• Published 24th Mar 2013
  • 7,664 Views, 473 Comments

An Eque$trian Payday - The card holder



A group of robbers end up at ground zero of Earth and Equestria having portals opening between them. The robbers blend in with the crowd and bide their time; at least, until they decide that Equestria has some nifty things to steal...

  • ...
26
 473
 7,664

Negotiations

"-live, from Canterlot, where four armed men reportedly held the entire Gala hostage just over an hour ago. Estimates so far place the body count at-"

*click*

"-can't believe it. I mean, who in their right mind would do such a thing?"

*click*

"-and while numerous law enforcers were killed or wounded in what is being called a possible terrorist attack, neither of the princesses have come forward to comment."

*click*

Celestia turned off the TV, and held her head in her hooves. Barely an hour and a half had passed, and already every news channel from Ponyville to Pittsburgh was reporting on what was quickly becoming one of the worst attacks on Canterlot since the changeling invasion.

The four men responsible for this had been apprehended, but not a single one said anything to her or Luna. They would either stay silent, or in the case of the bald one who was shot, would just keep insulting and taunting them in Swedish.

Sighing, Celestia stood back up, and began walking to the door. They haven't said anything while separate, but maybe, for some reason, she'll get some answers if she tried a group interrogation. It had just as much a chance to work as anything.

As she walked down the halls, she could hear the news teams flocking like flies just a floor above. No doubt they were interviewing the countless people, humans and ponies alike, who had attended the Gala, and were subsequently taken hostage.

Up ahead, a pair of guards positioned in front of the doors leading to the dungeons saluted and opened the doors for the princess. Barely acknowledging them, she descended the stairs into the depths of the castle, where four humans were being held prisoner for countless crimes.

More guards saluted her as she approached the high-security wing of the dungeons, where the men in question were. While they haven't said anything, they also haven't made any escape attempts, either, which was odd, given how many cops they killed and/or wounded during their heists.

Up ahead, another pair of guards saluted and opened the doors to the observation room, where Luna was watching the four men through a one-way mirror. The younger princess turned to see her sister enter, and she nodded in greeting. "What is the reaction thus far, sister?"

"Widespread confusion and panic," Celestia said simply. "No one seems to know that the Elements are missing, yet, apart from Twilight and her friends, so that's a silver lining, at least. Still no progress with them?"

Luna turned back to the four men, each one cuffed to a different corner of a table. There were a few bruises on their faces, and the bald one had bandages on his body where he was shot, but otherwise they all appeared to be waiting for nothing in particular.

"They still have not said anything, apart from that one's constant taunting," she said, pointing to Wolf. "The most we've been able to get out of them is a mention of someone betraying them, but they won't say who."

Celestia grunted in thought. "Have they at least said anything about where the Elements are, or why they took them?"

"I'm afraid not, sister."

Suddenly something occurred to the older princess. "Aren't these criminals who were also wanted by the United States government?"

Luna's eyes widened slightly with realization. "Yes, they are. Are you saying...?"

"Yes. The Americans are certainly... more thorough in their interrogations, so maybe they could get some answers out of them."

"Shall I contact the FBI, sister?"

"Yes, we should do that as soon as-"

At that moment, both of them were cut off by one of the guards opening the door to the observation room. "Sorry to interrupt, Princesses, but you have an incoming call."

The two princesses looked at each other, smirking slightly, despite the mood. "Looks like they beat us to it, Tia."

"Yes, well, I knew they had people everywhere, but I didn't expect them to find out this quickly." The guard brought a phone into the room, and Celestia levitated it to her ear. "Hello?"

"It seems you have my boys in custody, there. We can't have that, now, can we, Princess?"

Celestia's smirk was wiped off her face when the voice spoke. "Who is this?!"

"That's not important. But what is important, is that I know where your Elements are going."

Celestia froze at the revelation, much to the confusion of Luna. "What's wrong, sister?"

The elder princess held up a hoof to silence her, before speaking again. "Where are they?"

"In a town some distance away by the name of Featherton. I believe you are familiar with it?"

Celestia's words caught in her throat. "T- That's in griffon territory!" On top of the less than stellar relations between Equestria and Griffonia, sending armed forces into their territory would either be seen as a sign of aggression, or a sign of weakness, if they learn why they were going there in the first place.

"Don't worry, Princess. You see, the guys who betrayed my boys are sitting pretty with your Elements, planning who knows what. And my guys are sitting in your dungeons, locked up. I think we can help each other out, here."

