Never Alone

by Jagged Fox

Chapter Two: How to be Awesome, Pt. 1

Luna knew that there were few things that had changed with ponies. They had always been afraid of the dark. During the daytime, all things are clear enough for the eye to see, for them to take in every little detail. Ponies could see each other, and were fully capable of assessing who they were dealing with. Since most ponies tended to choose their wording for their audience, they always judged their fellow ponies by their looks. They were usually right.

It was for this reason that ponies had hated the night. Darkness comes with the night, and darkness necessitates a certain level of perception that most ponies lacked, and didn't care to obtain. Judgement by appearance was always simpler than by truth, and was "close enough" to become the norm. When these ponies are thrown into the night, however, they loose all sense of who that pony is. The lack of sight leaves them in the unknown, and they fear the unknown. They can't assess a wildcard.

Any pony that they see in the dark can be anything, malevolent or benign, vicious or caring, or even just indifferent. That's what truly scares them. How do you face something you cannot analyze, something that requires instinct? Most of the ponies would rather face the Kraken, pulling itself raging from Tartarus itself, than face an unknown entity. It was their greatest strength, it was their truest weakness.

Maybe this explained what Luna was feeling inside of her, that stirring in her chest in the company of Rainbow Dash. The blue pegasus was able to see beyond what most ponies saw, and not judge her based only off of her appearance. But maybe there was more to it than that. Rainbow had explained why the ponies feared her. Any pony can understand a villain such as Nightmare Moon, but confronting an unknown such as Luna? There's no way for them to fully comprehend what she was until the princess warmed up to them first.

As she followed the cyan mare, still wearing that almost insufferable smirk plastered on her face, the princess of the night realized that she had underestimated that strange little pegasus. On the outside, Dash looked like nothing more than a brash, arrogant young mare who wanted nothing more than to receive the praise of everypony around her. Everyone expected so much from her, and the facade that she wore obviously fit the role.

But does it make her happy?

Luna could relate, in a way. Being one of two lonely diarchs in a nation where royalty is akin to being a god doesn't help one to recieve real friends, only panderers. And yet, here was a cyan mare leading Luna up towards a cloud house, with no notice or regard to the latter's title or station. It was...oddly appealing. Maybe, just maybe, she might have a friend...

Yeah, about the same time that Celestia starts farting out the friendship reports instead of just recieving them the traditional way! Old habits die hard, Lulu.

She gasped at the realization of what she had just thought. Celestia...farting scrolls? Luna broke out into giggles at the thought, recieving a curious look from the mare in front of her. By Starswirl's beard, those eyes were beautiful!

GAH!!! What am I thinking?!

Before Princess Luna had time to think about it, the odd pair had arrived at the floating fortress that Rainbow somehow associated with a...house? This thing was built like the a combination of the Wonderbolts' barracks and a military stockade. The place was huge! Dash seemed to notice the surprised look on Luna's face, and seemed to be somewhat confused for a moment.

"What, you don't like it?"

"W-well, it's n-not exactly about whether or n-not I l-like it...SWEET CELESTIA'S PASTY WHITE FLANK THAT'S HUGE!!!

It took a moment for Luna to register the sound coming from Rainbow's now spasming body. It was probably the most annoying, grating, depraved, adorable sound to musically grace her sensitive ears.

"Bua-hahahahahha!!!"

There it was, the pinocle of triumph, the symphony of a true music, the most melodious, wonderful, stupendous, awesome sound that the beautiful night had ever heard, putting even the most gorgeous harmonies to shame when compared to the-

"Luna, y'kay?

"Huh?"

"Luna, you're drooling."

"What?!"

It was true. Slobber was running down the side of her mouth faster than the water from a leaking drain pipe. Even Twilight Sparkle didn't do that, even when exposed to a rare copy of "On The Basic Principles Of Interdimensional Time Travel Using The Basic Harmonics Of The Surrounding Ether, Volume 12" Luna suddenly jerked back in surprise. This was bad. This was so many levels of bad!

"Uh, it was, buah?"

"Don't worry, I did the same thing when I saw the pricetag on this place!"

Thank you, Rainbow, for the save!

"Now let's go inside. I've got some things to show you."

"Oh, that's amazing, Rainbow!"

"Awww, yeah!"

"That's the spot! Harder! HHAARRRDDEEERR!!"

"I told you you'd enjoy this."

"OOHHH!!"

The last knot found itself worked out of the princess's back as Rainbow finnished kneading the hell out of it. She sighed and sat down across from Luna, gently nuzzling her way into the cloud she called a sofa.

"It's really hard to concentrate when you've got knots the size of apples in your back. Learning how to remove them is the only thing that actually payed off from being dragged to the spa once or twice by Rarity, or even Flutters."

"Wow. Could you teach us- teach me how to do that sometime?"

"Sure," Rainbow responded, her smile turning into an evil grin. "As long as you practice on me."

"That sounds...nice."

The fun has been doubled!!

"Well, time to move on to our main goal here!" Rainbow said, slowly getting up from her couch. "First of all, we've got to make you seem cute. Not that you aren't already, but in a less intimidating way."

