Chapter 19
I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many cops in one place before. After Gilda hauled Joe off the roof with her and into the path of a train, there were a whole crowd of police officers by the tracks inspecting the area.
Another group of cops had surrounded the building to keep curious onlookers and media out until everything had been taken care of. While I didn’t make a habit of visiting crime scenes, I understood the need for proper documentation. It wouldn’t do to contaminate any evidence or bother those investigating it.
The third group of police had descended on Gilda’s apartment. Jenna and I stood with Ice as we watched the forensics specialists examine everything. There was remarkably little to sift through. Gilda had apparently taken the legend of Miller to extremes, and had almost no possessions.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. We knew Gilda was a little quirky - okay, she was nuts and homicidal - but following an idea so devoutly showed admirable dedication. Or it would have, if it didn’t involve me and murdering a bunch of ponies.
The clock had ticked past midnight and was edging into morning. The morning of my last day, if the Lunar Guard was to be believed. If you didn’t count the times when I’d been knocked out, I hadn’t slept for more than twenty four hours. During that period, I’d run for my life, fought for my life, and hadn’t eaten a bite since breakfast.
I swayed a little, barely keeping myself upright, nevermind the clutches of fatigue. Jenna had already dozed off in the corner of the room. Her expression was remarkably peaceful. After all, we were through the dangerous part. In slumber, I thought she looked like an angel, wings and all.
We might have finished with the murdering and whatnot, but that didn’t mean we were done. I still had to figure out how to come up with more evidence than Gilda’s word that she was our killer, and how to convince the Lunar Guards that it was a good enough reason to send Jenna and I home.
Ice saw me blinking hard and trying to focus. He offered me his travel mug. I accepted it and drained the coffee in one pull. He looked a little miffed, but not too much.
One of the searchers came up to Ice. “We found her diary.”
Ice took the small book and flipped through a few pages. His eyebrows went up. “I don’t think this is the kind of thing the public needs to know about. The media getting ahold of it would be...” He glanced at me.
“What?” I asked.
Ice shook his head. “I’m normally a stickler for the rules. But I don’t think Equestria is ready for the kind of things Gilda wrote down.”
The other cop looked confused. “I’ll guess I’ll put it with the classified evidence, then.”
Ice gave the diary back and the other pony walked away. I asked, “What kinds of things did Gilda write down?”
Ice considered the question for a moment. “The truth, actually. All of it, everything that happened, unfiltered and raw.”
I caught myself almost falling over again with fatigue and lost interest in what he was saying. I shook my head vigorously and asked, “Can I go now?”
Ice appraised me for a moment and then nodded. “If I need you again, where will you be?”
I shrugged in honest ignorance and turned away. Ice was an upstanding guy, and for that I admired him, but there was only so much of his personality that I could take. Still, he really was good at his job.
I walked over to Jenna, slightly envious of how she’d managed to doze off. I wished I could have done that, before I got the chance to think too much about what had unfolded before my eyes.
I’d seen bad ponies do terrible things during my time in Equestria. Despite that, I couldn’t figure out why Gilda’s last act had rattled me so much. Maybe it was her sense of purpose. She had believed in what she was doing.
Jenna awoke with the touch of my hoof. We were both eager to leave, and the two of us walked out of the apartment and down the stairs. The cold air was biting as usual, but refreshing.
Behind the building at the railroad tracks, the scene had apparently been cleaned up. I didn’t want to imagine or even think about what it must have looked like. I shivered a little, but with emotion rather than chill.
An ambulance moved away slowly, its lights and siren not activated. The train began to roll again, making the cutest little choo choo noise with its whistle. Seriously? Did it have to do that when everything else was so ugly?
Jenna and I didn’t talk much, just leaned on each other as we headed down the sidewalk. I didn’t at first know where we were going, but didn’t much care as long as it was away from the scene. I glanced backward, but quickly turned away again. I still felt confused and torn about what had happened there. It was harder to say in retrospect, but Gilda had, for a little while at least, been a friend.
The wind picked up for a moment, but I didn’t spare any effort to shudder against the cold. I huddled a little closer to Jenna and she reciprocated in kind.
We passed by an all-night diner and my stomach rumbled at the same time. Jenna steered me through the door. We found seats inside. A waitress came over to take our orders. I asked for a burger.
“Make it two,” Jenna amended.
The two of us sat quietly as the waitress walked away. Our eyes met across the table. We both leaned closer.
