A hundred years after the balefire, two snipers face off in a ruined city.
Thanks to Slotos, Malicious Muse, Ana Mizuki, Snipehamster, and Integral Archer for their help prereading and editing this.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen April 12th
Golden Tassel
Once upon a time, I knew a Ukrainian prince. I hope he's okay
Golden Tassel
Joined 7th Apr, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The Warmaster · 14k words · 164 31 · 6.5k views
- Defias · 65k words · 29 2 · 1.2k views
- Dapper Guy · 15k words · 38 4 · 1.8k views
- Tamara Bloodhoof · 31k words · 130 11 · 2.3k views
- Fate is Manic · 7.2k words · 45 7 · 2.2k views
- Snake Staff · 20k words · 680 26 · 9k views
- Skye Mist · 71k words · 25 0 · 882 views
- Dusk Writer · 8.3k words · 324 10 · 6.4k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.089 seconds
Total duration
1,103 users online
1,984,000 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Might want to give credit to the movie
2318788 what movie?
2318788 If you're referring to the line quoted in the epigraph, then it'd make you the first person to read it and actually recognize the line, so kudos there. And while I typically wouldn't put a citation for something like that, given the obscurity, perhaps I will add an author's note for it.
2318802 This bears some strong similarities to the movie Enemy at the Gates
2319118 Hm. Perhaps it does. I have seen that movie and thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was not the primary place I drew inspiration from for this (certainly not consciously).
One of the more prominent stories in my mind while I was writing this was The Sniper by Liam O'Flaherty.
I'm sure there's not a lot of new content to be had in the realm of sniper duels, so similarities are bound to happen.
2319135 Fair enough, they're all practically identical
2398012
sen·ti·nel
/ˈsentn-əl/
Noun
A soldier or guard whose job is to stand and keep watch.
Not bad, not bad at all, especially so for an one-shot, and even more so for one as short as this. Do I also sense some present perfect tense here, or at least present? Or is it just my Danish mind that plays trick with my English knowledge. Don´t have much more to say that haven´t already been said with my few words. But a few fine words that get to the chaise is after all also rather fitting to this.
Nitpicks:
"Alone, among the shattered remains of a once lively city," Do I sense some contradiction here? Because normally are it rather hard to be alone among things
"The air is still and silent for a moment after that." Would it not flow better without the is?
2663187
Thanks for the comment! And yes, it is told in the present tense. I have a habit of using the present tense for my more "artsy" prose. It seems to serve me well.
Regarding your nitpicks:
"Alone" here refers to the absence of other people. If we counted inanimate objects, nobody could ever say they were alone.
And the other sentence would be reduced to a fragment if I took out the only verb in it. If I wanted to get poetic with it, I might be able to do something like "The air, still and silent, . . ." but it would still require a verb in there.
Quiet and without tension, as the ending looked pretty clear from about halfway through - but the prose was fittingly wistful, and I'm sure the former points aren't bad at all. Nice job!
Definitely getting an upvote, it was an enjoyable read.
2319135
id never even heard of this short story before, its quite good, thanks
11168910
I was introduced to The Sniper in middle school English class. It stuck with me.