Birthday Ba$h and Grab
Dallas and Hoxton followed the stone path, rolling a large crate along underneath a sky full of gray clouds. Up ahead were the front gates of the mansion, where a small booth was placed.
"Now, Filthy Rich is paranoid with his money," Bain explained, "So we'll need a way to get in. That's where I come in. Apparently, the entertainment they had for the party just quit, so I was able to set up for a magician act to arrive." He looked to the other four. "Any of you know any magic tricks?"
Hoxton raised his hand. "I still know a few tricks from when I was a boy, so I guess I'll do it."
"Alright, you and Dallas will go in as magicians and keep the civilians busy. In the meantime, Wolf and Chains, you two will go to the vault on the ground floor."
As the pair wheeled up to the booth, a pony guard stopped them. Opening the chest, he saw two masked men lying in wait.
"We got an insider who will be at the front gates. He'll let you through without trouble, and give you what you'll need to open the vault.
"And that would be?" Chains asked.
"A false hoof. The vault works on a hoof-scanning system, and since Rich himself is away in Canterlot for business, you'll use a forged copy of his hoof to open it."
The guardspony nodded at the two men while slipping the false hoof inside. Once the chest was closed again, the two men continued towards the mansion.
After getting inside, they continued down the hall, nodding to the occasional guard they saw.
"The party will be on the second floor, in the dining room, so you'll have to get up there. Now, there are cameras all over the place, but here," Bain pointed to a specific spot on the blueprint, "there's a blind spot, where Wolf and Chains can slip out undetected, and it'll also make getting the chest upstairs much easier."
Once in the spot that Bain told them about, Hoxton opened the chest enough for Wolf and Chains to get out. They nodded at each other before going separate directions, Dallas leading the way upstairs.
"The dining room will be one of the doors on the right," Bain told Hoxton and Dallas. "There should be a decent amount of noise coming from there, so it'll be hard to miss."
Finding the right door, Hoxton swung it open with a dramatic flair. Inside the room were a little over ten colts and fillies and nearly as many older ponies, probably either parents or older siblings. A single human guard stood in the corner, seemingly bored with everything. At the head of the table was a pink earth pony filly wearing a small tiara, who looked to be the birthday girl. Beside her was a laptop with a web cam attached, which had a live feed of Filthy Rich himself on the screen.
"Who are you two?" he asked, his voice somewhat grainy coming from the speakers.
"We're the entertainment," Hoxton said. "I was told to come here for a magic act, so..."
"Ah, yes. Well, go ahead and set up, then."
Nodding, Hoxton and Dallas began taking things out of the chest and setting them on an empty part of the table while the kids started getting excited about a human magician. They were the usual magic act items, such as a top hat and a deck of cards.
While they were setting up, one of the fillies asked a question. "Misters, why are y'all wearin' gloves?" a yellow, red-maned filly asked in a southern voice. The filly wearing the tiara noticeably rolled her eyes, as if she didn't enjoy the yellow one's existence.
"Let me put it this way," Dallas started. "Magic can be dirty work for us humans, sometimes. Ever reached into a hat to pull out a rabbit, only to find that he left you a little surprise?"
This caused a chorus of laughter and "Eeews" amongst the group. Even the guard cracked an amused smile for a second.
Once everything was in place, Hoxton clapped his latex glove-covered hands. "Alright, whose birthday was it?"
The tiara wearing filly raised her hoof in a bored fashion.
"Okay, what's your name?"
"Diamond Tiara," she replied, still bored.
"Okay then, Diamond Tiara," Hoxton said, pulling out a deck of cards and fanning it out in front of her, "pick a card. Any card."
She did so, somehow just fine with hooves, looked at it, then placed it back in the deck. Her bored expression turned into a slightly smug smile while Hoxton shuffled the deck. Soon, he pulled out a card and showed it to the filly.
"Is this your card?"
Her smile grew even more smug. "No, it is not."
Hoxton looked at the card, a two of diamonds. "You're absolutely right, this isn't your card at all." He crushed the card in his hand, and when he opened it back up, a small flame flared and immediately dissipated, leaving no trace of the card; one of the first tricks he wanted to learn. This got the others to give astonished "Oohs" and "Aaahs". Even some of the adults seemed impressed.
Taking a second card out, Hoxton held it up. "Now, is this your card?"
Diamond Tiara's smug face became one of shock and amusement, and she said nothing.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Returning to the group of things, where Dallas stood, Hoxton cracked his knuckles. "Alright, time for the good stuff: Who wants to see me saw my buddy here in half?"
As the kids all gave excited cries of "Yeah!", Dallas did a double take. "Wait, what?"
Meanwhile, Wolf and Chains had just caught sight of the vault. It was fairly large, and a single blank screen was placed in the wall next to it. Outside, the storm began, thunder and rain shaking the mansion slightly.
"Keep in mind, they have a pretty secure system here," Bain reminded them. "If there's an incorrect match on the scanner, the police are contacted silently. Try and make sure only the fake hoof touches the screen."
"Got it," Wolf whispered in reply. Making sure there were no guards in the area, he crept up to the console, Chains right behind him.
