Court.
For copyright/disclaimer information, see Chapter One.
Published 4/27/13
Version 1.1
Chapter Two: Court
Twilight paced briskly in front of the throne. Words flew out of her mouth in an ever growing stream of frustration, embarrassment, and even a little anger. The morning sunlight beamed in through the red stained glass windows, casting the room in shades of red. To a wayward observer, the menacing light, purple banners, and angry alicorn would give the distinct impression that some nefarious scheme had just been thwarted.
“I just can't believe you two. I knew this was a bad idea. I could feel it. But did I listen to my gut? Nooooo. Now look!” she threw down the paper in front of the two flinching ponies, “I'm not even in charge for a day and already I'm being eaten alive.”
Twilight slumped into the throne, giving a somewhat defeated sigh.
Rainbow worked up the courage to talk to the annoyed alicorn.
“I know you're upset, but I don't know what the big deal is. Those press ponies lied! Why don't you just haul them here and give them a dressing down, like you're doing to us?” she mumbled the last part out, hoping Twilight wouldn't hear.
Thankfully for Rainbow, Twilight was too caught up with her first sentence to hear the last.
“Not a big deal! Of course it's a big deal. Do you know how many ponies listen to the media?”
Dash shook her head.
“I don't.”
Rarity joined her.
“Neither do I.”
Twilight opened her mouth to respond when Flare's voice rang out.
“I also ignore them.”
The two unicorn guards at the base of the throne's steps also shook their heads.
“I only tune in for the sports section.”
“I see what the finances are up to, but that's it.”
The purple alicorn let out a frustrated sigh.
“The point is, most ponies do and this is going to be horrible for my reign.” Twilight looked around, “And where in Princess Celestia's immaculate mane is Pinkie?”
Everypony shrugged.
Rainbow piped up.
“I think she said she was going to act as 'Official Royal Taste Tester' and went to the kitchens.”
-----
The various chefs and bus colts ran around in a chaotic, but at the same time organized mess. Dirty dishes rattled into the stainless steel sinks, while knifes and other kitchen utensils were in ponies hooves or telekinesis, making quick work of the ingredients that were there. Every so often, a bus colt carrying a bin full of razor sharp knives, or a chef with a large pot of boiling oil would trip over a pink mass that lay slumped in front of the Cake Vault and narrowly avoid a visit by OSHA by regaining their balance in the nick of time.
One of the unicorns that was dicing parsley looked from the pink blob to his nearby companion who was cubing some (simulated) beef tenderloin.
“Hey, Olive?”
The other pony glanced over.
“Yeah, Grease?”
“What's with the pony over there?”
He pointed his knife at the catatonic pink pony lying on the ground, a small amount of drool dripped from her open mouth.
Olive shrugged.
“I don't know. She came in her earlier, said she was that new Regent's 'Taste Tester', and immediately went for the Cake Vault.”
“Is she alright?”
Olive smirked.
“She's fine. I think that triple layer, chocolate mousse and whipped cream covered cheesecake that they made earlier might have overwhelmed her.”
“Was that the one stuffed with an inner cavity of nougat and Bamarian cream?
“Yep.”
“Oh.”
The pink pony gurgled.
-----
Dash pushed her solution.
“So why don't you drag them here and give them a good ol' verbal beat down?”
She bobbed and weaved like a boxer to emphasis her point.
Solar Flare stepped in to quash her proposal.
“I'm afraid that would be a very bad idea.”
“Why?”
“For starters, just picture the situation: a major national newspaper says something critical of the newly instated Regency—which arguably holds more power than the Diarchy did—and are immediately summoned to answer for it. Can you think of the implications that would give everypony?”
Rarity eyes widened in realization.
“So this is a PR move then?”
Flare flashed a smirk.
“Precisely. Subtlety is the name of the game when dealing with the media. Too overt, and they'll run front page headlines. Too subtle, and they'll simply ignore it.”
Dash wasn't happy with the less-than-forceful technique espoused by Flare.
“What does that even mean? That'll never work.”
“What it means, is, after we announce our strong disapproval for the article, the Ministry of Royal Affairs is going to cease approving press badges for the Times, due to the Office of the High Overseer initiating a 'thorough' review of their credentials, as per the Accurate News Reporting Act. Such a shame those reviews get scheduled like this. One could almost say it's deliberate. It's amazing how quickly retractions are printed when one of those reviews comes up.”
Twilight winced.
“Doesn't that seem kind of...dirty?”
“Dealing with the media is a dirty job, Lady Regent, but somepony has to do it.”
The purple alicorn breathed a small sigh of relief.
“At least that takes care of them. But don't think that lets you two off the hook. If either of you think the Ministry of Finance is going to fork over fifty thousand bits for you to lounge around the castle, you're mistaken.”
Both Dash and Rarity rolled their eyes.
“C'mon, Twi. You think we'd take advantage of Equestria like that?”
Rarity nodded in agreement.
Twilight brightened.
“Good. And I expect you guys to actually advise me when I need it.”
Dash saluted.
“You can count on us.”
“Now that that business is settled, what's next?”
Solar Flare nodded to the two guards, who trotted out of the room.
“Paperwork.”
A beeping noise was heard from outside of the Throne Room. Shortly thereafter, a brown earth pony wearing a hardhat with a red light flashing on top of it walked in. Behind him, a pallet stacked with paper and wrapped in shrink wrap was wheeled in by the two guards. A sign on the shrink-wrap read “Ministry of Finance Documentation For 12/29/02-1/2/03”.
Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow stared in shock as they walked up to the large package.
Flare sighed.
“Unfortunately, before they left, the Princesses neglected their paperwork filings. All Ministries are two days behind and it's urgent that you begin to address these filings as soon as possible, lest we find ourselves in another Great Canterlot Paper Cut Pandemic.”
Twilight's eyelid twitched as she inspected the thousands of pages of documents.
“Oh, and before I forget, Princess Celestia instructed me to hand you this.”
Flare levitated over to Twilight an envelope. She opened it, removed the letter inside, and read it.
Dear Twilight,
Being a Princess and leader of the pony world isn't always about eating cake, relaxing in front of the fireplace, and
teasing Lunarolling around in piles of bitsvisiting hospitals. There's mind numbing bureaucracies that must be navigated. Papers signed. And nobility tactfully dealt with.Now you can see why we're on vacation. Have fun doing all our work while we relax at the beach.
--Celestia --Her Royal Highness, the Diarch of the Moon, Luna
Luna! This is an informal letter. There's no need for all those silly titles. Why do you think I wrote the smiley face on it?
Twilight snorted.
'I hope they get sunburns.'
She looked up from the letter.
“At least I have my friends to—”
Where Dash and Rarity once stood, there were only two small, dissipating puffs of dust.
'Them too.'
**********
A white earth pony, an armored green pegasus, and a tan unicorn all galloped as fast as they could toward the Throne Room. They all wore saddlebags that were stuffed with paperwork.
The unicorn was particularly irate.
“I can't believe this!”
The earth pony looked over.
“Just settle down, Moot.”
“Why should I settle down? The Canterlot Archives was only notified an hour ago that this was going on.”
The pegasus rolled her eyes.
“You had an hour? The Guard was asked to do this twenty minutes ago.”
“I don't want to hear it, Colonel. The NDC's known about this Regency for months. Why else would Flight Deck be rubbing noses with the Arcane Magic Council for weeks?”
The pegasus snorted.
“Whatever the good admiral's been doing hardly has anything to do with the Royal Guard. Ever since she got back from her vacation to Griffia-Minotaury, she's been distancing the Navy from the rest of the armed forces. It's got both Captain Maneuver and Captain Spitfire quite upset.”
It was Moot's turn to roll his eyes.
“Inter-service rivalries, no wonder we have to rely on the Elements to save us all the time.”
“Can you two knock it off. We're here.”
Sure enough, they arrived at the double doors and were let in by the two guards.
Standing and sitting around were a number of ponies. Several carts stacked with paperwork and the Code of Laws of the Principality of Equestria littered the room. In the middle of all the disorganization, talking with an overweight earth pony, was High Overseer Solar Flare.
Moot angrily approached the pink unicorn.
“Overseer, what is going on and what's so important that your office had to cast a shadow of panic over the Archives?”
Flare turned to Moot from the earth pony.
“Ah, Administrator. The Lady Regent requires you and your companions services.”
“What for?”
“To advise her during Dusk Court. Let's wait for the Lady Regent to arrive and then we can get everypony organized. Now if you'll excuse me, I must talk with the team from the Ministry of Justice.”
Flare walked away, leaving Moot standing in the middle of the chaotic room. The white earth pony approached him.
“See? Just calm down and everything will work out.”
-----
“After that fiasco with the Canterlot Times, I don't want any trouble. That means—” Twilight's gaze fell on Pinkie, “no insane antics,” the party pony deflated slightly as she next looked at Rarity, “no melodramatic escapades,” the fashionista wrinkled her nose while Twilight affixed her eyes on Dash, “and no tempers. Got it?”
Rarity, Pinkie, and Dash all nodded.
Twilight smiled.
“Great, now—”
“Twilight?”
The Lady Regent's smile fell.
“Yes, Pinkie?”
“I'm here,” a pink hoof was raised, “and you're here,” another hoof went up, “and Dashie's here,” a third hoof popped up, “and Rare's is here,” a final fourth hoof was in the air, “But where's Spike?” The four raised hooves all made shrugging gestures.
The two guards on either side of the Throne Room's door stared wide eyed at the pink pony's shenanigans.
“He's been busy helping the Royal Mail Service become more efficient. I couldn't believe how big of a deficit they run. Just imagine what could happen if his Dragonfire could be used.”
-----
“And so, Mr. Spike, that completes our seven hour tour of the Canterlot Mail Processing and Distribution Center. Do you have any questions?”
All around the silver pegasus and dragon, tables lined every square foot of the facility. Dreary mail workers who looked like they had had a run in with Discord sat behind the tables, sorting many piles of letters, scrolls, and ads into bins. Overhead, the dull, lifeless light that the magical crystals provided seemed to sap what little energy the large room had.
“Guuggghhhee.”
Postmaster General Lickety Split looked back.
“Mr. Spike, are you alright?”
“Rrrgguuuhhhack.”
-----
“He'll be back later tonight.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Now, let's get this Dusk Court going. I can't wait to see how organized and neat Solar Flare has it.”
Twilight nodded to the two guards, who, still eying Pinkie cautiously, opened the door and let the four in.
Inside, papers were scattered about. Several groups of ponies argued with each other while a goose had somehow made its way in through an open window and was being chased by two pegasi while upbeat, high tempo saxophone music played in the background on a radio.
“Yippee!”
Pinkie joined in the pursuit of the goose.
Solar Flare poked his head out from a pile of Equestrian Code books.
“Ah, Lady Regent. I'm glad you're here.”
