Trigon has returned for control of earth... But he must first dispose of the Teen Titans. But with his strength weak, he can only do one thing, send them to a different dimension. Will the Titans be able to escape this strange world and save theirs? Or will they have to make do and make this utopian land home?
Please go easy, this is my very first fan fic. Good or bad though I am gonna finish it, so please try to give me some constructive criticism.
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Why is Slade working for Trigon? If this is after they defeated him, wouldn't Slade tell Trigon to go &^%# himself?
Bring me back in the good old days... 5 years ago. You should put spaces between conversation, hard to read. Good job, tracking this.
Okay...It's criticism time - here's my game face -->
First of all, as you know, you need to try for longer chapters. Generally speaking, anything from the 2,500 - 3,500 and above is good for a chapter. Folks typically favor chapters of that length, because they are neither too short, nor too long.
Secondly, possessives: "'At that moment the cities heroes...'" cities should be city's. Alternatively, in the case of a word that ends in <S>, i.e. apples, there is no extra <S>, and instead the apostrophe ( one of these ' ) is dropped on the end of the word. Like so - The apples' tree was orange. Also, for future reference, in other words, for typing Applejack's dialect, you can drop an apostrophe on the end of a word where a letter is dropped. For example: "There's nothin' to it," said Applejack.
184581 What he said, please break up characters' dialogue with separate paragraphs - not only is it good form, but it's also much easier to read. Walls of text are rather unbecoming, and tend to add a sense of unneeded haste to the story that can ruin pacing. So break things up, like so:
*mock scene*
Rainbow Dash watched in awe as Applejack cleared the tree's boughs of its apples in less than ten seconds flat - and with only a single swift buck. "How did you do that!" she exclaimed.
"Aw, shucks, Rainbow," AJ muttered before returning to her work. "There's nothin' to it," she said with a grunt as she cleared another tree of its succulent fruits.
*end mock scene*
Yup... So other than those small things, everything else checks it relatively well. I know this is a bit much for things so little, but I do so want to see this succeed. Good luck, and keep writing; after all, you'll only get better with practice.
@ Breakfateschain Well I did it mostly to move the story forward, and I thought that if Slade was offered control of an entire planet, he may just reconsider his broken ties with Trigon.
@ NetherPortal, Thanks I'm glad you are enjoying it. I will make sure to correct the conversation problem in this chapter and make sure to avoid it in future ones.
Ok my opinion MOST BADASS THING I HAVE EVER SEEN YOU MUST WRITE NOW
aND YES THAT IS RAINBOWDASH CORRUPTED MY AVATAR INDEED :D
I'm actually interested in the point the Titans find out that BB has been watching MLP so I'm tracking this. Just to see Raven finally laugh and cause mass chaos, because you can't stop yourself around Pinkie it's just not possible. It's as impossible as beating Chuck Norris if you weren't trained by Bruce Lee.
Good, but try to make the chapters longer
If you require criticism, take it with a grain of salt. This is my Me-Bra (Me+Zebra): Your Antagonist. He will guide you along the path of kick-flank action writing.
"Please have a seat sir," Your Antagonist urged as he gestured to a chair before him
. The Zebra cleared his throat before continuing "Allow me to start by stating this: you have a badass concept for a story sir, but the issue lies therein. You see, the glaring issue with this fic lies not only in the spacing and what have you, nay my friend, those are simply minor inconveniences."
Your Antagonist procured a napkin from the table and coughed into it thoroughly and deliberately as though the gesture was sarcastic. After his his coughing fit was over, the zebra extended his hoof across the the table, procuring a cup of tea that he brought back and sipped greedily, making slight sucking sounds as he indulged himself. "No I'm afraid your problem lies in the realm of show vs tell. Once again I reiterate, I love this idea for a fanfic, but the premise of doing something teen titans related requires action, description, and a verbal mural to portray what's going on. What happened with that Mumbo Jumbo fight?," The Zebra coughed again "Nary once did I come across a singular punch being thrown, I didn't imagine beastboy turning into a rhino and charging mumbo against a wall, shattering it and destroying the foundations of the building. Did Raven cast her magic upon a car and hurl it towards Mumbo, missing horribly and taking out a fruit stand in an inferno of glory? I wouldn't know
, the author didn't show me
. Instead i was stuck with a relatively bland explanation of how the titans apparently beat him a few hours later and he was taken away by the cops
. Did the titans receive any thanks? Who knows, I was just told that they went to titans tower."