“I’m glad this is over,” she said.
I almost disagreed, intending to bring up how we still weren’t home, but realized she was right. We’d brought the case to a close. It had been a long, violent affair beginning before we’d even arrived in Equestria. And overall, it was a lot more important to a lot more ponies than just us.
But now that it was over, we could go back to the subject next at hand. I reached my hoof across the table towards Jenna’s. “I can’t say it was a perfect solution, not exactly what I wanted, but it does let us move on.”
I felt like I should say something more, but Jenna’s look told me she understood. Her hoof made contact with mine and we sat for a few moments.
I mentally reviewed what I had gone through to get to this point. Had we been gone from home for a week? Eight days? My brain was not good for counting at the moment, but we might be able to call something like that an impromptu vacation when we got back. It was certainly easier to explain than the weeks I was away the last time.
But explaining ourselves back home was still a pittance compared to actually getting there. I could feel myself starting to tense up again at that thought. Who were we supposed to contact now that the killer was identified?
Our best bet might be knocking on the door of the Lunar Guard outpost hidden near the bench where they’d beamed us in. Somepony should be there, even in the early hours of the morning.
But we couldn’t just leave. Our friends deserved a goodbye. All of us had been exposed to even more danger than last time, and yet they had never wavered in their support.
With that happy thought in mind, I absolutely destroyed my burger when it came. Jenna noticed, raising an eyebrow. “And I thought all your manly habits were going by the wayside lately.”
“Wuh?” I swallowed. “Sorry.”
She smiled. “Don’t worry about it, dear. I love you because you’re you.”
It was the nicest compliment that I, as a mare, had ever received.
We finished up eating, paid the bill, and left. Feeling invigorated, although only slightly, from the food, the walk back to The Metronome seemed to pass quickly. Despite the hour, the lights were on and the door was unlocked. Iridium, Photo, Vinyl, and Octavia were all there, all still awake.
Their reactions varied from a nod and smile from Iridium to simultaneous hugs by Octavia and Vinyl. I heard a camera click in the background as Photo recorded the moment. I’m sure the picture she took showed a lot of joy, relief, and tired from all of us.
The group hug broke up after a moment. Some of the government agents that had stayed back at the club had apparently received word of what had happened. I was kind of grateful that Jenna and I wouldn’t have to explain where we’d been.
Things went in a different direction than expected, however. Octavia’s tone turned more somber. “Just before you returned, we heard about Fleur.”
I must admit that in the shuffle, I had lost track of the day’s events. My mood instantly went serious at the memory. “Nopony deserved what happened to her.”
Even Photo nodded in agreement, although I was the only one who had actually seen the torture Gilda had inflicted. After all the ponies she’d killed through beating, why change her attack to something like that?
“What are you going to do now that she’s gone?” I asked Octavia.
“Huh?” Octavia’s face blanked in confusion. “Fleur isn’t dead.”
Now it was my turn to be confused. “Really?”
“A case like hers was serious enough to authorize magic healing,” Vinyl said. “She won’t make a full recovery, but it’s really amazing what hospitals can help patients to survive.”
I stood there for several seconds, just processing it. “Well...I need to go visit her.”
This time it was Photo who responded. “Why?”
“She saved my life.”
Of course, I was going to have to tell the whole story. I begged for a few minutes to take a shower first, though. I was still covered in unpleasant things, and the water helped me wash away the previous day - in more ways than one.
Reinvigorated, I told the story about Fleur on the way to the hospital. By the time we got there, everypony seemed to have formed an opinion. I didn’t ask about them, but I already knew how I felt.
Fleur’s medical overseers really didn’t want the six of us disturbing her. Iridium stepped forward and spoke to them quietly and cordially. The effects were a near-instantaneous turnaround in their attitude. I swear, Iridium uses politeness as a superpower. The nurses let us in as long as we promised to be quiet. Apparently deciding that we were safe enough, the law enforcement agents stayed in the hospital lobby.
A mummy probably had fewer bandages on their face than Fleur. There were slits for her eyes, but pretty much everything else was covered. She was resting when we came in, but apparently only lightly. Her eyes struggled to open and she shifted slightly on the bed.
Realizing that she might not know who had entered, I moved to make sure she saw me. Her pale violet eyes focused on my face and she seemed to relax slightly.
I couldn’t blame her for being suspicious. If I was injured like that, I too would be worried about somebody trying to finish the job.
