The Foal Shower (Along With Drunken Happenings)
On the television in the house of Applejack and Matt, the guilty pleasure show known as The Real Housemares of Applewood plays, showing a familiar sight for all who watch it; the titular mare having a verbal spat in the middle of a fancy party. This had always been the formula; one Matt had dialed down to a science. Whenever a mare announced that she would be having a get together, the alarms in Matt’s head would signal, informing Applejack of an impending storm of foul language and petty insults. One hundred percent of the time, he would be absolutely right.
As for Matt and Applejack, they are on the couch, watching the program with great amusement. Matt is in a sitting position, while his wife is lying down, with her back on his lap, and her head on a pillow. He lightly combs her mane with his left hand, while his right caresses her stomach.
The two watch the television in silence, but their minds occasionally drift to the night they shared together. The night where they made love for the first time in what felt like ages for them, was an unforgettable one. It was them at their most passionate, and for the happy couple, probably ranks in their list of best sessions of all time.
Applejack looks up at her husband, whose eyes are currently drawn to the television.
“Matt…” she whispers, drawing his attention. “Ah think I’m in the mood again.”
“Again?” Matt chuckles, looking into her wanting eyes, “After all we did last night?”
“We still have plenty of time to make up for.”
“We sure do.” he nods, “But I need a bit of a break. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is a weak and bruised at the moment.”
“Come on now…” she playfully bumps a hoof against his chin, “Ah didn’t think ah was THAT rough.”
“Definitely not; you were the RIGHT kind of rough. But three times in a row, with no breaks? It can do things to a man.” He laughs, “Give me about…” he glances over at the clock, which is reaching the afternoon, “Three hours, and I’ll be good to go.”
“I’ll hold ya to that, Mr. Apple.” she giggles. “So, tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“How would you rank it?”
“Rank what?”
“You know…last night. How would you rank it from all the other times?”
“Oooh, I don’t know.” he thinks carefully, “I don’t normally rank sex. Movies definitely, but not sex.”
“Oh come on now, ah know ya do. Ah see it in those eyes of yours. Ya don’t have to hide anythin’ from me anymore.”
“You know me too well, AJ.” he smirks, “Okay…last night…” he looks up at the ceiling in deep thought, “I would have to say…..three.”
“Three?!” Applejack gasps in shock, “Ah was givin’ ya mah best moves! Ah mean, ah was pregnant and all, so they ain’t what they used ta be, but they were still mah best!”
“I admit, you did display a lot of talent, but my list still stands.” He states proudly.
“Okay Mr. Snobbypants, what is your number one pick?”
“That’s easy. That time in the apple orchard.”
“Y’all gonna have to be specific, sugarcube.” she laughs, “Ah remember a lot of times where we had a bit of a tumble in the apple orchard.”
“It was during our first two weeks as a couple.” he reminisces, “It was an extremely hot day. We were both sweating so much, we were like living waterfalls. We then went to the well to get a couple buckets of water. I drank some from mine, but you picked yours up, and poured it all over your mane. The band on you mane came loose, and it was flowing free as you whipped you hair around. I was so damn attracted to you in that moment, that I grabbed you and made out with you right then and there.”
“But ah had better ideas…” Applejack remembers, smiling with a hint of lust.
“Oh yeah. You brought me to the ground and…well…”
“Ah rocked your world.” she laughs.
“You sure did.” he laughs along with her. “That was the best I ever had.”
“What about Chrysalis?” she says teasingly.
“AJ…” Matt looks back at her, not quite getting that she’s merely curious, rather than judgmental.
“I’m serious, Matt. Ah wanna know. It’s not often ah hear about the lovemaking gifts of the Changeling Queen.” she chortles.
“I see…” Matt nods in understanding. “In that case…two.”
“WHAT?!” Applejack says in yet another attack of shock, “Yer telling me that until that day in the apple orchard, Queen Chrysalis was the best you ever had?!”
“You practically told me to be honest with you, so I am!”
“Ah…” she scoffs, knowing she cannot argue that. Then, she considers… “It’s just…” her expression of surprise then turns into something closer to being impressed, “She must have been REALLY good.”
“I admit; there is a bit of bias there, considering my time with Chrysalis was the first time I ever…”
“Been with a different species?” she interrupts.
“That, and the first time I ever…” he puts more emphasis in those words, letting them sink in for the Farmpony.
“Oh.” she gets it. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh………” she really gets it. “Really? Ever ever?”
“Ever ever.” he confirms. “If it makes you feel any better, our first night together ties with her.”
“Ah suppose…” she quietly says, before becoming a bit peppier and more curious. “So, what did she do that was so amazin’? Did she transform?”
The question causes Matt to noticeably blush a dark crimson. Applejack has unexpectedly struck a chord with the human. The sight makes her grin in amusement, as she prods the question even further.
“She did.” she correctly surmises, her tone becoming increasingly more teasing. “What did she turn into? WHO did she turn into?”