Your Antagonist stood up from the table and rotated his neck clockwise all the while muttering to himself about cricks in his neck. "There's more to be learned about show vs tell, and i promise you, it can be greatly flushed out if you read this little guide known as The Editor's Omnibus. Now aside from that stuff, there's the matter of present vs past tense. I'm not here to call either of them wrong, but it is a bit irksome to the audience to have to jump between each form. Stay past or stay present. I recommend you stick with past since it's easier, but present tense can be beautiful if applied properly. Other then those errors, your story is pretty intriguing, but hopefully you learn the value of show vs. tell. Now I leave you with this very inspiring music video
. Watch it, feel happy for some strange reason take a walk, and then come back feeling magical as hell, and put your all to the keyboard and crank out a diamond! I'm lookin' forward to seeing your improved chapters
!"
As soon as he finished, Your Antagonist clutched his stomach and doubled over. His face was strained turning slowly scarlet as he released a massive fart that burned him alive from the inside out while his body caught fire. Inevitably he was burned into ashes that were blown away into the night air.
I wonder what/how will the ponies react to their fans.... maybe something like...
or...
maybe even...
or... 
but most of all...
I wonder what/how will the ponies react to their fans.... maybe something like...
or...
maybe even...
or... 
but most of all...
possible late addition of my OC?
i have the normal template for him if you do want too
name: Lightning streak (call me Light or Lightning)
age:about 2 years above the mane 6
gender: Male
looks:profile picture
personality: acts like a big brother to pretty much everypony, so i am pretty much a kind,happy,friendly colt but if i really need to i can buck you up so badly itll take the royal guard to get me off AND the princesses to heal you
job:former royal guard, former guard, former apple bucker [i was a great friend of the apploosa apples]
cutiemark: [if you cant see it on my pic]
gray-black cloud with lightning bolts coming out
type of pony: pegasus
hometown:cloudsdale,lived in appleoosa then moved to ponyville
>> Lightning streak Hey it's never too late. I have a very rough idea of how this story is supposed to go, so there is PLENTY of room to add your OC. Just let me figure out how to do it.
You made them all bronies. LOL thats great.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
OOC intro if Possible. If it's possible I also have an explanation that could put him in the story.
Character Name: Maximillion Fortner a.k.a. Maximum Fort (I'll explain why he has a human name in a minute.)
Age: 21 but, is just slightly taller than Twilight.
Gender: Male
Looks: Take Ragna and ponify him but, change some minor details. His Coat is silver and his mane and tail are Crimson, his eyes are Brown and Blue. He has wings and a horn from a mishap with magic in the alternate version of Ponyville he is from.(Paging the Doctor and It's Sequel) He is humanoid due to the chaotic nature of the rift that brought him into this version of Ponyville.
Personality: Extremely socially awkward, fears getting mocked to the point of keeping himself silent. He is not without his inner strength and can channel the innate magic of all three pony tribes this has caused him to help anyone even at the cost of his own well being. (In short he's quiet but will take a bullet for a complete stranger if he can tell they are in trouble.)
Job: Former Freelance mercenary, Guardian of Twilight Sparkle, Traveling Hero.
Powers(Super-heroes are involved so I think this is necessary): Can focus on the extreme powers of one of the three Pony tribes and amplify it's innate power ten-fold this comes at the cost of the use of one of other two. You can tell what power he is boosting by a certain side of his CM glowing the power he gives up will darken.(I'll explain what it is in a minute.) Earth Pony powers make him become nearly indestructible and hit with the strength and impact of a speeding train. Pegasi Powers make him Extremely fast and durable stamina wise. Unicorn Powers grant him the powers over all types of magic when glowing. He can use all the spells anypony could possibly use. His most powerful ability causes all three of the symbols to glow but only lasts for ten minutes and he cannot move for a bit afterwards.