“I want to say thank you,” I began. “I appreciate you going out of your way to help me.”
“No other choice,” she whispered, her lips barely moving.
“What do you mean?” I bent closer to listen.
“I got involved with Little Puffy Joe because I needed money.”
That explained the conversation she’d had with Gilda. Had Fleur really been so confident to spout off to an angry griffon that way? Or rather, was that show of bravado an attempt to conceal her desperation?
Fleur’s hoof moved slightly, in a limp gesture to her face. “After this happened, I...I had to go after her. There wasn’t anything else I could do.”
I didn’t know whether Fleur intended revenge on Gilda or was going to beg for leniency. Either way, heading for the restaurant in her condition truly illustrated how desperate she was. It was the mother of Hail Marys, a last act in a gamble for something, anything, better.
And she’d given up her final chance for me, walking into the restaurant and using the last of her strength to cut the ropes.
A single tear ebbed from Fleur’s eye and wet the bandages. Her eyelids closed and I took the opportunity to glance up. There was emotion on every face in the room.
Photo walked over and sat at the edge of the bed. Fleur felt the shift and managed to blink through her tears at the photographer.
“I don’t believe it,” muttered Fleur darkly. “After all this, so much that I couldn’t change, I can’t even die with dignity. You’re here.”
“Photo might have stopped you from bleeding to death by helping to alert the police,” I put in.
Fleur’s eyes glanced at me, her expression changing slightly before hardening again. “Doesn’t matter. What do I have to live for? My money’s gone, the hospital bills will put me in debt, and I can’t even go out in public looking like this.”
Photo spoke quietly. “I’ve watched you for a while. You’re one of the best ponies I’ve ever seen at makeup and styling. I could use your skills. I’ll also pay your for your stake in The Metronome.”
A second passed as the offer hung in the air. Fleur took a stuttering breath and then broke down crying.
The nurses were not pleased with us for taking their patient away from her much needed rest, but Fleur didn’t want them to kick us out. We stayed as long as we could, until the unicorn healers came in to work on Fleur. She seemed to be in good hooves, so we took our leave.
The morning sun was coming up as we exited the hospital. It seemed like a good time for breakfast. Iridium offered to cook, so the six of us headed back to the club.
I did worry about finding the Lunar Guards and going home, but the day was far from over. Surely they would hear about Gilda soon enough and come looking for me. Either that or I could just go over to their headquarters. Besides, breakfast would give me a little more time to say goodbye to my friends.
Iridium didn’t hold back. The table soon filled with all kinds of tasty breakfast foods. Also, coffee. I couldn’t have stayed awake otherwise.
We all knew that it was our last chance to really be together as a group. Nopony was saying goodbye, but I could tell it was on our minds.
For a while I just drifted. The conversation wasn’t anything that required my full attention, not that I could have given it anyway. It was just all of us, happy to be together. We’d fought hard and won, and now were enjoying our well deserved victory.
This continued for quite a while after our plates were clear. Even through my tired thoughts, I knew it couldn’t last and that Jenna and I would eventually have to leave, but for the moment it was nice.
My eyelids had started to droop despite the caffeine and a nice mid-morning nap was sounding better and better. I heard the door open, and was slow to turn my head. It took a couple of seconds to focus on the batpony who had just come in.
There were two mares with him. More alert now, I got out of my seat and crossed the room to meet them. Jenna was beside me. To the Lunar Guard I asked, “So I take it you heard what happened?”
He nodded. “We would have preferred Gilda and Joe alive.”
I stared at him. “You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need.”
Apologies to the Rolling Stones, but I was too tired to think of a good line of my own.
I turned to the pair of ponies who were with the Guard. One was blue and the other was white. “And you are?”
One of them held up an envelope. “We got your letter.”
It took a second to remember the message I’d sent to Canterlot. I had gotten so tied up in taking care of the problem myself that getting help from the outside had completely slipped my mind. So, I was a little displeased that they had shown up now that the action was over. However… “Can you send me home?”
“We can.”
To put it mildly, that was the best news I’d gotten all week. Home, yay! Jenna’s smile split from ear to ear, and her eyes shimmered. It was a wonderful sight to see her so happy. I’m sure that I wore a similar expression, and our joy sort of built on each other like some sort of ecstatic feedback loop.
“It will take some time,” cautioned the white mare. She shot a glance at the other one before turning back to me. “And we apologize for the inconveniences you’ve gone through.”