She caught on to what the mystery voice meant immediately. "These men have killed countless officers, stolen massive amounts of money and valuables, caused innumerable amounts of property damage, scarred the lives of far too many of my subjects, including my own personal student and her friends, and you want me to just let them go?" Celestia was absolutely livid now, and even Luna backed up a bit from her sister out of fear.

"I know you don't like it, but what other options do you have? They aren't affiliated with any country, and if they get caught, you have your finge- er, hooves clean of the whole mess."

The slip up didn't go unnoticed by Celestia, but all that told her was that this mystery person was human. Regardless, she listened as he continued.

"All I ask is that you let them go. And don't worry about them bailing on the whole thing; we don't like people who betray us, so we'll be sure to return the favor. You get your Elements back, they go free, everyone's happy."

Celestia had calmed down, but she was still feeling some slight traces of anger at what the man suggested. "You ask of the impossible, whoever you are. With all the crimes these men have committed, there is no way I can just let them go."

As the voice began speaking again, Celestia silently urged the guard who brought her the phone to start tracing the call. He saluted, and left the room.

"I understand that, but you must realize that you're caught between a rock and a hard place. You don't let my boys go, you go without your most powerful weapon. You let them get some payback on the assholes that left them for dead, and you'll get the Elements back, pure and simple."

For a long time, she stayed silent. While trying to think of what to do, she glanced over at the four men, all of them clueless about the conversation deciding their fate right now.

Eventually, Luna put a hoof on her sister's shoulder, and nodded. Reinforced in her decision, Celestia brought the phone back up to her face. "I can't make any promises, but I will see about... lessening their sentence."

"I knew you'd come around, Celestia."

"We will arrange for them to 'escape' near the Equestria-Griffonia border. They have three days to come back with the Elements. After they are returned, I will let your men out of my custody, so long as they are never seen within Equestrian territory again." Celestia lowered her voice. "If they fail to return, or if they decide to come back to Equestria, I will use the full power of the sun to find and detain them, you included. And then I will make you all wish you never double-crossed me."

"We may be criminals, but we're professionals. We keep our word, especially when revenge is involved. And one more thing to keep in mind: if you get the same idea, to fuck us over once we've served our purpose..." The voice chuckled darkly. "Well, just know that I have friends everywhere. Friends that don't appreciate it when their friends are stabbed in the back. You may be immortal, Princess, but your subjects certainly aren't."

The threat nearly made Celestia choke. "It has been a pleasure talking with you, Celestia." On the other side of the line, the phone clicked, and the princess shook her head, the contents of the entire past conversation still flying around in her head.

"Are you sure this is the right course of action, Tia?" Luna asked, concern lacing her voice.

"I'm not sure we have any other options," Celestia said, shaking her head. "There's a popular human saying that I feel is all too appropriate for this situation: 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.'"

"I personally believe that 'Desperate times call for desperate measures' is more fitting."

The guard reentered the observation room, his face unchanging. "We were able to trace the call, but its location was a payphone in Ponyville."

That was a dead end as far as finding whoever that was, but Celestia still thanked the guard for his effort.

"Surely you will not let these... thugs go free, after this is all done?"

"I'll figure something out." Celestia sighed heavily. "For now, we should make sure that not a word of this leaves this room. It's bad enough that we were attacked in the middle of one of our biggest celebrations of the year, but if anyone hears that I'm making deals with the criminals who pulled off said attack, it would be a complete PR nightmare."

Luna nodded solemnly. "As much as I dislike the decision, I know that we have no other choice. I shall arrange some of my guard to make sure this stays between us."

"No... not just between us." Celestia looked at her sister. "The Elements hang in the balance here, so it's only right that their bearers are also aware of this plan."

Luna cringed slightly. "Are you sure that is the best idea? I would think that they would be... quite adverse to this plan. Especially Twilight Sparkle."

Celestia nodded grimly. "Be that as it may, I feel that they at least deserve to know."


"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Twilight's shout reverberated throughout the makeshift meeting room, consisting of a table in the middle of the observation room of the four career criminals. Along with the princesses, also present were Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were both in the castle infirmary, helping look after wounded police officers and Kevin. Were it not for the soundproofing spell placed around the observation room, it was likely that they, too, would've heard Twilight's enraged yell.

"Now, Twilight," Luna began, "I know it may sound like a bad idea-"

"You're darn right it's a bad idea!" Applejack cut in. "Those four are nothin' but no good, dirty, rotten criminals, and you're gonna let 'em go free so they can steal the Elements back? Forgive me, Princesses, but are y'all outta your damn minds?!"

