• Published 24th Mar 2013
  • 7,664 Views, 473 Comments

An Eque$trian Payday - The card holder



A group of robbers end up at ground zero of Earth and Equestria having portals opening between them. The robbers blend in with the crowd and bide their time; at least, until they decide that Equestria has some nifty things to steal...

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Framing the Fine Art$ (Day 1)

The sun rose from the horizon, marking the start of a new day. Not that the crew would know, being inside a hidden room in a nightclub. Dallas, Hoxton, and Chains all woke up peacefully, while Wolf remained in bed with a slight hangover. Dallas wasted no time, and opened up their laptop while keying in his mic, as the other two awake criminals did the same.

"Rise and shine, asshole!" Chains yelled at Wolf, getting the Swede to roll out of bed while nursing his headache.

"Alright, I'm up, I'm up!" The others laughed at his expense, before Bain began speaking.

"I take it you all slept well?" A series of confirmations and grunts answered him. "Good, because we already got work. Someone left a message for me last night; I'm sending it to you now."

A pop-up appeared on the laptop's screen, showing the progress of a file transfer. Once it was done, Dallas clicked on the sound file.

"Hello, gentlemen," an upper-class voice began. "Through some sources of mine, I've heard that you are now located in Canterlot. This is good, because I require your services; you see, a political rival of mine managed to outbid me on a number of pieces of artwork yesterday. While I could have you steal them for me, I have a better idea: Go to the auction house and steal everything he didn't win, then place them in his apartment, along with various other kinds of incriminating evidence. I will pay you handsomely for framing him, and anything you take from his home is yours. I hear you are the best in the business, so don't let me down."

After some debate, the matter was settled. "Alright, I'll contact him and tell him we're up for the job," Bain told the four. "Start picking your favorite guns; we got a show tonight."


The night was a cold one. It was even colder inside the auction house, where a few guards were patrolling the halls.

One guard in particular was having a bad day. Not only was it freezing inside the building, but he was pretty sure he was sick with something. Still, he had a paycheck to earn, so he came in regardless of the sniffles.

Suddenly, he could hear something just outside the side door in the bathroom. He looked back into the main building, not seeing any other guards nearby, so he figured it was nothing. The noise persisted, however, and he decided to investigate. He twisted the knob and pulled the door open-

Only to be met with a silenced gunshot to the head.

The guard fell, and Hoxton and Dallas quickly moved into the bathroom. Before they could get any farther, though, the guard's pager went off.

"Hey, is everything alright?" they heard the operator ask. Dallas picked up the pager and answered.

"Uh, no, everything's fine, just slipped."

"Oh, alright. Just stay on the line a bit longer... Alright, try to be more careful next time, okay?"

Dallas placed the pager back on the body, and Hoxton placed the body in one of the stalls, making sure to close the door, too. "We're in," the Brit reported in a whisper.

"Alright, remember, we're looking for items that weren't bought by the guy," Bain instructed. "We can't just take everything, or the frame job won't work."

Meanwhile, on the roof, Wolf and Chains were creeping up to an open skylight. Down below, there was a mostly empty counter that was high enough to soften a fall from there. Getting in position, first Chains dropped down, followed by Wolf. They wasted no time, and started packing things into bags. Suddenly, the alarm went off.

"Shit, motion sensors! No way to do this quiet now; grab the goods and go!"

Back at the bathroom, Hoxton and Dallas began gunning down nearby guards as they made their way to other fancy artistic objects, before packing them away in their own bags.

"Wow, that was fast: SWAT responders are already on the scene!"

"How much more is there?" Dallas asked, lugging a bag full of paintings, sculptures, and other things.

"I dunno, mate, but I think we have enough now!"

"Hoxton's right, that should be enough. The escape van is in the parking lot nearby, but you'll have to fight your way through the cops!"

As if on cue, a nearby window shattered as a couple of SWAT jumped in, followed by even more SWAT. They were gunned down with little problem, though it caused the two to fall back further into the building, soon coming across Chains using a Shield's namesake as makeshift cover, while Wolf was using the Shield himself.

Dallas ducked down next to Chains, and Hoxton took cover next to a display case.

"How much did you get?" Wolf asked, holding the Shield's neck as his comrades unwillingly shot him.

"Two bags full," Dallas answered. "You?"

"Same." With a yell, Wolf shoved the now-dead Shield at the cops, who either moved and stopped shooting for a bit, or got knocked over and subsequently shot by the masked assailants.

Eventually, the flow of SWAT slowed, and the crew saw their chance. "Move, go!" Chains shouted, knocking a Tazer to the ground and shooting him as he ran. After making their way to the parking lot, they threw the bags into the back of the van before getting inside themselves. The driver wasted no time and started peeling out, but the cops remained on their tail.

"Shit!" the driver yelled, swerving past a police car that was trying to block the road. "I can't shake 'em!"

The four in the back held on as the driver drifted around the streets, looking for a way away from the pursuing police.

"Fuck! Hang on!"

The van swerved again, this time tilting slightly. The tilt became less slight, and the van fell on its side before plowing into a street light. The crew was dazed by the crash, but they immediately got their weapons ready, hoisting the bags on their back. Dallas kicked the back doors open, where they saw a blockade of police cars boxing them in. Civilians in a nearby coffee shop watched in shock at the sudden turn of events.

The four sprayed bullets at the cops, killing some, forcing others to take cover, and making all of the civs scream. Hoxton glanced back at the van to see that the driver was dead.

"You guys hang on, I'm getting you another god damn driver, alright?"

With no cover in the street, Chains led the way into the coffee shop, where immediately he started shouting at the bystanders. "All of you motherfuckers on the ground, now!"

They complied, and Wolf took a couple of tables and turned them on their side, giving them ample cover for the shootout that was already happening.

"This is your driver," a new voice said into their earpieces, "I'm just a few blocks away, I can hear and see the sirens."

"The new driver will be there in a couple of minutes, be ready; he won't be able to stay forever!" Bain told them.

Outside, more cops took up positions, firing through the windows in the hopes of hitting the criminals. They returned the favor, the difference being that the crooks actually hit their targets.

"Watch out, they got snipers inbound!"

"Thirty seconds, I got the pedal to the metal here!"

Hoxton ducked as a red laser began pointing at him from one of the nearby rooftops. He then popped his head up again and fired at the source of the laser, causing it to become unsteady and soon gone.

"Alright, I'm here, go go go!"

There were still cops outside, but the crew knew that they didn't have much time, so Wolf led a charge while firing his gun wildly, the others following. The suppressing fire succeeded in keeping them from being hit, and they soon made their way to the nearby van, where once again they jumped in and dropped the bags. This time, when the driver took off, the four fired at the police cars' tires, to make sure they couldn't follow. Within moments, they were in the clear.

In the back, the four celebrated. "Another job well done, mates!"

"That politician better have some good shit to steal!"

"Relax, Wolf, we'll get to that. For now, let's get you back to the safe house and plan our next move. Excellent work tonight, fellas, you sure pulled through."

Author's Note:

So guess who has an infamous mask in Payday 2.
I mean, I don't like to brag, but... I'm totally bragging about it.