“How much time?” I asked, focused on the part of her statement that I actually cared about.
“We should be ready by tomorrow morning. Until then, we’d like to ask you some questions about your experiences this time.”
I eyed the pair of them, as well as the Guard who seemed to have taken a backseat in the conversation. “Can you promise me that it will be the last time? Because if you notice a crime problem again, your first response shouldn’t be ‘let’s just pull the pin on Miller and toss him in there.’”
“This project will not be continued, we assure you,” replied the blue mare.
“Especially after you accidentally grabbed my wife?” My tone was a little sharp, and apparently I touched on a sensitive topic.
Her expression hardened. “What do you know about complex spells and the creation of untested magic? It can not be guaranteed to produce perfect results.”
Behind her, the Guard’s expression changed slightly, appearing to conceal his feelings on the subject. The white mare was slightly more expressive, looking at the other with reprimand. She turned back to me. “Perhaps we can explain a little more about this. I hope that we can put these events behind us and have a dialogue.”
I sighed and nodded. “All right then. Let’s talk.”
With more coffee, I was able to focus long enough to get through the interview. We used one of the back rooms of the club. Jenna was there too, and the two of us talked with the three of them.
It bothered me a little that I ended up not remembering much of the conversation. I’m sure we covered important things, like the loose ends in the case that I hadn’t managed to solve on my own. Frankly, I didn’t even remember sitting there for a couple of hours, but I wrote the forgetfulness off to being crazy tired. At any rate, I didn’t much care that I was in a haze. We were going home tomorrow!
At least we managed to produce more of an understanding. Especially the blue mare, who I had taken an initial dislike to, had convinced me to like her. Jenna and I saw them off cheerfully.
When the visitors left, I decided that I should rest. No better way to make tomorrow come faster, right? Octavia let Jenna and I use her spare bed.
My wife and I curled up together and had just enough time for a kiss before we both drifted off. Despite what I had been through before going to bed, I didn’t dream about it, or in fact anything. It was nothing but uninterrupted, restful sleep. And boy, did it make the morning come almost instantaneously.
In the morning, we all were once again gathered around the breakfast table. Photo still didn’t know the whole story, but had gotten the idea that Jenna and I were going to be leaving soon.
“And it is a shame that I was never able to capture your image,” she lamented.
Jenna elbowed me. I glanced at her, seeing a mischievous grin on her face. I sighed and turned to Photo. “Well, I suppose I can spare some time to model for you.”
After that, things came together faster than I would have thought. I don’t know where Photo got those clothes from, but she didn’t hesitate to start dressing me. Vinyl helped her with the details. Octavia set the stage and got the lighting ready. Jenna stood by, offering moral support and just barely concealing her laughter. To be fair, it was pretty funny, even if I was the butt of it.
Iridium disappeared for a while and came back pushing Fleur in a wheelchair. She was still heavily bandaged, but looked focused. Working with her magic alone, she started in on my mane and makeup.
I was slightly surprised by Fleur’s turnaround in attitude. Perhaps going back to her talents, doing something she was good at, was therapeutic. She wasn’t as helpless as she might have thought, and had found something useful that she could still do. And if I had to stand there and let her fix me up, then I must reluctantly admit that it was worth it to see that on her face.
I think the Guard and the two mares with him were somewhat taken aback to walk in and see all of this going on. I waved to them with one polished hoof as Fleur was finishing with my tail. “Is it okay if you guys wait a few minutes?”
The two mares looked amused and sat down at one of the club tables to watch. The Guard gave me a look as if he no longer knew what to think of me. I hadn’t had time to really get to know him, but the look on his face appeared to indicate that he knew me - or up until this moment thought he did.
I didn’t dwell on it. Photo finished setting up her camera and called for me to take my position. The set of stairs I had built for the last fashion show were still next to the stage and I climbed them
The lights were bright, but I could see everypony watching me. Most of them were my friends, and had helped me get here. Well, yes, on the stage, but more importantly, in a position to go home. They’d all done so much, some of them despite their differences.
Octavia and Vinyl had set up their respective music equipment in the back. With a glance and a smile to each other, they began to play an interesting string/electronic version of You Can’t Always Get What You Want.
But sometimes you get what you need. I looked at Jenna, seated in the front row. God, I sure had what I needed in her.
Jenna had been a wellspring of support for me. The two of us had gone through this together. I’d loved and appreciated her before, but after this, maybe I would understand a little better. Make all the jokes you want about female hormones.