Twilight gazed at the disorganized mess. Her right eyelid twitched.
Flare was able to carefully extract himself from the pile and made his way over to the purple alicorn.
“We can now get started.”
“Get started?! Flare, this place is a mess. Dusk Court's supposed to start in—” she gasped, “forty minutes!”
Flare glanced up at the clock.
“Actually, thirty-four minutes. That clock's six minutes slow.”
A few strands of Twilight's mane popped up.
“That's just great. Fabulous. Who's gonna be first to see this mess, the ambassador from Canissia—no, wait. It'll be a camera crew for S-SPAN broadcasting live, won't it?”
Flare levitated a clipboard from beneath a pile of scrolls and looked at it.
“Actually, the first petitioner will be Money Talks, CEO of the Equestrian Public Employees’ Pension Fund, but we'll get to that shortly. The ponies you see here are some of the Day and Night Courts' staffers.” he looked to the assembled ponies, “Please, introduce yourselves.”
Moot was first.
“My name is Moot Point, Administrator of the Canterlot Archives. I, along with the staff of the Archives, will be available to provide any documents, books, or letters that you may need to render your decisions.”
The green pegasus mare was next.
“And my name is Colonel Active Duty, Commander of the Third Battalion of the Royal Guard. I will act as not only the head of security during the Dusk Court, but will also act as liaison officer between the National Defense Council and the Court, providing you with military advice and intelligence reports when a Night Guard officer is unable to.”
A light gray pegasus, sitting amongst several other ponies cleared his throat to speak.
“I am Cloudy Skies, Solicitor General of Equestria. With the High Court having completed its session, I, and my team, will represent the Ministry of Justice on all legal matters that you need clarification on.”
The white earth pony snapped a book on the history of bean production shut and looked to Twilight.
“My name is Purple Satin, Minister of Royal Affairs. The Ministry of Royal Affairs is here to assist you in governmental management and matters relating to the nobility.”
Finally, a balding, fat earth pony addressed Twilight.
“And my name is Powdered Wig, Clerk of Parliament and Chief Executive.” he gestured to the ponies around him, “These staffers, along with myself, will provide advice and counsel on issues regarding upcoming legislation and Parliament.”
Flare looked to Rarity and Dash.
“There's also your Advisers.” he flipped a piece of paper over on the clipboard, “Rainbow Dash, Adviser of—” he squinted his eyes, “Coolness?”
Twilight sent a glare in Dash's direction. Rainbow could only grin sheepishly.
'This is what I get for letting them choose their titles.'
“Then you have—” he paused for a moment to look at the text, “Madam Rarity de Ponyvilla, Esq., Adviser of Royal Etiquette and Fashion.”
Rarity let out a squeak as the purple alicorn's gaze landed on her.
'...and their names.'
“Finally, there's Pinkie Pie, Adviser of Entertainment.”
'Seriously? Pinkie's the one that actually comes up with a normal title?'
Twilight cleared her throat.
“Alright, let's clear this up before there's another news article. By Royal Proclamation, I declare Rainbow Dash the Adviser of Flight; Miss Rarity—with none of those silly titles—the Adviser of Royal Etiquette and Fashion; and Pinkie is to remain in status quo.”
Flare finished jotting down the Decree onto a piece of parchment.
“Right away, Lady Regent. The Office of the High Overseer will certify the Decree and submit it to the Ministry of Justice for final approval.”
Twilight smiled lightly.
“Very good.”
Having been distracted by the introductions, it was then that she noticed the pursuit of the goose was still in progress. Now, four pegasi—two of whom were Royal Guardstallions—a unicorn, and Pinkie were chasing the goose around the Throne Room. Somehow, they weaved in between the bags of books, stacks of scrolls, and masses of maps like threads being weaved into a quilt. Twilight had had enough of the tomfoolery. She grabbed the fleeing goose with her telekinesis and held it in front of her like a prize.
“If that's everything, then. We have a Throne Room to get clean for the first session of Dusk Court.”
Everypony nodded to the Regent and got to work cleaning up and organizing the room.
-----
Twilight fluffed the pillow she was sitting on.
“So how's this going to work?”
Solar Flare looked up from the clipboard he was holding.
“I'll call in the first petitioner. They'll make their request, you'll render your verdict, and we repeat a couple dozen times until court concludes. The Court Staff are standing by to field any questions or requests you have regarding the petitioner’s request.”
Twilight looked down. Facing her, sitting at several tables that had been dressed up with the finest tablecloths and candlesticks, were the ponies that made up her Court Staff. Purple Satin, Cloudy Skies, Moot Point, and Active Duty sat amongst their group of staffers. Folders, binders, and books lay scattered atop the tables and on several carts next to them.
“But, Princess Celestia never had thirty ponies sitting in front of her to help her with her decisions.”
Flare nodded.
“That's true, but Her Majesty also had a thousand years to memorize Equestria's laws and politics. You've had a crash course of four months.”
“Yeah, I guess so, but what happens if I get a hard question o-or something complex?”
“Then do what the princesses do and say you lack jurisdiction and you'll refer the matter to Parliament for consideration.”
“Ethical questions?”
“Refer the matter to Parliament.”
“Social?”
“Parliament.”
“What if somepony says something really offensive, like calling Earth Ponies 'mud ponies'?”
“In that case you hit them with this.”
He picked up a golden sceptre from behind the throne and gave it to Twilight. She noticed the gold rod was bent and dented in places.
“What happened to it?”
Flare smiled.
