Poetry is something that unites all species, a form of art that can bring the hearts of all together. Ponies, griffons, dragons...all have some form of it.
Poetry, put simply, is life in written form.
Chapters (10)
- Member Since 27th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen April 5th
SaxPon3
I've not touched this in years, but I'm here I guess. Profile Pic by the wonderful KoaPony!
SaxPon3
Joined 27th Nov, 2012 ·
Offline
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You've done a mighty job, mate.
My favorite was probably The Ring or The Homeward Journey.
I read 'fire and' somewhere in there, and then my brain just got stuck on "Fire and Ice" by Robert Frost.
Yo soy Loyalty.
Advice from the Guide:
"Love: avoid if at all possible."
You request it in the Reviewing folder and it arrives as if by magic. Dum dum dum...
Okay, yes, I have read all of them (and I might add, loved The Factory for its cleverness and repetition) but I've decided to come back to Number 6 to comment because this is the one I feel needs the most work doing to it (don't panic. It's not too much, promise).
1. Rhymes like this: Flashing through quickly, Dashing by speedily.
Firstly you don't need the capital letter on the verb after the comma-- secondly, they don't rhyme and don't fit in with the rhythm you have going. Say it out loud, the second line sounds a bit-- off. Which brings me on to
2. Some of the rhymes within this one in particular sound extremely forced. You have beautiful moments like:
I only shake my head and say nervously,
I'm doing only as many others would.
You frown and punch me playfully,
Telling me more pride would do me good.
Tied in with very forced rhymes like:
You tell me I’m a great friend,
One who’ll stay till the end.
These really should be revised to make the rhythm flow smoothly. You know, like you managed to do in 'The Factory', most of 'The Ring' and most of 'The Homeward Journey'.
The first few small poems may need a note on the top or bottom to explain what it has to do with the pony universe-- whether they be poems spoken by minstrels in certain cultures or just the thoughts of one of the characters; just to keep up with the FimFic thing we've got going on up in here.
All in all not bad little poems and it'd be good to see what else you can come up with. Come over into the Forum when you want to and write some more
. We'll be waiting with open arms.
Good luck and good fun with whatever you do next.
Your friendly neighbourhood, DreamWings
2979151 Didn't see this till WAY after you commented.
Now, I'd like to just say that looking back on it, you are right. I'll be sure to work on these now. Thanks for the constructive criticism!
I approve of this superb Poetry-fic in my currently Semi-Tired state.
Have a Fluttershy;
3625339 i accept your Fluttershy with gratitude, and in exchange I give you one of my Derpys.
3628235 Thanks.
I like this quite a bit, especially the last two pieces. With some of the earlier pieces, I wondered how they fit into the MLP theme, but the final two poems tie it together in an almost narrative way. A very sad narrative way, admittedly, but they still tie it together.
3787556 Thank you! To be honest, I don't know if the earlier ones are MLP related either, but I just put them there because I'm proud of them and wanted to share them.
3787947
I could see some of the first couple of poems fitting in with griffons or dragons, but they would just as well fit into many other fantasy settings. The last two poems, however, made the whole collection sound like the emotional journey of a narrator longing for a better world. If they actually made it there, are just dreaming, personifying their ideals, or any number of other possibilities is open to the reader, though, and I do like that.
3792233 Good to see that you're making connections.