“Well…” Matt clenches his teeth, preparing himself for what he’s about the tell her. “She turned into quite a few ponies…a few ponies that I knew at that time.” His eyes travel downwards back to her. Slowly, but surly, she begins to understand, as he look of curiosity once again becomes one of unrelenting shock.
“She…turned into me?”
“She turned into Twilight…Rarity…Rainbow Dash…Fluttershy…Pinkie Pie…and you….” he says in almost dramatic fashion, certain that the revelation was going to blow her already blown mind.
“When…when did all this happen?”
“Remember my first week in Ponyville?” he asks. “That Friday, I was lost for the night, and you guys couldn’t find me until I showed up the next morning, covered in slime?”
“Ye---“ she realizes, “Wait…that slime wasn’t….”
“No, it was just hive slime…at least I hoped it was; Chrysalis didn’t convince me too well.”
“So…” Applejack remembers what happened afterwards, “So THAT’S why you were so quiet during the week after that! Because…oh mah gosh…because you technically…you technically had sex with all of us!”
“Yeah…” Matt says quietly.
Quiet falls on the room. It doesn’t last very long though, as Applejack suddenly bursts out laughing, realizing how much it all made sense. During that week, though Matt would come through with his typically happy personality sporadically, she would also catch him looking at her funny, along with her friends, like he was either traumatized, or just utterly confused.
“I’m glad you find this all so funny…” Matt says, embarrassed, but also with a smirk on his face.
“Funny? It’s hilarious!” Applejack continues to laugh. “In your first week in Equestria, not only did you get knocked around by mah brother, not only did Lyra attempt to jump ya, not only did you lose yer virginity to the Queen of the Changelings, but to top it all of…she turned into all of us! Meaning…”
“Meaning I technically had sex with all of you….yes…” Matt chuckles himself. “To some, that would be the best week ever, but for me…that was the weirdest week ever.”
“But ya still put it at number one on the best ever list, until ah came along.”
“True...” he grins, “…cause I’d be lying if for that brief moment, I started to enjoy myself.” He chortles. “But enough about me, it’s so awkward talking about this...”
“But ya haven’t asked me yet.” she interjects.
“…which was why I was going to ask you next.” he concludes.
“Ah think you know what mah favorite time was.” she says teasingly.
“Last night?”
“Nope.”
“Las Pegasus?”
“Na-ah.”
“Hmm…our honeymoon?”
“Bingo!” she shouts in celebration, coming up for a small kiss on the lips. “Ah loved those five days in Manehattan so much.”
“That was because we were doing one thing, and one thing only in Manehattan.”
“That’s right!”
“We didn’t even get to see the sights.”
“Oh, you saw some sights alright.”
“But I wanted to see the Pony Statue of Liberty.”
“We saw it eventually.”
“Hey, despite me saying this, I’m actually not complaining.”
“Ya better not.” she says, “Ya wasn’t complainin’ when it was happenin’.”
“For good reason, too.” He smiles, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. His hand travels downward to her pregnant belly, giving it a loving touch. “I was with the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria.”
“You silver tongued devil, you.” Applejack swoons, as she gives him another kiss.
As their kiss becoming more passionate…she feels it.
More importantly…he feels it.
His eyes widen in surprise, as they separate, and their eyes move to the spot on her stomach where Matt’s hand is. They are silent, mouths agape at the event that just occurred.
“It…it kicked…” Matt says quietly, “It kicked…and I was there to feel it!” His voice rises, becoming happier in tone. “I want to get closer!”
“Okay!” Applejack says, with the widest of smiles on her face. The two maneuver around, with Applejack laying her whole body on the couch, and Matt is now kneeled on the floor, facing the side of her stomach. Putting both hands onto her round belly, he placed his ear on the side, feeling around for another kick.
Soon, another one arrives.
“It kicked again!” Matt exclaims in another shout of happy surprise, “I never thought this day would happen! And here I thought it didn’t like me.”
“What are ya talkin’ about, Matt? It might not have seen ya yet, but it loves you just as much as ah do.”
“This is…” Matt eyes begin to water, “This is wonderful.” He moves over to Applejack’s face. “Oh, AJ…” he whispers, placing a hand on her cheek. “This is the best day of my life.”
“Ya say that all the time.” she laughs.
“I know, but I totally mean it this time!” he shrugs in amusement.
“Come here, ya big lug.” she pulls him in closer, “I’m about to make yer perfect day even better.”
As their lips approach one another for a kiss…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Somepony has arrived. They look over at the front door, as the knocking gets faster and more furious. After alternating between looking at the door and each other, Matt stands, walking over to the pounding with trepidation.
He places his hand on the knob, slowly turning it…
BOOM!
Matt is suddenly knocked backward by an explosion of confetti and party noises, slamming onto the floor.
Applejack looks to see Pinkie Pie come in with her party cannon, with Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy following suit. She gets up off the couch, approaching the group.