CM: Similar to the Triforce emblazoned on a shield but, each triangle is colored like the power descriptions above and hold a pony tribe symbol inside. It's unique property is the fact he can cause one of these to glow while darkening one. Thus giving him an enhanced form of that tribe's power while losing the darkened one.
Type of Being: Magi-Wing Anthorinan(Naming the Humanoid Pony types. Magi-Wing is Alicorn class.) This race is unique to his native dimension after a magical mishap transformed all the residents of the universe into half-animal half-human anthros.
Hometown: Alternate Ponyville.
How he arrives/Reason for plot entrance: He falls quite literally into the titans lap or more specifically landing on BB's head. After the rift Slade caused dragged him to this version of Ponyville. Upon learning this info he seeks to aid the titans, as when they return to their world he will return to his as well. Where he can
Yeah it's long but, it saves you a hell of a lot of thinking. And also a suggested point of entry for the character always helps. Oh yeah forgot to mention that the cast in his universe are all anthro's like he is so they would all wear clothes. He wears a aquamarine version of Ragna's outfit. (Also known As the P2 color palette. lol)
184633
You want to be a grammar Nazi? I will be a grammar Nazi:
Copy Paste:
*mock scene*
Rainbow Dash watched in awe as Applejack cleared the tree's boughs of its apples in less than ten seconds flat - and with only a single swift buck. "How did you do that!" she exclaimed.
"How did you do that!" she exclaimed.
How did you do that!
She was talking in the form of a question. You used used an exclamation point.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ld65f1RAv11qd6ian.gif
But, anyways.
This story looks great. I am absolutely loving it so far.
Keep up the good work!
LOLZ.
I could only imagine that part where they all are animated perfectly, and when they burst out laughing its not much animation anymore, or something like that.
This just made my day.
Short, and like the odd mini-story says, it needs more content.
What a minute... the fuck does Slade want to rule Equestria?
>>Syn the Mystic Well, I'm not going to say much but let's just say Trigon, hasn't disclosed all the details about Equestria.
I personally think that Teen Titans was pretty good.Old but good and with this being ponified its about 20% cooler
Holy Buck
All right, this chapter was definitely better with description than the first. other than that, all i can say is when the time comes for action, I expect my shoes to be blown off, and you've got a fan sir. Keep on truckin'
This is good!!!
My OC addition
name: Jailtyme
age: A year older than mane cast
gender: Male
looks: http://grog18.deviantart.com/art/Jailtyme-281014783
personality:Arrogant, Nice, Friendly (He lived in a town with a corrupt government with a griffon friend then moved to a tribe)
job:Hunter for griffon tribe
cutiemark: Two walls with a ball bouncing between them (Free-running/acrobatics)
Type of pony:Earth pony
hometown: Griffon Tribe Near the edge of the everfree, Comes to ponyville alot
He also has a Griffon mate/wife which is why he lives in a griffon tribe
Oh, boy. This is a guilty pleasure... In any case, keep workin' on it.
'Twas not my intent - I just like seeing things I like succeed. 
*
If I came across as a bit of grammar nazi, then I must apologize.
*On that note, you can use exclamation points or periods in the place of a question mark depending on the nature of the sentence - sorry for not being able to resist defending myself.
Anyway, keep it up.
184635 Still he could just be lieing, and i;m sure slade would be wary of that.
184995
Ooh! Can you at least try to put in my OC? You don't have to but it would be nice :3
Name : Speedy (she uses her magic to transform into Bluebird)
Age : About the same as the mane 6
Gender : Female
Look : Speedy is my prof pic. Bluebird's a G&P Trixie color with a deep blue mane and she's a unicorn. Bluebird has a costume, it has a cape, it's Rainbow Dash blue, it has a navy blue circle in the middle of the cape with the letter "B" in the middle, she has a utility belt, boots up to her knees, and she has a headband.