“Blueblood had a tendency to run his mouth during sessions of the Day Court.”
Twilight stifled a laugh.
“Well, let's get started.”
“Very well, Lady Regent.”
-----
Solar Flare looked down at the sign in list.
“Your first petitioner is Money Talks, CEO of the Equestrian Public Employees’ Pension Fund.”
Twilight looked over.
“Pension fund?”
“Yes, they handle the retirement accounts and pensions of most of Equestria's government employees. As a result, they're quite big.”
“How big?”
A statistician that sat at one of the tables spoke up.
“They control 384.68 billion bits worth of pensions.”
Twilight's jaw dropped.
“Billion?!”
Powdered Wig shoved one last deep fried chocolate cupcake into his mouth before he grabbed a piece of paper from one of the secretaries and cleared his throat.
“Yes, billion. And I believe I know why she's here.”
“Why?”
“The EPEPF holds a majority stake in the Manehatten Chemical Company, and our records show they've just been fined ten million bits by the Ministry of the Interior for failing to clean up several waste dumping sites.”
“So she's going to want me to what, void the fines? Can I even do that?”
Flare finished scribbling something on the sign in list.
“Absolutely. As Regent, you hold just as much power as either of the princesses—some would say even more, as you have direct control over both the Royal and Night Guards. Your decisions here are binding and can only be overruled by the High Court—which is rare.”
“How rare?”
It was Cloudy Skies turn to speak.
“Over the last fifty years, the High Court has only overruled the Day Court on five occasions. It's overruled the Night Court thirty-eight times, but that was mainly due to Princess Luna's lack of knowledge of modern law. I mean, ordering a unicorn thief's horn chopped off? Yikes.”
'And she wondered why she had a popularity problem.'
“Well, let her in.”
Solar Flare cleared his throat.
“Presenting: Miss Money Talks, CEO of the Equestrian Public Employees’ Pension Fund.”
The doors opened and a white earth pony mare wearing a necklace walked in. Her mane was done in a bun and she carried several folders in a saddlebag that was slung over her back.
She bowed.
“Good evening, Lady Regent. The EPEPF is honored that you will hear our petition.”
Twilight looked at her nervously.
“Please state it.”
Talks nodded.
“The EPEPF is Equestria's largest pension fund. We secure the monies for over two and a half million ponies who need it once they retire. Unfortunately, one of the businesses we have invested those ponies hard earned bits in has incurred some governmental fees that not only will hamper business operations but put in jeopardy our investment in that company, Manehatten Chemical. We are requesting that you either void the fees, or, at the very least, reduce them to limit the monetary impact they will have on the Fund.”
Twilight bit her lip.
“I'm sorry, Miss Talks, but I can't void or reduce the fees. The Manehatten Chemical Company hasn't complied with governmental mandate. To void or lower the fees would—would embolden other companies to also ignore governmental mandates. I would suggest talking with the management at the company to avoid future penalties.”
“Is there nothing we can do to persuade you, Lady Regent?”
“I'm afraid not.”
Money Talks sighed, before smiling.
“It was worth a shot.”
Twilight was surprised.
“You're not angry?”
“Of course I am, with Manehatten Chemical's Compliance Department. They should have never let this happen.”
“I'm sorry you wasted a trip.”
“It's never a waste to see the Diar—err, Regency. Plus, I get to have a bit of a vacation. Thank you for your time.”
“Oh, you're welcome.”
Money Talks bowed briefly before leaving.
Twilight looked over to Flare.
“That went a lot better than I thought it would.”
“You will find out that corporate representatives are extremely easy to work with. The nobility or government representatives on the other hand...”
Twilight shifted positions on her cushion.
“Let's hope the next one is just as pleasant.”
*********
“Your next petitioner is Brain Gold, President and CEO of Haysbro Inc.”
Twilight sighed.
“Another CEO? Where's all the farmers needing agriculture reform? Or the desperate citizens who can't pay their taxes? Or the poor old widow who's valiantly but futilely fighting the corrupt land developer?”
Again, Flare scribbled something down.
“Probably farming, being audited, and too busy getting crushed by bureaucratic red tape, respectively.”
“What?”
“It takes four weeks to get approval from the Office of the High Overseer to petition the Court. After that, the Royal Guard spends three to ten weeks preforming a background check to make sure no would-be assassin is trying anything. Then the Arcane Magic Council must clear the petitioner to ensure they aren't trying to corrupt or mind control you. After that, the petitioner then must wait in a queue to be called before the Court to air their grievance. Only those with the time—and money—to go through all that can see you.”
The purple alicorn deflated.
“That's terrible! I thought the whole point of this was for the common people to be able to air their distresses and problems to the Princesses so that we can get a better understanding of the problems facing Equestria.”
“And Parliament was a way for the citizens to achieve fair representation and look what's happened. Like it or not, this is the current state things are in, Lady Regent.”
Twilight looked down at the floor sullenly.
“Did you know, Lady Regent, that the Regencies have historically been a time for reforms?”
The purple alicorn looked up.
“Really?”
“Oh yes. Lord Regent Power Hungry—who, coincidentally, never lived up to his name—the previous one, was able to balance the budget by reforming the tax code. Before that, the Royal Guard had a makeover and corrupt generals were sacked.”
She smiled.
“Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. Now, let's see what Mr. Gold wants.”
-----
“Presenting: Brain Gold, President and CEO of Haysbro, Inc.”
A blond maned unicorn wearing a business suit walked in to the throne room and bowed briefly.