“Not that it’s not good to see y’all, but what are y’all doin’ here?”
“I’m sorry, Applejack…” a familiar voice says, “But it was my doing.”
Applejack looks back at the doorway to see a very pregnant Cadance walking in. More than happy to see the Ruler of the Crystal Empire, Applejack clumsily gallops towards her, giving her a great and tight hug. It’s been too long since they last saw each other.
“Cadance!” Applejack happily utters, “It’s been so long since we last saw each other! When was it? That incident at Toys R’ Us?”
“It certainly was.” The Princess laughed heartily, “Shining Armor got a heck of a talking to after that. What did you do with Matt?”
“I sweet talked her out of yelling at me.” Matt points out, as he is still lying flat on the floor. “I’m fine, by the way.” He says with a chuckle.
“Oh dear.” Rarity gasps, “Are you sure you’re okay, darling?”
“Yeah. No problem.” Matt struggles to sit up. “Was that your party cannon, Pinkie?”
“It sure was!” she says without any regrets. “I think I might have put too much confetti in it, though? Did it hurt?”
“Nah.” He waves it off, not even mad about the situation. “Just got the wind knocked out of me for a few moments.” He looks over at the group of ponies, noticing that they are wearing rather festive attire. Rarity’s especially, as she appears to be ready for a dinner date, rather than a normal get together. “What’s with the getups?” Matt asks, “Is somepony getting married?”
“Nopony is getting married, yet.” Rainbow Dash says. “Maybe if SOMEPONY was willing the pop the question, this might actually be another bachelorette party.” Her eyes travel to Fluttershy, who timidly looks around the room, pretending not to hear what she has said.
“Mmmhmmm….yep…that’s whatever you were talking about for you.” Fluttershy quietly mutters. Matt shakes his head at the sight with a smile, as it appears Fluttershy has gained a bit of sass during her time with Rainbow Dash.
“Anyway…” Cadance changes the subject, “I figured that with our foals being born so soon, we should do our own little foal shower.” Cadance smiles that irresistible smile as she says that.
“I guess that’s what the gifts are for.” Matt turns his head to see Spike holding a massive pile of gifts in his hands. “What’s up, Spike?”
“So heavy!” Spike shouts, unable to answer Matt’s question.
“Hang in there, buddy!” Matt throws out words of encouragement. It comes too late, as Spike is soon overwhelmed and comically crushed by all the gifts. “Ouch…um…keep hanging in there.”
“Aw shucks, guys.” Applejack blushes, “Y’all didn’t have to do this.”
“We didn’t have to, Applejack…” Twilight says, “We WANTED to.”
“Exactly…” said Cadance, “And no trips to Las Pegasus this time. We’re going to stay right here, and have some fun.”
“YEAH!!! WOO-HOOO!!!” Everypony shouts, including Matt, making them turn their heads towards him.
“Except for you, Matt!” Rainbow Dash scolds. “No boys allowed!”
“Sorry, darling, but Dash is right.” Rarity continues, “This is more of a Mare thing.”
“Really?” he raises an eyebrow, standing up and rushing confetti and glitter off of his shirt. “Because where I come from…”
“It’s different here. Move along!” Rainbow Dash begins to push him out the door. “You can hang around with your other friends outside.”
“There’s no need to be so rough, Dash.” Matt attempts to fight her strong and forceful push, “You got a stripper coming over or something?”
“Nu-uh!” Applejack shakes her head, “I’m not gonna have anypony touch mah hat again!”
“Relax, Applejack.” Cadance places a hoof on her back, “There will be no strippers coming over to the foal shower.” She looks over at Matt, who is getting closer and closer to the door. “You have nothing to worry about, Matt. She’ll be in good hooves.”
“Uhh okay…I guess so.” He waves to Applejack, as he is seconds away from flying out the door. “Love you, honey!”
“You too, sugarcube!”
Soon, with a powerful buck by Rainbow Dash, Matt flies out the door, landing onto the dirt path. The door slams behind him, as music suddenly blares from inside the house. The ponies are seen through the windows dancing intensely, with Applejack and Cadance merely bobbing to the beat, as to not over exert themselves.
“PARTY TIME!!!!” Pinkie Pie is heard screaming, as another blast from her party cannon coats the room.
Matt gets up, again dusting himself off.
“Guess they’re having a lot of fun in there, huh Matt?” a familiar male voice says.
Matt looks up to see a few familiar and friendly faces. Other than a recently recovered Spike, standing before Matt is Shining Armor, Donut Joe, Big Macintosh, and Trixie. Overjoyed, Matt runs to the source of the voice, Shining Armor, and gives him a big hug.
“Shining Armor!” he says, elated at the sight of one of his many best friends. “How have you been?”
“Doing just fine.” Shining Armor pats him on the back, “Cadance had been planning this foal shower for months, and wanted to surprise Applejack.” The two separate, “Was she surprised?”