Jenna met my eyes and we held the connection for a few moments. I didn’t care the both of us were ponies at the moment. This was who I’d decided to spend my life with, and despite everything that had happened, she felt the same way about me. I felt like the luckiest man ever.
“Yes, that’s what we need, Millie,” called Photo from behind the camera. “Show us the emotion.”
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Well, that seems to wrap up the loose ends... That was quite a ride.
And so ends the tale of Millie the Fillie and the hunt for Killer Miller.
(clap) (clap) wonderful story! Though I haven't read miller I greatly enjoyed this story. it was very interesting and I like the character of miller/mille. and I also liked how you ended this, not showing them go to the lunar guard and going home, but being with their friends. you know they are going home anyway but I think that you ended this off very well. thanks for creating such a story.
Bit sad that Gilda died in the end since she is one of my favorite characters...
But what a way to go.
Also rather ticked that the Lunar Guard never got their comeuppance. I considered them to be the real villians of this story.
At least Gilda only killed criminals, the Lunar Guard kidnapped two innocent civilians and forced them to do their dirty work for them.
What do you know about actually doing your job and not resorting to incredibly illegal and unethical means? You're supposed to be officers of the law, you assholes.
EDIT: I hope that someone reported what they did to a higher authority and they all got thrown in prison for life. The smug bastards
That is my headcanon.
3127026 I was hoping for a wide variety of comments when I said to draw your own conclusions in the author note. By all means, be pissed. If you're feeling something, then clearly I've done my job.
3127041
It IS a bit unsatisfying not to see that get resolved, since in my opinion they were the biggest antagonists in the story. The real antagonists, as it were. Gilda was an antihero a la The Punisher. The Lunar Guards, meanwhile, had no justification for their actions and deserve to rot.
Wouldn't mind seeing a little story or extra or something where that bit is resolved.
EDIT: It doesn't help that they don't even seem to realize that what they did was wrong, even in the end. Goddamn Karma Houdinis.
3127068 Well, now that Ice is finished with his murder case, he can move onto the double kidnapping one.
And - I'll put this out there - if anyone wants to write future stories, I will be interested in supporting them. I changed the author note.
Yes i agree with Jercos. the story is at a end and It was an ride in its self. I hope you keep writing new storys. You have the skills for it. Keep up the good work.
Dragonfox
Aww, it's over already? Y_Y
Well, that was just about as good as Miller... except for one flaw.
I don't really feel like the whole Vinyl/Octavia plot thread was ever really resolved. I feel more like they just made up and that was that for the sake of the story. That's pretty much my only complaint.
Anyway, I'm sad to see Miller go. Unless something crazy happens and suddenly a third story appears, it's been fun while it lasted. Then again, I never expected a sequel to Miller, really surprised me there, so I'm holding out some hope. :3
Celestia and Luna in disguise ?
Overall a good story, with an original concept compared to the average HiE ( or human turned pony in Equestria ).
The only thing that bother me is the fact that they can use magic to kidnapp peoples of another world but are unable to use some basic divination or tracking spells to keep criminal at bay ? They really need to focus more on usefull and less harmfull spells ( because if they can summon a human by error, who know if they can't accidentaly summon Cthulhu ... and I'm pretty sure He's going to be less tolerant about that
)
Yay, happy-ish ending!
Shame about Gilda, though. Could've just tossed the fat dragon over the side and flown for it. I mean, Joe wasn't going anywhere after that pummeling. Still,
peopleponiesindividuals do weird things when stressed.Did you ever think of a first name for Miller?Just remembered it was in the first story, went and looked it up, it's James. James and Jenna Miller.Cute couple. Shame we only get to see them during crime sprees. If you could contrive some reason for them to get pulled into Equestria a third time, that would be just grand.
It's funny how James completely fails to notice any detail about Luna and Celestia other than the color of their coats.
3127152 Ah, and therein lies the vagueness that leaves the story open to interpretation.
"What do you know about magic-"
"HOL' UP. Bitch, I've been dragged across the entire goddamn physical universe and possibly across planes of existence, placed in a body not only alien to me but of the opposite sex, and forced to fight for my life! And what am I supposed to do, forgive you for your cosmic fuck up? How about hell no. Your entire organization is like a bunch of children playing with matches, and when you set something alight you scream, 'Oh, I'm sorry.' Just want to let you know, that this shit isn't going to fly any longer. Bring me back here, and I will tear you apart from the inside out and leave your group a pile of shivering meat."