"I assure you, that there is no other way-"

"NO OTHER WAY?!" Now it was Celestia's turn to get cut off, this time by Twilight. "You're telling me that the only plan you found acceptable was the one where you let the dangerous killer criminals go FREE?!"

"Do you think that I haven't tried to come up with anything else?!" Celestia's outburst brought silence to the whole room, but she didn't stop there. "Do you think that I would choose this plan if I had literally any other option?"

The princess took a few deep breaths, before regaining her composure. "I have found out that whoever stole the Elements brought them to Featherton, in Griffonia. I can't send any troops in to retrieve it, as that would be seen as an act of war. My options were either this, or just sit and wait. This way, I have no official involvement whatsoever, and in return, those men are free, so long as they stay out of Equestria forever."

When these new facts were revealed, the anger present in the ponies' eyes slowly faded away, though plenty of resentment still remained.

Twilight, however, was still pretty mad. "So those four criminals, who are among the most wanted criminals both here and in the U.S., are going to get off scot-free for all that they've done? For what they've done to my friends and I?! For what they've done to Kevin?!" She was breathing heavily, now, and Celestia couldn't help but frown.

"I understand that this situation is much less than ideal," she conceded, "but, as I said, our options are very limited. So, while I also personally dislike the decision, we have no choice but to let them retrieve the Elements."

The assembled ponies were silent for a long while as they thought over what had been said. None of them liked the idea, but Celestia had a point about it being their only choice.

"So... what now?" Dash asked, looking back at the cuffed humans, two of which were busying themselves by playing rock paper scissors with their free hands.

Celestia sighed. "For now, just wait and see. I will tell them of this deal, and then me and Luna will see to getting them to the border. After that, we all just sit and wait."

Once the four of them were escorted out by a pair of guards, Celestia let out a breath she had been holding. "Looks like it's time to tell them, then."

Luna nodded in understanding. "It seems that way."

Leaving the observation room, Celestia went to the door to the holding cell. Steeling herself, she then entered, drawing the attention of the four cuffed men. There was anger in their eyes, but, strangely, none of it seemed to be directed at her.

"Do you still refuse to talk, then?" she asked them, getting nothing but silence in response. A couple of them shrugged, but otherwise did nothing.

"Well, what about the people who betrayed you? Wouldn't you like to... get revenge on them?"

This got them interested, and they all looked at each other. Eventually, one of them spoke up. "What are you saying?" Hoxton asked.

Celestia saw no point in dancing around the matter. "It seems that whoever is in charge of you decided to negotiate a deal for your freedom."

Now with all of their attention completely on her, she continued. "Apparently, the Elements are being taken to Featherton, in Griffonia. Tomorrow, I will see to it that you are 'accidentally' lost near the Equestria-Griffonia border. At that point, you will have three days to bring the Elements back to me. Do that, and you' will no longer be in Equestrian custody, so long as you never return to Equestria ever again."

The four humans looked at each other. They had just helped steal the most powerful weapons this country had, and now its leader was offering them a deal. Small smirks were present on their faces, which slightly unnerved Celestia.

Finally, one of them spoke up. "It sounds like we have ourselves a deal," Dallas said.

Celestia wanted to smile, but she knew she'd have to keep up appearances. "I'll tell you just like I told your boss: If you fail to return, or if you decide to come back after performing this job, I will see to it that all of you are locked up until you are nothing but dust." She got face to face with Chains. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Like fucking crystal," he responded, now wearing a full cocky grin. The others also nodded and voiced their agreements.

Somewhat satisfied by their answers, Celestia went back to the door. "You have twelve hours. I suggest you get some rest; you'll need it."

With that, she left, leaving the four criminals, still cuffed to the table.

"Fucking Bain," Wolf said softly, getting a chuckle from the others.


A man walked down a Ponyville street, satisfied with the way things turned out. Hardly anyone was outside this late at night, but no one questioned the long-haired man strolling down the street on his own.

The first step, negotiating a compromise, was done. Now he'd just have to get in touch with his contacts, dig up any dirt that needs digging, and setting aside whatever assets he deems appropriate.

Staring up at Canterlot in the distance, he grinned. His boys had been through much, much worse. This wasn't the first time they had been arrested, and it wasn't the first time he pulled some strings to get them out. He knew they'd do their job right, just like he would do his.

With no one watching him, Bain began heading into the forest again, on his way back to the safe house. The whole crew, himself included, would need to be on their A game for the next few days.

After all, when you're given a second chance, you tend to try to avoid fucking it up.