The Swede took out the fake hoof and placed it on the screen. The display lit up, reading the hoof signature. For what seemed like ten minutes, but was really only one, it read the false appendage. Then, just as Wolf thought it was going to work, the screen turned red, the words "INCORRECT MATCH" easily visible. He cursed in Swedish.
"What happened, Wolf? Did it not work?"
"No, it didn't," Chains told Bain. "We're gonna have to think of something else."
"Well the police will be there soon, so hunker down."
"Got it." A group of guards were talking about their lives or something not too far away. The malevolent masked men crept into position, guns at the ready.
After Dallas strictly refused to be sawed in half (much to the children's disappointment), Hoxton instead did some more card and sleeve tricks, which seemed to be enough to keep the guests busy. The only ones who were ignoring him were the yellow one from earlier and the birthday girl herself, who were glaring at each other, and an orange pony with apples for a cutie mark wearing a cowboy hat, who seemed to be holding the yellow filly back.
"Guys, the hoof didn't work. Time for plan B."
Hearing Bain, both Dallas and Hoxton began subtly getting into position.
"For my next trick," the Brit started, looking as if he was going to pull out more cards. At that time, Filthy Rich seemed to notice something on his own screen.
"What in blazes-" He was cut off by a forty-five caliber bullet being fired into the laptop's screen, knocking it to the floor. All the ponies looked at Hoxton, who was now wearing his clown mask and holding a smoking pistol.
"Everyone get on the fucking ground, now!" he yelled. The guard began drawing his own gun, but was interrupted by a right hook from Dallas, who was also masked and equipped with a pistol.
"Drop the god damn gun!" he commanded the still incapacitated guard, who complied once he regained his senses. "Now get on your knees and cuff yourself!" Again, the guard complied, and once he was sure the cuffs were on, Dallas threw him to the side, out of the way. All the guests were still standing, looking frightened as they glanced between Hoxton and Dallas.
"Well, don't everyone move at once!" Hoxton said. "Get on the ground!" This time, they all listened. "And don't fucking get up!"
All the guests were scared out of their skin at the sudden development, save for the orange apple mare. "What the hay are y'all doin'!?" she voiced her indignation. "Why I oughta-"
"Shut up!" A kick to her gut from Dallas was enough to shut her up, though she still glared at the two men. While Dallas began tying down the few unicorns in the group, Hoxton went back over to the open chest and removed the bottom, where an assault rifle and a shotgun were hidden. Taking the rifle and tossing the shotgun to Dallas, Hoxton turned to the door just as a pair of guards stormed in, pistols at the ready. In a few shots, they were both dispatched. The civilians screamed.
"Dallas, keep watch here," Hoxton said, "I'll go help Chains and Wolf."
"Got it." Hoxton ran out the door, and Dallas kept looking around the room, occasionally telling them to stay down when they thought to get up.
Back in front of the vault, Wolf and Chains had dispatched pretty much all of the on site guards, and they scavenged bullets off the corpses. Waste not, want not.
Hoxton came jogging down a set of nearby stairs, rifle at the ready. "What now, Bain?"
"Hold on, I have an idea. I'm going to contact Filthy Rich; surely he can open the vault remotely for us."
Outside, a group of vehicles could be heard pulling up in the mud. As if on cue, lightning struck, illuminating the room.
"This is the police!" someone outside called on a megaphone. "We know you're in there! Come out with your hands on your head!"
Chains laughed. "Does that ever work on anyone?"
"Not that I know of," Wolf said back, also laughing.
"I'm listening in on the police frequency, and it sounds like they got an assault coming in soon. Be ready."
The three of them got into positions, overturning tables and display cases to make cover for themselves. Guns were loaded, bulletproof vests were adjusted, and sights were placed on the door.
"Twenty seconds."
"There is no way out!" the police continued. "You are completely surrounded!"
"Ten seconds."
As one last preparation, Wolf tossed down a gym bag full of ammo next to him, in case someone would need a refill.
Within seconds, several cops burst through the front door, both human and pony, only to be mowed down by the three armed assailants inside. SWAT teams came through next, and they made it slightly farther before their helmets were sent flying into the air by gunfire.
"Watch out, SWATs coming in through the windows!"
While Chains stayed focused on the front door, Wolf and Hoxton changed position so they could look down other hallways, where, indeed, several SWATs were coming in through the windows. They were dealt with easily, however.
"Watch it: they're sending in a Bulldozer!"
Some of the cops pulled back, clearing a path for their heavily-armored colleague. All three of them focused their fire on his face plate, which shattered within moments, leaving his face open to a bullet.
"Bulldozer's history!" Hoxton called out, having shot the final bullet.
As the bodies piled up, the strength of the assault began to gradually go down. Seeing this, Hoxton decided to check up on how Dallas was doing.
Sprinting back up the stairs, he found the dining room easily, thanks to the bodies of the hostage rescue unit lying in front of the door. Before he could go inside, however, he saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye, followed by a high-pitched charging sound. Hoxton turned just in time to see a Tazer aiming right at him not too far away.