*turns around*
"I'M OUT."
This was such a lovely ending to a lovely fanfic! I hope to see more writings from you in the future ^_^
3127026
It's not illegal if no law has been written against it yet!
Unethical, perhaps, but not illegal!
3127124
Possibly!
Dang that would suck if he got sent back to Earth as an female though, though I'm thinking that he didn't!
3127152 3127166
They want WHAT!?!
They want us to return to Equestria to testify in court that we were kidnapped and blackmailed by members of the Lunar Guard.
I think we can do that.
we need an epilogue, with the court martial and banishment of those idiots who kidnapped two civilians and forced them into life-and-death situations. thats a hideous abuse of power and must be punished.
also, they need to give miller and his wife all the gold and jewels they can carry, have Celestia bow to them and beg their forgiveness, and send them home. and then miller needs to have a nice steak dinner.
3128012
I'm pretty sure kidnapping is illegal.
3128141
Another worry is an accidental body swap during the teleport home. James becomes Jenny, Jenny becomes James ...
Then they could go on an epic quest to get back to equestria, bitch Luna / Celestia out then get sent back home in their proper bodies.
oh that and ...
the worry about becoming dimensionaly unstuck after their crossings and occasionally passing between earth and equestria at random times/places.
3127285
A-FREAKIN'-MEN
A most satisfying conclusion to a satisfactory story, I say. Well done. I feel oddly drawn to making a story about Ice, now that you've thrown the possibility out there. I've had a mystery fic idea bouncing around my head for a while now.
Anyway, I hope you continue to write pony fanfics for years to come. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to Dead Eye Darling!
3128767
Interdimensional/Space aliens aren't persons covered under the laws of the land. Also they're not ponies. Ergo, not
kidfoalnapping. QED.And so our journey ends, opening the door for another one later on. Maybe it would be a TNaB story, maybe it would be a fanfictionception. The world may never know.
Great story, it deserved that like and fav.
Do you have any intention in continuing The Millie/Miller stories in various format? I mean...It might be interesting to bring him/her back especially if the writing is a good as it is...
3142258 No plans at the moment, but that's what I said when I finished the first one.
If you write a sequel, I would help with editing and promotion.
3142375 ...Hehe...It's not my style of writing I'm afraid. Though I would be vested in a continuation of the series...
One thing to say about the cover pic.
...
That burger looks good.
I don't know how I missed this update for so long. But fantastic!
That was really good. I might have to write a little piece to tie up the end of the story... What do you think TNaB, Millie and Jenna's last day?
3177671 Let me know how it goes.
3178132
I'll keep you posted if I decide to write it out. I'm sure I'll be wanting your input.
3206581 I have a sense of humour?
Normally I'm the stick in the mud around here.
Great read, just like the first, but I do have to ask; the ambulances and polices vehicles, you said they had lights and sirens, but aren't these wagons? Sure they'd have oil lamps with coloured lenses and maybe the old fashion hand crank sirens that sound like an air raid siren, but you made it sound like modern flashing electrical lights.
3208117 They do have electricity in Equestria.
3208506 Wagons wouldn't. They don't have internal combustion engines yet, so unless they're using magic to power them or have a battery pack, it's more likely they just use oil lamps with coloured lenses.
Besides, my headfanon they don't have electricity, it's "magical". Although in my headfanon they don't have magic either but it's a very complex headfanon and would take a while to explain in full.
I know that this story is at a end and they wood be quite upset to be poled back into Equestria but what if they where invited to Equestria by Princess Celestia and Luna. Wood they not wont to meet the People, or in this case Pony's that stop so much crime in two city's? I can't see this passing be on there notice. If they wonted to establish contact with the humans world, wood they not invite people that have bean in Equestria before? This is your story and thees are just ideals on a new story. You do a grate Job writing storys, I was just hoping to see it continue.
Keep up the grate Job you are doing and I hope to see more.
Dragonfox
Now THAT was a good mystery story. Definite improvement over the original. I'd give it double thumbs if I could.
How can he be back? He never left
Fan-freaking-tastic. Absolutely loved it, read the whole thing (both whole things) in one sitting! Because I am beast. Thank you so much for writing this, and thanks Treilacl for your absurdly difficult-to-pronounce name and proofreading skills! It was an awesome ride and I'm glad I finally got around to reading it!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading, even if it takes me a while.