“No, she completely expect it-of course she was surprised! I know I was, when Pinkie blasted me with that cannon of hers.”
“We saw that…” Trixie chuckles, “That was funny.” Her laugh is cut short by a nudge from Big Mac. “I mean…you’re okay though, right?”
“Yeah. It’ll take more than that to bring me down.”
“I knew you’d be okay!” Donut Joe says with confidence, “You took on some pretty evil baddies in your day!”
“In my day? You make me sound so old. And it was only one baddie.”
“What about Queen Chrysalis?” Joe continues to pry, “Rumor has it that you somehow tamed her, and got her to join the side of good.”
“Those rumors were greatly exaggerated.” A voice says, catching the attention of everypony.
They all turn to see Queen Chrysalis coming down from the sky, landing gently on the ground below. Her beautiful, fang baring smile makes Donut Joe shake in his hooves, as she approaches him, getting closer to his muzzle.
“Matt wasn’t entirely responsible for my rehabilitation. The decision was entirely mine…with maybe some help from Celestia…and a fraction from Matt. As for taming…what exactly did you hear?” she licks her lips seductively. Matt stifles a chuckle, knowing all too well that she is merely yanking his chain, but poor Joe cannot tell such a thing.
“I…I….” Joe stutters, “I’m with Rarity…you can’t make me…”
“Ha!” Chrysalis laughs, “You fell for it! I’m only messing with you, Joe. Relax.” As her laughter dies down, she remembers why she is there, looking towards Matt. “Matt…” her tone gets slightly more serious, “Is everything okay with you and Applejack?”
“Yeah, everything is just fine.” Matt smiles, “We made up last night.”
“Wait…” Big Mac interjected, “Were y’all havin’ some trouble?”
“We had a bit of a fight. But it’s water under the bridge.”
“You had a fight over water under a bridge?” Shining Armor utters.
“No...I…what? You haven’t heard…nevermind. The point is that we are good now. “
“What did you two fight about? It must have been something bad.” Trixie guesses.
Matt and Chrysalis briefly look at each other, knowing just how right Trixie was at her guess. The group wasn’t quick to catch their glances, instead waiting for Matt’s response. He mumbles incoherently, placing his hands in his pockets, as he kicks at the dirt in an attempt to steer the conversation away from this incredibly awkward moment.
“So, Chrysalis…are you here for the party?”
“Party?” she looks over Matt’s shoulder, seeing the dancing ponies through the window. “I was not aware of a party. I wanted to speak to Applejack.”
“She’s a little busy at the moment.” Matt shrugs. “You…want to join us?”
“What are you and the others doing?”
“Drinking, eating, partying. That’s the plan we have at the moment.” Trixie smiles deviously, “I personally hope we go crazy. Right, Shining Armor?”
“Not now, Trixie.” Shining Armor rolls his eyes, “I told you; if we do anything without Cadance, it’ll be classified as cheating.”
“Yeah, that’s unfortunate.” Trixie pouts. “What about you, Joe? Big Mac?”
“Rarity” says Joe.
“Twilight.” says Big Mac.
“Dang.” she looks down at Spike, who gives her a hopeful smile. “I appreciate the facial expression, but I stick with my own kind.” She looks at Chrysalis, “How about you? Wanna go crazy?”
“Hey!” Spike shouts, “She’s a changeling!”
“Who cares? She’s hot!” Trixie snaps back, looking almost lustfully at Chrysalis, “What do you think?”
“We’ll see if Celestia is up for it again.”
“AGAIN?!” Everyone except Trixie shouts simultaneously, with their jaws dropping to the ground, and just a little bit of saliva pooling out. Matt is the first one to pick up his jaw, and shake what must have been one heck of an image out of his head.
“Anyway…all that aside…I’d be happy if you joined us on…whatever we’re going to be doing.” Matt says, “If you have anywhere else to be, I understand.”
“No, actually.” Chrysalis smirks, “I do not have any prior engagements. I did only come here to speak to Applejack, but having a party with you fine ponies and Human would be fine, too.”
“Then it’s settled.” He places a hand on her back, “You hang with us, and afterwards, you can talk to Applejack.”
“If we’re not completely hammered, afterwards.” Shining Armor anticipates, “Right, Big Mac?”
“Eeyup. Time fer some drinkin’.” he utters with pride.
The others nod their heads as they laugh, before walking towards Ponyville; ready to take on the town one drink at the time, and have as much fun as they possibly could.
“Just one thing, guys.” Matt said with sternness, “I don’t want to drink too much. I like to keep some level of consciousness.”
“Don’t worry, Matt.” Big Mac said with a friendly tone, “We won’t make ya do anythin’ you don’t want ta.”
“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” Everypony shouts inside the Ponyville Bar.
