTt292HsMcbf0uyvR84al5tc0BANiE5Noa0F9xWU5W47P
This Is GOLD!!
Discord is going to find a soul mate in this necromancer.
2412705
Need I remind you he tried to jump out a window in a tower twice in a day?
>Anon is a necromancer
>Anon can't die
>Anon likes trolling people
>Anon doesn't have a name
>Anon is AWESOME
we approve.
I... I... I can't breathe! Help!
Oh god, that was too good!
It's like a cartoon! I love it!
2412705 God i love him
3305009 I CANT! IM DYYYIHIHIHNG!
The necromancer snickered, "I can see the headlines now, 'Paladin looks like goat, no one was surprised.'"
XXXD lool
"Mr anonymous"
._.
REVENGE!
Discord needs to take lessons from this guy
You know, that is probably the most intelligent way I’ve seen a human character gain that name.
i fucking love this story gut busting laughter in every chapter i had to stop reading 6 time each in the last 3 chapters cause i was laughing so much