Personality : Proud, arrogant, smart ass, she likes to pretend-play that she's a superhero with her little sister, River. Her older brother, Bullet, thinks it's stupid, and she always has a smart remark to snap at him.
Job : Speedy takes the train to Canterlot to work at her uncle's doughnut shop.
Cutie Mark : Speedy has a checkered flag (running) and Bluebird has a butterfly made with capital B's.
Hometown : Her mom and dad built a house on the mountains outside of Ponyville, the one in the episode "Dragonshy"
Speedy learned a spell that transforms her into the superhero Bluebird. Bluebird is a unicorn that can learn spells by going up to a unicorn pony and absorbing it from their memories.
200091 Ok that I have been working on getting most of the OC's in here, but yours pretty much screams, "I AM NEEDING TO TEAM UP WITH THE TEEN TITANS!"
I guarantee that I will get yours in there, and hey, she just may become a major role. And I am sorry but to those that read my blog, the next chapter will take longer than expected, with school, homework, taking care of my sick grandmother, and writers block, I have been having trouble writing chapter 3 
. I am extremely sorry for the delay. I will try and finish it as soon as possible. 
CONTINUE NOW OR ELSE ILL BE AS MAD AS PINKIE WAS WHEN AJ BROKE PINKIE PROMISE
184703 same
if you do not update soon, i will cram rabit wolverines down your gullet.
anyways, i'm gonna PM you with details on the OC i want to submit
the only problem i have is that it's SHORT
200966
Oc addiction if possible.
Name: Fire Bolt
Age: Somewhere between Princess Celestia and Princess Luna
Gender: Female
Looks:
img.ponibooru.org/_images/d594ab09bb188725edd8a417563c0e3a/99968%20-%20lauren_faust%20pony_oc%20subway.jpg
Personality:Nice, Friendly,Loyal.Make her angry and everything is reversed.
img.ponibooru.org/_images/ce053f2a3aae992d6dd052c0b3c49b2f/112488%20-%20Alicorn%20artist%3Amangaka-girl%20fire%20twilight_sparkle.png
Cutie Mark: A flaming scythe..I forgot to put the correct cute mark on the image (She hides her cutie mark because ponies fear her when they see it)
Type of pony:Unicorn,gained wings by magic
Home Town:Some hidden town near Ponyville
Something occured to me as I was reading this. Why not have Beast Boy ponify himself and speak on the titan's behalf instead of causing a possible scene?
313080 Oh looks like we have a phycic here. Yeah I am actually planning him doing that in later chapters. I will not reveal too much but yeah he will be able to change to an Equestria Pony. Trust me, I have this mostly planned out.
313115 that was the first thing that came to mind when i found this story. i was expecting a few facepalms when they remembered beast boy
Hooooooh mah gawd
This IS the best day ever
I really hope you include a part where they realize how much Twilight and Raven sound alike.
#Tara-licious.
313827 There is a reason why I made Twilight Raven's favorite pony
Next week?
What she said.
314264 Ahhhh damn, fine I will try to start working on it tomorrow. You're lucky that line of Applebloom's is practically my kryptonite. If all goes well, it will be up on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Nice Inside joke with Raven being a huge Twilight Sparkle Fan!
Makes me enjoy Robin the boy wonder alot more
It's getting intense especially with Slade working with Trixie,
I can imagine an epic fight scene pitting Trigon Slade and Trixie against Twilight,and Raven. love how starfire sums up each episode in a nutshell
316821 Glad that you're enjoying it. I Work to please.
314737
so are you kryptonian? XD
317403
... I am sad to say, I did not get that reference... I am VERY thick headed like that. 
317408
you said that line is your kryptonite and superman is weakend by kryptonite because he is kryptonian
317425 Ah damn *facehoof* Yeah now I remember lol... Sorry I have a horrible memory, but no, I wish I was because then I could get this story and probably 15 other things done in a matter of no time lol.
Hey dhg this is rainb0wdash i was wondering if youd like some help on your project, as i am quite a good writer
words for beastboy... FAN GASM