Matt and Big Mac are locked in a drinking contest, downing glass after glass of specially made hard cider from Sweet Apple Acres. When they entered the bar, it was only for a couple drinks, before they would move on to an arcade or a movie. However, once the Bartender saw Queen Chrysalis, he announced that all the drinks for her group would be free.
Big Mac boasted that he can drink the most mugs of hard cider without getting drunk. Matt, in all his non-wisdom, doubted his skills. Thus, the challenge was soon made.
The two of them are neck and neck, as they have consumed more than seven glasses of cider. They got even more adventurous, when Chrysalis ordered that the drinks also have a shot of tequila inside by the time they got to the fourth glass.
Matt and Big Mac look at each other, incredibly woozy from all the drinking, but both unable to back down.
Cheers erupt from the group, along with other patrons after they have downed their ninth glass.
“Yoouuuu…”Matt slurs, “Ghivchen upppp yet *hic*?”
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*hic*nope.”
“Okay!” The Bartender says, slamming down another round. “Drink number ten!”
Everypony leans in, witnessing the two pick up their mugs. They drunkenly tap their drinks together, before putting the glasses to their lips, and drinking the ever so sweet, yet ever so alcoholic nectar. The patrons noises of anticipation raise gradually, as the liquids are slowly consumed, before they two slam their empty glasses back down on the table. Everypony erupts in celebration.
“I tolds yargh…” Big Mac sways, “Ya can’t….” he pauses.
Suddenly, he falls backwards, onto his back. Everypony looks down to see him on the floor, passed out in a deep sleep, snoring loudly.
Matt is the winner!
“YEAH!!!!” They all cheer.
Matt stands, raising his fists in the air, cheering wildly with them. He then jumps onto the table, comically flexing his muscles like he’s the toughest man in the world.
“I AM SPARTACUS!!!!!” Matt bellows. Nopony in the room gets it, but they cheer anyway at his triumphant shout.
Then…Matt falls backwards onto another table, breaking it.
Silence falls on the room, with confused muttering. Leaning over at the smashed table, they see that Matt is out like a light, snoring right next to Big Mac. His group looks at each other, and then back at the sleeping bodies of their friends.
“That was fun.” Trixie said with an amused shrug. “Time for more drinking!”
“YEAHHHH!!!!” Everypony shouts in reinvigorated excitement.
Back at the house, the party has died down, and the music has been brought down to a near whisper. Applejack and Cadance sit patiently on the couch, as the rest give over their gifts to them. The wrapping paper made sure of who the recipient would be. Flowery, crystal-like patterns covered Cadance’s gifts, while shiny and colorful images of apples adorn Applejack’s.
They’re already nearing the end of opening their gifts. Cadance had been given various apparel for her foal, made by Rarity, who was proud as always by her accomplishments, along with a few toys. Applejack received the same types, only specially made to suit her style. Luckily for both, since the gender of the foal hasn’t been revealed yet, the gifts were gender neutral.
Cadance opens up Twilight’s gift, revealing a book on Equestrian Fairy tales.
“Awww….” Cadance looks on with appreciation, “Thank you. I was looking all over the crystal empire for this. I remember reading this book to you, when I was a foal sitter. Where did you find another copy?”
“It’s not a new copy.” said Twilight, “I found it during my move to Canterlot. I want you to have it.”
“It’s wonderful.” Cadance smiles, “The foal is going to love it.” She puts the book down to the side, floating up a present that sits down on Applejack’s lap. “Now, this one is from me, with a little help from a good friend of mine.”
“Aw shucks, Princess.” Applejack blushed, “Ah didn’t get you anythin’.”
“That’s fine. Don’t you worry your pretty head about it. I think you’ll really like it.”
Applejack takes off the bow, and rips off the wrapping paper, revealing a white box. In anticipation, she slowly opens it up, making various guesses in her mind as to what is waiting underneath. The top is off all the way, and is dropped to the floor, as Applejack stares at the apparel inside. Reaching down with a hoof, she pulls up a see through gown that sparkles various colors. She inspects it, as her face forms into one of confusion.
“This…isn’t for the foal…is it?” she asks.
“Of course not.” Cadance chuckles, “It’s for you!”
“For me?” she looks back at the negligee. “What for?”
“I think you know exactly what for…” Cadance says slyly.
“Parties?” Pinkie Pie guesses.
“You could say that.” grinned Rainbow Dash.
As Applejack stares further at the negligee, a smile forms on her face as the realization dawns on her. She knows exactly what the use is, not to mention she already begins to plan out the way in HOW she’s going to use it.
“Ah love it.” she chuckles with deviant intentions.
“Oh my goodness!” Rarity squeed, as she notices Applejack’s expression, “I can see what you’re planning in that head of yours!”
“Don’t get too excited, Rare.” Applejack puts the garment back in the box. “Ah ain’t gonna show it to him until AFTER the foal is born. It’s gonna be mah own personal surprise.” She rubs her stomach, remembering what happened in the morning. “By the way, the foal kicked when Matt was here.”