“Good evening, Lady Regent.”
Twilight looked down at the businessstallion.
“Good evening, Mr. Gold. What is your petition this evening?”
“As I'm sure you know, Haybro prides itself as a leader in foal toys. One of our most popular toys is the 'My Little Pony' line. Since 935, Haysbro and the Diarchy have forged a close licensing relationship. We're proud to be able to sell life-like dolls of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance. Today, on behalf of Haysbro, I'd like to extend that licensing relationship to you, Lady Regent, as well.”
Twilight thought for a moment.
“So, you want to make toys of me?”
“That would be correct. I even brought a prototype that our engineers have designed.”
Brain Gold whipped out a small, purple plastic toy from an undisclosed location and levitated it to Twilight. She looked over the plastic toy. Strands of synthetic fabric were bundled to form its purple mane and tail. Several screw holes could be seen. It's wings were transparent and changeling-like.
She looked back down at the eager unicorn executive.
“It's mane's completely wrong.”
“Uh, yes. Well, unfortunately, current technologies limit our ability to accurately replicate the proper mane style. However, the molded toys will have a much more realistic style.”
“And the wings are wrong.”
Gold shifted awkwardly.
“Our research shows young foals, especially the unicorns and earth ponies, love the flutterwing style as it would be the kind they'd be able to use via a Flutterwing Spell.”
“I...guess I can do it. Especially if it means the young foals will be able to play with me.” her face brightened, “It could even have its own notebook and quill!”
“Excellent. There's just one more thing.”
“What?”
“That toy will have a small magical enchantment in it that talks. If you'd be kind enough to lend your voice, we can record the lines right now and get the unicorns working on enchanting the first shipment this week.”
“Sure.”
“Great.”
Gold levitated over a piece of paper and a crystal.
“Just say the lines into the enchanting crystal and all we have to do is sign the licensing contract and foals everywhere will be able to enjoy Equestria's newest princess.”
Twilight looked down at the piece of paper and frowned before she turned the paper over and looked at its blank back.
“Did you give me the wrong sheet of paper?”
“Um, no, I don't think so. It should say 'Twilight Princess Lines' on the top.”
Her frown grew.
“But, these lines are horrible. 'Weeeeee, this is so much fun'? 'Let's fly together, lift me up'? 'Can you believe I am now a princess'? Then there's this whole little song here. You couldn't have come up with better lines?”
Gold looked up nervously.
“Uh, our research has show—”
Twilight sighed.
“Yes, yes. That foals love the blah blah blah. If all that's true then my confidence in the next generation is growing weaker.”
Twilight looked at the crystal and then back to the pleading face of Gold.
“Fine. I'll do it, but that contract better have a lot of bits in it.”
**********
Rainbow had completed counting all the candlesticks in the Throne Room—this time, in base seven. She could now say there were one thousand and four of them. Slumping down in her chair, she let out a low, moaning sound. Rarity, alerted by the noise of a camel dying, looked over at the sedentary pegasus.
“Rainbow Dash! Sit up. I will not let you embarrass me before the entire Dusk Court.”
The white unicorn's harsh whisper got Dash to sit up from her slouching position. To her right, sat Pinkie, who was in the middle of a glaring contest with Powdered Wig. She looked to her left at Rarity.
“Is she still upset over the deep fried cupcakes?”
Rarity glanced at the pink pony with worry.
“I'm afraid so. I've tried to lighten her up, but you know how she can get around exotic baked goods.”
Rainbow's mind flashed back to the International Cream Horn Festival Pinkie dragged her to and the sticky, sugar and puff pastry laced horrors that were forever burned into her memory. She suppressed a shudder.
“Yeah, I know.”
Trying to purge her memories, she focused on the brown unicorn that was currently talking to Twilight.
“Who's that?”
“Well, if you were paying attention like a responsible Adviser, you'd know that that is Boom Barrier, Chairpony of the Central Equestrian Railroad. He's discussing new emissions standards for—”
Dash made several snoring noises. She was rewarded with a painful jab to the ribs.
“Rainbow! Must you act so uncivilized?”
“Oh, come on, Rarity. Like Twilight's ever going to actually use us in one of these Court decision thingies. We're here for moral support.”
Pinkie snapped her gaze from Wig and looked over.
“And to make sure the place isn't overrun with OC's.”
Dash and Rarity stared at the pink pony with befuddled expressions.
“OC's?”
A new voice quietly answered.
“Organizational Components.”
The two looked over at Solar Flare, who continued to scribble on his paper.
“What's that?”
“Basically, it's a technical term used by the Ministry of Finance for government employees. I'm surprised the Adviser of Entertainment knows it.”
“Yeah, how do you know it, Pinkie?”
Dash saw she wouldn't be getting an answer as Pinkie had resumed gazing at Powdered Wig.
She sighed, before deciding that paying attention to the conversation Twilight was having with Boom Barrier was more interesting than trying to calculate base 8.
-----
“I think that's a fair agreement, don't you Mr. Barrier?”
Boom Barrier looked at the piece of paper that had a rough outline scribbled on it.
“I had been hoping the CER could get a permanent waiver, but reducing the trains emissions by ten percent is better than the original thirty percent the Transit Air Health Act provided. Plus, it's a much more attainable target that we can strive for.”
Twilight smiled.
“Excellent. Then my decision is final.”
Barrier bowed.
“Very good, Lady Regent. Thank you for addressing this issue.”
“No problem.”
Boom Barrier stood up and departed the Throne Room.