"Okay."

"You've got to exude confidence! Make them love you with adorableness and just plain sexiness!!" Dash was quickly adopting the "drill sergeant" montra, striking a regal pose. "You can't stand around asking whether or not you're hot! You already know the answer. Just make them believe what you already know! About half of sexiness stems from just believing that you're plain drop dead gorgeous. Now, show me your sexy face!"

Luna looked more than a little confused. "My sexy face?"

"Well, you want them to love you, right? What's the first thing you hear when you ask what a stallion thinks of Celestia?"

Really tall?

"I don't know, what?"

"Dayum, that mare is sexy! I'd love to lick that marshmallowy white flank!"

"Lick that marshmallowy white...Dash!"

The cyan pegasus chortled with barely surpressed mirth at that last remark. Rainbow pulled herself together, looking Luna dead in the eye with the most serious deadpan she could muster. "Admit it, she's kinda hot."

For some reason, Luna felt something burn inside of her at that last bit. Dash thinks that Celestia's hot? It felt as if some white-hot coal were burning inside of her, making her want to... She remembered this feeling. It was jealousy. Yes, she remembered that feeling quite well. It was that same emotion that had almost destroyed Equestria almost a thousand years ago. But why was it back now? She looked over at her newfound friend, and it didn't take a genius to put it all together.

Rainbow was cute, granted. But droolworthy? Nah. Yet there was something about the mare that seemed to stash butterflies into her stomach, like it or not. And in a way, she liked it. She liked it, oh so very much.

But...but, she's a mare!

"The second part, Luna, is your sense of humor. You've got to loosen up a little!"

"Uh, well, what dost thou, er, do you do for humor?"

"You think up something to say that makes people want to laugh. It doesn't matter what it is, whether we're talking about a crude yet laughable sex joke or an eggheaded brain fart. As long as it's funny, you've got the cat in the bag."

Luna thought about it. Maybe there were some good jokes that she could remember from older times. Well, right then was as good a time to try them out as any, right?

"Well, I'm not that good, but I do know one joke..."

"Let's hear it!"

"Okay. One day a mare, a stallion, and a griffon walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The mare pushed her beer away in disgust. The stallion fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The griffon, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

Rainbow stared blankly at her face for a moment, the gears in her brain trying desperately to piece it all together. Instead of figuring it out, she simply figured that the use of the world "bastard" obviously made it funny. The confused look on her face fell off as the "punchline" of the joke finally dawned on her face.

"You know, that would have been funnier if I'd caught on immediately. Why don't we try something simpler?"

"Like what?"

Rainbow smirked at the open opportunity. Time to bring out her best and blow that princess's dark, taught flank back to the moon! Oh, it's on, hot stuff!

"Okay, so a mare walks into a bar with her friend, and her friend asks, 'Can I buy you a drink?' The mare politely declines, stating that 'the drink is bad for my legs.' 'Why, do they swell?' the friend inquires. 'No,' the mare responds. 'They spread.'"

Luna gasped at the sheer lewdness of that comment. It was horrible, uncouth, uncivilized, dirty, and absolutely hilarious! She started chortling at that, and soon realized that she did in fact enjoy that style of humor.

"Teach me more, oh master!"

"Alright, so a stallion goes home to find his wife in bed with another..."

"Ugh!"

Rainbow Dash felt like her head had been taken by a hydra and slammed straight into an oncoming carriage before sitting on it with all twelve tons of its massive, insane bulk, then having it thrown into an over-sized meat grinder for good measure. That, or she had a hangover. The cyan mare tried to open her eyes, but the bright light quickly made her drop that option. Whatever had happened the night before, her mind was shooting blanks trying to remember. The splitting migraine was certainly not helping in that regard.

"Kill me now."

Her blankets stirred above her at that. Wait, is my blanket alive? She felt around, trying to pull it back up against her side. "Mmf, that's so warm," she commented, glad to feel the heat against her side as she snuggled up into her comforter. That was when it hit her. There was somepony else in bed with her. In bed with her. OH CELESTIA, TELL ME I DIDN'T!!

Dash jumped up, frantically looking down at her marehood to be sure. The panic started to subside when she realized that her marehood hadn't been violated the night before. Well, that's a relief. With that crisis averted, Rainbow looked over to see who she'd actually shared her bed with. Her rose colored eyes met a pair of concerned teal colored ones. And with that, everything came rushing back.

"Well, at least we didn't go too far."

"Rainbow, please remind me to never try drinking ten double shots straight like that again. My head is killing me!"

"You and me both, buddy. This calls for a glass of water, about five sandwiches, and a few more glasses of water."

"Okay. Rainbow?"

"Yeah?"

"Did I do...awesome?"

"Yeah, I guess you did. I sure as hay couldn't drink that much!"

"Well that's good..." Luna trailed off, the awkwardness of the night before settling back in. Did I really get that plastered? she wondered aloud, considering whether or not that was the case.

"I know one joint in town that'll give us all of those, and probably for free," Rainbow commented, trotting back over to Luna and helping her up from her rather decrepit state. "But first, we're going to need showers. Not at the same time, of course." Great going, Rainbow. That was a given.