“It did!” Fluttershy gasped in happiness. “That’s so wonderful! I remember how worried you sounded when you mentioned how the foal was unresponsive to him.”
“Yeah. Ah guess he grew on it.” she chortles, “Ah was gettin’ a little concerned.”
“Oh hush, darling…” Rarity waved a hoof, “There’s nothing to be concerned about. The foal is going to have some fine parents. You, the headstrong and beautiful farmpony; and Matt, the picture of good nature and responsibility!”
The doors of the Ponyville Bar burst open, with loud music and flashing lights pool out of it. Walking outside is Shining Armor and Donut Joe dragging Big Mac out of the bar, and Queen Chrysalis with a still passed out Matt sleeping on her back. Trixie and Spike follow suit, with Spike still drinking from a mug.
“Sweet Celestia, he’s heavy!” Donut Joe gasps.
“We should probably head back home.” Chrysalis suggests, “But I don’t think Applejack will be too happy that her husband AND her brother are passed out drunk.”
“We have to do something to wake him up.” Shining Armor says, thinking of what to do. “Chrysalis, set him down.”
She does so. Shining Armor looks at Matt, who is loudly snoring. Abruptly, Shining Armor slaps him on the face with a hoof. It doesn’t work.
“Well, that didn’t work.” Trixie points out the obvious. “What’s next, Captain?”
“I’m thinking.” He thinks… “I got it!”
He snatches Spike’s glass of Cider and splashes it on Matt’s face.
“Aww…” Spike’s eyes water, “What a waste of perfectly good cider.”
“Hrmurble…” Matt mumbles, “Yes AJ…keep doing that…” Everypony leans in closer as they listen to his dirty sounding dream. “I love the way you make apple pie.”
They lean back. False alarm.
“Huh…” Trixie scoffed, “That was a little underwhelming. I thought for sure he was talking about something else.”
"All over my face..." Matt mutters.
"Okay, that sounded weird." Trixie stands corrected.
“HEY! YOU!” A voice shouts at the top of his lungs.
They turn to look at who said that. To Shining Armor’s shock, it’s a pony that he and Matt had encountered before.
It’s Crackle the dragon. Or…the pony wearing the Crackle costume. He’s actually still wearing the costume, complete with the hole that was made by Matt’s fist so long ago. On the inside, the Pony sports a five o’clock shadow, and is holding a bottle of particularly strong looking liquor.
“Really?” Shining Armor rolled his eyes, “Have you been wearing that this whole time?”
“No…stupid!” the Mascot says drunkenly, “I took this after you and that Human got me fired! I saw you losers going inside the bar, and I knew I had to take my revenge!”
“You live in Ponyville? How did you not know that Matt lived here all this time?” Trixie questioned, “The news even had an interview with him here!”
“Shut up, wench! Or I’ll sock ya!”
“YOU’RE SOCKING NOPONY!!!” Matt suddenly screamed, as he sits up. He got up too fast, though. His eyes spin around, trying to regain his focus. “You and your friends aren’t gonna sock my friends!”
“It’s…just me…” the Mascot says, confused.
“I know your game, Crackle! I can see your ghost army behind you…all wearing Crackle uniforms!”
“Umm…Matt?” Chrysalis leans down, “It really is only him. You’re just drunk.”
“Really?” he asks in surprise. “I’m drunk? Huh. That explains a lot. I was wondering why there was two of you.”
“Hey! Is that the Queen?” the Mascot asks, “Damn, she’s fine! I’d like to rule HER kingdom, if ya know what I mean!”
“Listen you!!!” Matt quickly stands, pointing fiercely at him, “You shall rule no kingdom! I already made my claim in her land!”
“You do realize he made a sexual euphemism, right?” Chrysalis leans in again.
“I thought what I just said sounded dirty.” Matt realizes, suddenly bursting out laughing, “Though I totally did that one time…”
“MATT?! You slept with Chrysalis?!” Donut Joe shouts.
“It was just that one time! Applejack totally knows, and she’s fine with it! Don’t worry!” Matt explains, struggling to stand.
“She is?” Chrysalis wonders, with a hint of relief in her voice.
“I mean…it wasn’t at first, but…”
“I want to fight!” the Mascot attempts to take the spotlight.
“Oh, you’re still here?” Matt is surprised. “I thought you died.”
“What in all of Equestria made you think that I died in the thirty seconds that we didn’t talk to each other?!”
“I’M DRUNK! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!”
“Matt, you need to lay down.” Shining Armor attempts to calm his friend down. “I can handle him.”
“No, Spike. I can handle a dragon and his ghost army.”
“I’m Shining Armor.”
“Whatever you say, Pinkie Pie.”
“Pinkie Pie isn’t even here!” Donut Joe shakes his head.
“I’m sick of you ponies ignoring me!” the Mascot charges with all of his might. “REVENGE!”