Flare signed the Royal Order and set it aside.
“Nicely handled, although the Lunar Party isn't going to be too happy. The Transit Air Health Act was one of their babies.”
“I'm all for cleaning up air pollution, but a thirty percent reduction in the next two years? That just isn't practical.”
“One thing you'll rapidly learn is that very rarely can anything Parliament passes be considered 'practical.'”
Twilight took a drink from her chalice.
“They can come petition me about it, then. Now, who's the next petitioner?”
Flare looked at the signup sheet.
“Your next petitioner is Magenta Stream, President of the Eleme—”
A ruckus in the hallway interrupted Flare. Twilight and her Court could hear a loud, muffled conversation.
“I demand you let me in!”
Powdered Wig's ears perked.
“Oh please no. Not her.”
The conversation continued.
“I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you're not on the sign in list. Only authorized petitioners may see the Lady Regent.”
“Haven't you seen my ID badge?”
“We can see that you're an MP, but that's irrelevant. Rules are rules, and even Parliament has to follow them.”
Despite two inches of solid oak, everypony in the Throne Room could hear the scoff.
“This is outrageous. Let me in.”
The sound of a struggle was heard before the Throne Room door burst open and a white unicorn wearing a monocle flopped in, two Royal Guards on top of her.
Colonel Active Duty stood.
“What is the meaning of this?”
Powdered Wig sighed.
“That would be Glass House, Chairpony of the Unicorn Caucus of Parliament.”
Twilight quickly recovered from her initial shock.
“Guards, please let her up.”
Duty looked over.
“But, Lady Regent! She intruded on a session of your Court. What if she were an assassin?”
“I appreciate your concern, Active Duty, but I doubt anypony would want to assassinate me. Now, let's see what she wants.”
The guards, still eyeing Glass House wearily, let her up. She scoffed once more as she dusted herself off and then approached the Throne.
Solar Flare was not amused.
“You better have a valid reason for interrupting Dusk Court, Glass House. Neither myself, nor the Office of the High Overseer, take kindly to unauthorized visitations during Court sessions.”
She stared flatly at him.
“My business does not concern you, Overseer. It concerns the Regent.”
Twilight's eyes widened slightly at the bitter tone she used.
“I will be blunt, to save your time, but especially mine. The Unicorn Caucus, made up of members of the most prestigious race in Equestria, is unhappy with your appointment. If you would give us your assurances that certain...issues will be addressed with a favorable outcome for the Caucus, it would greatly improve our confidence in you. Otherwise, the Caucus's already poor opinion of your leadership will further erode and we'll have no choice but to oppose that appointment in Parliament, to ensure the best for Equestria.”
Twilight giggled.
Glass House stared in shock.
“What?!”
The purple alicorn stopped giggling and looked at her.
“Oh, you're serious?”
Laughter erupted from the Regent.
“So, let me get this straight. You barge in to the Dusk Court. Demand I do as a small portion of Parliament says. And threaten to 'oppose' me if I don't?”
“Well...yes.”
“Next petitioner.”
“What!”
“I've determined that your request is laughable. Next petitioner.”
Glass narrowed her eyes.
“This is a flagrant offense against the—”
Flare stepped up.
“Miss House. Please vacate the Throne Room. The Lady Regent has rendered her verdict on your request.”
Glass House snarled.
“The Ministry of Royal Affairs does not have jurisdiction to order a member of Parliament to do—”
“Guards?”
The two guards grabbed her and hauled her out of the room.
“You've made a grievous error, Regent! You will rue the day!”
Rarity crinkled her nose.
“How melodramatic.”
Dash looked over with her mouth agape.
“You do see the irony in you calling somepony named Glass House melodramatic, don't you?”
The door shut and the room was silent. Twilight sighed lightly.
“What a nasty pony. How could anypony like her get elected?”
Powdered Wig took a swig of milk.
“Don't let their name deceive you, Lady Regent. The Unicorn Caucus is nothing more than a puppet of the nobility. Nine out of ten of them get most of their campaign money from wealthy aristocrats in exchange for votes.”
“Isn't that highly illegal?”
“Of course not. They're just private citizens exercising their constitutional rights to donate to whatever cause they wish, and the MP's are merely voting according to their constituents beliefs.”
Twilight frowned.
“Well then, bring in the next petitioner.”
**********
Twilight looked up from the ruby encrusted silver chalice that held her freshly melted mountain snow.
“Presenting: Magenta Stream, President of the Elements of Harmony Fan Club.”
“The what?”
The doors opened and a dark orange earth pony who wore a badge with the cutie marks of Twilight and her friends painted on it. The mare gazed excitedly at Twilight and then at the room.
She squealed.
“Oh, I can't believe I'm finally meeting Twilight Sparkle! It's like a dream come true.” she looked to the cutie mark banners that hung throughout the room, “And those banners! It's just like the climax of Fractured Harmony.”
Twilight stared dumbly.
“Fractured Harmony?”
Several murmurs of approval rang out from the staffers. Flare spoke up.
“Yes. A popular novel that was released about a year ago. In it, the 'Elements of Peace' are corrupted and launch a successful coup against the Princesses. Their leader, Element of Thaumaturgy Evening Shimmer, instills herself as Empress while a ragtag group of rebels attempt to fight the Imperial Guard and rescue Equestria from the forces of darkness. Personally, I found it a bit on the dark side, but Shimmer's fall from grace, and especially her defeat, was worth it.”
“Wha...”
Magenta couldn't contain her energy.
