There was once a land known as Equestria. That land fell in the year two thousand and thirteen, on the date of December twenty-first. The colt that was said to be the one to save the land by unknown message bearers is on the brink of death. The land will fall with his death if he doesn't do something soon, but is it too late for him as well?
Character List:
Alex
Diamond Tiara
Silver Spoon
Cherilee
Doctor Whooves
Vinyl Scratch
Other Various Characters I've Made
Takes place after my first story Old Wounds.
Chapters (8)
You have a great idea here - and I would like to see it shine. However, you really must be willing to rewrite, to change, to grow. Also - most readers don't have an easy or fun time dealing with a first-person narrative - to make that work well requires even more effort on the writer's part to put them in inside the character's head.
Don't give up though. Keep at it, working on a story I see has its sweet moments and a flicker of mystery. Refine it, try to find an editor if you can. I'm rooting for you!
2368819 Thanks! This is only my second story, so I'm still working to being more than just a good or (below) average writer.
Proofreading the hell out of it definitely payed off. This is a great chapter!
2418356 Haha, thanks! I've already got all of the books planned out, so it only gets better.
Lot of flashback action, certainly draws the reader in but makes enough vague details out to leave the reader question just what is going on. Nice job, can't wait for more.
2481284 I feel safe to warn right now, most if not all of Books 1 and 2 are going to be mostly flashback segments with brief interludes in between. I'll just let you know right now, Book 1 is going to revolve around Alex while Book 2 will begin with the Doctors narrative point and switch as it moves to each character telling how they found the Doctor.
Just a word of advice: Double spacing between paragraphs makes it more attractive to the reader. And in making it more attractive, it keeps the reader hooked more.
2817233 Thanks for the advice, I'll make sure to work that in in the next...book, wow seems like I'm already working on the last chapter, how in Tartarus did I manage to forget that?
Probably because you were too busy playing Halo.
Shhhhh, no don't tell them that.
Ahaha, Imma tell them all 'bout how you and David have been doing a Halo marathon on Legendajfeoatrhtoifjtr
I think that's about enough
~Sylpheed and you guys know the other guy
EDIT:
Okay, so I thought the next chapter would be the last, but I've decided to change a few things and extend the narrative and give a little more insight as to how Alex and Shining Armor's relationship works.
I can't give specific details on how many chapters there will be, but expect at least two more after this one.
Edit #2: 12/27/13
*says like two more chapters, creates like eight*
Yeah, things got a little wonky with there only being two more chapters, mainly because Josh here didn't just want to leave Shining Armour lying in the middle of the street with an arrow shaft sticking out of his side.
You can't just kill off a good character and leave him lying dead in the street, that's not right.
Why don't you tell that to Ja-
NOPE, SPOILER ALERT, EVERYONE DISPERESE!
-Edit terminate-
2828669
Thanks, I tend to have an interesting cast most of the time. Also, sorry for responding late, me and Eli were pre-reading the next chapter before I put it up.
You can also read that now, so you should go do that.
Eli, shush, they don't have to do anything.
Just sayin'.
~Sylpheed and Eli