Whelp, time to read the sequel...right after I re-watch all of TFS DBZ abridged.
So I was thinking about this story today for whatever reason, and I realized...
The Bad Guys won. Completely.
They kidnapped innocent civilians and blackmailed them into doing their (very dangerous) dirty work. What was their dirty work? Tracking down an anti-villain vigilante.
Gilda wasn't the villain here. She was an anti-villain. She was doing good work even though her methods were questionable. She was cleaning up the city like nobody else could (expect perhaps Miller). And besides, Miller killed a bunch of people when he first got kidnapped and he didn't get punished for it. Admittedly, in his case it was a mix of manslaughter and self-defense, but still he got off scott-free while Gilda got villainized and killed for emulating him. Why? Because she wasn't working for the Big Bads.
The real villains of the piece were whoever ordered the kidnapping and blackmailing of Miller and his wife. Gilda was doing exactly what they used him to do in the first fic (clean up a city), but she was doing it on her own initiative instead of being under their control. And they couldn't have that, could they? So of course she had to go.
Let's compare:
Miller: Cleans up a city by killing criminals by accident and in self-defense.
Gilda: Cleans up a city by deliberately killing criminals (and only criminals).
Night Guard: Kidnaps first one and then two innocent civilians from another world, dumps them out into a strange world, gives them pretty much no actual aid, and in the case of this fic actually blackmail them (with the threat of never letting them return home to their friends and family) into going after a very dangerous individual (again, without any actual aid of any kind). I mean, holy shit, these guys are probably even worse than the criminals Gilda was killing.
And of the three, guess who gets off completely scott-free?
Basically: If/where there is a sequel to this, those bastards in the Night Guard who are responsible for this shit sure as hell better get their comeuppance. They're the biggest monsters in this entire series and so far they have been complete karma houdinis.
4064687 If you write this story, I will be your editor. For realz.
4064743
Sadly, I am the worst fiction writer.
Of all time.
But hey! Maybe someone else here who isn't completely incompetent (that is, anyone but me) will also read it and maybe give it a go.
4064832 Nah, man, your grasp on the English language is great and that's half the battle right there. Besides, we could account for the difference in style by writing from Vinyl and/or Octavia's perspective. Pleeeeaaaaseee?
4065458
Wow, I didn't expect you to actually be so interested in this. I'm surprised and flattered.
Erm, there are a few issues. One, as I said, I'm terrible at writing fiction. I believe that I have a good grasp on the English language and I occasionally come up with good ideas for a story, but actually putting them into practice? That never goes well. I'm terrible at writing in a way that is actually interesting and not full of cliches, and on top of that I get, well... I get too attached to fictional characters. This makes it difficult for me to set up meaningful conflicts because I'll always be rooting for my characters and at the very least subconsciously trying to make sure they come out on top. It means that even if I could manage to write in a manner that isn't mechanically horrible (everything would probably end up dry and dull and stilted and just not at all interesting or easy to read), it would still end up boring as hell because my characters would likely never face any real challenges.
The second issue is that I really don't have much in the way of free time these days, and what free time I do have I somehow manage to squander at an alarming rate.
The third issue is that I really don't think that I would respond to criticism well. I'd probably curl up in a ball, crying "they're right, it's all terrible! Why oh why did I think I could ever write something decent!" and then probably delete the fic and never show my face on here again. And that would be sad and immensely awkward for everyone involved.
So... yeah. I really appreciate that you find the concept interesting and I'm flattered that you think that I might be a decent author, but I just don't think it would turn out well at all. Best case scenario: Someone (besides yourself) who can actually write worth a damn hears about this idea and decides to pick it up themselves.
Thanks again for your interest and support, though. It means a lot to me.
4069193 Correcting errors and moral support is what and editor, me, is for. Plus with the amount of words you put into comments, you're not convincing me of your lack of time.
4069227
I write comments, but writing stories is something else entirely. I just don't have the... flair for it, I suppose.
Also, as for my lack of time: I get about two hours a day that aren't sleeping, going to work, working, or going home from work four days a week. Or rather, I should get that much time. I usually end up with a few more hours because I'm an idiot and screw around instead of getting the damn sleep that I need. I've been trying to correct that lately.
4473428
How could you be so off?
It was Tom! Duh.... Oh wait. Was it actually Boulder? 
He would never have been suspected since he was out of the spot light at the time....