“It was awesome. Of course, the Elements of Harmony Fan Club knows you guys would never fall prey to the forces of evil—well, you might, what with the whole 'knowing dark magic' thing, but your friends would save you.”
Twilight's eye twitched.
“What's with everypony thinking I'm a hair away from becoming evil? First the changeling accusation in the press, then Luna with her 'Nightmare Dusk' prank. Now this novel. Is there some kind of Lunacy running around giving ponies these ideas that I don't know about? It's not like it's my destiny.”
Flare tried to calm her down.
“To be fair, the Elements are the subject of countless novels. Elemental Schism; Earth, Fire, Water, and Sky; The Twilight of the Sun; Destiny's End; The Unbound Canterlot Series; and need I mention...Friendships Are Forever.”
Several in the room shuddered.
“What's that about?”
“Let's just say it involves death, insanity, necromancy, and...intercourse.”
Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow, and Pinkie all paled. Twilight swallowed, trying to clear up her suddenly dry throat.
“Why haven't I heard of any of these books?”
Moot Point piped up.
“Princess Celestia felt that the Ponyville library already had a healthy fiction section and requested that the Canterlot Archives withhold the library's copies. We complied with the request.”
Twilight grunted.
“Now, Miss Stream, what is your petition?”
“I have so many questions, but I just have one really import one. When are you going to turn back into a unicorn?”
“I...won't? I mean, I don't even know how I became an alicorn—In fact, I should really look into that.”
Magenta was devastated.
“You...won't?! No, no, no, you don't understand. You have to!”
“Why? I mean, I'm more powerfu—”
“That's just it!” the earth pony wailed, “Everything's thrown off! You'll be able to use your magic to solve all the problems that befall the Elements now!”
“But I've only used my magic a few times to—”
“You've already had to move away from your friends and soon, you'll drift apart.”
“This is only temporary, until the vacation is—”
“Now, instead of a nice, balanced group, there's only one unicorn. There's no symmetry! You're the Elements of Harmony. How can you have harmony when there's only one unicorn now?”
“What does an even number of ponies have to do with—”
The earth pony blubbered on.
“And, worst of all, you'll live forever and be forced to watch as your friends grow old and die!”
“...”
Twilight looked down to avoid eye contact.
“I-I can assure you, Miss Stream, that n-none of that will happen.”
The orange earth pony still wore a worried look.
“I hope you're right, Your Majesty. Thank you for seeing me.”
With that, Magenta bowed once more and left the Throne Room.
Twilight continued to stare down at the floor for an awkward, completely silent minute before she spoke.
“I believe that's enough petitioners for one day. Court adjourned. Thank you all for your time today.”
Flare walked over.
“Is everything alright, Twilight?”
“Everything's going to be fine. You'll see. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some more paperwork to sign.”
The purple alicorn stood, and trotted out of the Throne Room.
Her three advisers stared after her retreating form with worry. None of them believed her assurances.
End of Chapter Two.
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Yeah, trust McCarthy, cause no one on the Internet ever lies...
This chapter needs a lot of work. Where were the proofreaders? o-o
Fun chapter.
When I read the tweet about Twilight not outliving her friends all I could think about was the part of this story where you revealed that Celestia had preparations made for any of the elements becoming alicorns. The things i would give to see an earth pony finally ascend. (I vote for AJ)
I love it how that fan came in with so many problems.
Personally, I don't take anything outside of the show itself as canon (and even then what's canon and what isn't canon is up for interpretation.)
I say the reason she won't outlive them is because THEY'LL be alicorns as well. Screw the status quo.
A very enjoyable and humorous chapter. I loved the 'OC's' bit with Pinkie. Was she breaking the fourth wall, or did she actually know the term?
The fourth wall was beaten and abused. But miraculously it remained unbroken.
Fun chapter, depressing ending.
Here's hoping for more insanity later! 
Are you trying to kill me? Also you're lucky I choked on my tea rather than spraying it all over my laptop
Pinkie, dammit, quit violating the law of gravity. :I
Princess Twilight, you sell out D:
Not this time, Solar Flare. Not this time. :P
About Alicorn fics getting forever to update, don't forget Duties and Sharing the Night, although the latter is starting to update more frequently.
Why did you have to remind me of all the great stories that have not updated yet ...
2489626
Exactly what I was thinking!
I hope you'll forgive me using your own catchphrase, but...
"Probability of a [Grimdark] ending: 10%"
Jokes aside, I like where this is going. The comedy is still there, and still golden, and I can't wait for more madness and intrigue. Though I freely admit that Magenta Stream made me face-hoof quite a few times, at some speed.
2489626 After all, what could be more harmonious than a group of six ponies each representing each race? No more symetry issues!
So logic dictates that to preserve harmony, they'll have to become alicorns as well.
But then they'll outlive their families and friends...
That smily face was awesome. I have never been one for "Twilight will outlive her friends so that means she will be eternally devastated or sad" fics out there so I hope this does not turn into one of those.
i Personally Don't care What McCarthy Says,I Will Think Whatever I Want, If I Think She's Immortal,She Is.
And Did Anyone Else ThInk Of 4Chan When You Heard The Name Moot?
Some of the fandom references were a bit much. The fan at the end was really grating.
I hope this wasn't the last we see of that goose.
That ought to be "queue" (I hate spelling that word)
I think you mean "install"
2489935 And then everyone was an alicorn
lol twilight gets the royal beat stick
The Constant Fandom References were pretty cringy. I see your points in them, but seriously? couldn't read it without wincing here and there.