He guns straight for Matt. He stares at the charging angry Pony, wondering what to do in his current state. He then thinks about what he wants for dinner when he gets home. He’s been having a hankering for fruit salad with cantaloupes for a while, and now he has the opportunity to have some. He has to go to the store to get the cantaloupes, however. He reminds himself that he has to check the local newspaper for coupons, as he doesn’t want to buy the cantaloupes, bring them home, and open the paper to find that he could have saved a few bits.
The Mascot is still coming at him.
“DIE!!!” he shouts.
In a last minute bout of improvisation, Matt thrusts his fist into the hole he punched through so long ago, hitting the Pony dead in the face, and sending him crashing to the ground in a knocked out heap.
Everypony is frozen in amazement that Matt just took him out in one punch. He also hit him so hard, that his knuckles are bleeding. Matt, in his inebriated state, and also running on pure adrenaline, isn’t aware of this for the time being. He simply stares at the crumpled and unconscious body of the Pony. Soon, he smiles, and then laughs in triumph.
“You just got knocked the fuck out!” Matt flips the bird. “One punch! One punch, guys!” he raises his palm, “Can I get a high five? I mean a high hoof?” Chrysalis is the only one that can reach him. She obliges, tapping a hoof on his palm. “Yeahhhh…” He looks at his knuckles, finally noticing that they are bleeding. “Hey, is that blood?”
He stares intently at the blood running down the back of his hand. After a few moments, he suddenly falls backwards, passing out at the sight of his own blood.
It’s at this moment, that Big Mac sits up.
“What did ah miss?” he wonders.
As the sun goes down, the Party has begun to wrap up. The ponies all are saying their goodbyes, along with taking turns hugging the expectant mothers. They all gather outside, waiting for Matt and the others to return.
“Sorry again for the impromptu foal shower, Applejack.” apologized Cadance, “I was so excited that I just acted on it.”
“No problem, Princess.” Applejacked smiled, “Ah enjoyed mahself. Ah only hope Matt had a good time as well.”
“I’m sure he had a great time.”
“SWEET CELESTIA!!!” Twilight shouted.
They all turn their gaze to see the group coming back, looking slightly woozy and buzzed, along with Matt still passed out on Chrysalis’ back, and his hand all bandaged up from the injury he sustained.
“What in the hay happened?” Applejack demanded.
“We drank, he fought, he made his ancestors proud!” Trixie said with a great deal of pride.
“That pretty much covered all the bases.” Shining Armor admitted, “We ran into that mascot from Toys R’ Us, and Matt took him out with one punch.”
“Yeah! It was like POW! And lights out for the sucker!” Donut Joe simulates the fight.
“Eeeyup.” Big Mac says.
“One punch?” Applejack says in surprise, and then admiration. “Dang.” She goes over to Chrysalis, “I’ll take it from here, Chrysalis.”
“Of course.” Chrysalis smiles, as she kneels down to allow him to slide off his back, and into Applejack’s forelegs. “I suppose we should get going.”
“Actually, can you stay for a moment?” Applejack asks her. Chrysalis is caught off guard by the question, but she nods in response. Applejack looks over at the rest of her friends. “Y’all can go home. Ah can take care of Matt.”
“Okay.” Cadance kisses Applejack on the cheek. “You two take care.” She looks at the others, and setting her sights on Shining Armor. “Let’s go girls…you too, Shining Armor.”
Applejack and Chrysalis watch as they walk away to their respective places of residence. Applejack glances downwards at Matt, who is sleeping peacefully, and not drunkenly snoring as he was earlier. She moves a lock of hair covering his face, and kissing him on the forehead with a gentle peck.
“Applejack, I’m so sorry.” Chrysalis dispensed with the apologies, “I was encouraging him, and he…”
“It’s okay, Chrysalis. Y’all was having fun. Ah understand.” she continues looks at Matt thoughtfully. “It’s been a while since he had fun. Were you invited to the party?”
“No. I came here to talk to you. I had no idea you were having a party. Matt invited me to join, and I accepted.”
“That was nice of him. What did you want to talk to me about?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“I don’t want any more secrets between us, AJ.” she sighs, “When Matt told me what happened between you two last night, I felt really bad. I didn’t like seeing him unhappy, and I felt like I had to do something to cheer him up just a little bit. So…I transformed into you, and told him that we could do…whatever.”
“Why are ya tellin’ me this?”
“Because I don’t want what happened between you two to transpire again. I want to lay it out there, and you can do what you want with it.”
“Did he accept your offer?” she asks calmly.
“No. He told me he loved you too much to do that.”
“Then, there’s nothin’ to apologize for.” Applejack says, with sincerity in her voice.
“What do you mean? I tried to…”
“Ya did what ya thought was best. Ah pushed him away, and he felt more alone than ever. It was only natural. You’re his best friend, ya know? He speaks of you fondly.”
“I can’t imagine why.” Chrysalis admits, “I don’t feel like I earned such a title.”
