After getting a letter from the Princess, Twilight rushes to her side to find out the source of her dread. When she finds out how Equestria really came to be and how powerful the Elements of Harmony really are she must find out about their brethren, the Elements of Chaos. When they come and hide the Elements of Harmony can our beloved ponies find them and save the world?
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You might want to fix the title to prevent some people from not even giving this story a chance.
Okay, why is Celestia telling Twilight all this? What exactly is happening in Equestria that prompted this conversation? Is there something going on off-screen that we should know about?
Ignoring the fact that Elements of Disharmony stories have already been done to death, this isn't a good way to start your story. Have something happen that would prompt this meeting. It doesn't even have to be anything big. Just have a guard tell Celestia that something is wrong, or have Celestia feel an uneasy presence, or have your villain actively confront her. I don't know, do something that'll make me care about what's going on! I'm sorry, but as it stands, this introduction is nothing but random, awkward...
Yes, that.
2313969 I can understand why you dislike this, but that is going to be in the second chapter that I'm putting up
2313943 any ideas? Because that's the only idea I could come up with
2313990 Question: Why do it in that order? There's no reason to do it in that order. It would be a lot better, make a lot more sense, and get me far more invested in the story if you had the events happen before the exposition dump.
That was pretty intense. Moar plz
2314149 it was in the first chapter but when I copy-pasted it on here it didn't get transfered
1.bp.blogspot.com/-oaWfb9VZ3fo/UBjl1SBm7nI/AAAAAAAAA-4/PUpn7XzXeGw/s1600/mlfw6245-Mother_of_me....png
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/058/8/f/mother_of_celestia_by_aaallen23-d4r7qi2.png
2314327 yes...
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/247/d/0/the_meta_by_crosknight-d2y0fvz.jpg
We wait for it
For those of you who complained about it, I found the edit button and added the beginning again. It simply wouldn't upload the first time but it's there now. Apologizes.
Fluttershy you almost had him!