Otherwise Great chapter, Stil trying to grasp the Political side of things (never been my strong suit) but in any case i'm enjoying this alot.
You were having way too much fun coming up with all those pony names, weren't you?
Looks like Twilight already knows how to deal with blowhard politicians, good for her! Have any of these twits considered for one second that they owe their positions to the Princesses basically humoring them?
Poor Twilight. I think maybe she hadn't fully considered that consequence of her newly divine status.
it seems that mccarthy's tweet is gonna be a thing. personally i think it's a good idea and good truth. again alicorn's status is still heavily fan built and their statuses as immortals still isn't confirmed. all this denial about alicorns status is getting numbing and makes reading fanfic constantly looks like i'm reading for my little pony alicorns dictate the world rather then my little pony friendship is magic.
2489981 Ugh, McCarthy is the head writer of MLP, so practically what she said about Princess Twilight is canon
Too late. I lost track of them when all the sections of parliament were introduced.
Actually, I think Fractured Harmony is a fanfic title.
EDIT: Odd. I searched and couldn't find it. I could've sworn I saw one by that title... Maybe it got deleted or renamed.
It's "queue", not "cue". They're pronounced the same, so it's an easy mistake to make.
Dude, Twilight has no way of knowing that.
2490099 no instills is the correct use this is the definition
gradually but firmly establish (an idea or attitude, esp. a desirable one) in a person's
Where as installs would primarily refer to technology As in the young woman installed the harddrive into the nineteen gigabite computer.
And instills would be, The chancellor was furious at how the corrupted government ruler was trying forcefully instill her rule over the segregated land.
See the difference?
I got all the other novels titles (read most of them) but I cant find what Friendships Are Forever refers to?
Good chapter with a bit sad at the end.
My, aren't you Leaning on the Fourth Wall?
I'll admit the Haysbro CEO and his toy proposal and the Elements of Harmony fanclub pony were funny, as was Pinkie's line about OCs, but...maybe don't do so much in once chapter, mmmkay? It did kind of interfere with my Willing Suspension of Disbelief at times.
MOAR UPDATES. THE WAITING PERIOD FOR THIS CHAPTER WAS UNACCEPTABLE.
Hah, great chapter.
I'm calling it right now: Celestia and Luna are taking that vacation and putting Twilight in regency because they know she's going to bring forth a great reform.
What the hell is wrong with the Equestrian government? Also it's not Beige Monkfish's fault that he's a really slow writer!
2490295
Pinkie Pie on the other hoof~
Well, i guess its time for the advisors to give Twi the needed moral support before she gets killed in an assination by some over-throw-the-regency-party.
2490331 Instill is generally used for feelings (i.e. "instill hope in the populace"), and install is only used primarily for technology because technology is primarily what's installed these days. One does not "instill" oneself as a leader, one installs oneself.
2490452 while i will be open minded about what you are saying installs inserted into that sentence still does not sound right. perhaps we are both wrong and it is something else entirely?
Sounding out sentences like that in your head can help figure out if it sounds right just a tip Might sound right to you but not me.
A court scepter with Blueblood shaped dents? Nice.
Oh Twilight.
Two
What
2490739 i actualy agree with twilights confidence. it's not much a person couldn't try as they have no way in tartarus of SUCEEDING. we have seen that alicorns cannot sustain permanent injuries of any kind. the whole asassination process could be justifyably removed by adding a few extra guards to the throne room and thus removeing petitioner wait times.
2490739
Furthermore, even if they did want to assassinate me, I have enough magical power to control the sun and moon. ...If I wanted to. I don't think they could.
2489788
You know, I imagined that she suddenly got two additional hooves, not was suspended mid-air .
Now I don't know which one is better.
Yes, I do wonder... how are they going to kill an immortal alicorn? Didn't they try shooting her before to confirm alicornification?
Edit: Oh, yeah, thanks for that "upbeat saxophone". Now I am on my ninth repeat of Yakety Sax...
2491048
Uh... Quite easily? Alicorns may be immortal. but it's pretty clear that they aren't invincible. You only need to look at Celestia's fight with Chrysalis to see that.
2309866
I figure it's a gag thing. The Dark Woods. is just old so the canopy of leaves blocks some sunlight.
The Path Of No Return. because it's so long with horrid terrain you only walk it once.
2491128
Immortal - Not subject to death.
Assassination - To murder (a prominent person) by surprise attack, as for political reasons.
Again, how can you kill - inflict death to - immortal being? Unless we are only talking about them being ageless/having extraordinary healing skills. Then I yield, but they are not immortal.
Celestia was defeated, yes. Yet that was not an assassination attempt. And if it was then it failed. I never said they can't be defeated, only killed, which is the main point of assassination. An assassin would try and attack Twi, maybe even strike her. The perpetrator would be immediately apprehended by the guards and Twi would have to rest from a wound for a day or so. Probably shorter, given her swift recuperation after her crash. Not big of a deal if you ask me. Of course, that's assuming she is immortal, which was tested in the prequel to this fic. I would assume she is, but maybe I'm wrong.
Derp, look at me making long comments... seems I like this fic a lot.
Nice
Still loving this fic, and am looking forward to further chapters. I liked the bit where Twice put an end to the wild goose chase.
2489560
Check out Appletheosis for a good AJ becomes an alicorn fic.
Jolly good show if I do say so myself! Had me laughing at all of Pinkie's antics and the fandom references.
~ Super-Brony12
wait, did a brony just go to dusk court?