"Motherfucking Tazer!" is what he wanted to say, but he was a little slow on the draw, so it only came out as "AAAAGGLGJZLZJKLJLL", due to the volts passing through his body. Still, that didn't stop Hoxton from trying to hit the yellow bastard while being electrocuted.
Suddenly, the Tazer was blasted in the side of the head, flooring him. The electricity let up, and Hoxton managed to regain himself in order to finish off the wounded Tazer. Turning around, he saw Dallas pumping a spent shell out of his shotgun.
"Thanks, mate."
"No problem, now you watch the hostages, I can't fucking stand them," Dallas said, running off to join the others in their fight. Hoxton went inside the dining room, where the ponies were all still on the ground, cowering. A few more hostage rescue units were dead not too far away, and even a Cloaker's corpse was on the ground. Apparently, the cuffed guard was shot at some point, as he lie dead, too.
"Right on! You're like a four man army!" Bain complimented the crew. "I got Filthy Rich on the line, but he said he wasn't going to open the vault for anything."
"Really now?" Among the hostages, Hoxton spotted the birthday girl, who was crying along with the other fillies. "Wasn't this his daughter's birthday?"
"I like the way you think, Hoxton. Grab the daughter and go in front of the vault. I'm sure he'll reconsider then."
"Got it." Hoxton pointed to the filly. "You! Get up!"
Diamond Tiara stayed still.
"I said get the fuck up!" he commanded more forcefully, pulling her up by her hair. This time she obeyed, standing shakily on her hooves. "Now get bloody moving!" he said, pointing to the door. Reluctantly, she obeyed, heading out the door with Hoxton close behind. Before he left, turned around and said to the other hostages, "All of you just stay down!"
He took Diamond Tiara to the vault doors, occasionally having to yell at her again to get her moving. Once they reached the vault, he told her to stay put, and he and the other three waited for Bain.
"Alright, good news and bad news. Good news is that Filthy Rich cracked, but the bad news is that he said even if he wanted to, he couldn't open the vault remotely."
"Well that's just great!" Chains said. "Now what?"
"I'll keep pressur- Wait... Guys, I got it! He said there's a secondary lock on the vault. Press all four corners of the screen at once."
Wolf did so, and a section of wall below the console slid upwards, revealing a crescent-shaped indention. "Looks like some kind of mechanism," he remarked.
"He said his daughter's tiara is the key to it."
Dallas took the tiara off of the filly's head, who started to protest but stopped when she saw all their guns pointed at her. Dallas placed the tiara into the indention, which turned, resulting in the vault doors beginning to open.
"Alright, time for your pay check, fellas! Grab everything you can; cash, gems, bits, whatever!"
Leaving the filly behind, the four entered the vault and immediately began smashing glass cases and grabbing whatever was behind them. Gems, mostly diamonds, and there were at least a thousand bits total, too. When they were done, nothing was left in the room but broken glass.
"Okay, that's the last of it!" Chains said. "Now what's the escape plan?"
"Same as the Garnett heist: Go to the roof, and I'll pick you up. I'll be there in a second."
As they were leaving the vault, Hoxton grabbed the tiara in the lock, since it would probably be rather expensive, as well. They bounded upstairs just as another assault began, and bullets whizzed past them, missing by mere inches.
After finding the roof access, Wolf put down his homemade sentry gun and turned it on, to cover their escape. Keeping out of sight, the four got drenched in the rain as a few choppers hovered around, none of them theirs.
"Okay, guys, I'm coming in!"
Out of the clouds above them, Bain's chopper lowered itself parallel with the roof. Making sure their bags of loot were secure, the four piled in just as Bain began lifting back up, vanishing into the clouds just as he appeared. Once they were sure there were no choppers or pegasi following them, they celebrated.
"Feels good to be back in the game!" Wolf commented.
"Yeah, I'd say our Equestrian debut was a success!" Bain said. "But I know you guys, you want more action. I'll see what other heists we can pull."
Hoxton laughed. "I think I'm gonna like life here after all!"
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FUCK YEAH BAIN!!!
EVILHEIST MASTER MINDI can't wait for the one where they fuck up and Bain just apologizes for everything.
Bloody Epic!
So what next?
Sugercube Corner that holds all the gold?
Rarity's stash of gems?
Good... Goooooooooood.
Why didn't DT get head shotted!
Great 1st equestrian heist.
That's... Not how bullets work. At all.
5136970 it is in video games old boy.
5136970 They mean they took the round that the guards had on them, because they also have weapons, for their own use
I just realized something. They shouted their names in front of the hostages...right. They also told several ponies and people alike their names. Including 2 of the mane six outside of the heist and now Applejack as a third knows it. Plus their wearing suits that Rarity made... and only those suits.
5850089 Fake names though none of them have used their real names.
5136970
I presume the author meant clips and magazines.
5942613
The problem here is, they introduced their CIVILIAN identities to several ponies by these names. Wolf, Hoxton, Chains...
9772368
Fbi already has their faces on record, plus they show their faces when in casing mode anyway
10620737
PayDay's logic never gave a damn about that fact, so just face it)
This seems pretty appropriate, given what just happened. Sweet story, by the way.