Cutie Mark Crusaders Game Inspectors

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Miss Harshwhinny thought she was just coming to Ponyville to give a lecture on her job as a games inspector. Little did she know she was going to pick up three very special assistants. Will the games survive?

Note: Yes, I’m publishing a story that I’ve already cancelled. I still really like what I did manage to write of it! It’s years old and kinda a piece of history at this point, anyways.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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Skywriter

Skywriter #1 · Mar 24th, 2013 · 1 · ·

It's hard to believe, but I actually like this fic more than "My Harshwhinnial". I think maybe it's that it's coherent, well-constructed and things are spelled properly. Sad that it's on hiatus, though, already. Hope the creative bug bites you again!

SweetAI Belle

SweetAI Belle #2 · Mar 24th, 2013 · · ·

2313917

Thanks!

And it might. It's just mainly that I don't want to promise anything at the moment.

I feel like I might manage to get through the second chapter if I can get Miss Harshwhinny's voice right, and write part of a lecture to a class all about inspection, which seems a bit difficult.

To keep going past that, I have to figure out what and where Miss Harshwhinny is going to be inspecting them, and what sort of mayhem can end up happening as a result. And I'm drawing a bit of a blank there. If I could figure out where I was going at that point, and how it all was ending (Other then covered in tree sap with no cutie marks. That's a given.) I'd probably take it off of hiatus and leave it as a slow paced story. And maybe even submit it.

hawthornbunny

hawthornbunny #3 · Apr 3rd, 2013 · · ·

This is well written and quite fun, I hope you write more! :)

SweetAI Belle

SweetAI Belle #4 · Apr 4th, 2013 · · ·

2369154

Thanks, I was kinda wondering if you'd end up seeing this one. The only places it's linked to are my user page, and the Miss Harshwhinny Is Best Pony group, but that group just got a lot of free publicity on April 1st. ^_^

In fact, this and 'My Harshwhinnial' are the only two fanfics to be written specifically for the group. I prefer this one, but I'm biased.

And I'm around halfway done with the next chapter. If I manage to complete chapter 2, and have a good start on the 3rd chapter, I'll take it off Hiatus, and if I get chapter 3 done, I'll probably publish it. I just don't really want to promise anything yet.

I also have revisions to this chapter I haven't added. I rewrote the first couple paragraphs to get rid of the weather report, and changed phrasing in a few places to read better.

I'm happy with how this came out, though. Balancing how much time each of the crusaders gets is difficult, and I was paying very close attention to Apple Blooms dialogue...

SweetAI Belle

SweetAI Belle #5 · May 28th, 2013 · · ·

2641422

You know, if I ever got anywhere with the second chapter I would. I should go back to trying to write it one of these days. I got about 1k into it, from what I remember.

I also revised the first chapter a bunch and never updated it. The revision is mostly the same, just better worded, but the opening's redone to get rid of the first paragraph or two, since "It's a beautiful sunny day in Ponyville"'s kinda cliche.

I think I just wasn't absolutely sure if the revision was better or not. Maybe I should post it in a blog or something.

--Sweetie Belle

SweetAI Belle

SweetAI Belle #6 · May 28th, 2013 · · ·

2641539

Thanks. I'll have to look over what I had for a second chapter and see if I can either get going on it again or rewrite it. If I can find time, anyways.

Oh, and I posted the revised first chapter on my blog. Large sections of it are the same, and where it's not, it's the same event's and mostly the same dialogue.

The first parts what I'm not sure of, really. The rest is an improvement...

--Sweetie Belle

Garbo