“He talks to ya, a lot. He even agreed to help you out with your letter. Sometimes, ah think that if he wasn’t in love with me, you would have been the only other logical choice.”
“Applejack?” Chrysalis notices the tone in her voice, making her increasingly wary. “You’re starting to scare me. What are you talking about?”
“Chrysalis, ah need ya to promise me somethin’. Don’t argue with me, please. It’s important.”
“Sure, anything.”
“Matt doesn’t like to hear this…but I’m scared of what’s going to happen in the next few weeks. Ah need ya to promise me that if something happens to me, you’ll be there for him.”
“AJ…”
“Promise me.” she nearly demands of her. “If it doesn’t happen, then it’ll be fine, but if it does…”
“I promise.” Chrysalis interrupts, “But you listen to me. That man loves you more than anything in this world. I know you’re scared; I could see it in your eyes the second I saw you. But if you find yourself looking at that door of light at the end of the tunnel on the day you give birth, you damn well better turn the other way and come back, because if you don’t, I’m going to get you myself, and I’m going to bring Matt along with me, because that man could use another adventure.”
Applejack bursts out laughing, as tears run down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Chrysalis. Ah can’t help but think of the worst case scenario.”
“Then think of the best case scenario.” she says with stern determination, “You will give birth to a happy and healthy foal. You will come out of it with a smile on your face. Matt will be there for you at every step of the way, and all three of you will live happily ever after, till the end of your days. Don’t think about the bad, and always think about the good.” she places a caring hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “You are the strongest pony there is, AJ. Equestria would be an emptier place if you weren’t in it.”
“Do ya really believe that?” Applejack wonders, sniffling.
“I do.” Chrysalis bares her signature fang filled smile, “And Matt believes it too.”
Applejack looks back down at Matt, thinking of all the good times that they will possibly share together. In response, she hugs him tightly, eliciting a comfortable moan from him.
“Ya mind helpin’ me take him to bed? Ah don’t think ah can do it mahself.”
Chrysalis chuckles in amusement. Using her magic, she lifts them both up at face level, retaining her friendly smile.
“I’ll take you both to bed. You two look so adorable together.”
“Thanks, Chrysalis.”
Chrysalis brings them into the house, closing the door. As she walks through the living room, past the pile of open boxes containing gifts, one particular one catches her sight.
“Hey, it’s that negligee I helped Cadance buy for you.”
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Made his ancestors proud indeed. Good punch Matt.
Yay! You're back!
Well, this was just great! I laughed harder then I have in a long time!
Probably not the best thing when the people I live with were sleeping but still!
It would be extremely funnier if Matt got teabagged and in revenge violently grabbed them in the grapefruits. XD
"He drank. He fought. He made his ancestors proud"
Thor reference?
*smashes glass on the ground* ILL HAVE ANOTHER!!!
this day i probably laughed harder than a fic has ever made me laugh :D
to only name a few!
you have earned all the 'staches 
3816993 Yep
Ah...Reading and drinking tea...The best way to start a Monday morning...
3818727 And no spit-takes? high hoof man
3817776 The spirit is willing, but the flesh is a weak and bruised at the moment.” Zap Brannigan? Also, great chapter, almost made me cry.
3819339 -recieves high hoof- "Thanks,bro!"
3817776 Thor is awesome
this Chapter made my night even batter "He drank. He fought. He made his ancestors proud"
Bhahahahaha
keep up the awesome fic im loving it He he and Have a Great Derpy Day
I cannot stress how much I love Trixie in this story
One day I want to get into a drinking contest and win like Matt did.
Though funny enough one of my best friends is named Matt and would totally do something like that.
I don't want AJ to die :(
3823375 Ok you're obviosly not paying attention here, ahemTHERE'S NO SAD OR TRAGEDY TAGS ON THIS STORY, AJ will be fine!
In addition I would like to note two very important things about this story, 1:Trixie is VERY bisexual, 2: Trixie really loves three-somes and that's all right with me, quick side note here, I really would like to see Trixie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy get one in before Fluttershy's eventual proposal to Rainbow Dash.
I need my fix from this :flutter cry:
or am gonna go crazy
3933925 The cake is a lie.
4031209 Huh? What?
4031262 All tags can be edited by the writer at any time. Don't get comfortable.
4031284 A very good point but it would destroy the story's integrity to change it now and to take such a predictable path, that would actually be lazy to go there.
When's the next chapter?
FALCON PUNCH!!!
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140120114838/sonicfanchara/images/2/2d/Falcon_punch!.gif
EPIC CHAPTER
Matts drunken state in a nutshell when facing Crackle the the gay dragon who all reminds us of barny the purple dinosaur
" no offense spike"
" none taken"
I can totally see that Party Cannon blasting Matt through the wall
That was to good
That was hilarious.
I wonder if Matt will ever remember anything.
I’m sorry, but I have to do it. ONE PUUUUUUUUNCH!!!
There, I did it