"Okay, sounds good to me."

"Right this way, Luna."

Rainbow walked out of her bedroom, striding down the halls of her labyrinthian home. The cyan pegasus checked over her shoulder to see if Luna was following. Instead, she found the alicorn staring rather intently at her flank. The latter realized that Rainbow had turned to look, and just as quickly averted her gaze, a deep blush flowing across her muzzle.

Wait, was she checking my flank out?

Dash thought about that for a moment, before doing her usual. Well, duh, stupid! You're the most awesome pegasus in all of Equestria, who wouldn't want to stare at your flank? I could probably make good money off of charging admissions to look at it. Taking that in stride, she summed it up as only natural and left it at that. Not like hers is that bad, either...

"No, bad brain!"

"What?"

"Wasn't talking to you, Princess."

"Uh-huh."

The two of them finally reached whatever destination was flowing through Rainbow's mind, landing right outside of a building made literally out of...gingerbread? Yeah, it was definitely an edible building. How long have I been gone? Luna had thought that a thousand years would change a lot of things, but making a business out of something she'd want to eat was a little strange.

Actually, how has it not decomposed? Or been eaten? I suppose that if even a wooden house could get termites, a house make out of bakery goods that was actually edible to most forms of life would quickly disappear.

The answer, of course, was simple: Pinkie Pie. The bustling mare burst right out of her shop to stare Luna dead on into her eyes. "HIYA, PRINCESS!!" The dark alicorn's eyes literally shrunk to pinpricks at that. How was it even possible for her to stretch her neck that far, and oh Celestia, the eyes!

"Uh, hi?"

Pinkie gasped at that last bit, before inexplicably wrenching the other two mares into her enterprise without any further ado. Luna could literally hear her flank smack right into her seat at a random booth as Pinkie set them down so that she could go get whatever it was she had planned for them to...eat.

"Not the cupcakes, oh please, not the cupcakes!" Rainbow muttered, just barely loud enough for Luna to overhear. Apparently the cyan mare was beginning to regret her decision to pull them to this shop for some apparent reason. A very, very apparent reason.

"Here you go, silly fillies!"

"Uh, Pinkie?"

"Yes, Dashie?"

"You only serve this dish to ponies that are..."

"Why of course, Dashie! Do you think your Auntie Pinkie would forget to give her best friend a free "I Just Found My Special Somepony Cake?!"

Rainbow sighed at that. Pinkie could be Pinkie sometimes, but this was getting rather annoying in record time. "Pinks, I don't have a special sompony."

"Of course you do, silly! She sitting right next to you!"

"Uh, Pinkie? We're just friends."

"What? But my Pinkie sense told me that you're more than that, and if my Pinkie Sense told me that it must be true, and if it's true then you're bound to be in love, and if you're not in love that means you're sad, and if you're sad, then I get all mopey wopey, but my Pinkie Sense never lies, and if my Pinkie Sense never lies, *gasp*, then she must inevitably be your special somepony, and if she's your special somepony then I need to throw you a part, and if I need to-"

"Pinkie?"

"Throw you a party, then I'll need you to at least accept what you already not in your little hearty warty, and if you-"

"Pinks."

"Don't accept the fact that you're really just lonely and need someone to be there with you when you're all mopey wopey and need somebody to give you a hug and hug you back and make foals with even if it's not possible and-"

"PINKIE!!"

"Yes, Dashie?"

"Um, that's quite enough, we've got to, eh, go?"

Pinkie slumped down, obviously looking rather defeated. "Okay, Dashie," she said, turning to go. "But if you ever change your mind about that, then you know where to go to get a great surprise party!" The pink pony suddenly chirped up, literally bouncing off towards her next destination: the kitchen.

"Well, that was awkward."

Author's Note:

Wow, I finally wrapped up enough stuff to log on more than once every few days, and now I can actually start to get some of these chapters out. Also, if you're wondering why everything is so dang fast paced, it's supposed to be. I will actually (I know, there's really no grounds at this point to believe me, at least until I actually post a few chapters in a regular fashion) be able to write this one out, and it's planned to be 70k+ words, so don't assume that the whole thing will be this rapid action.

Comments

[Wintercall]

Aw, this is cute!

[Tatsurou]

This is going to be fun.
And yeah, that bit at the end was awkward.

[Rainbooms]

An update?
twirlit.com/2012/11/13/and-the-oxford-american-dictionarys-word-of-the-year-is/snuggie-celebration-gif/

Only way to sum up the chapter:
tumblr.com/tagged/boy%20that%20escalated%20quickly

[Rainbow87dash]

"Okay. One day a mare, a stallion, and a griffon walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The mare pushed her beer away in disgust. The stallion fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The griffon, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

[Delicious]

I personally liked Luna's joke more, but HOLY GOBSTINGERS AN UPDATE! I had checked up on this story a few days ago for the first time in months too, so it's an even more pleasant surprise.

[Deathpony45]

An update ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh yes! Finally totally worth the wait I'm glad my favorite LunaDash fic is starting to well start honestly there needs to be more of this pairing